Part 4

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"Before I show you the contents of this package, I need to know, how much are you aware of 'specialised' underwear?" Donna cautiously began.

"Specialised?" the Doctor queried. "Are we talking incontinence pads and the like?"

She blew out a breath to gain time to think. "Not exactly. I'm referring to items for the bedroom."

"Is it one of those wearable snuggle blankets?" he pondered. "The ones with arms and pockets."

"Well, it'd make you feel quite hot, admittedly," she replied. Taking in a deep breath, she confessed, "It's to do with sex, you prawn! Kinky underwear to get you going."

Grabbing the package out of her hands, he neatly dropped it in the bin. "That's got it going. Straight into the rubbish. Thank you very much."

"Aw, don't do that. That stuff is worth a lot of money," she protested. "They might have saved for months in order to treat you."

"Then you may say that I am officially treated, for their benefit."

"You are also a little bit of a prude," she muttered.

"A gentleman does not even consider a lady's undergarments," he haughtily announced.

Unable to resist teasing, she asked, "Not even a little bit?"

"Definitely not." He then eyed her badly hidden smile and smirked. "Unless you fancy taking possession of them for your own purposes when seeking a husband."

"Yeah, like that's ever going to happen," she dismissed. "I could wrap them up for Mum's Christmas present instead."

"Donna! You wouldn't!"

"Give over. I wouldn't let her know it was from me. This stuff'd be ideal for a Secret Santa thing."

He quickly slurped his tea. "Remind me not to visit your family this Christmas."

"Okay, I'll put your name on the tag, if you like."

In reply, he barely managed to avoid choking on the rest of his tea, having temporarily forgotten he had a respiratory bypass system. "Donna, do not do that to me again!"

"Aw, you spoil all my fun," she pretended to gripe. "Which brings me back neatly to the phone snatching incident."

Her glare was also back, he noted. "As I said, the confidentiality of my correspondents has to be maintained. Why don't you open another letter while I sign this bracelet?"

"I think you'll find that's a thong. She can wear it next to her… heart," she joyfully informed him, enjoying his shudder of horror. "This one is from the twenty-second century. Feels a bit sticky. Perhaps they are sending food samples."

As she opened the thick envelope, a wet slop of a sachet fell out onto the desk before her. Prodding it with a letter-opener, she eventually proclaimed, "It's a bag. A bag containing unidentified bodily fluids. Ew! It pongs too."

Closing his nostrils, he leaned over to peer at the item and calmly said, "Nothing to worry about, Donna."

"Are you sure? It might stain the desk."

"Only if you leave it there for too long."

"Aren't you going to tell me what it is?" she encouraged.

"It is merely an offer to procreate."

"With the Time Lord equivalent of a turkey baster? Or do you use it like a moisturiser? Not that I want to imagine exactly how you'd use it, thank you very much. I don't understand why you aren't disgusted."

"Well…" He sat back to explain fully. "It is from an Enlalita, if I'm not mistaken. And I rarely am. Them sending bodily fluids is gifting me a high honour. They are not known to share themselves, as a rule."

"You don't say," she faintly replied, still gazing at the contained fluids. "Perhaps we'll skip going there, if that's alright with you."

"Just because you didn't want to mate with me doesn't mean you should stop others trying," he joked.

So she replied to his 'joke' by thumping him on the arm. "Open another one before I forget I'm a lady."

"Are you sure you are… willing to let me open one rather than you?" he quickly changed his question. Best not to rile her too much, he decided. Picking up a small box, he stated, "This one looks possibly interesting."

"It's an empty jar," she noted when he finished wrestling with the packaging to reveal a glass object. "Shame it doesn't match the spice jars you already have in the kitchen."

"I don't think it is for a spice or a condiment," he said after examining the jar within his hands. "Let's see. Try this," he offered, removing the lid and holding it under her nose.

She pushed the open jar back to him. "Different. Like those room sprays you get that smell of linen or cotton."

In turn, he nodded. "Something like that. I met someone who was a tree form, called Jabe, who once offered me something similar."

"Well, what is it?"

"It's the air that they breathed."

Frowning in confusion, she asked, "Why would they do that?"

"It's considered polite in some sectors, Donna."

"Like sharing your very essence," she mused, in understanding. "That's nice of them. If…" She then read the name on the package. "…Khaul is also tree-like, that is a huge compliment."

A proud grin spread all over his face. "I'll send them something equally nice with my signed photo. What does the next fan item contain?"

After a few seconds of ripping open a smaller package, Donna held up a twig. "Oh look, Doctor. I think it is a shrub bud. We've got their relative."

"Oh no," he moaned, scrunching his face up. "Now that is disgusting, Donna. Please throw it away."

"But, it's a bud. Just a harmless bud."

"Yes. Throw it away. That is akin to them shoving their child at me. We'd be practically married if I accepted it."

"Really?" Sighing, she dropped it into the bin. "I wish you'd give me notes on these things. There's so much to learn."

"All part of the fun," he jovially declared, giving her shoulder a nudge. "I have lots to show you in the universe."

"I can hardly wait."