Alright, here is Pinelight's character study. This took a while to write, and I actually tried a different style than I normally do. I'm fairly pleased with how this turned out and I hope you all enjoy it!
- Mossy
Review Replies:
succulentsofa- Thank you so much! I had a lot of fun writing those notes! And I'm glad you liked the ending.
I want to taste her lips
Yeah, 'cause they taste like you
She tries to be a mild mannered kit, but she is her parents only daughter and they spoil her. They had been trying to have a litter for moons, and when Pinekit is born they swear she is a gift from Starclan.
The little reddish brown tabby knows that she has them wrapped around her paws.
She is their little darling, and her kithood is full of love. However, there is also downsides. Because she is they're only kit she is watched every moment.
(It's just because they love her, that they just can't stand to lose her. But when she watches Fernkit run off to play with Falconkit and Eaglekit, she wishes they could stand to lose her just for a moment.)
And so she enters apprenticeship friendless and alone. She doesn't exactly mind, it could be much worse. She's praised like she's the savior of the clan by her parents.
It's embarrassing more than anything.
She sees how the other apprentices look at her, how Tigerpaw looks at her. It makes her want to disappear. The older apprentice is… fascinating.
She picks the petals off a daisy and wonders if he'll ever give her the time of day. He loves me… he loves me not…
So, she had a bit of a pathetic crush.
She just wishes her parents would stop smothering her. She wishes she could breathe for two seconds, that her mentor could take her out without her mother asking where they were going.
Eaglepaw, Falconpaw, and Fernpaw are sitting by the freshkill pile again, inseparable as always. Pinepaw wonders if the two toms are going to ever fight for the attention of their female companion.
She keeps expecting it to happen, wanting it to. She craves drama, always has. Perhaps it's because her own life is so dreadfully sheltered, so awfully boring.
Fernpaw is a beautiful she-cat, anyone can attest to that. With soft gray fur and amber eyes that draw you in, she reminds Pinepaw of a doe, or… a dove.
So obviously, one day Eaglepaw and Falconpaw will rip each other to shreds trying to win her affections. When they end up courting each other, she is surprised more than anything.
Her parents whisper things about how it's odd. About how poor Fernpaw's friends don't know a wonderful she-cat when she's right under their noses.
Pinepaw doesn't agree with most of what they say, Eaglepaw and Falconpaw seem happy.
(Stormpaw does not seem happy for the pair, he stalks the den muttering about how Falconpaw is an "embarrassment.")
Much more to her dismay, Tigerpaw is spending all his time with Graypaw. It's ridiculous. (She's right there.)
She frowns and watches the two go out of camp, walking much too close for a pair of friends.
She sees Stripepaw watching Graypaw with the same longing, and their eyes meet.
And that is how Pinepaw makes her first friend.
Stripepaw is kind, and most importantly, she understands. She stays up late listening to Pinepaw talk about Tigerpaw's rippling muscles or his dark eyes like a pool.
In return, she laughs as Stripepaw gushes about Graypaw's soft fur or his smile. They are just a pair of silly she-cats in love with a pair of thick-headed toms. That's what Pinepaw tells her parents at least (they never leave her alone.)
She ignores the fluttering in her chest as she watches her best friend. She supposes that's it's nerves, she's never had a true friend.
Still, her parents are concerned. Pinepaw knows her job, become a good warrior, find a good tom to settle down with, and carry on the family legacy. She is always aware of her responsibility as the only kit. It chokes her, keeps her tied to her path. Don't they understand that she's trying?
Tigerpaw just won't give her the time of day.
(Her mother tells her that perhaps she should groom her fur more, or stop spending so much time with Stripepaw "lest cats get the wrong idea." She tells her to shove off.)
However, Stormpaw does and her mother is overjoyed. Pinepaw goes hunting with him, just to appease her parents. He is repulsive and irritating, constantly talking about their future.
She doesn't know how to drop the hint that she doesn't want a future with him.
Stripepaw is the only one who knows her pain, she tells her friend everything. How Stormpaw thinks he's all that but he failed to catch a squirrel. How her parents are already going on about how their pairing ceremony will look.
Stripepaw offers gentle words and a shoulder to cry on, and Pinepaw is forever grateful.
She once again wishes she didn't have these constraints, that she could make her own choices. Her wish comes true this time.
Her parents turn up dead, clawed and mangled. A badger had found them on one of their evening walks. Pinepaw wants to feel sorrow, feel anything.
But the only thing she can manage is overwhelming relief, and the thought that now- now- she can finally breathe easy.
Only Stripepaw seems to understand that.
Life carries on, and Tigerpaw and Graypaw are made warriors. Pinepaw's fascination is reignited with the now Tigerfang. He has developed a commanding presence, one that draws Pinepaw in.
He is power, he is grace, and she cannot help but be consumed. (He is also danger, but she hasn't realized that yet. She wished she would have, Starclan, if only she had.)
With complete and utter horror, she watches as Tigerfang and Grayheart grow closer. The way he looks at the other tom…
She sees that longing reflected in the way she gazes at Tigerfang, and the way Fernshard gazes at him. Her gaze hasn't left the pretty gray warrior, it never did.
She is a bright, capable warrior with soft amber eyes and a sharp mind. Pinepaw is acutely aware of this fact. She also knows Fernshard likes to go on walks, and still likes to gossip with the newly paired Eagleeye and Falconhaze.
(She must know her greatest rival for Tigerfang's heart after all.)
She cuts ties with Stormstep, not wanting a part of this grand future of theirs he insists she's a part of. He is angry and volatile, cursing her name. It doesn't last long, half a moon later he is planting petals in young Lilypaw's fur and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. The new, ditzy apprentice hangs on his every word in a way Pinepaw never could.
However, Tigerfang is too caught up with his best friend to notice her. She thinks he might be gay, that would explain it. (She knew her parents' opinion on the topic, but she had spoken to Eagleeye and he explained that he just couldn't imagine being with anyone but Falconhaze. She'd asked him if he'd ever liked Fernshard and he'd laughed.)
Then everything shatters. Grayheart and Tigerfang are no longer speaking. Pinepaw isn't sure what happened, but this seems like her chance. Stripepaw is ecstatic, as this is their opportunity to get what they've always wanted.
At least one of them is successful. Pinepaw is happy for Stripepaw, as Grayheart slowly takes up an interest in her. Her friend is all bright smiles and ditzy giggles.
Pinepaw grins and bears it, pretending not to notice Tigerfang grow closer to Fernshard.
Their warrior ceremonies come and go. Stripesong's name fits her perfectly, her friend truly is like a merry melody that brightens any day. Pinelight isn't as sure about her own. She doesn't feel like a light, more like a background figure.
(If she was this luminant being, surely Tigerfang would have looked at her by now.)
He and Fernshard are courting, and it pains her to watch. Stripesong swears that one day he'll have to notice her. She nods and swallows back the bile in her throat. She can't burden Stripesong with her problems forever, her friend is happily courting Grayheart.
She doesn't understand the agony of watching the cat you love fall for another.
Neither he nor Fernshard notice her. They are this perfect couple, happily in love. The strong, rippling young warrior that receives praise with his gorgeous, quiet intelligent partner. They are matched and shining together, and Pinelight has no place in their world.
Time continues to pass, she spends most of her time with Stripesong and now Grayheart. He can't see to get enough of her friend, gazing at her like she hung the moon. Pinelight watches with a fond smile, glad she can share a fraction of Stripesong's happiness as Grayheart dotes on her.
Then Falconhaze and Eagleeye turn up dead (a fox, they are told), and Pinelight can't bear to look at their bodies for long. Stripesong, ever kind-hearted, sobs for the pair into Grayheart's scruff.
Pinelight watches Fernshard lean on Tigerfang's shoulder, crying softly over the bodies of her best friends. She looks beautiful, even when upset. The tears sparkle in her eye, giving her the look of a Starclan cat weeping at the evils of the world.
Tigerfang does not cry, doesn't show any emotion other than indifference. (Pinelight swears his lips curls up into a sneer, but it's gone in a flash.) She supposes he's being stoic for Fernshard, ever the strong tom.
It makes her want him more.
Stormstep simply snarls in disgust at his brother's body and Pinelight is forever thankful she didn't end up with that foxheart.
The tragedy fades, as tragedies often do, and time ebbs and flows. Tigerfang asks Fernshard to be his mate. Pinelight saw it coming, she knew it was inevitable. And yet, she still finds herself sobbing into Stripesong's fur that night wondering why he couldn't have picked her.
(She still understands, Fernshard is infuriatingly perfect. It makes her chest burn and her face flush, and she curses the she-cat's name.)
Soon enough, Fernshard is pregnant and Pinelight is alone. Even Stormstep has forgotten about her, taken up with his young, pretty Lilyleap. Pinelight still does not care for the new warrior, finding her tasteless and dull. She is perfectly suited for Stormstep.
Pinelight watches Pebblekit, Moonkit, and Hawkkit with an odd detached interest. She wonders what life would be like if they were hers, if she was the one by Tigerfang's side.
Grayheart finally works up the courage to ask Stripesong to be his mate and their ceremony is beautiful. Pinelight couldn't be more glad, watching her best friend look at her mate with the same adoration that she did when she was just a lovesick apprentice with Pinelight.
She spends most of her time with Stripesong, just as she always had (when Grayheart isn't stealing her away). They squeal just like they did when they were younger, and Pinelight is happy. She doesn't need Tigerfang when she has her friend.
Several things happen in succession. Stripesong gets pregnant, and pours her anxieties about motherhood onto Pinelight. The tabby doesn't mind, Stripesong has been there for her a multiple of times. She reassures her that she will be an excellent mother, and that the world is brighter because of her.
(Stripesong says Pinelight is heaping too much praise on her.)
But deep down, she knows Stripesong will be great at parenting. She watches the she-cat stroke her belly with her tail and sing gentle lullabies to the kits within. Grayheart watches her with immense love, and Pinelight knows they will be a great family.
Then the day comes, and Stripesong leaves them both.
Grayheart is inconsolable, not even looking at the daughter his mate gave her life to bring into the world. Pinelight dubs the small gray kit Featherkit with tears in her eyes. (That was the name Stripesong had told her she loved with that soft smile that Pinelight doesn't know how to live without.)
She looks up at the stars, sobs racking her frame. She can almost hear Stripesong trying to comfort her, let her know that she wasn't worth crying over.
Pinelight only cries harder.
She does everything in her power to look after Featherkit, the last bit of Stripesong she has. She doesn't understand how Grayheart doesn't see it that way, how he won't even look at his daughter. He's grieving, is what Clearstone tells her, just give him time.
The kits continue to grow, Featherkit following Hawkkit around the nursery like a duckling. It makes Pinelight laugh. She meets Fernshard's gaze for a moment, and the queen's expression is guarded, almost warning-
She turns up dead not long later.
It's a shock to Pinelight, really. How the clan could lose such a brilliant warrior so shortly after Stripesong's passing. Seeing Fernshard lay there, looking so small and dim…
The whole situation felt fundamentally wrong. Fernshard was supposed to be bright and captivating, not this broken thing lying in the center of camp. Pinelight feels this pressure in her chest like she can't breathe, and she leaves camp.
The wailing of Fernshard's kits, the emotionless expression on Tigerfang's face as he tries to remain strong… it's too much.
Fernshard and Tigerfang were always too much for her, and she can't handle herself as she breaks down in a hollow tree.
There's no Stripesong to comfort her this time either.
She doesn't return to camp for a long time.
Tigerfang seems to bury himself in his kits, trying to train them to be the best warriors they can be. Featherkit clings to Pinelight's fur whenever she's around, anxiously glancing at Grayheart.
Pinelight thinks the kit is afraid of her father, but she reminds herself that Grayheart was the cat who loved Stripesong more than anyone else. Surely he wouldn't do… do anything. Featherkit seems naturally nervous anyways, either playing by herself or clinging to Hawkkit.
Grayheart starts to muscle her out of Featherkit's life, much to her shock. He accuses her of trying to steal his daughter, of trying to steal Stripesong. She's too in shock, not believing that this is the same cat her friend fell in love with.
She requests to be Featherkit's mentor, wanting to watch over Stripesong's daughter. Her and Grayheart often clash over his daughter, and she wonders what happened to the good, sweet tom that meant the world to Stripesong.
Pinelight wishes she could do more, and whispers apologies to Stripesong at night. Featherpaw is burdened by her father (though Pinelight won't realize the extent of his cruelty until much later.)
She is lonely, her only friend gone. She doesn't know how to take care of her daughter, and she is overwhelmed.
The cat she least expected to ease her burdens comes to her. Pinelight is all but shocked when Tigerfang approaches her when they are on patrol one sunny morning, and whispers that she's beautiful.
And just like that, all her old feelings resurface.
It starts out small, unnoticeable by most. Tigerfang is a very dedicated father, spending most of his time with his kits. However, he makes time to approach her and talk to her. His voice is silky, just as it was when they are younger and she finds herself captivated once more.
He has the grace of a predator, and she feels like they prey almost. It is exhilarating. It's easy for Tigerfang to make his catch.
"Meet me in the forest tonight."
She couldn't refuse.
It should have been more of a happy moment when Clearstone told her she was expecting. She should have been overjoyed, but all she could see was Stripesong lying there dead-
Her move into the nursery was swift, and she was no longer able to train Featherpaw. Tigerfang did nothing, didn't even say anything. Thei.r one night affair wasn't supposed to mean anything.
It hurt, but Pinelight felt like she should have seen it coming. But she loved him, and surely… maybe one day he could grow to love her too.
She went to find him one day, wanting to talk to him…
Only to find him snarling at his son. Screaming at him. There was a fresh cut on Pebblepaw's cheek.
"I thought I told you not to speak to Kestrelpaw anymore. She's confused."
Pebblepaw was obviously terrified. She remembers that look Fernshard had given her before she died…
She corners him later, bristling. Demanding to know what that was. He tries to soothe her, let her know that he was simply doing what was best for his son. That he didn't understand that Kestrelpaw was a bad influence and he was showing him some tough love.
"You will never be the father of my kits," she spits at him. Tigerfang snarls at her, and in that moment, she realizes the cat she'd always longed for from a distance, loved since she was an apprentice, was expecting the kits of was twisted in a way that made her stomach churn.
They didn't speak after that.
Giving birth hurt more than anything she could have imagined. For a brief moment she was afraid she'd end up like Stripesong, leaving her kits to that monster.
She makes it through, and finds three small kits suckling at her stomach. Overwhelming relief fills her as she realizes none of them look like their father. She smiles, they're all reddish brown tabbies like her.
The first, a tom, has little white paws that make her smile. He's round and soft, covered in kit fluff. He sneezes and warmth bubbles within her. Cedarkit is named for his pleasant nature, but also because Pinelight wants him to grow up to be strong.
Her next kit has fur sticking up like spikes and it makes the queen laugh. The she-kit seems to growl as Pinelight tries to groom her fur, as if she wants it to stick up. She loves her little Bristlekit anyway.
Tallkit is named for his lanky legs. She hopes maybe one day he'll grow into them. As she studies her kit she grimaces. Tallkit already is showing the same broad jaw and shoulders of his father, and she prays no one makes the connection.
She hears the whispers about her, about how she won't say who the father is. Most cats think it's a rogue, that she had some secret mate. She doesn't care, let them talk.
She doesn't want her kits associated with Tigerfang in any way.
The fierce protectiveness of a mother is something she thought she'd never understand, but she knows that she will always defend her kits. Even from their own father.
Tigerfang shows no interest in them, doesn't even say anything about them. He is focused on his own kits, and Pinelight feels guilty that she is grateful for that. He seems to want to mold his kits into the perfect warriors in the last stretch of their apprenticeship. The newly named Hawkstreak already seems to be, walking around camp snarling at those who don't uphold his father's views.
She is afraid that after the rest earn their names, his attention will shift. She watches Bristlekit tackle Cedarkit with a mock growl and her heart clenches. She won't let him hurt her kits.
He starts to watch them more often, like a hawk. There is this gleam… almost a hunger in his eyes as he sees them. It makes dread pool in her stomach. He looks at her with a deep rooted hatred and she can't believe she ever loved him.
One time Bristlekit runs into his leg and makes a smart remark (she's always doing that, Pinelight can tell she'll be trouble). With horror she watches as Tigerfang raises his paw and unsheathes his claws.
Pinelight is in between them in a flash, snarling at the larger tom. "Don't touch my daughter," she spits in his face. Bristlekit is shaken, but otherwise unharmed. However, Pinelight knows Tigerfang will hurt them.
It's only a matter of time.
She has to do something. It would just be better if Tigerfang wasn't around, for her kits. For Fernshard's kits.
She still sees the she-cat in Pebblepaw's gray flecked fur, in the grace that young Moonstorm carries when she walks, in Hawkstreak's eyes that are the same shade of amber. It hurts. It hurts so much.
She can still envision Fernshard in her mind, graceful and poised. Cool and collected to Pinelight's fire. They'd never been friends but sometimes…
Well, there was no use in dwelling on the past. She can't help the deceased gray queen now.
But Fernshard's kits could be saved. Her own kits could be. She wouldn't let Tigerfang harm them like he's harmed his first litter.
(After the incident with Pebblepaw a few moons ago she'd started noticing things. A scratch on Hawkstreak's shoulder after he goes out hunting with his father. Moonstorm coming back with a split lip and a defiant look. Pebblepaw just cowering… She'd been blind, she'd been so blind.)
She isn't sure how to carry out her plan. She can't get rid of Tigerfang, she isn't skilled enough. Moons of sitting in the nursery have left her rusty and dull. He's also a respected warrior by some, she can't just come out and accuse him-
Then she sees Tigerfang try and push Ivyfrost and Hawkstreak into a hunting patrol again. The sheer hatred in Ivyfrost's eyes as she looks at her former mentor and his son…
Pinelight can use that.
She approaches the young warrior uneasily one night. Ivyfrost is known for her temper and Pinelight doesn't want to get on her bad side. She tries to remain cool, but her tone wavers, "You hate Tigerfang."
"Oh, really? I didn't realize-"
Pinelight isn't in the mood for Ivyfrost's snark. She sighs and rolls her eyes, "I have a problem."
"And how is that my problem?" Ivyfrost glares at her.
She decides to cut right to the point, "It has to do with Tigerfang."
"Oh, you have a problem?" Ivyfrost is practically laughing at her and it makes Pinelight flex her claws, "You do realize he's practically betrothed me to his fucking son, I don't see how it could be worse."
"He's the father of my kits," Pinelight snaps, baring her fangs.
Ivyfrost's eyes widen significantly, "Oh shit-"
"I'm afraid he's going to hurt them," she whispers, "I… I just want them to be safe. He's already started talking to Tallkit and Cedarkit, and he looks at Bristlekit like he hates her…"
"He probably will hurt them," Ivyfrost's tone is dark and she gestures towards a scar, "He hurt me because I won't be Hawkstreak's perfect little doll." Pinelight lets out a gasp. "I don't know how to fix that."
"I have a solution," Pinelight looks away, scared. Was she really doing this? She envisioned her kits and her resolve hardened. "A… a permanent one."
Ivyfrost smiles in a way that sends shivers down her spine. Her grin is cruel and gleaming under the light of the moon. "Why didn't you start with that?"
And so the plan is set in motion. Her and Ivyfrost meet a few more nights to finalize the details. Pinelight knows her job. Get Tigerfang alone. She'd done it before, she could do it again. Though, that was when she'd mistakenly thought he'd hung the moon. Before she had found out he was a monster.
She took a deep breath and looked at her kits, sleeping beside her. Cedarkit and Bristlekit are curled up together in a little ball, and Tallkit is next to them, snoring softly. It brings a smile to her face.
And also reminds her why she has to do this. She leaves the kits in the care of Rosebush, who's expecting her own kits.
It's not difficult to find Tigerfang, his broad frame that she used to find so mesmerizing stands out in the crowd. However, his commanding presence now strikes her with fear instead of attraction.
She swallows. "Tigerfang," she whispers, "I think we… we need to talk. About the kits."
His gaze is locked on her in an instant, and he agrees. He calls her a number of awful things, whispering in her ear about how she's going to pay for her insolence.
Just like Fernshard did.
Her breath hitches and her gaze hardens. Fernshard. Pinelight starts to shake, holding back tears. It takes all her will to not strike him across the face.
Soon, he wouldn't be there to hurt anyone else.
She leads him into the woods, him thinking she's submitting to being his docile mate. He doesn't expect Ivyfrost to leap out of the bushes. The young warrior is vicious, tearing into her old mentor like a piece of prey.
Pinelight turns and starts to walk away.
"Pinelight you bitch!"
"I demand you come back here!"
"When I get over there-"
"Pinelight!"
"Pinelight help me!"
"She's going to kill me!"
"Please, just… help!"
"I'm begging you!"
"I love you!"
She keeps walking, not even looking back once.
When she reenters camp, she curls up around her kits and thanks Rosebush for her help. Then, she sleeps more easily than she had in moons.
It comes out that Ivyfrost killed Tigerfang. Ashstar isn't sure what to do with the situation, as Ivyfrost has committed a murder.
However, Ivyfrost comes out about his abuse. The look of relief on Fernshard's kits face as they stare at the body of their father is a blessing to Pinelight.
Cats finally know what happened. Tigerfang's legacy is out in the open. And her kits aren't a part of it.
She won't let them be tainted. She sees how Hawkstreak still treats his littermates in the moons that follow his father's death, unable to imitate anything other than what he's known.
She watches Pebblestep cower and flinch at every shadow.
She sees Moonstorm hide behind a mask of confidence and ice.
And she vows to keep her kits away from that. They grow up without a father, but they are happy. Bristlekit is adventurous and allowed to be herself. Cedarkit kind and loyal to those he loves, but easily distracted. Tallkit is smart and determined.
He worries her though. He also seems to have that same anger that lurked in his father. As he grows older he develops the same broad shoulders and harsh features.
It scares Pinelight, watching her son is like seeing a ghost. She finds it easier to talk to Cedarkit and Bristlekit, afraid that interacting with her son will cause her to mistreat him.
(She doesn't realize that distancing herself hurts him just as much.)
When they become apprentices, she can't be prouder. They're her litter, just hers. She wants to see them grow to be warriors.
Alas, she doesn't get her wish. She wakes up to the scent of smoke like everyone else. Coughing, she stumbles out of the den. Her eyes sting and she can't see-
Fire rages everywhere. Fire. She looks into the flames and wonders if this is his revenge. Panicked, she looks around for her kits.
She just wants to see them again.
She doesn't see the flaming beam that falls from the ceiling.
Crack!
She smells the gentle scent of sweet ferns, not having time to wonder where it's coming from, before she awakes in a field of stars.