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Chapter 24

Alan was waiting impatiently at the entrance to the gardens surrounding Tracy villa. The archway above him was interwoven with bright white fairy lights which were just starting to glow against the twilight sky, the air was balmy from the coastal breeze. He took a deep breath to try and calm his anxiety, his eyes fixed on the corner of the Villa.

He hadn't seen Tin-Tin all day, she'd arrived on the island and had retired straight to her room. He discovered from Scott that she'd tried to save a young boy that fell off a pier, he said she was upset as the boy might not survive. Alan was hoping that she'd had sufficient time to rest and that he might be able to bring some cheer to her evening to hopefully help her feel better. He had sent Kyrano with the invite for this evening knowing Tin-Tin would permit him to visit her. The rumour was she had accepted the invitation but she was running five minutes late. Alan checked his watch again before straightening his collar and flattening his hair. His foot tapped to its own rhythm.

Tin-Tin sat in her room trying to muster up the courage and motivation to leave. Having not caught much sleep the night before she was tired. Tin-Tin was also struggling to come to terms with what had happened to little James. He was so young. She was only really going tonight to try and take her mind off of waiting for news. Several times she glanced at her phone on the way home but there were no messages. Getting ready had at least kept her busy but she hadn't put as much effort into dressing as she usually would. She wore a simple satin cobalt blouse and cream jeggings with a matching Alice band. Tin-tin wove a brush through sections of her hair as her thoughts swirled; not knowing what to make of this meal. On one hand she was pleased that Alan was making the effort to reconcile and talk through things like adults but on the other hand she still didn't know if she could forgive him no matter what he said.

Realising she no longer had to face this alone, her hand hovered momentarily over her watch. Maybe Gordon could save her from over thinking things? and she could ask for news, just the once. She hit the call button.

"Hello. How are you feeling?" Gordon shift his position to see her more clearly and closer to his lamp.

"Hello; it's not too late, is it?"

"Not at all, you know me I burn the candle at both ends." He smiled eliciting a small upturn of her lips in return.

"I'm better than I was, I just wanted to know if you had heard anything about the little boy?"

Gordon's down-turned face said it all. "No news yet, but I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything. Is that why you called?"

"well yes but I was also calling for some advice."

"Interesting... have you decided to Punk my brother? Because I've had a few ideas on that one."

In spite of everything she laughed, trust Gordon to be thinking of that, she really hoped he wasn't serious though. "No, not that kind of advice, Alan has invited me to a special dinner here on the island somewhere. He sent me a menu and an invitation he had designed himself."

What a charmer, trying to glaze over his infidelity with cheap parlour tricks. "I see; and is my lady attending?" Please say no. Gordon was struggling to contain his inside voice.

"Yes, I think it will be a good chance for us to talk, to decide what we do next."

"Fair enough. Well, I hope it helps to resolve things between you but don't make it easy, let him grovel."

"Gordon!"

"What?"

She shook her head. "I've got to go now; I hope you are ok on your own. Did you manage to make some dinner?"

"Fried eggs on toast with some spinach on the side." He boasted proudly.

Tin-Tin rolled her eyes. "When you get back here my father and I are going to show you how to cook properly."

"I don't know if I can be tamed." He whispered, his eyes danced playfully in the dim light.

She eyed him appraisingly. "I don't think you'd be too much of challenge. Not for me anyway."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Goodnight Gordon."

"Good luck, go knock him dead! – well; maybe not literally but I would knock him into next week in the hopes he'd come to his senses and realise what a prize prat he's been."

"Good night Gordon." Tin-Tin repeated firmly in between stifled giggles. He always managed to ease her anxiety and to make her smile whatever the situation.

Alan's heart pulsed as she rounded the corner. He noticed herself consciously smoothing her blouse down as she approached. A pang of regret coursed through him knowing he had probably only added to that behaviour by making her think he didn't find her attractive anymore. He beamed a wide smile. "Tin-Tin, thank you for coming, please head this way." He indicted to the inner sanctum of the gardens. Tin-Tin slipped past him without a word. Instead she gave a quick glance and nod in greeting. His smiled faltered as he fell into step behind her.

Tin-Tin gasped as she saw the table laid out in white linens under a net of stars that twinkled in the early night sky. The garlands of freshly gathered flowers flowed around the pergola in cherry blossom pink and peach carnations. She couldn't help it, she was impressed. "Oh Alan! Its gorgeous!" He held out her chair for her before seating himself.

"I'm glad you like it. Starters will arrive shortly; the music playing is Virgil's composition but he pre-recorded it for me so that we could have some privacy." He glanced nervously, transporting Tin- Tin back to a time when she had first seen him as a young teen, his boyish charm and cheeky demeanour had instantly appealed to her. She hastily reminded herself not to let her guard down.

"Alan, I fear you have gone to a lot of trouble. I'm rather tried still from travelling home so I may yet have to retire early." She grabbed the pre-filled flute of prosecco in front of her taking a sip. Her sip turned into downing the glass, it seemed Dutch courage was in order this evening.

Alan re-topped her glass before sipping his own. "It's alright, I quite understand. I know I sprung this on you but I thought it would be a nice surprise all the same."

"Oh, it is."

There was another stagnant pause as both of them sat opposite each other. Occasionally; when Tin-Tin could feign interest in her surroundings no longer, she'd look back to see Alan staring at her before quickly adverting his gaze. Like he couldn't believe she was really here. She twirled her fingers around her glass while he drummed his fingers across his leg unknowingly.

Thankfully they were saved by the arrival of food. Tin-Tin smiled as her father served her whilst Parker served Alan. They were having Seared Tuna tataki to start, both thanked their servers who withdrew back to the villa until they were called upon.

The food was a welcome distraction and a chance for Alan to get his act together. The number of times he'd rehearsed what he was going to say, now he didn't know where to begin. Finishing his first mouthful he searched for neutral ground.

"How is Gordon? I heard his injuries were pretty bad, I hope there's no lasting damage. The last rescue we had we could have really done with his expertise." His knife scuffed awkwardly across the plate.

"He was quite poorly initially, at the last health check one of his ears was almost healed but the other is going to take more time. He's hoping he might be able to come back sooner."

"That's great news."

"It is." Tin-Tin cut a small morsel; she didn't have much of an appetite even though the food was exquisite.

The piano melody continued to permeate the air around them as Alan debated over his next conversation piece, he saw Tin-Tin in front of him as a young fledging in his out stretched hands. One false move from him and she'd take flight, never to be seen again. His palms were clammy against the cutlery as he set his knife and fork down. Seeing she was also finished he rang the bell for the plates to be cleared.

"It must be a shame to come home early, I bet it was nice to spend some time in Los Angeles, I've not been there since I was a teen. Did you get a chance to see some of the sights?"

"A little. I couldn't stray too far because your brother doesn't understand the concept of what gentle exercise entails or how to cook, but he did manage to show me a few sights including the observatory. We went to a show at the planetarium it was stunning and the view outside once night fell was beautiful."

Alan's face remained impassive but he was tense all over, the smallest of creases forming between his eyes. Tin-Tin sat with a wistful gaze, her eyes replaying some fond memory, one that he wasn't part of. "Sounds amazing, I've never been."

"Oh, you should visit if you can, we saw John's exhibit."

They were interrupted with the arrival of the main course. Tin-Tin tried to stifle a smile causing Alan to glance over his shoulder in time to see Parker and Kyrano trying to outpace each other to the table. "Chicken –

"M 'ilnese spag'etti" interrupted Parker.

Kyrano stared at Parker in disapproval before bowing to Alan and his daughter. Alan and Tin-Tin caught each other's eye as the two older men retreated bickering disapprovingly. They both caught each-other's eye before they burst out laughing, they couldn't help it. Everyone who knew the two men knew their rivalry when it came to housekeeping was legendary.

Tin-Tin chided herself for breaking her act. She was meant to be impassive, unmoved and making Alan work for every conversation piece. She was here after all for him to explain himself and so far, he'd been skirting around the issue trying to play happy families. She dug into the spaghetti deeper paying undue attention as she cut it into little tiny pieces.

Alan coughed. "Tin-Tin I wanted to invite you here tonight to talk about things. I… well, first of all I have missed you Tin. There's not a moment of every day that I haven't thought about you. I'm devastated we left each other on such terrible terms but most of all I am ashamed at how I've treated you Tin. I know sorry is not enough nor will it solve our problems but I am truly, deeply sorry and I need you to know that before I say another word." He gazed across at her solemnly, in her heart she knew he was being genuine. It was rather mature for Alan she reflected.

She didn't trust herself to speak so she simply nodded and placed down her cutlery indicating she was willing to listen. She leaned back in her chair as he took a swig from his glass before playing with the stem.

"That night." He shook his head. "I don't know how it went so wrong. The night before when we were talking and sharing our hopes and desires, I'd never felt so close to you and the next night before we headed out to dinner…... I could feel the raw attraction between us. It was magical." His eyes flicked up to hers, he was baring his soul in the hopes she would see what she meant to him. He felt horribly exposed but he pushed on.

"Then we went for the meal. I couldn't believe Ned and Jed were there. I'd not really had a chance to catch up with them at the track. Then we all had our meal together and it was swell just having company and being able to unwind with my friends and you. I couldn't believe my luck. Then the night started to blur. I don't remember much apart from you wanting to retire early, I should have gone then. I realise that now. I should never have let you walk through the lobby on your own for starters. I remember after you left, we migrated to the bar where the drinks kept rolling in. The music got louder; the crowd rowdier. It was infectious. It's been a long time since I went out, I can count the parties I've been to on my hands. Anyway - so we're in the bar minding our own business having a laugh when this group of girls enter. Jed clocks them instantly and excuses himself. Next thing we know he's invited them all back to the table and chatting away. You're not going to believe me but at this point I did try to leave but I couldn't get a word in edge ways and it seemed impolite to just leave. Then someone got another round in."

Tin-Tin tapped her foot on the table basin. Alan could feel the tremor of the metal. He gulped and pushed on before he lost his resolve. He had no idea how this was going down. Tin-Tin's face was impassive - much like her fathers, it was unnerving. "By this point – and its not an excuse! I was trashed. The conversation somehow got on to truth or dare as a 'breaking the ice' session Jed coined it. At first it was all pretty innocent. Go and steal a reserve sign off a table, when was the last time you…..." Tin-Tin raised an eyebrow. "Y-you get the gist. Then it was my turn again all of a sudden and one of the girls – Katherine - I think dared Lottie to kiss me. I politely refused explaining I was taken but she pouted at me and the next thing I know she's in my lap and kissing me. I was surprised and inebriated so it took me far longer than I would have liked to get her off."

"Her tongue was down your neck and your hand was on her behind." Tin-Tin drained her drink, her eyes not leaving Alan's the whole time.

A hand went behind his neck sheepishly. "I'm sorry Tin-Tin! Like I said I was wasted, for a moment it could have been you for all I knew.."

Tin-Tin made to stand. Alan grabbed at her across the table "Forgive me! That came out wrong! What I meant to say was it really was my own fault but I was really out of it, that's why it took me so long to react. Not that you can be replaced or look the same. Your special to me Tin-Tin. You really are." His blue eyes looked on in desperation. It must have stirred something in her for she sat back down.

Tin-Tin sat in silence. Alan regretted the meal, it all felt like it was about to come back up, the wave of nausea was overwhelming at the realisation he had really lost her. How could he live without her? what if she never forgave him? He'd still be here watching her move on with her life seeing her everyday but as family acquaintances and not lovers.

"You know you still haven't worked it out, have you?"

"I'm sorry?" He asked; genuinely dumbfounded.

She threw her hands in the air in exasperation. "The whole weekend was a bust Alan. We never spend quality time together anymore. I know its difficult because of our roles here, but we never make time for each other as a couple. Its always work or bedroom! There's no relationship, no excitement or quality time doing things together as a couple! That weekend was meant to give us that. In the morning I was going out with the girls then I would get to watch the race with them and we could all chat together and support our guys but then they never turned up and I was alone- and I know that's not your fault! But I was alone Alan all day. I watched you race but I had no one to share the thrill with or to celebrate your victory with. Then I came down to the box but you were taken away again by the sponsors. Then we go back to the hotel and I finally, finally thought this is it! Just you and me, a lovely date out. Maybe a midnight stroll around the gardens before retiring to our rooms. How romantic." She barked a bitter laugh before composing herself. "Alan all I wanted was to spend time with you, doing something different, something fun and all you did was avoid me all day then wind up with someone else."

Alan hung his head. He was so stupid. "Tin I had no idea how you were feeling. Do you really think our relationship is so boring?" His voice was barely a whisper. He felt like his heart had been rendered in two.

"Oh Alan! That's not what I meant!" She saw the pain wash across his features from where she had wounded him. She tried to reach for him. He pulled his hand back.

"Yes, it is! I always knew I'd never be enough for you! I know I'm not as exciting or have the life experience that some men do; but I thought you loved me for who I am?"

"I D-! I did Alan! I just think we've become trapped in a routine. I think that night you came across that woman there was something in you that just for a moment thought what if? What would it be like to kiss another woman? You can't deny it Alan!"

He frowned. She was right. He had been lying to himself and her. He hadn't resisted at all. He'd been gratified that someone so attractive and outgoing would want to kiss him and as her lips locked with his, he'd felt an inexplicable buzz of desire as she explored his mouth with her tongue. He'd hungrily pushed back his tongue running across her teeth seeking permission to delve further. His hand had snaked up her thigh well before Tin-tin had arrived. She was right, his curiosity had got the better of him but that didn't mean he didn't want to be with her, that he didn't feel for Tin-Tin because he did but there was always that nagging feeling that he was missing out if he settled down. He was too young and so was she.

He sighed placing both his elbows on the table and running his hands through his hair, shielding his face. This was all such a mess. "Where do you want to go from here?" He reached out for both her hands – food long forgotten. "I don't want to lose you Tin-Tin but I don't want to chain you to me if you're unhappy." He looked like a broken man. Tin-Tin found herself squeezing his hands.

"I think that you and I have both become complacent in this relationship and to each other's needs. What you did Alan really hurt me; deeply. Because I do care for you but I just don't know that I can trust you….after what happened, but I also think that maybe you aren't ready to settle in a relationship and maybe I've come to realise I'm not either."

"So, this is it then, you're breaking up with me?" His voice became tight, his throat suddenly seemed to be constricting him like he couldn't get enough air. His eyes glistened.

Tears started to well at the corners of her almond shaped eyes. "I don't want to break up with you but I am suggesting a break for both of us. Just for awhile just to give us a chance to find ourselves again and to see if we both truly want the same thing. A chance to start afresh." She could feel his hands shaking and felt terrible. He was more upset than she had anticipated. He was devastated.

"Fine." With that he pushed away from her, chucking his napkin on the table as he did so. He swiped an arm across his face annoyed that he was openly crying and betraying his feelings. The metal chair scraped abruptly before he fled into the night.