(I've made the executive decision to stop copypasting ASCII art since it just doesn't work properly. Please imagine ASCII art of a human with a penis for a head with the following commentary:)
beautiful
jerk off hand | /
:0 8=====D / (||how dare you pervwert this fuck you) depression is radical karioke / \ | /
this my grabby hand
._ M|.mmm feet |_.|_.|_.|_.|_.\
oo
Jesus fucking crhsit what is wrong with you
Damn she thik
She sure is thick i wish she were smarter
We need to get the penis count up! Penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis
Need a dispenser ere
I like smelling feet
Nice seaty feet
The more sweaty and feety the better
Delectable
I like to feel them down my throat as I slowly kill a puppy paper mache
Chapter ~1:
Barry wept at the state of his mom. So many people had cum. There. were good times and bad, both fading from his mom too fast. People he had been close to were fading into his mom irrelevance.
George Costanza was a name Barry knew, but he didn't know if they'd met. He struggled to remember the last time Gandalf had even been in his mom. He wept.
How long had it been since Shrek? How long had it been since Bambi? tHE events he remembered were all jumbled in his mom. How much value is an aging sexy, sexy bee supposed to place on "the good old times"? Was there enough time left for him to have good days now? Was he living through them, blind to the intrinsic mom?
He took a sip of his mom. Made exactly as he liked it, yet something was missing. Fear and dismay crawled subtley up his spine as it dawned on Barry that his son was setting. Happy Ruth say to him...
Oh god christ
Yknow i feel like there's a surprising lack of homestuck shit here
Am i wrong or am i just forgetting
Dick head's cousin, butt plug man (insert ascii art) "hello"
What could Barry do with his remaining years? Well, he could still fuck your mom. He remembered the days of "you've got a friend in me" & the cock apocalypse. He remembered when the bursting nuclear deer had to be taken down by its son. All he had were memories and his memories were slipping away. He had to do your mom something about this. He had to live today.
The Carbon Cycle sighed in heat. It remembered Barry's warmth and his sweet nature. An invisible nontoxic gas is cause for concern in your sex life. Affected seed and worm eating birds aka a whole bunch of them; also affected birds of prey because secondary predators
That little flap of skin that you have on your elbow is called a "weenis".
Obama's peepee
Itty Titty romny sat in the salon waiting for the lorax to finish with her hair dry. Dogs had gone missing all over town so they started to put pics on the walls of many of the dogs that had been reported missing. Itty Titty Romny tried to keep a brave face for the lorax though science she spoke for the twinks.
"How's the hair coming along babe?" asked itty titty romney
"Good just a few more minutes in heat." The Loraz responded, heaving desperately as her sexual drive began to overcome her
"Are you ok babe" Itty titty romeny asked
"I'm…." she hesitated as she desperately tired to hold in her urges. She could let her sweet itty titty romney know of her…. Desires. "Im fine honey just wait a bit longer."
"Why do I have to wait though!" Itty asked titty romney
"I'm just… im just feeling sweaty is all." she said as she felt the urge growing within her.
"Darling…. Whats that look in your eyes?" itty titty asked romney
"It's nothing!" The lorax insisted, the the feeling was overpowering her. She was feeling the urge to jump Itty Titty Romneys bones but he was so cute and fragile that she had found other dogs to take out these urges on… if she didn't find another dog quick… Itty Tiity romney would win! "Darling can you find me a dog thats not you?"
Asked "Why? Are you cheating on me" Itty Titty Romney
YES! But he couldnt know that if she sexd him he ded.
"JUUST TOOT IT!" THE LORAZ SCREM
"WHY WONT YOU FUCK ME!?" asked
The lorax snapped and tackled the dog that looked like that one dog from all dogs go to heaven who was named Itty titty romney.
She tackled him to the ground and then the lorx and the dog both died.
Their limp bodies ragdoll like in a bad video game and like their limbs fracture and stretch into iternity as their bodies lay decaying in the salon.
Dr. Coomer coome d. Hello, Gordon. It was
Gordon, look! Ropes!
He was referring to foreskin.
Big Titty Obama Skitty didn't think this was funny. President As dickhead of the Big Titty Skitty Committee, rival of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, led by Itty Titty Romney, all this funny business had to cum.
I don't want to visualize this why are you doing this
(insert crudely photoshopped image of a Skitty with huge boobs and Obama's face)
Fucking end me
Please dfear god
If there is a merciful one
Kill
What unearthly thing did i do to deserve this, said Barry as he jacked off outside the meeting of the Big Titty Skitty Committee.
I have no eaten today and this is what i'm sopending time on instead
Ironically when I go eat Im planning on making a couple of big sausages
So there are two kinds of weed right? Indica weed and sativa weed. One weed is more of a body high weed while the other kind of weed is more of a penishead high final fantasy is also famously know for his legendary consumption of weed. Weed, which is commonly known as cannabis, marajuana, or that thick dicked plant that puts the titties in THC. which of course we all know stands for TITTIS HANGING CUNTweed. Which is the name for a strain of weed. Now talking about strains of weed youve got all kinds of weed. Alaskin thunderfuck is also a veruy popular cum of weed. Alaskan Thunder Fuck (also referred to as ATF, marijuweenie or Matanuska Tundra) is a legendary Cock and Ball Torture weed strain originating in the Matanuska Valley area of fucking Alaska. According to the legend, it was originally a Northern California sativa crossed with a Russianputin, but sometime in the late 70s it was crossed with weed genetics to make it heartier. Alaskan Thunder Fuck usually presents large, beautifully frosted buds with incredibly strong odors of pine, lemon, menthol, and pikachu. Known for possessing a relaxing yet intensely euphoric high, it is also described as having a "creeper aww man" effect as well as pronounced appetite enhancement. Weed like this isnt so we back in the mine got our pickaxe swingin from side to side side side to side this task a grueling one hope to find some diamonds tonight night night diamonds tonight
Tittis
Details
38,053Words
10,266Unique Words
234,516Characters
191,167Characters (no spaces)
1,977Sentences
17,802Longest Sentence (words)
1Shortest Sentence (words)
20Avg. Sentence (words)
119Avg. Sentence (chars)
5Avg. word length
2,084Paragraphs
84.6Pages
59,874Syllables
12,575Lines
246,111Words (Publisher)
College StudentReading Level
2 hrs 19 minsReading Time
3 hrs 31 minsSpeaking Time
57 hrs 29 minsHand Writing Time
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Keyword Densityx1 x2 x3
638 (34%)weed weed weed
149 (8%)focus focusfocus focus
148 (8%)focus focus focusfocus
148 (8%)focusfocus focus focus
30 (2%)sephiroth final fantasy
25 (1%)waka waka waka
9 (0%)sus sus sus
8 (0%)made huge mistake
8 (0%)natural gas answer
8 (0%)lois cock vore
8 (0%)show all episodes
7 (0%)weedle weedle weedle
6 (0%)pew pew pew
6 (0%)deviantart unban lois
6 (0%)unban lois cock
6 (0%)cock vore nowwww
6 (0%)amazing world gumball
6 (0%)shadow weaver death
5 (0%)loved when trainer
5 (0%)pecked pecked pecked
Spy, I'd like to go fuck myself.
Yourself?
Yeah.
You're ready.
[Fanfiction dot net special - yes, this is in the same canon as everything else]
Hello readers. One of the collaborators here. Today let's go with the pseudonym Author Green.
I'm here to briefly acknowledge all the fucked up shit in this document. Since 2013, this has been an exercise in absurdity, dadaism, and just plain stress relief. As such, we (collaborative authors) find ourselves going straight to the most absurd & cringeworthy subject matter we can think of, and that includes some subjects that, in retrospect, are a little uhhhh too fucked. (the kids, the animals…)
I'd like to apologize for it, though unfortunately I can't say this includes a promise not to touch that stuff again. I'd also like to reassure you reader(s) that none of us authors are actually so fucked up as to enjoy or advocate shit like that. It was never about what was actually being written - it was about the safe shitposty terror & awe of reading a really, really messed up sentence. (Think Cyanide & Happiness' stupid dark sense of humor.)
We're not messed up people, unless you include laughing at the stupidity of it all as our being messed up, which would be fair enough.
Have fun continuing to read this uh… labor of… bumfuckdicks (as opposed to labor of love.)
-Author Green
[You may now resume regular activity]
MEMPHIS(edited)
lower case is okay
ok cool
how you doin todd?
yea todd, youre right, things do feel upside down right now
I'm glad you feel heard todd
oh now dont get catty with me todd
oh... todd please... I have a family, I have a future, please dont shoot me todd. is it because i said MEMPHIS?
it is isn't it todd
cock and ball toddture
Gandalf felt barry was alluring.
Far away from the world they had corrupted before, Time saw fit to place Barry and Gandalf in a new, more normal world. Here, they could live in their trailer and make love until they died. Here, surely, nothing was capable of going wrong.
Not moments after they arrived at the trailer, Naruto uzumaki steered clear of his lovey dovey roomates as they made a Barry the Bee-line for the bed. The trailer was far from big enough to save Naruto from his married landlords' love, however, and so he sought escape. Out on the sidewalk just across the street, he saw two plumbers and a princess.
Mario thought Naruto was alright. Peach and Luigi made their way inside and sat silently on the couch, waiting for the other to make the first move.
As the summer sun beat down, the fun-loving Mario invited Naruto to a water balloon fight. Even still, Naruto could hear Gandalf andBarry jumping on the bed. Part of him was jealous.
Barry thought Gandalf was very alluring. Irresistible, even. If only they could have known peace, their jumping on the bed would have been limited only by their bodies. But across the street, next to Naruto and Mario having fun together, something was brewing. Three huge-breasted tits-out cartoon horse girls, long established in the neighborhood, had chosen to take this day to get to know their new neighbors.
Though Titlight Sparkle had to be coaxed out of the house, Rainboobs, Titlight and Nippleshy oh my god I hate myself made their way to who first caught their eye - the Mario house next door. All could have gone peacefully, but Rainboobs, in her enthusiasm, accidentally knocked over Mario. Though he chose not to retaliate this time, he would not forget. Soon, Titlight the mediator and Nippleshy the meek convinced Mario to let the group inside. There, Luigi and Peach still sat awkwardly on the couch.
As it turned out, the girls informed them, the same day the mario and Gandalf households had moved in, a block party was happening down on the beach. They would be leaving for this party soon, but first they had another group to impose upon. Unfortunately, Rainboob was left behind, for try as she might, nothing she said to mario redeemed her in his eyes.
Titlight and Nippleshy descended on Naruto, choosing at first to ignore the married couple. It didn't take long, however, for two I mean Titlight to be drawn to the wizard, while Nippleshy continued to butter up Naruto. Across the road, just as mario and Rainboob Dash were about to come to blows, Princess Peach intervened. Having had enough between the nudist horses and the loud sex, Mario chose escape, and escorted his household to the beach. He did not know what awaited him… On episode 1 of The Clothes Cinematic Universe!
Chapter A New Beginning
Uncle Ben leaned over with a serious face to address Peter and said, "With great power comes a bee." His nephew was attentive, the young man growing into his own and hanging onto his uncle's lessons so he might become a better person.
Satisfied that his nephew was listening well, Uncle Ben added on for good measure, "At 12:00. Ooming."
Ok. I've written enough for today. I'm going to Barnes and Noble to buy Spiderman erotica for my book club.
As the primary contributor of some of the most fucked up shit in this magical, terrible 264-page Google Doc, I hope none take offense if I take a moment to cummie I mean reflect.
This is an incredible monkeys-at-typewriters situation of a Barry x Gandalf Hurt/Comfort fanfiction, though I feel it must be said that only a few sections in this giant diarrhea shit stand out as "art" even by meme standards, like undigested corn. Actual content and written word aside, though, it is no small matter that such a large and variable stream of consciousness for each of us, stretching back to what, 2013? stands at large penis. What is even an appropriate way now that we're all adults to react to Bee Movie Script (Clothes)? Myself, all I can do is shrug and smile. I'm glad we have all been here and I'm glad I will remember this for a long time. Once again I kind of apologize for some of the content of genuine ethical concern.
I wonder why we all wrote here, what we were thinking? Over the years, it's been for so many cummies, but the primary objective for this contributor has been mainly to try and make y'all laugh with me at intentionally too-far humor, like the Cyanide and Happiness type of humor philosophy but so much worse both in quality and SOMETIMES subject matter. It's been an attempt at a group morale activity, an escape from the pressures of responsibility, an exercise in the creative and extreme, and a stream of conciousness of those train-of-thoughts you're not necessarily actually meant to share.
This train wreck begun in the era of viral Tumblr posts and The Harlem Shake, when Homestuck and Superwholock were popular and the brony phenomenon was still budding into the bizarre stinky flower it became. This train wreck is older than Vines, and Vines are dated references now (?!) Remember SCALENE TRIANGLE, THE CUBE, Discord Eurobeat? Now the memes are about Squid Game, "i forgor" and KRIS WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE and like a boomer, I have little idea what's going on anymore.
This doc's activity has been dying down and while I don't doubt one of you will eventually return to broadcast your scrambled egg brain nonsense once more, someday it will be completed for good. In this sun-setting light, genuinely, thank you all for being my friends and for meeting here together in the textual equivalent of a ball pit a few kids puked in.
"The Disappearance of Clothes Miku"