Karkat couldn't bring himself to wash away the paint that was so proudly put in his features. Him and Gamzee stayed shoulder to shoulder on his cushion slab for the rest of the night, watching movies and just talking. In this moment life felt peaceful, like he was not in constant fear for his life. Like Gamzee had never left to be tormented for sweeps. Theo only bits that brought him to harsh reality was the slight pain in his bandaged wrist. They had made a makeshift sling and in the evening he would be heading to the medicullrs to see if he can get it properly bandaged up.
They settled down shoulder to shoulder on the cushion slab. Karkat had settled on putting on a movie he had seen a million times so that they could just talk. Yet there were so many things he wanted to ask the troll beside him. He knew so little even with the hours passed. He understood Gamzee was a subjuglator, he was practically The Grand Highblood. He did, not only jobs for the empire, but any other highblood that requested. But there was still more on his pan. So much more. But before he could open his mouth to speak Gamzee spoke first.
"So you all up and got a job as a mediculler. Do ya like it? How did all that happen? I know you wanted to be a thresaculler for a long ass motherfucking time." Gamzee piped up as he glanced down at the other troll. His arm lazily slung over the back of the couch. Seems like he had more to ask this troll as well. It was fair, they had been apart for so long.
"Oh yeah, well medicullers are exempt from the sweeply drone bullshit since they are considered vital to the empire. Not only that but Sollux forged some papers to show me as a rust. Most just think I'm ashamed of the low class so I don't get questioned. I guess you can say I like it, shit helps me out a lot and most trolls leave me alone" Karkat explained before there was a light pause. "It's nice to know I'm helping trolls out too…" there was an even longer pause. His eyes almost looked unfocused, as if he was choosing his next words carefully. "Do… Do you enjoy your job?"
That seemed to completely take Gamzee aback. He looked at Karkat and his smile dropped for just a moment. Nervous for what the other's reaction may be to his answer before he spoke again "You gonna get mad if I tell you?" Karkat shook his head hesitantly. "Yeah. I do."
That made Karkat go silent. He supposed part of him deep down hoped Gamzee would hate it. Gamzee would still be that lovable troll that knew no better. That didn't want to harm anything at all. But he did answer honestly and Karkat can't get mad at that, he said he wouldn't. But now he could only ask why. How could a troll enjoy a life like that? But Gamzee seemed to almost read his mind as he breathed out softly before continuing. His tone slow, careful.
"It… ain't like I don't feel bad some of the time. But there is this motherfucking burning. This- this anger, maybe frustration? I don't know how to explain it that well brother. But it's there and it just builds up, and keeps growing until you can't stand it. It hurts. But this shit I'm doing right here helps out. It makes me feel better, like an itch being scratched. Probably don't make it right from your point of view. I get that." Gamzee said as he sort of moved his hands in front of him as he explained. Gamzee was not at all trying to defend his actions, just wanted Karkat to understand.
"Why didn't you tell me about this when we were wrigglers?"
"Well I didn't feel this shit back then. I think it was because of all the motherfucking sopor. I don't even remember when I started or why. But it just made me feel numb and happy. Shit was like walking on air." Gamzee chuckled dryly at his own comment on his old addiction.
Karkat didn't lean away from Gamzee or make any move to separate them. Even knowing that Gamzee seemed to have an enjoyment for killing other trolls. He just thought about everything as they stared blankly at the TV. Neither one of them actually watched what was happening on the screen. Karkat's bright red eyes then made their way to Gamzee's face. Watching that painted face as it seemed to twist to whatever thoughts were racing through that pan.
"Even still," Karkat suddenly spoke, pulling Gamzee out of his own pan. "You seem almost more alive now that you are off that shit. I wouldn't say happier, but you are here. That's a good thing Gamzee. We just need to find a new outlet for that frustration. Hell if it even is that, you actually have fucking emotions now Makara. I bet that is hard on any troll that spent their whole life feeling one thing. You know I don't see you as a monster, right?" Karkat said the last part so softly. Gamzee looked hesitant, his eyes never leaving Karkat's as they started to slowly get glassy. Hazy with purple tears, Gamzee suddenly wrapped his arms tight around Karkat. Who embraced the larger troll as he gave shuttered breaths and just cried. The night was exhausting for both of them. Yet all of this seemed to only fuel Karkat.
Gamzee was a highblood, theoretically one of the best off out of all of them. But he wasn't even happy. He was a scared overgrown wriggler doing as he was trained to do. It made Karkat question, is anyone happy? Are there any trolls that have the life they wanted? He hasn't met a highblood that didn't flash their wealth but in the same breath state they are miserable, Eridan being a good example. While lowbloods had hardships in existing they had relative freedom. They had far more job opportunities even though they paid piss poor. Highbloods were hatched in fewer numbers to do fewer jobs set out well before they scuttled out of the brooding caves. In the end a troll can only accomplish what their cast says they can accomplish.
Gamzee finally looked up to him, his cheeks puffy and purple with his paint all smeared. He looked like a mess but he was purring up a storm to Karkat. His clawed hands clung to his shirt as he smiled at Karkat. It was soft and almost sweet. Then he just went back to nosing at his throat. It felt oddly intimate. But not in the pale way he was accustomed to. Gamzee gave a weak chuckle.
"Ya know brother, even though we ain't in a quadrant I still can't get enough of all this cuddly shit you pull." Gamzee spoke as if he wasn't the one clinging to Karkat like a desperate wriggler. "Ya know… before I left I was starting to get all sorts of mothetfucking by red feels for you. But then you suggested we meet up so I was gonna wait until then. I guess better late than never huh Karbro?" Karkat's head snapped down to the troll now buried in his chest. This was… unexpected. Gamzee never seemed to outwardly flirt with him, besides a bit of teasing. But he would hardly chalked that up to much. Karkat slowly moved his hand through Gamzee's hair, even under that thick paint his cheeks began to bloom red.
"Geeze you really are full of surprises tonight… But we have plenty of time to talk about this tomorrow too. Because you aren't going anywhere for a while, got it? No one needs to be put through the shit you got stuck in, you aren't going back." Karkat said this as he cupped the clown's cheeks to force him to look at him. Gamzee looked up at him and smiled brightly at his friend. His arms wouldn't leave Karkat all the way through the day. As they slept on the cushion slab. Arms and legs intertwined with Karkat practically on top of the massive troll so that they could both fit. Both of their face paint smeared to hell but mostly still recognizable. They seemed to finally have common ground and understanding. Yet the more Karkat heard, the less he felt against trying to make a change. Life couldn't keep going on like this and no one else seemed to want to step up.