DISCLAIMER: I do not own 'FFVII', 'Silent Hill', 'Bleach' or 'Prosthetics'. All rights belong to Square Enix, Konami, Tite Kubo and Slipknot. I only own my OC, and this fanfiction. Thank you.
"A-All my life..." Her voice was soft once more, and shaky. But there was a quality to it...something cold, and hopeless. Another expression that was far different from what he'd come to expect of her in his presence. And her eyes were gazing down again. "I've been passed around, i-in the darkness...never allowed to - to go outside, or to know a-anything of my past. My whole identity, f-for the first twelve years of my life...was a lie, a-and I don't – I never even knew w-who I was, to begin w-with..."
Kadaj hadn't been expecting to get any sort of truly thought-provoking response, even with his grudging acceptance of her as his Sister, and his interest in her actions. He'd still continued to assume that it would be an interesting, entertaining answer, but not one that would shake his views in any way or manner. To have been witness to this, something that hadn't been anywhere near the forefront of his mind? Well, there came the start of the next overdose.
A lie. Living a lie, in the shadows. He could actually...really understand that. It made sense to him. Hell, his entire life, or at least the one the rest of the world knew, was a lie. Completely fabricated and falsified to cover up what had really been going on behind the scenes. And he and his Brothers hadn't gotten any say in the matter; they'd had to play along, or risk the whole damn company going down from the paranoid fear-mongering – with them still in it. Them and everyone else who resided here.
They couldn't really go outside, either. Part of it was simply because they wouldn't have done well in the situations presented to them on a regular basis, while the other was that they didn't want to deal with them. It was in everyone's best interest if they, like Sephiroth, no matter how much of a draw for the company's side, kept a low profile. Even with all they knew about the world, and the side that others didn't see regularly...there was still so much that they were, as yet, completely unaware of.
Case in point, this whole situation. How was Kira saying these things? How could she be seeing life through such a familiar lens? What else was hidden inside this waif of a stick figure, aside from her heart? This awkward little doodle, that was gradually gaining more detail and definition, becoming a quirky character all on her own. And one that would stay with him, long after the sketchbook was closed for the night.
Ha, he didn't even draw! What the fuck!
The girl had gone on, leaving nothing to the imagination as her faint, soulless tone continued. "I-If I had gone outside my boundaries, if I h-had ever asked...then everything w-would have been ruined, for them. The ones who-who kept me...that way." She had started to tremble in his hold. He could feel it through her shoulders. A small part of him then had been just ever so tempted...to pull her close, just to see if his arms surrounding her would be enough to make the shivers stop. That 'small' part had wound up growing at her next line, however.
"I n-never got a c-choice...they locked the doors, s-shut the windows. They p-pretended like the – the outside world just didn't exist...o-only when they needed something out of me." That's it, he was going to put an end to this. He had wound up pulling her up flush against him, which caused the girl to freeze in his arms. Her front was pressed to his, and her head was looking over his right shoulder. He hadn't cared then if she'd returned the contact, he was just sick of the shaking. Her nerves were going to listen to him, whether they liked it or not.
If she couldn't fight – or always control her fear, then fine. He wanted more answers, and he wanted her to stop panicking so damn much. So, this time around, he'd do it for her. So long as she finally finished what she had to say, it was okay with him. Maybe she'd learn something from this, too. He could, and would, find a way to deal with this new figure. Kira had reached out to him once before, right? Well, this could be his acknowledgment of it. It didn't mean he liked it, just...he could handle touching her now. Her touching him. Touching...
Actually, if he'd really been so honest? Well, she'd seemed to fit rather nicely in his arms, thin form held close in an unbreakable embrace. It wasn't like anyone was ever going to hear about, or care for, his 'honest' inner feelings anyway, right?
Right.
After a few more moments of still tension, Kira had finally returned the contact, wrapping her arms around him in a timid 'hug'. He'd correct her on that later, all he had been focused on was the shaking, and getting this task accomplished. Waiting a few more seconds, Kira eventually resumed speaking, after realizing that he hadn't been about to let go. "I never k-knew...where my home was. No p-parents, no f-family name...just w-whatever the latest g-group had stuck on me. I n-never thought it was any different...it was just life." A slow, shuddering breath. "Just life."
Her voice had been creeping directly into his ear. Those breathy, scared whispers. The shaking. Kadaj's hold had tightened slightly, to make them stop. It had nothing to do with the shiver up and down his spine, or the heat that had begun to burn his skin.
And no tears on her end. Not this time. "Having n-no voice...no wings...n-no freedom...is no kind of life...b-but it was all I knew..."
Another couple of trembling breaths, before she'd suddenly tried to pull away once more, gently. He still hadn't let her go. Sighing softly, Kira had given the next bit of her response, though this time the delivery and demeanor had changed. "Eheh...s-so, yeah. I could...really identify with the words and – and the theme. It was – it was a nice tune...to keep for myself..."
That odd sound, coming from her mouth. An actual giggle, even if it wasn't smooth. It still sounded pleasant to his ears, after having listened to so much melancholy. He really hadn't been expecting her, Kira, to have such an explanation for him. It had started out from mildly memorable, to...well, this. Suddenly, the figure in his arms had gone from paper to skin, even if she was still thin. She was real, in that moment, for him. As more than just a wonder, an annoyance, a female, a sibling.
She was capable of more than just fear, if you could actually get through to her, break down those barbed wire iron defenses, and reach to the spirit within. Waiting to be found, and...rescued? Well, maybe...
...but did it count if she simply wound up going from one form of slavery to another? From a slave of fear, ultimately becoming a slave to her heart. And his. The two would be beating madly in time with each other; she would feel his stress, he would crave her happiness. Her happiness meant more affection. Affection? No, attention. Thoughts of him. And he wanted that. He wanted it all – to be ruler of his own little Utopia, with...with...
He could feel her pressed against him. Feel her heartbeats reverberating through her chest, against his. Feel her warmth, her life. Her weight. The fabric of her clothes, the sound of her breathing, the sight of her brown locks from the corner of his eye. That scent...
"You like to sing?" Kira's heart had skipped hard. Kadaj hadn't been planning on asking such a question. Why he'd cared, he hadn't quite figured out at that time. All he'd known was that he wanted to get the most out of this situation as possible. Wanted as much of Kira as he could take. Never as much as she would let him. He wasn't asking. The pain was deep, the need screeching in agony. The hunger was worsening.
That rabbit hole was getting further in its extension, and they were both plummeting down without any sort of clue as to what lay ahead. He'd jumped in after her, though he couldn't imagine how it had happened. It couldn't have been willingly, right? Right?
After a few more seconds of silence, Kira had spoken. "...I d-don't sing to...anyone else b-but myself. I l-like it, but I...I don't want to...attract a-attention. I don't want to b-be a target." Well. That was an interesting way of looking at things. A target, huh? Had she been attacked for singing before, or something? Had someone told her she was bad? So many unanswered avenues of potential, and all of them were only serving to piss him off.
He was no music critic, but she'd sounded just fine to him! If they didn't want her voice, he'd gladly take it off their hands!
Wait, he...liked her voice now?
Moving on from that, Kadaj had remembered that one other thing Kira had mentioned: singing for nobody else but herself. If that was truly the case, then it was a valid point, to assume...that she hadn't sung to anyone else here, either, and that his encounter with her in her room, and now, had been the only two instances of someone witnessing this. At least, in person. He was the only one who could listen.
The only one...
"You sound fine." His response had startled her, he'd felt it. To a certain extent, it had caught him off-guard, too. He wasn't really the guy for compliments, even if those had been his thoughts at the time – and still were now – that she'd sounded good when she'd sung for him. For him. This time, it had actually been for him.
But praise was not something he cared to dole out; he was far more used to – or desperate for – receiving it. Why should he regard anyone else? He had no time to focus on them. He was doing everything in his power to reach the top of the pile, for himself. Kadaj was sick of being left in the dust. Now however, it seemed that he had a companion...a single light, a faint glow to his pitch-black solitude.
At long last, he had released his hold upon her, looking straight into her eyes with that unflinching, brutal honesty that he was known for. "If anyone wants to give you grief for it, send them my way. They won't be complaining for long." Kadaj had felt his own heart going haywire, even with the threat he'd just offered up. He was also not the kind of guy to be so willing to spill blood in another's name – Shinra was the exception. The only stained moniker besides that was his own.
Kira had been regarding him in a stunned, awestruck bemusement. Like she couldn't believe that he was saying such things to her, but at the same time...she didn't dislike them. They were just new, unexpected. Unfamiliar. Why had he been saying such things? Had she ever heard a threat before today, or even before meeting him? He wouldn't know, even with the facts he had on her. Neither of them had known anything, at that time. But when she'd looked back at him so, with those wide, wavering eyes – like he'd just saved her life...that stare. It was impossible to ignore.
She'd managed out a jittery nod, and then a bow, as he'd turned to leave her for the time being. It wasn't that his curiosity had been sated. It was that if he'd stuck around there any longer, he really would've done something extreme. Seeing her like that, looking at him like so, hell, even thanking him in her own way! That bow was kind of...nice? Argh – why was he noticing all these things now?! He didn't care! He didn't care! Right? Right! It was just...his emotions, playing with him.
But oh God, that pain in his chest. He was so certain that lifeforce would be gushing out of it soon enough, at the rate things were going. To turn away from her now brought on even more of that suffering. He could still see her, and her shy little recognition of what he'd done, what he'd said. She'd still been hanging on his every word, like it was some sort of gospel.
Not mindlessly, though. That answer he'd gotten from her had been truthful. Achingly so. A sort of clarity he wouldn't have expected from such a face. It had certainly packed a wallop, as now, he'd even started hearing her voice in his ears, telling him,
"Th-Thank you, Kadaj-kun...I-I hope we can talk again, m-maybe, sometime..."
He'd stopped, for just those few brief seconds. Her words, and the gentle tone they'd drifted in on, were playing with his hearing and taunting his pulse. She had been talking to him...she had said goodbye. Suddenly, he couldn't entirely remember why he'd felt such hostility towards her voice in the first place. Even with the stuttering, she was genuine in her intent. And the way she regarded him, in that awe and wonder while bringing along her own sense of shock and surprise...it was a wonderful clash, a delicious friction that he had only started realizing an appetite for.
So light. She didn't want to hurt him. She didn't want to disrespect him. So defined. She wanted him to understand her. She wanted him to hurt her.
Kadaj hadn't been able to stop thinking about it then, nor could he now. He was starting to laugh again in the darkness of his disheveled room. In the past, he'd simply taken off down the hall. He knew it wasn't the greatest response in the world, but right at that moment, he hadn't had any other choice. The thoughts and images that had been flooding his mind - !
They'd been alone, in the hallway. No one was there. Kira had been so demure, so open, so willing...he could've easily pinned her against the wall, pulled out Souba, and...had a little fun? Kadaj's eyes darkened in the current moment, as his chuckle faded into a low hiss of breath.
No...not just that kind of fun. It factored in, yes. But, what he'd really wanted...was to taste the girl that he'd have cornered, just because...because...did he want to know? Back then, he hadn't known. Had his interest truly extended that far? Maybe it was a mixture of both? What would it have been like, to catch the girl off-guard with that most familiar of human gestures?
He wouldn't have done it then, most likely. But now...
Maybe she would push him away. That wouldn't be very good on her end. Perhaps she'd just let him do as he wished, until he'd gotten bored? Well, her previous offer notwithstanding, that was a very passive stance to take on things. Too much so, for his liking. He'd rather she like it, grow to desire it, need it. Hey, maybe even now, she already...
...did like it, it was simply a fact that was...yet to be discovered?
Once he'd gotten back in his room, Kadaj had proceeded to trash the shit out of things. Like always. He hadn't known how else to handle this – it had been impossible for him to contain the sensory overload he'd been experiencing. At least, not long enough to leave his room and make it to the training areas without screwing over Shinra's upper levels in the process. He really hadn't known where to go from there. He was going to get in so much trouble, once again, at having pulled such a stunt. Highly likely that it would come in the form of a lecture and a crack to the face, but...
Kira had once been considered an enemy. She had been someone he'd never wanted anything to do with. He had thought of her as weak and pathetic, someone who could be easily disposed of and replaced. His thoughts had continued in that vein, for quite some time. He'd been blatant in his dislike for her, even waiting for the chance to strike her down – no matter if he'd never have been able to get away with it unscathed.
But an extra ingredient had been added to the mix of emotions bubbling within him, from when the brew had first been conceived. Something he'd never have added on his own. It had been a complete accident, she'd knocked it in without realizing a thing. The result was instantaneous and potent.
Soon, soon enough as the years had passed, his vision had been shifted; he'd found the secret to a candy land's contraband. Such delicious sweetness, that no treat could ever compare to – not when it came with that rushing, spiraling high. Those images, dancing through his head: Kira, and Souba, and blood. Her blood. He didn't know how much, it was just there. No tears.
And...their mouths, pressing together, even as the blade was driven further into her skin, her yielding but sturdy, crooked frame. Her soft, gasping cry would be muffled entirely, consumed whole by their frenzied contact. His tongue, forcing its way inside the kiss, as his teeth nipped at her dry, raw lips.
It was so close now, the dream was within reach, he swore he could smell her again – taste her even, what would her blood taste like? Oh God, those feelings! That euphoria, at the mixed sight before him...violence and lust merging together as one being, reflected in the artwork he'd wrought upon her body. He'd never have expected his whole line of reasoning to begin taking a complete 180 on him like this. Yet, here it was.
But, fuck his life, those crashes...they would be the death of him.
It hadn't been the same after that. Nothing had ever been the same since she'd first arrived, but by this point it was impossible to ignore just how far that influence extended. Suddenly, it was like he couldn't see enough of her. Although still no social butterfly, Kadaj found himself pretty much trying to stick to Kira as best he could, whether it was one-on-one time, or him following after her like always. And now, their one-on-one time was pretty much constant, with him at some point or another going up to talk to her.
He hadn't cared about making the first move then, he'd just wanted the prize. To see her face light up like the sun, as she'd greet him with that quiet joy. Her attention would be fixed on him, which was a fine reward for all the pain she'd been handing back, even with every new dose of arousing rage serum. He'd taken every opportunity he could, to drive his nail deep into her heart, to make her feel that same anguish and ache. That yearning for something more, the one she had been unwittingly bound to. But it had all been by her doing.
She had his heart. But she'd also given herself to him when she'd made that offer. He would never let her forget it, would not allow anyone else to step in and take away or destroy what they had. With every new encounter, she'd opened up a bit more, even if the conversations were slow and not entirely action-packed. They still bore their own uses in the long run.
And it wasn't as though he'd never have another discussion like any of the prior ones. He knew presently, that if he were willing to give her that chance, like she'd given him, time and time again, his stretched patience would be rewarded. The highs would continue to rise. No matter if the agony grew right along with them. The final outcome was far too entrancing to ignore by this point. He'd given in to that desirable fantasy a long time ago, striving to make it a reality with every passing day.
However, his excursions with his target now also included trailing along after Kira and that pest, Yazoo.
Kadaj had been so close to forgetting about him completely. So very close. He'd hoped that the girl had been running along the same wavelength, at least, before the jerk had stepped in. His older Brother had gotten into the habit of joining Kira more often now on her little walks around, most notably after their prior encounter.
He knew that the sneaky bastard hadn't been watching though, he'd felt no other presence; had heard nothing but himself and Kira. It was just a really badly timed coincidence on his end. Just his fucking luck. Who needed that crap, anyway? He could work just fine without it.
Then, Yazoo had started introducing Kira to a place Kadaj would've rather she had no exposure to: his room. It was a way to score brownie points, trying to familiarize the girl with the surroundings, just so that they'd be closer. That creep, trying to act all innocent when he'd lead her in. Like hell he'd had any sort of positive intentions there. He'd wanted something from her, even if he hadn't made any official moves yet. But once he did, then...then, then...
Hey, yeah. Yazoo may've cared, in some way or another for Kira, but...what exactly was he trying to get out of this whole setup? He must've been aiming for some sort of objective, it wasn't like him to do things just for the fuck of it – unless he was bored. But this kind of 'thing' was more than just a distraction. Kadaj knew it now, and if he was aware then he was pretty damn certain that his Brother had been just as knowledgeable.
Then, that could only mean...that his Brother had wanted Kira for the same purpose as he.
Another scream to the night air. Kadaj knew he couldn't make any more after this; he really didn't want to risk getting anyone sent down his way for a 'check-in'. No, he still wouldn't be allowed to kill, even then by virtue of being disturbed. Heh, in more ways than one. But he needed a new outlet here. Since verbal release and further trashing his room were out, he was at a standstill for options. And those feelings, those memories, they weren't leaving anytime soon. They still had more of a story to tell.
Following in Yazoo's footsteps, Kadaj had taken his interactions with Kira one step further, in a way he wouldn't have come up with had it not been pointed out to him via example. He was not one for close interactions with others, even if he'd been dealing with some confusing feelings towards his second Sister. It was a big leap to invite her into his territory, in a true physical sense. He didn't even invite his Brothers in there! She was the first, and only one, he'd ever extended this sort of invitation to. And wonder of wonders, wouldn't you know it...
...she accepted.
It had been quite the whirlwind of emotions, watching as Kira had wandered about his domain, wide green eyes searching over everything with that simple, unblemished curiosity. She hadn't touched anything unnecessarily, which was a plus. She'd been far more content to merely look. He had felt a little weird about having her just standing around though, so he'd told her to go sit on the bed. Not 'asked', told.
That had taken a few moments for her to comprehend; she'd actually questioned if he were sure about it, that he'd really wanted her sitting upon his sheets. What, was she freaking out about germs – her germs? She wasn't scared of getting sick, she was scared of making him sick. Or ruining his bed with her presence, she couldn't be sure. It was a bed, it really wouldn't notice who the hell was sitting on it, only that it was in use.
Or lying down upon its surface...that was always nice, too.
Kadaj had been tempted, so tempted, each and every time as Kira had sat there, looking up at him with that shy smile. Those thick, long locks falling into her eyes, casting shadows that warped the hue. She'd asked him, more than once while sitting at the foot of his bed, if he'd like to sit down next to her. In all honesty, he wanted to. He wanted to so very badly. But, that temptation. He couldn't guarantee that when he'd finally gotten close to her there...
...that he wouldn't have just pushed her back, pinning her against the mattress and sheets as he did whatever it was that those urges were demanding of him. Even as he'd attempted every single time to block them out, by diverting both his and Kira's focuses elsewhere. It didn't work; he couldn't sit beside her like this, not if he wasn't looking to start anything. Because once it started, it wouldn't end until he'd finished it. He never did anything halfway.
Heh.
Time had marched on, and the kids of Shinra gradually began to grow up. With age came experience, and with experience came recognition. Discovery. When things that may've seemed confusing in the past were now easily able to be solved.
It was around when his Sisters had finally entered high school, that Kadaj had been able to identify just what it was that had been plaguing him for so long. Haunting his heart, his every waking moment, bringing forth those feelings and vivid daydreams – whether or not the subject of them was around to trigger them. He'd taken note of her fully then, both in how far her influence upon him ran...and how much she'd grown, in all the various ways.
Kira was human, and she was female. It was a given that eventually, she'd start growing up and filling out, like all kids would. That was expected. What wasn't were the feelings and reactions he'd gotten when he'd acknowledged this fact at long last, once he'd answered the screams going off right in his face.
That gangly, gawky girl was steadily blooming into a tall, slender woman, with small proportions, shorter hair and a nice figure. At least, 'nice' by his human standards. He didn't usually pay attention to the physical, when the mental would already have driven him off long ago. And the majority outside were painfully cracked in the head.
The worst part? They didn't notice a thing, or, even better, didn't think there was anything wrong with the way they operated. That alone was enough to negate any sort of 'appeal' their physical stature may've brought along. Kadaj wasn't one to waste his time with wastes of space.
Funnily enough, Kira, on the other hand, had started out mentally challenged, and for the most part physically unattractive or memorable. He hadn't been able to stand her for it, at the beginning. He'd viewed her as another 'waste of space', maybe even worse than that. Surely not worthy of his attention and support.
But, as the days went by and he'd gotten more and more chances to interact with her – he hadn't necessarily been looking for them, either – he'd come to realize that, fractured as she may have been medically, Kira still had more proper understanding of the way things were in the world. No matter if her view was stunted by certain experiences or missing pieces. There was more potential in working with her, than anyone else out there. He'd gotten this far with her, and he hadn't been about to stop then.
And now, he had started paying attention to the physical as well. Because it had begun tying in with everything else. There was a certain look that she had, an appearance that fit her and her alone. It was a setup no one else could emulate, and it hadn't only been referring to style or stats alone. A delicate flower of a girl, an angel in full bloom. He could feel that peace again, like the first time she'd held him.
On the flip side of things, Kira was also unknowingly skilled at raising his pulse and heart rate. His temperature would easily fluctuate around her, and it was all he could do to just not try dragging her off to a secluded area somewhere, and simply...giving in.
It didn't help that she wore things, things which fit her figure quite well – though of course, she didn't realize one bit. Her innocence could be astounding at times; she wore what felt right to her. She had no clue that she was driving him crazy. Him and his older Brother, respectively. Those shared heated glances had become more common, as the girl continued to grow up, into the one he had come to both revere and despise. The one he wished to possess.
If he could own her completely, without any fear of losing her – fear? - then maybe, just maybe...the anger would subside. When he no longer had any threats to take care of, any intrusions. When she had been claimed by him completely, never to be touched by another. He refused to concede her to another.
Her uniform suddenly seemed so much more...versatile, depending on his thoughts while he'd watched her in the day-to-day life to and from the academy. Sometimes, it would seem to fit her better, catching on the gradually defined body beneath. Accentuating those long legs, the tiny waist, the wider hips...
At other times, it would seem far looser and baggier. She'd appeared to swim in it, the collar of her blouse drooping downwards with the tied bow. It hinted at the soft, pale flesh beneath. Her neck, so beautifully exposed with all those scars. The sound of her heart, pounding so close, so close to her neckline. If he'd wanted to, he could've reached right in, to find said organ, beating beneath her breast.
That's right. She was a woman. And women had breasts. So she did too. A small, petite chest, that suited her proportions, though he knew that sometimes, she was self-conscious about it. Why? Because stupid ignorant fucks in the public liked to go on about how you weren't a 'real' woman if you didn't have a heaving bosom and full rear. Not that those were necessarily undesirable traits to have, but like he'd said before...physical attraction was not a major focus for him.
Ha, most of those 'real' women they idolized and wanted for anyway – not needed, wanted, it was a frivolous desire – were completely brainless, having been altered into a product of the various places that had been trying to catch people's attention, for whatever reason or other. Eye candy, that's all they were. They weren't naturally beautiful, be it their looks or their personalities.
But Kira was far more than that. She had gone beyond just another face how long ago, and was now dominating his thoughts on a regular basis. And more than a Sister should've, in the eyes of her Brother. That was the other fact that had begun dawning on him then. He really hadn't been looking at her the way a sibling would. Siblings didn't think of each other as prey. They weren't obsessive and possessive. They weren't attempting to steal one another's hearts.
And they certainly didn't want to play with their sibling's blood, while enjoying the sweet taste of something that shouldn't have existed, but was too strong to recall now. It was loose, and it wanted to feed. It would continue to grow. Until it had achieved its ultimate goal. No – until he had achieved it.
So basically, he was turning into one hell of a figuratively incestuous bastard. Meh, suited him just fine. It wasn't like he'd have been able to find anyone he could put up with out there, anyway. At least they weren't blood related, and they'd had some things in common. Quite a few things, actually...and he was about to find another one to add to the list. One that infuriated him, made him want to destroy anything and everything he could get his hands on.
A/N: Second-to-last Chapter, after how long with no progress. To the couple of you following this fic, I apologize for the delay. Things are FINALLY falling into place; desires are being understood, and answers are being revealed. But, we still have a bit left, before the curtain closes on this tumultuous night.
As always, feedback is welcomed, encouraged, and appreciated. Next time: memories, bloodlust, temptation, and closure. More of the same, but with finality. Until then, take care everybody, and stay safe.