At first glance, the main pairing here might seem absurd, but not really. I often wondered what would happen if in Apocrypha timeline Amakusa Shirou met Irisviel who looked almost identical to his Master in the Third Holy Grail War. He seemed to be very close with the unnamed Einzbern (I decided to give her a name for this story to show how important she is). I've have read somewhere that he is in truth trying to save humanity at all cost to forgive himself for not being able to save someone. And I believe that person is his Master because... who else really? So if her death alone managed to create such a great impact by turning him from a noble and heroic 'saint' into a ruthless villain, she must have been very dear to him.
Now here it is. This is my first Fate/ story. Admittedly, I'm not that knowledgeable about the universe and lore of this franchise, but I am trying my best. As you can see, my favorite characters are Amakusa Shirou and Karna. I wouldn't lie. At first, it was only because their awesomeness level is far beyond my expectation, but eventually I come to love their interesting personalities and heartbreaking stories. Also before I forget, I'd like to mention that English is not my main language, but again, I am trying my best here!
01
1930 Fuyuki's Third Holy Grail War
Similar to the previous iterations of Holy Grail Wars, this latest war brought forth such an undeniable ominous atmosphere for everyone involved. The failures of the first and second wars only served to eat away nearly all semblance of confidence they desperately held that this time would be different. At this point, they just wanted this war to end with a wish being granted if only to prove that all the tears and bloodshed were not for naught. But it seemed like even this modest hope would still remain as nothing but a cruel fantasy.
In the eve of another World War, one might think that the worldwide conflicts would be the main if not the only focus of the world, and thus made it easier for the Grail War's participants to hold their ritual. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be that way. Somehow, the news of the event that was supposed to be a secret had spread out not only to the Imperial Army, but also even to the infamous Nazis.
The inevitable happened.
The brutal battles quickly spread out all over the Imperial Capital uncontrollably. It was the first and only time in history that advanced Magecrafts and powerful Noble Phantasms clashed against modern war machines like canons and tanks. The result was something that could only be described as nightmare, a horrific but ironically glorious nightmare.
Near the culmination of this war, there were only two Servants left.
One of them was the Einzbern's Ruler-class Servant, Amakusa Shirou Tokisada. His special class aside, he was by no means an outstanding Heroic Spirit. The privilege of the Ruler-class managed to make up for his lack in raw power admittedly. Even then, as someone of great virtue, he considered it dishonorable and unethical to use the Ruler Command Spells freely to gain advantage over his opponents. He refused to use them even when it came to a life and death situation as long as the other Servants didn't intentionally do something evil. So in the end, he was basically just a low level Servant trying to protect his precious Master.
The pair managed to survive thus far only thanks to his wisdom, patience, and intelligence.
He never involved himself in the all too chaotic battles, and used every opportunity to observe his opponents so he could devise future strategies based on their show of powers. And to be more prepared before he decided to engage an enemy Servant in a fight, he always tried to get as much information as possible from them with the Ruler's True Name Discernment ability. Most importantly, he always made sure to hide his Master before he went to battle, and it was surprisingly not because his survival completely relied on the homunculus girl's life.
They both had lost everything.
The Nazis had discovered and taken over the Einzbern castle not long after the war started. The only place they could have some much needed rest was this large tree in the middle of a snowy forest that they currently sat under after a fierce battle with the last surviving Saber. They won and thankfully the enemy Master decided to leave peacefully after her Servant died. Their latest victory was not without a cost, though. Ruler was left completely drained, and suffered many serious wounds. But it meant very little to him because he was just happy that his Master ended up unhurt.
Though it took him by surprise to see silent tears falling down the girl's cheeks as she carefully treated the nasty gash on his chest.
"Lumina-chan..." He patted her fair hair fondly. "You know how glad I am that you're able to express your emotions more freely now. But honestly, I've been expecting to see your sweet smiles after our hard-earned victory. So, why the tears?"
The girl, Luminasviel von Einzbern was the first homunculus he had ever met. She existed for the sole purpose of becoming his Master. At first, he didn't know what to do with her because of her inability to express emotions. But it didn't take him long to understand that she merely didn't have any clue on how to show what she felt. It was then that he decided to treat her as a normal human being who deserved to be cherished and respected. And it was only inevitable that they grew very close to the point that he had become the one reason for her to live her life, thus ironically made her willfully embrace the base purpose of her existence.
She'd never say it out loud, but secretly she also loved the endearment name he had given her even though she disliked it at first. Strangely enough, however, this time she didn't even pretend to whine as usual.
"I do nothing wrong." She just glared cutely at the sometimes irritating but ever so warm smile on his face. "Humans are supposed to cry when they're hurt and when their dear ones got hurt... So, why the smile?"
"It is because I couldn't be happier, seeing you unharmed... alive. Yes, I'm wounded, but you know what? I'm willing to bear all the pain in the world just to keep you this way, well and safe."
That was quite a surprise to her that that paused in her work. It was nearly done anyway. Besides, her Servant's spiritual body allowed him to heal faster. So she focused her mind on his interesting claim. She thought hard for a moment as if his words were something that came out of a bible. And once she reached a conclusion, she looked right into his eyes with her usual serious expression.
"For the record, I have read enough romance novels to make this valid assumption based on what you just said. So, I will ask you this to confirm it." Here she took a breath slowly to make it more dramatic. "Are you by any chance in love with me, Ruler?"
The secluded place under the tree fell into a complete silence with the girl Master keeping her serious stare at her now dumbstruck Servant. Her brows furrowed as she tried to analyzed his out-of-character behavior. She began to get worried though when the awkward moment lasted longer than she felt comfortable with.
"I am mistaken then... Perhaps my other assumptions make more sense after all. I suppose even though I don't like it, it wouldn't be such a surprise if Ruler actually sees me as a little sister or worse... a daughter."
And that one 'taboo' word at the end of her statement finally forced the poor Servant's instinct to act.
"NO! Definitely not a daughter!" And he sighed desperately. "Listen, Lumina-chan. You are the most precious person to me in the whole world, and certainly not because I don't know anyone else. But for the time being, that's all I can say about what you mean to me. Trust me. I will be more honest with you when I'm ready. Because you deserve all the good in the world."
Hearing that, she smiled sweetly in relief. He meant the world to her, if it wasn't obvious already. A rejection from him would surely break her beyond repair. She knew he would never do that to her, though. They would always be there for each other. But as she thought more about it, her eyes turned glassy again.
"I'm just a homunculus created for this war, though. I will not live long... Isn't it unfair, Ruler?" Her eyes wandered away, seeing nothing in particular. "I wish to live a normal life too. I dream of traveling around the world with you... seeing the breathtaking beauty of nature... meeting nice people along the way... trying various good foods when we take a break... going to unique festivals too if we come across them. But... is it too selfish of me to ask for those things, Ruler?"
She had such a bittersweet expression, but it only highlighted how pure, innocent, and simply beautiful she was. He stared in awe, at her unusually expressive face.
He could only wonder how such a precious existence could care so deeply for a worthless failure like him. There was no word to describe how precious she was to him. Somehow, her very presence alone gave him hope. It allowed him to try to forgive himself for the great sins he had committed in his past. That was something that he had never even expected. But he had nothing to give back to her except for words...
"Absolutely not." He gathered all the confidence he had. "That's why at this very moment I promise you, Luminasviel von Einzbern. I will win the grail for you, just for you, so you would never again have to worry about such a thing." He looked at her then with the most genuine smile he had. "And after that, I will take you to a wonderful journey around the world until you become a master in expressing joy and happiness!"
In such a pleasant surprise, he suddenly found himself leaning against the tree with her sitting on his lap, her arms around his neck, and her tear-stained face pressed closely to it. Then there was a giggle, her unmistakably awkward and rare giggle.
"Before you ask, I heard this is how humans express their gratitude, relief, fondness, and most importantly... love."
She hurriedly hid her blushing face then as she felt completely overwhelmed with a strange giddy sense of embarrassment that she had never experienced before. In return, he quickly wrapped his arms around her petite body with a chuckle, and rested his cheek atop of her head.
"Then I will gladly return the favor, Lumina-chan."
That was just what she wanted from him. She was just so happy that the awkward giggle escaped her lips again and again until soon later her breathing evened out. It seemed that she had begun to feel sleepy, sleepy enough to just say anything that crossed her mind.
"One more thing, Ruler... Is it okay for me to have a baby too? Yours, of course..."
Almost died in shock and embarrassment, the now blushing madly Ruler-class Servant seriously considered using a sleep spell on his beloved Master. Though in the end, he sighed resignedly with a warm smile.
"You know your wish is my command, my beloved Master. For now, though, please spare your faithful Servant from any more of your too deep for mere mortals questions, and go to sleep already!"
"Fine..." She pouted cutely. "But I want a baby boy, Ruler! He would look just like a male version of me in appearance, but his personality would be like Shirou Mk. II. He would be brave, noble, chivalrous, kind... caring... but often times... silly... just like you..." And finally, she fell asleep with a serene smile on her lovely face.
As they held each other intimately under the great tree, surrounded by ethereal snows, they both shared a moment of sacred bliss that lasted throughout the night. It would surely be a grave sin to disrupt them, because the cruel fate had already decided that a tragic end to their tale would befall them the very next day...
/
1986 Middle East expedition
In a remote location somewhere within Iraq territory, a youthful-looking white-haired male woke up from his brief sleep inside an ancient ruin, and accidentally hit his head on one of the stone pillars. His eyes went wide, though not from the pain, not even the slightest bit. Regardless, he needed some fresh air to cool down his mind and body, so he decided to finish his work for the day and get out of the ruin. The air in there was too hot that he was forced to discard his shirt, showing off his well-tanned and muscular but full of scars upper body.
As soon as he was outside, he took a deep breath of cool evening air before giving his mind a rare moment to ponder over the dream he just had.
To be honest, that particular dream was in actuality a bittersweet memory from a long distant past that he had been trying to keep hidden and safe within the deepest part of his soul. Don't get him wrong. He cherished those memories more than anything. That was why just for this one time, he allowed himself to admit that his nigh impossible quest for humanity's salvation was in actuality because of the fact that he could never forgive himself for failing the girl in those memories. But for the sake of his undeserved sanity, he always tried to keep this safely hidden even from himself.
He had never shed tears, not during the hell in Shimabara, not even when he held her lifeless but still ever so beautiful figure close. He reserved all his tears for when he found his own salvation, even though he didn't believe a failure and sinner like him deserved any semblance of salvation. Not to mention, to achieve the ultimate salvation for humanity, he would eventually have to walk on the path of a villain. He didn't mind, though. He was willing and ready to bear all the sins, pains, and sufferings in the world to create a new, pure world. A world where everyone is happy, everyone is good, and everyone is perfect.
Still, he could never lie to himself that he secretly and selfishly wished that he could see her again, even just once, just enough to apologize to her. He knew he would be the most blessed person in the world if God gave him a second chance. And he would surely become the happiest person ever if she still accepted him. But it was all just a silly fantasy.
The only thing left for him was to become the heaven's tool that would eventually be discarded to hell. He was nothing but a mean for humanity to reach salvation as a whole. And he had since long ago completely accepted this role, this fate.
In the end, with a heavy but full of resolve heart, he once again returned those precious memories into their sanctuary before locking them away for probably the last time.
His holy task was calling him, and he could do nothing but obey willingly. Even though so far his years of expedition still held no result, he would not give up. He would never betray his faith. It didn't matter to him that all his life, this faith had brought him nothing but sorrow and despair. Because after all was said and done, without his faith, he would be nothing, a worthless nothing.
A while later, just after he finished packing his equipment and once again donned his black priest attire, a familiar old farmer who had generously accepted him in his residence for the past few months greeted him.
"Father Shirou, it is almost time for dinner! Your self-proclaimed mother had been shouting at me to bring you home since the sun went down. You know how she is. If I don't get you home in time, I would be forced to sleep with the camels tonight!"
They both chuckled easily at the farmer's usual over-dramatic description of his antics with his wife. And as usual lately, the guest decided to play along.
"Now now, such an ill thought is very unbecoming of you, Mr Ibrahim. I'm sure dear 'mother' means well. Perhaps she's only worried that the camels would be sad and lonely without your company."
"Oh you two surely make such a great team in abusing this old camel. Why am I not surprised?" The old man scowled playfully before a sincere look settled on his wrinkled face. "We only have daughters, and all of them had left the village to seek better lives in the city, so she was so happy now that you're here. Truly. It might seem impudent for me to say this, but we genuinely consider you as the son we never had."
The living Heroic Spirit was honestly touched.
This old man and his wife were the very example of all the good in humanity. The couple were faithful Muslims just like the rest of the villagers, but they treated a priest of the Church like him with the utmost respect and kindness since the beginning. Even till this day, they always refused his insistent offer of money in return for their generous shelter. All he could do so far in return was teaching them to read and write, along with English that they now could speak quite well. And they always accepted each lesson from him with joy and gratitude.
If he was not so broken, he would've shed tears already.
"I don't even know how to express my gratitude, Mr Ibrahim... Honestly, I don't think someone like me even deserves the littlest bit of your kindness."
"What do you mean someone like you? A handsome young man with absurd humbleness? Listen here, boy. You don't need to do anything. But if you insist... I wouldn't mind if you put some good words about me later for the old woman."
And once again, they shared a laugh together as they made their return to the village.
The village itself was very small and secluded from larger civilizations. All of the villagers were very friendly and polite. They were mostly farmers with some of them also acted as traders for their goods with the other villages and cities. But what amazed him the most was how they were ever so grateful for everything their God bestowed upon them. He still remembered the joyful celebration they held after the electricity finally reached their village not long ago. They lived such simple but fulfilling lives. If only the world was full of people like them, he could just let go of everything and accept God's judgement for him...
Sometimes later, the two arrived at the humble abode they lived in to see a familiar old woman waiting at the terrace. Immediately, she ran toward the young man with a worried expression on her wrinkled face once she noticed how tired he looked.
"Oh my God! What have the old fool done to you, dear?!"
Her husband groaned miserably as he watched her frantically fussing over her dear 'son' who could only smile awkwardly.
"What have I done wrong this time? If you really want me to sleep with the camels that badly just say it already!"
It seemed like that was the wrong thing to say, because his wife slowly turned her head toward him with a warning glare.
"Oh, you so sleep with them for the rest of the week! Don't you understand already?! If only you brought one of them with you as a ride for our poor Shirou, he wouldn't have been this tired."
This bickering might sound rather heated, but the boy had already known from the beginning that it was just their own strange ways to show how unbreakable the bond between them was. Since they all looked tired already, he decided to step in this time.
"Calm down, ma'am. Mr Ibrahim actually has a good reason behind this. A leisure walk on the way home in a nice evening like this is a good opportunity for him to share his wisdom with me. And trust me, I've learned a lot from him."
At that, the old man gave him a proud nod that made them both chuckled in amusement. Not knowing what actually happened, the old lady looked at them in slight bewilderment.
"Is that so? Well, alright then. The dinner is ready. Let's get you two cleaned up. The old man also can sleep inside, though I feel rather bad for the camels... They would feel lonely tonight."
This time, the three of them laughed together as they finally walked into the house.
The dinner time was such a warm occasion. They made silent prayers in their own respective believes before they started. The meals were modest, but it tasted very good, just like everything the old lady cooked. Shirou almost never had meals together with family, not even with his foster family. However, eating together with this people felt like they were real family.
It was strange.
He had never let anyone get too close to him since the end of the third war, not even his honorable foster father. But somehow, this old couple had been stubbornly reaching out their hands to him, trying to draw him close to their warm embrace.
Deep in thought, he had paused in his meal with a faraway look on his eyes. And it didn't escape the old lady's notice.
"What's the matter, dear? Do you miss your home?" She decided to use this opportunity to make him open up to them a bit more then. "Maybe it would make you feel better if you talk about it with us. We would love to know. You've told us about your foster family. Hmm... What about a girl then? Is there a lovely young lady waiting for you back home, hmm?"
The unexpected question made the males look up at her in surprise. The old one recovered quickly enough, though.
"Have you gone senile, old woman? Surely someone as handsome and fabulous as our boy already has a sweet young maiden as his intended!"
And this was where the boy found himself in an awkward situation with the expectant gazes of Mr and Mrs Ibrahim glued on him. Eventually, he sighed in light amusement and decided to be honest, because they deserved no less.
"Actually there had been one, not an intended, but still most dear to me... more than anything... the one and only." A bittersweet smile crossed his face. "Even though now I could never be with her, I have no intention of finding another. Because I have given myself to her completely and willingly, and there's no way I would ever regret it."
That was not what the old couple expected at all, but both of them could feel their boy's misery even though he tried to hide it. A sad look appeared on the old lady's face despite the encouraging smile she gave him.
"That is very sweet of you, dear. But why couldn't you be with her? I know sometimes it's difficult. Even this old married couple needed to fight hard to be together when we were young, but we never gave up. And believe me, it's all worth it in the end."
In response, the boy gave her a bittersweet smile as he gathered the strength to give an answer.
"Sadly, she has passed away..."
"Oh..." The old lady quickly covered her mouth in shock. "I am so sorry, dear... Please forgive this tactless old woman. I can't even imagine..."
But she couldn't finish her words as she burst into tears. Her husband instinctively drew her into his arms before giving his own apologetic nod. And their boy in return gave them a reassuring smile.
"Don't be, Mrs Ibrahim. You've done nothing wrong. You and Mr Ibrahim are only concerned about me, and I am deeply touched. But you don't have to worry. I will manage. Because I still have an important responsibility, and I will not stop until I can fulfill it."
His words managed to reassure them. They smiled warmly at him. And the husband couldn't help feeling so proud of him.
"You are strong, my boy, very very strong. I just want you to remember that at the end of the days, your old self-proclaimed mother and father here will always welcome you home, wherever you ended up to be."
And here it was again. This two old persons had once again reminded him why he loved humanity so much.
"Arigatou..."
That was the only thing he could say in return. His self-proclaimed parents didn't know exactly what the word meant, but they understood completely what he was trying to tell them. And with that, they continued their meals with a more lighthearted air.
Later as usual, they spent the rest of the peaceful evening in the living room, continuing the old couple's study. It was such nice occasion for them as they shared a joke every now and then until suddenly they were taken by surprise when a strange white dove flew into the house through the open window.
Shirou could easily tell that it was a Familiar, and it carried a white envelope with it. The creature hovered around him quietly for a moment before he gently took the paper and let it fly away.
"I never thought anyone would care to send me a letter. This must be important..." He gave an apologetic smile then. "Please, excuse me."
The first thing that caught his attention was the distinctive seal on its front. He still recognized it very well after so long. It was none other than the Einzbern family's authentic seal. He briefly wondered what they wanted with him after not having contact for decades. It didn't surprise him that they were aware of him having been incarnated by the Greater Grail at the end of the third war. In the end, he decided to just see for himself, and opened the envelope.
Greetings, Lord Amakusa Shirou Tokisada.
It has been so long since our partnership in the Third Holy Grail War. You brought us closer than ever to the Greater Grail back then. We would have become the true victor of the war for sure if not for the cursed Nazis' underhanded move. Nevertheless, we still remember and speak highly of your great deeds even till this day. And for that reason, we would like to invite you for some tea to finally show you our belated appreciation. Please, visit us anytime you wish to.
Your always trusted ally, Jubstacheit von Einzbern.
To say he wasn't conflicted would be a lie. It was clear to him that the Einzberns needed his help, and they seemed to be desperate enough to contact him. He supposed meeting them again would not be so bad. They had vast knowledge that could help him in his quest, especially about the Third Magic. It had the potential to become a new alliance with mutual benefits. However, he was still unsure. Not because he was afraid that it might be a trap, not even the least bit. As much as he didn't wish to admit it, he knew the one thing he was afraid of was the awakening of old memories at full force once he met them.
Seeing his troubled expression, Mrs Ibrahim worriedly approached him, followed by her not less worried husband.
"Is everything alright, dear? You seemed troubled by the letter..."
Her voice snapped him out of his deep musing, and he gave them a reassuring smile.
"Oh, it's from an old friend of mine. We haven't seen each other for so long, and he asked me to visit him in Germany. I guess I'm just not sure what to expect because things have changed and I'm not who I used to be. There are some memories that are better be left alone, I suppose..."
They seemed to accept his vague but not outright dishonest reply, though the old man still felt the need to help.
"You know we trust your judgement, Father Shirou... Still, this old man wishes to give you a different view. You see, it might be wise to face the past, even the most difficult ones, and try to make peace with them. And if we are blessed, we might even find some enlightenment from it."
Those words reached deep into his conflicted mind, shedding light from within. It made the old woman feel relieved as she decided to give her own support.
"Besides, you have been working too hard lately, dear. As much as I don't want you to leave us, I hope a time away would do good for your weary soul."
Their kindness and understanding once again left him speechless. He could only gave them a nod of gratitude in return.
It was then decided that he would take his leave the next day. The old couple insisted that the three of them should sleep together in the living room for his last night in this house, at least until he returned again. He didn't have the heart to make an objection to their silly but genuinely sweet wish. And as expected, they almost didn't get any sleep throughout the night due to the constant jokes and funny bickering. But somehow, the time together managed to give him a much more fulfilling rest than just sleeping alone undisturbed.
Early morning the next day, the unlikely priest was finally ready to take his leave. The very kind old couple who had given him a wonderful shelter for the last eight months tried really hard not to cry in front of him. He gave them a deep bow, but the two hurriedly tried to straighten him back. They did appreciate the gesture, but to them it was completely unnecessary. He settled with his usual warm smile then.
"This is it. Let us hope this is not a good bye. Thank you... for everything."
This time, the old woman couldn't help herself from giving him a motherly hug.
"Come back soon, dear. And please don't hesitate to bring friends or anyone close to you when you do."
Here, the old man took the opportunity to give him a proud slap on the back.
"And remember, boy, when you return here, you must say 'I'm home!' with a huge grin on your face!"
"Understood." He couldn't help but share one last chuckle with them. "Please take care, both of you. And keep the silly jokes alive!"
With that, the wayward Heroic Spirit finally turned around, and took his first step toward a new path that would dramatically change the course of fate.
/
He always enjoyed travelings, because in a sense, he'd like to think that he did it for her. By doing this, although blindly, he tried to convince himself that it was an effort, no matter how futile it was, to realize her dream. Her memory would always live on with him, so he would take it upon himself to live his life for her too. Often times, he even hopelessly pretended that she was there by his side as long as he didn't try to chance a look at her...
The journey from a remote village in Iraq to the secluded castle on top of a mountain range in Germany was no different. He enjoyed the scenery of the vast desert as he rode on an old bus, the buzzing city as he got to the airport, the glamorous sky as he flew on a plane, and the wondrous snow-covered forest as he climbed the mountain. There was no trouble in his travel. He didn't even have any problems in adjusting to the drastic change of climate from the hot desert to the cold snowy mountains.
Along the way, he met nice people and ate good foods. She would've been so happy, he thought with a light mirth. Unfortunately, he didn't come across any festivals. He knew she wouldn't have complained, though, because as long as they stayed together, nothing else mattered.
It was kind of strange really, but he was in a good mood, something very rare for him.
He even lost track of time until he found himself at the outskirt of the forest where the grandiose Einzbern castle stood. The gate was already opened, so he continued on without breaking a step. They seemed to have been expecting his arrival, he noticed, already preparing some unnecessarily formal welcome for him that made him raise an eyebrow.
Two rows of servants and staffs stood meticulously on each side of the main pathway to the castle. At the end of it, in front of the lavish front doors of the castle, stood the head of the esteemed magus family himself in his never-changing strict posture. He didn't stood alone, though, surprisingly enough. To his right, a petite and feminine figure stood awkwardly...
And brilliant maroon met jaded gold.
At once, he, Amakusa Shirou Tokisada, the Ruler-class Servant of the Third Holy Grail War, completely lost himself. He fell to his knees as soon as he had a good look at the girl. And tears, the very firsts he had ever shed, all he had saved all his life for when he finally found his salvation, fell freely down his face.
There is nothing more unpredictable than fate. The question was, would this time it end up to be unpredictably cruel again just like all he had experienced in his past, or maybe unpredictably... generous?
So, how is it? I hope it's enjoyable. Thank you for reading!