Apologies for the delay i don't get much time to write at present which pains me. We are nearing the end now but i hope you have enjoyed it so far, i shall miss writing this one as I've loved exploring Gordon's character more.

Chapter 32

Tin-Tin lay in the dark, the perspiration cooling on her exposed skin. She shifted onto her side pulling the sheet closer so she could watch Gordon who was sprawled in a deep slumber next to her. It was so unnatural to see him so still, so relaxed. He looked defenseless yet Tin-Tin could swear she was seeing the 'real' Gordon for the first time and it warmed her heart. She snuggled a bit closer so she was tucked under his outstretched arm. A little crease formed in her brow as she stared at the paneled ceiling of the cabin, hands on her chest.

How did this happen? Her eyes rolled across to her left in disbelief. Being around Gordon lately had left her with whiplash. One minute they were sharing a joke or laying the table together almost touching, the next he could barely even make eye contact. She thought he'd reached a turning point. Since coming back to the island his father had made sure he was heavily involved in all operations from training, to missions and maintenance. It seemed he'd finally found his purpose again. She had been happy for him, even though he seemed distant with her. When they were away in LA alone he'd been so close to her, she felt more and more connected to him as they got to know each other better. So why, when they got home had it all changed?

Now she knew. Somehow he had fallen for her and had been trying his best to box his feelings away but he'd never asked her how she felt which filled her with sadness. She missed their special companionship especially their daily game of chess. She liked trying to break his poker face, she would do her absolute best to throw him off and try to make him laugh by mimicking his every expression, his body language. Then he would start to copy her and it would get out of hand till she couldn't take it anymore and would protest that wasn't what she looked like. She knew every little detail of his features from the slight lift his in right brow, to the way he puffed his cheeks when under pressure. His lips would always quirk upwards eventually before breaking out into full on laughter. When had she crossed that line? Really? Was it at the observatory when he'd brought the stars to her? When he comforted her on the sofa in the little condo above the city skyline or was it last Christmas when he stole a cheeky kiss on the cheek under the mistletoe and danced her round the tree? She could still see the fairy lights refracting back at her from his pupils. That was the first time she realised that there was a spark. A spark that was snuffed as soon as Alan linked arms and spun her away.

She'd always been destined for Alan, ever since that day he shyly plucked up the courage to ask her on date she'd known she was his. Or at least that's what she had thought. Those early days they were besotted with each other. Alan would always call her every night without fail when he was on five. She would message everyday when she was at uni. The wanton desire when they both finally managed to get hold of each other was always enough to set her alight. Many a night they spent planning their next adventures, talking of their futures. Then she came home. They were so excited to finally live together but as time went on and as they started sharing the same space, things started to change. Alan left a trail of destruction where ever he went clothes; empty crisp packets, week old coffee cups. They discovered they had very little in common in terms of hobbies other than balls and social functions. Sure, they both shared a passion for space but Alan was focused on the speed of travel whereas she was focused on the quest for the unknown and the beauty of deep space. Tin-Tin tried to take an active interest in his gaming and racing but just couldn't see the appeal. Yet they carried on as she pushed those feelings down, conditioned herself into smiling and telling herself she was in a stable relationship with a handsome young man who loved her. What more could she need? Living with someone was simply about compromise, she just needed to learn that relationships weren't perfect. In time she came to believe it.

Tin-Tin ran her hands down her face. She should had just stayed in her room and not gotten curious when she heard the patio doors go next-door. Then she wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. She had wondered if he might talk to her if she went out for some air too but when she opened her doors, she'd already found he was trotting half way down the track that ran to the cove. Curious; she left her balcony, tracing his footsteps. As she got near, he paused. She melted into the shadows as he traced a 360 of his surroundings before opening the hidden door to the dock. Now even more intrigued she padded across the dusty pathway, the ferns snagging at the delicate folds of her nightgown.

She hadn't meant to startle him. He froze completely, his back still turned to her as he reached for something on the shelf. A memory echoed to the surface of Scott telling her about Gordon. "Gordon struggled after the accident; it was a long time before he could set foot on a boat again without getting jittery. He still doesn't like it if he can't see whose on board." She was about to announce her arrival when he flipped round. For a moment she wasn't sure it was him, he was so tense, his expression hard. She didn't understand till his hand ran up her spine and into her hair. The only sound that escaped her was a short "Oh!" of surprise before her lips were crushed against his, the blood rushing straight to her head. She could feel his frustration in the way his hands wrapped in her hair and the heat that pooled between his thighs that had her responding in kind. At that point they both could have been lost at sea and not known, it was more than desire it was a desperate need to be closer to her. He was consumed by his need for her and she could feel the despair in him. She found herself welcoming him, she wanted to take away his anguish - anything to let him see how much she felt for him in return, to soothe the turmoil inside him.

Tin-Tin glanced towards the crack in the door, was it her or was it getting lighter? She realised for the first time that she had no watch or phone which rallied her into action, leaving her tangled thoughts behind. Gordon was still on his back, his arm folded across his chest loosely. She carefully sat up peering at his face before gently twisting his wrist outwards to see the watch – why did he have to wear the face on the inside of his arm? She gently pressed the button to illuminate the screen only to hear the sound of a dial tone. Calling Scott, the text bloomed. "Oh Shoot! No no no no!" She yelped quickly terminating the call. Gordon jumped awake before freezing at the sight of Tin-Tin on his chest before the shock began anew at the touch of skin on skin. Suddenly he didn't know where to put his hands or what to cover up first.

"Sorry I was just trying to see the time." Tin-Tin lifted off of him, Gordon averted his eyes as he cleared his throat.

"It's 3.40 am. We ah! Better get back." He jumped out of bed quickly trying to locate his clothes. Tin-Tin watched as he bent double searching for them whilst trying to remain side on to her.

"Are you ashamed?"

If it was light, she would have seen he was as red as a beetroot. "No! I…. er mean no of course not, its just I ah…. Well… you…. me. I shouldn't have." He just found his shorts only to drop them as Scott called back. He cancelled the call, the disbelief evident on his face in the white blue glow of the watch. "You called Scott!"

"Not intentionally. I think I cancelled it before it connected."

They both caught each other's eye in the half light. "Thank god for that! I don't think I need a lecture."

They both laughed, Tin-Tin continuing way after Gordon had finished.

"Why are you still laughing?"

"Sorry, just I can't believe this happened. I think I'm a bit hysterical."

"Oh."

By now Gordon had turned a lamp on to better see his clothes. He looked abashed. He quickly searched around his feet before heading around Tin-Tin's side, he got on his hands and knees, groping under the bed before holding up a blue chiffon nightdress at arm's length as if it might burn him. The fabric flowed through his loose fingers triggering flashes of recent events. He threw on a shirt pulling the hem quickly down over his shorts.

"Thank you." She reached out for it gratefully.

"I'll erm, i'll wait outside." He strode out before catching himself on the door frame. Gordon swore before stumbling out of the small cabin.

Tin-Tin blushed, a bubble of a giggle escaping her. Everything was such a mess but she couldn't help but feel for him. A few hours ago, he'd been a force to be reckoned with at the sight of her in the doorway and now he'd seen literally everything and was quite clearly overwhelmed. Maybe she wasn't the only one that felt a tide of emotions and confusion.

She made sure to make plenty of noise as she stepped up to the deck, wrapping her robe around her. Gordon was sat on the bench seat with his head in his hands. "I'm so so sorry! I never wanted to put you in this position." The worry and reproach were evident in his dusky amber eyes. The security light had flicked on again.

She sat next to him and gently clasped his hands. "Granted I came to talk but you have other ideas." He tried to take his hands away as she held on tighter. "But it takes two people Gordon, I could have stopped us at any time; but I didn't. Gordon I…. Alan and I - now I've had time to myself…... I see that maybe I was doing him a disservice. I was trying to shape him into someone he wasn't because I loved him, but that's not love. He also abused my trust and whenever I look at him all I see is that night, every time he tries to hold my hand, to touch me I wonder if he's wishing he was touching someone else. Our relationship lasted so long because I knew that for all his faults, he loved me and that his heart was in the right place. I can't get that feeling back." She let go of his hands and sat back.

Gordon couldn't process this. What had he done? Here she was defending his actions! If Alan found out, no it couldn't continue! His chest constricted at the thought, the pain radiating outwards. How could he never touch her again after tonight? Never offer her physical comfort, never kiss her soft blush lips again, feel her hair cascade through his fingers. "I'll leave." He stood before he could change his mind.

"Leave!" She rushed to step in front of him. "You will do no such thing."

"I can't stay, you have no idea!" His body tensed with a wave of emotion; his expression pained.

"Gordon. I feel it too." She slowly gravitated towards him. "I don't know what it is but I know that my life is fulfilled by having you in it. I like spending time with you, I enjoy your company, l adore the way we endlessly tease each other in a way that can only be describe as brutal honesty." He huffed out a chuckle. She moved a step closer with each confession till she her hands rested on his chest. "I care for you Gordon, more than you can imagine but I'm just not sure I can rush into this one. I need to make sure I get it right this time, I don't want to hurt anyone else." She held a palm to the side of his face. "Don't leave. Let me sort things with Alan."

"But" –

"It's not your concern to worry about, its going to take some time for me to be ready for a serious relationship again. I don't expect you to hold out for me Gordon. I might not be what you hope for." She murmured softly.

He clasped her hand and lowered it to his lips. "You're all I hope for and more. As long as you need. You know where to find me."

A single tear traced down her cheek. "I wish things were different."

"So do I." He pressed his forehead to hers as time stopped. With one last shaky breath, she pulled away. Tin-Tin didn't look back, didn't see Gordon fall to his knees and collapse back into the bench as he shoved the heels of his hands in his eyes. "Haven't I suffered enough?" He whispered, his voice raw with emotion. The lights blacked out leaving him to his grief.