Note to my followers:
Dear all, I was hesitant at first to post this story on this site because I know most of you have been waiting for a long time for updates of my other running stories. I'm sorry it's taking so long to get back to those! Meanwhile, I've been on a Once Upon A Time binge and guess what ... I'm writing again. Just not for SVU and the two stories for other fandoms. I fully intend to finish all of them eventually, I just can't promise when. Maybe I just need to get this one out of my system first?

Anyway ... here goes my first OUAT story - centered around the iconic character of Regina of course, the most lovable villain in all the realms. We begin in the final episode of season 4, right after the Dark One's powers have escaped from the Magical Hat and zero in on Regina. From that moment on, I take the story in a different direction. Original story inside the OUAT setting.

1

"Regina!"

"Mom!"

"No!"

Their panicked cries had echoed in her mind. For a few blissful moments she had been completely numb, filled with an almost deafening silence. Slowly, she had felt the cold of the concrete underneath her seep through her clothes as she lay in the street, knocked down by the dark powers that had needed a tether and had descended on her, and for a moment she hadn't wanted to get up.

Emma had wanted to take her place, she knew that. The woman's panic had been real.

"You've worked too hard to have your happiness destroyed!" the blonde had shouted at her through the haze of blackness surrounding her.

With the dark magic swirling around her like a tornado, Regina had stood her ground, grabbing the dagger from Emma's hand, and she had made eye contact with Snow. She knew the woman would understand what she would have to do, and she and her husband had done it, together with Hook. They had grabbed Emma and pulled her back, so she couldn't interfere while Regina had absorbed all of the Dark One's powers, tethering them to herself to save the town and all its inhabitants from what that darkness would have done if left unleashed.

Regina had forced herself not to look at Henry or Robin and had kept her eyes up at the dagger above her head as she let the darkness pour into her.

For a few moments after it was over, there had been silence. But even as her son was helping her to her feet, the whispers had started. Softly at first, like the sound of running water in the distance, and she had been able to speak a few words with the others. Robin had wanted to hug her and she had let him but after taking a deep breath, she had told them she needed to be alone. Before anyone could object, she had disappeared in a puff of purple and grey smoke, taking the dagger with her.

The whispers were growing louder by the hour and that one, all too familiar voice was gaining in power as well. Regina was tense all the time, unable to relax anymore, pacing all day long. It was a good thing that the Dark One didn't need sleep because she wasn't going to get any rest like this. Her mind was spinning and the voices were trying to force her to focus on assembling her new powers to create order in the chaos inside her head. She knew how that worked. Rumplestiltskin had taught her well and his voice was among the whispers in her head. Channeling her emotions was a powerful tool to create magic as well as a logical order in her universe.

Focus. Channel. Control. Prepare. Strike. Destroy. Rule.

That was how she had learned to create order inside herself; to control her emotions, and with them, her powers. Anything that confused her or threatened to hurt her was channeled into that sequence of dark urges, hardening her and protecting her heart while lashing out at anyone who might come too close.

But one thing was different now and it was so different that it was debilitating.

She loved now.

The strongest voice inside her head - her own voice from years ago - wanted her to focus on herself and only herself but her heart was resisting. And it wasn't just resisting. No, it was almost welcoming the pain this time. Her heart was determined not to be walled off again. She wanted to feel, no matter how much it hurt. She was at war with herself like never before.

She had no idea how long she had been in here, in her hidden mirror room inside her vault. It could be days. She had switched off her phone early on because it kept ringing and buzzing. She wasn't ready to talk to anyone or even read their worried texts. She needed to find some semblance of balance before she could emerge from her hiding place.

Her name was now staring back at her from the dagger and the only way she knew how to remove it, was for her to be killed with that same dagger. She was now the Dark One and it was ironic to say the least.

"Happy now, mother?" she said sarcastically while staring at herself in one of her mirrors.

For a moment, she considered taking out her heart like her mother had done. It would end the battle inside her instantly. Evil would take over. But no matter how much pain her heart was in, she didn't want to give up that pain for anything. It was tangible proof, every second of the day, that she was still capable of love and that she had not succumbed to the darkness completely. She missed her son desperately and she longed to see Robin and Roland again. She cherished her memories of them and their love for her and she decided in that moment that her pain would be her power from now on. Being in pain would be her new reality. It would be what would keep the darkness in check.

Regina took a deep breath and breathed out slowly. She then sat down at her vanity and cleaned her face meticulously before applying new makeup. She noticed she was putting it on a bit more heavily than she'd been used to over the past years, but didn't think much of it. She wanted to look calm and composed before facing her loved ones again, and her outward appearance was a big part of that. She was paler than she remembered but thought it had to be fatigue. She closed her eyes and thought of the best outfit to go with her new-found balance. She smiled when she found her thoughts instantly drifting to a long, form-fitting leather dress she had worn once long ago, when she was still trying to instill fear wherever she went. She shook her head lightly, telling her inner self No , and then poofed herself into a new outfit.

When she opened her eyes and stood up to look at herself in a large mirror, she blinked a few times. She looked a lot more like her old, evil self than she had expected. She was now dressed in tight black leather pants and a black low-cut bodice underneath a black semi-long fitted leather jacket held together by a wide, double-buckle belt. Black high-heeled boots completed the look. Her deep red lips contrasted starkly with her pale skin and her eyes, heavy with dark makeup, seemed a bit hollow. The only thing that softened her appearance was her hair, which still flowed loosely around her face and down to her shoulders. She stared at herself for a few moments in the mirror, half expecting her reflection to say something to her. She'd been hearing the Queen's voice inside her head non-stop after all. There was no reason she'd be quiet now. And sure enough, the voice returned.

Close, but you're not there yet.

"I don't want to be you again," Regina told her evil self.

You are me, dearie. You've always been me.

The use of the word dearie, so typical for Rumplestiltskin, made Regina wonder if it was the spirit of the former Dark Ones speaking to her through her own likeness.

"I've changed," she insisted, addressing her reflection in the mirror again.

We'll see, her mirror image replied, smiling confidently at her. And then she added with a smirk, At least you finally make us look good again.

Regina rolled her eyes and turned away from the mirror. If this was who she was up against, she was ready. She knew her own evil urges only too well and would recognize them. It was time to come out of hiding and face the world again.

Regina decided to walk. She didn't feel like just appearing out of the blue and not knowing what she was poofing into. As much as she missed Henry and wanted to know how he was doing, her heart took her into the woods first, to Robin's camp.

"Regina!"

Little Roland was the first to spot her and he yelled her name enthusiastically before starting to run towards her. His excited cry had drawn his father's attention as well, and Robin ran after him. Regina felt her heart flutter at the sight of them and instantly felt a stab of pain in her chest. She stopped walking and frowned, then reminded herself that pain was good. It was a good sign.

Oh, you're so weak! the Queen hissed inside her head.

"Shut up," she whispered back. "They love me."

That's only because they don't know you, the Queen sneered. But they will.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Regina mumbled, but then Roland reached her and she tried to focus on the little boy, smiling at him.

"Regina, can you come and play?" Roland asked her innocently, reaching for her hand.

The moment his fingers touched hers, the child was knocked over, landing on his back. He looked up at her with wide eyes, and Robin was on his knees next to him in an instant, helping him to sit up. Regina looked at her own hand in surprise, and saw that it was glowing orange.

"What was that, papa?" Roland asked his father, his eyes wide with wonder and shock.

Robin looked up at Regina and saw her hand, which was still glowing. Before he could ask her anything she assured him,

"I didn't do anything … I mean, I didn't mean to …"

Her breath hitched when she saw the look in Robin's eyes. Was he afraid of her? When she looked at her hand again, it was glowing even brighter.

"No," she whispered.

Oh yes! the Queen cackled triumphantly in her head.

Regina stumbled back, taking several steps back to create more distance between herself and Robin and Roland. She didn't want to hurt them but she wasn't sure what was happening to her. Robin was on his feet and walked up to her, but she took another few steps back.

"Robin, don't," she warned him. "I'm not sure what's happening."

"I'm not afraid of you, Regina," Robin told her, but as much as she wanted to believe him, the look in his eyes just now had told her something else.

He's afraid and you know it, the Queen said.

Regina frowned and looked at her hands, which were now both glowing and she was beginning to feel the heat in her palms.

"Maybe you should be," she said softly.

Robin had stopped coming closer to her and she was relieved that he wasn't trying to touch her right now, but it also hurt because she had longed to feel his touch again. His love had been so healing for her and held such an amazing promise for the future, but the closer he got, the more the dark fire inside her raged.

"You'll find a way to deal with this," Robin said confidently. "I have faith in you, Regina."

When she made eye contact with him, he added sincerely, "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered, tears pooling in her eyes. "But I think that's why I can't be here right now."

Her throat felt constricted and the last thing Robin and Roland heard before she poofed away was a muffled sob.

Regina was back in her vault, feeling very upset. She felt like kicking something or breaking something and ended up throwing a heavy crate across the room, shattering it against the wall, making the contents of the crate spill out on the floor. Her knees buckled then and she sat down in the middle of the mess she'd made, crying. Her hands were still glowing but not as much as they had when she had seen Robin and Roland. She was afraid now to go anywhere near Henry, thinking the same thing might happen again, or worse.

Roland hadn't been injured, she had just startled him, but it hurt her to know the little boy wouldn't understand. She could only hope Robin would find a way to reassure him. But she also knew Robin would tell the others what had happened.

They're gonna turn on you now, the Queen said.

"Shut up."

Regina didn't want to hear it. It was a deeply rooted fear that the people who had come to accept her, would eventually reject her again.

They only tolerate you for Henry's sake. You know that.

"Henry loves me."

He only loves parts of you. If he knew all of you … if he knew us …

"He's seen you but he gave me a chance to show him I could change," Regina argued, getting up to go and find a picture of her son.

But you haven't changed. Not really. You keep coming back to me when you need me and you know it.

Regina shook her head. It wasn't true. Was it? She found a framed picture of herself with Henry, taken by Graham before Henry had begun pulling away from her and everything had started to change. He had come back to her since then and their love was real and true, as the love between a mother and her child should be.

"I broke the second curse with true love," she reminded herself out loud.

The Queen responded with scornful laughter and Regina wondered if she had really sounded like that in the past.

Oh Regina. Love is weakness. When are you going to accept that?

Regina sighed. She wasn't going to answer that. She was confused about what had happened to her when she saw the man she loved and his son. She had felt happy to see them but something inside her had responded in a very different way. Regina walked back to her mirror room slowly, deep in thought. Something inside of her had railed against her longing to see her loved ones again. It was as if the darkness didn't want her to see them.

Suddenly she had a thought. Regina walked up to one of her bigger mirrors and asked herself,

"If love is weakness, then why keep me away from it? You want to weaken me, right? So you can take over. Then why not let them weaken me?"

She stared at her own reflection and could see her eyes - her eyes - darken. She was onto something.

"Unless …" Regina said slowly.

Enough of this nonsense! the Queen yelled, interrupting her train of thought. You don't need anyone. People only ever end up hurting you. It's what they do. You can only rely on yourself. And on power. You have more power now than ever before. Don't let it go to waste!

"I never wanted power."

But you got it and then you loved it! You can fool everyone else but you can't fool me, dearie. You embraced the power and the darkness once. You enjoyed it! You're a murderer a hundred times over and there's no coming back from that.

Regina blinked a few times and looked down at the picture of her and Henry she was still holding.

"Everyone deserves a second chance," she whispered, her eyes glossing over.

I think a couple of hundred people who lost their loved ones because of you will beg to differ.

"That was you!" Regina yelled defensively at the mirror but the Queen just laughed.

I am you, Regina. Never forget that. Don't act as if we're two different people. We're not. I am you and you are me and that's never going to change. Everything I did, you did.

"I have changed. I can use light magic now," Regina countered.

Are you sure about that? the Queen asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"I used it against Zelena!"

Once. But you're the Dark One now. I doubt you'll ever use light magic again.

"I've fought the darkness inside me before and I can do it again."

Regina's voice was shaking but she really did mean what she was saying.

Yes, you've fought but lo and behold, I'm still here, the Queen stated triumphantly. So I guess you haven't won at all.

Regina closed her eyes and tried to take a few deep breaths. It was hard to argue with herself, especially when she made sense. Yes, she had fought, but had she truly changed at all? She had wanted to believe she was on a new path, but was she really, if she could be pulled back to the darkness time and again?

A/N: So, would you like more? Yes? No?

PS. Yes, Dark Regina's outfit is very similar to the Queen's very first all black outfit in the season 2 episode "The Doctor", when she returned to Rumplestiltskin, fully motivated to learn dark magic at last. I just made the jacket shorter because she's in our world here.