Learning to Move On

Since everyone was tired and hungry no one objected to the idea of spending the night at the gas station. Rodrigo and Igor were picking up branches while Ana and Gui took whatever paper they could find to fuel the fire.

- Normally I would be against burning books, but "O Cortiço" made me fail a class. - Guilherme said throwing the book into a cardboard box.

- If I failed anything my parents would kill me. - Ana commented throwing a magazine inside. - By the way...

- ...Yes? - The boy encouraged her.

- ...How is Isa doing? You know, about... what happened. - Ana asked crossing her arms.

- She... - Gui was a little surprised by the girl's direct question, but he proceed to answer. - Well, she's quiet and... distant. But I think it's because of what she did, not what that bastard was going to do to her. - He replied sitting at the counter and cleaning his glasses with his shirt. - Is André like that too?

- A little. - The girl replied sighing and joining the boy at the counter. - Amanda managed to talk to him a little, but he's still a little distant.

- I understand. I'm trying to give her some space, but… - He put his glasses back on his face. - Maybe it was better.

- Better? Why?

- Because If he was still alive... I would kill him in the most painful way possible. - He said in a voice laden with anger.

Ana was surprised and frightened by the boy, Guilherme was the calmest of the group and the way he spoke was as if he were a totally different person. But it only lasted a few seconds, the boy got up and took the box in his hands.

- I'll talk to her after lighting the fire, you should talk to André too. Maybe what they need right now is someone to listen and say that everything will be fine.

- It's what we all need. - Ana said following him out of the store.

- What about Amanda? She hasn't left that workshop still, I heard some noises coming from there.

- You know her, when she puts something in her head there's no way to stop her.

She was still there, her face buried in a sketchbook that belonged to the former owner of the workshop. Several tools were around her, some pieces of wood and metal already cut. She didn't even hear the door open.

- My God, I'm afraid to ask what you're doing.

Her brother's voice snapped her out of her trance.

- Well, if we want to get to the port in one piece you'll need your best walker killer prepared, right? - She said showing the notebook.

- What the… how are you going to do that? Isn't it easier to pick up a heavy tool or something? - He just got a laugh in return.

- André... André, André, André, André... - She said getting up and shaking her head.

Oh God, here we go.

- Dear brother, I'm an artist. - She said making exaggerated movements with her hands. - And as an artist I don't just take something already done... I create... with my soul. - She said trying to touch her brother's face who just shoved the girl's face away.

- For the love of- ok, Da Vinci, have fun creating then. - Rolling his eyes with a smile, he headed for the door. - We're lighting the fire and heating those soup cans, do you want me to bring it here?

- My creativity would appreciate it. - She said with an exaggerated bow.

Laughing at his sister's humor, he left the workshop and found Isa leaning against the wall of the gas station's convenience store.

- Wanna a trinket made by Picasso 2.0?

- What? Oh, hi André. - The girl hadn't even noticed the man nearby.

- You okay? What are you thinking? - He asked noticing her lost look.

- It's nothing... - She said at first. - Not really... it's just that...

André leaned beside her and waited patiently.

- How did you get over killing that guy? I mean, that's what it looks like at least, sorry I-

- Hey it's okay, no need to apologize. To be honest I haven't gotten over it yet, I keep thinking about it all the time. It's hard to get out of your head, right?

Isa just nodded and went back to staring at her hands that were now clean, but to her eyes they still looked red.

- I didn't even wait to see if he was still alive. I just kept pounding and pounding, I- I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop.

- And anyone would have done the same Isa. When I wonder if I would have done anything different if I could go back, I realize… - He looked at the gun tucked into his pants. - Well, first that you can't go back. What happened, happened and it's no use torturing yourself because of it. And second that Amanda said something important; we did the best we could with the tools and knowledge we had at the time. Now we can only learn and move on. - He stood in front of the girl. - And luckily we have amazing people to help us.

- André! The fire is lit!

Both looked at Rodrigo who was waving exaggeratedly with a stick in his hand, the flames in it quickly fading.

- Come on, you must be hungry too. - He said with a slight smile.

Isa followed him to the front of the post where the fire now glowed, radiating a cozy warmth with everyone standing or sitting around. Guilherme went to his girlfriend holding a can of soup.

- It's hot, be careful not to burn your tongue. Danilo has already done it for us.

- Ha ha ha, keep laughing. - He said putting his tongue out of his mouth and fanning it, making the others laugh.

Why she did it? Why did she spend all this time brooding on guilt and regret when she could be grateful that she was still alive? To have someone she loved so much on her side, to talk to, to hug and tell her everything was going to be okay? Isa went to her boyfriend and hugged, him smiling for the first time that day.

- Babe? Are you alright? - Gui asked returning the hug keeping the hot can away.

- Yes, now I am.

—

The sky was completely dark when they finished eating, the last can of soup was half-full and heating up on the dying fire.

- Look I'm not a fan of soup, but this one was delicious. - Danilo said yawning.

- After that dry sandwich anything is good. - Igor said with a sad smile.

André barely heard the comment from the boys because he was so sleepy, Ana was already with her eyes closed and head resting on his shoulder. Guilherme and Isa entered right after eating, probably to talk alone.

- I think we'd better go in to sleep, we all need it. - He said waking Ana to get up and get the soup. - Can you take the rest of the soup to Amanda?

Murilo knew why André asked him to do it and he was grateful for that. He got up and took the can from the boy who wished him luck and helped his girlfriend up to go inside. Murilo sighed and walked towards the workshop, the nervousness awakening him a little. He heard the noises coming from inside and when he opened the door he saw the short girl using a sander on a serrated saw, sharpening it even more. She noticed him and turned off the machine, he approached and immediately noticed the drawing on the table, unable to stop smiling.

- This is so you.

- You know I've always had a thing for strange weapons. - She said taking the can. - I don't know how you weren't scared when you saw my notebook for the first time.

- On the contrary, it only intrigued me even more. - He replied sitting in the chair next to hers.

They were silent while she ate, the brunette took the extra time to organize what to say, but finally being there alone with her left his mind blank. She set the now empty can aside and focused on the man.

- How are you? - She asked not to break the silence, but because she really wanted to know.

Amanda didn't let on, but she missed the man as much as he missed her. As soon as she saw him again she wanted to hug him and never let go, but she had been dating Murilo for 2 years. After many fights and arguments she knew when she was on the wrong and if that was the case she always apologize. But when the situation was reversed he always needed a little push to do it. This was one of those situations. And Murilo also knew that.

- Amanda I... look I-I…

He couldn't even face her right, a mixture of shame and guilt permeated him in a way that even words couldn't form. Only when he felt her hands grip his could he look at her. Like every other time, his eyes didn't carry anger; always patient, always encouraging him to talk.

- I'm sorry... for everything. For what I said, the way I acted, it's just- I was so sad and angry and- shit! - He couldn't hold back the frustration. - It's okay if you hate me, I'd hate myself-

- Murilo, I don't hate you. - She said seeing how difficult it was for him. - I never hated you, I just... when you said that about giving up... I didn't recognize you. That guy in the house and on the street, that guy wasn't my boyfriend, he wasn't the person I fell in love with and I was afraid... of losing you. I understand why you acted that way, I understood as soon as we saw them... but that doesn't mean that what you said didn't hurt me.

- I know, I know I hurt you and I'm sorry. - He said letting the tears fall. - Please forgive me, I wasn't thinking, I just... When I saw that soldier taking you to the truck I could only think about what you said. About your last memory of me being a coward.

- Well... - Amanda dropped one of his hands and brought it to the boy's face. - We both know I was totally wrong. You faced a building full of soldiers armed for me. - She said laughing caressing the boy's face.

- And I would do it over and over again… - He took the hand that was on his face and placed a kiss on the palm. - I'm very lucky to have you, but I didn't consider it at that time.

- And I'm lucky to have you too. I love you.

Amanda walked over and kissed the boy, something she'd been dying to do all day.

- I love you too... - He said between the kiss. - So, so much…

With lips still glued Murilo pulled the girl to his lap, hugging her in the middle of the kiss that intensified every second. Biting her lip he took off the girl's plaid coat and stood up with her on his lap, her legs wrapped around his waist. He put his lips to her neck and distributed several kisses and bites, eliciting a few low moans from the girl as he led her to the sofa. He pulled away to lean her against him and take off his sweatshirt and, after he settled over her, brought their foreheads together. The smile she gave him made him realize how lucky he was to have someone who loved him like that by his side. He couldn't hold back from whispering once more how much he loved her and kissed her again.