"Are you alright? You said you were coming directly up to bed," Martin asked Loiusa as he walked toward her, seated at the kitchen table. He narrowed his gaze, "You're not in pain, are you?"
Loiusa raised an eybrow at him as she rested her chin on her hand there on the table. She frowned at him before she spoke, "You are asking a lot of questions for a man who despises question after question."
"I'm concerned for your health," he said, frowning himself as he reached her side at the table. He did as he often would do to James and put the back of his hand up to her forehead. She sighed and looked up at him, rolling her eyes as she did.
"I'm fine, Martin, just a bit stir crazy, I suppose," she said with a frown.
He grunted, but he withdrew his hand, at least satisfied she cool to the touch, but not satisfied with the situation at hand either. He looked over her shoulder and gestured to her cup, "Tea?"
"It is decaf, Martin," she sighed again. He shook his head, but because he was standing behind her, she couldn't see him.
"No, I see that," he nodded toward the tea on the counter. "I was simply asking if you would like more."
"Oh, well, no thank you. I suppose I will be visiting the lavatory all night with the little I just had. Your son here seems intent on keeping me from any sleep."
Martin frowned slightly and looked away. He felt himself almost flinch as she spoke of the baby, his son, their son. He grunted and pulled out the chair to sit down across from Louisa. It was the first week of February now, and Louisa was just a couple days shy of the halfway point, 20 weeks into her pregnancy. He eyed her again, looking for any signs of pain. He met her gaze, and she sighed, closing her eyes as she put her hands around the empty cup.
"Martin, really, you have to trust me that I'll say something if I'm in any pain. I did last time," she said, biting her lip.
He raised his eyebrow at her and grunted again, "Last time, as if there might be another time. Let's pray the baby has no more episodes."
Martin's concern for Louisa was valid. She had started to have abdominal pain over a week ago, and when she'd told Martin, he had first checked the ultrasound. The baby had a heartbeat, but he didn't like the intensity of her pain. He'd rushed her to the hospital where she'd stayed for three days as they monitored her. The placenta was not in optimal placement, at least that is what they'd been told. That had sent Martin on a research quest, aware of things such as a placental abruption, but without the explicit expertise in the field, he had stayed up scouring his medical resources for information. Louisa and the baby, a son, were okay for now, but there was a heightened risk to the pregnancy, more than just Louisa's advanced maternal age and an infant for whom she was still providing constant care.
"I really am okay, Martin," Louisa said, reaching over to squeeze his hand. He flinched, but it was definitely visible to Louisa. He grumbled quickly.
"I apologize. It's not you," he told her.
She waved her hand as she dropped her head and nodded, "Yes, the situation. I know. We are all under stress."
"Stress is the worst thing for you right now, Louisa," he explained, and when she quickly glared at him, he snapped his mouth shut. He was quiet for a moment.
"I'll just quickly add that you need your rest, and you need to reduce stress so that the baby is delivered safely."
"I know!" Louisa burst out, and with that, she started to cry. Martin's mouth almost hung open as he sat there, feeling helpless. She waved her hand again.
"I'm doing my best, Martin. It's quite difficult. Any plans we have made are changing by the minute. First, we are moving to London. Then, Joan dies. We still are moving to London, but then Ruth hands over the property. You admit you cannot move, at least not to London to pursue surgery, and then, you are quite lovely and come up with the idea to build anything I want. You even go so far as to bring out an architect. Then, I'm moving back here with James, oh, and I'm even going to work at the school. Then, that head," she shook her head. "She's just, just," she continued to wave her hands. "Never mind because then I end up in the hospital, where the doctor tells me that I cannot work, I cannot really care for the infant I have, but I have to just sit around the house each day, watching my stomach expand as I get fatter and fatter, acting like an incubator, and just praying that I don't mess up and have some sort of miscarriage this far along. I have to live with this guilt that I could kill our son."
Martin's eyes looked concerned as he listened. He swallowed hard as she finished, and he watched as she used the back of her hand to wipe the few stray tears. He met her gaze, "You're not fat. You're pregnant, and the baby growing is a good thing."
"That's all you got from that?" Louisa sighed, closing her eyes as she took a deep breath.
"I'm processing," Martin admitted. "You know I don't do well with a laundry list of anything, and I'm not one for feelings, and I can't stand to see you cry."
Louisa looked to him, and he blushed as he looked away. She reached over and clasped his hand in hers, squeezing it until he looked to her. He didn't look over for some time, probably hoping she would let go of his hand. He finally met her gaze.
"I know you are scared too, even if we admit it in different ways. I could see it in the way you took charge at the hospital. He's okay for now. It's day by day and week by week. I just hate all of this. I feel like a horrid mum. I can't care for James as I should. Instead, I have to watch as a childminder collects him for the majority of the day so I can rest and returns him. I don't want him to forget me. I'm failing everything. I can't teach, I can't care for James, and I can't even do a good of enough job being pregnant."
He shook his head, their hands still clasped. He looked to their hands, almost wishing his away to retreat to his solitude, but she kept a firm grasp on it. He continued to shake his head as he spoke, "I've told you a few times now that this is nothing you can change or anything you did."
"It doesn't stop me from feeling like I'm a failure, Martin," she sighed. Finally, she sat back, pulling her hand with her and folding her hands over her rounded stomach. She ran her hand up and down her side as she did.
"You're a pregnant mother having a rough go of it this time around, and yes," he admitted, "it is more personal since it's our child. It does concern me, but I also know all of the medical risks. We are doing everything possible to ensure you and the baby stay healthy, and that he stays right where he needs to be for another few months."
"Oh," she closed her eyes and groaned, "I have to do this right, Martin. I cannot fail our son."
"Louisa," he said quietly, frowning as he gathered his thoughts, "did you want to name him? We both continue to refer to him as the child. Perhaps that might help, yes?"
Her eyes welled up, and she dropped her head as she shook it, "I'm afraid to name him, Martin. What if?"
"Louisa," he said, clearing his throat. He waited for her glance and met her gaze, "I believe that whatever the outcome, we will need to give him a name. You've gotten almost another week in since all this developed. Let's focus on that, shall we? Each week is progress on his development. You heard the doctor. The optimal goal here is to get you to 36 weeks. That is another four months from now. James will be fine, is fine," he corrected himself. "Yes, he has a childminder during the day, but I'll remind you that he did already because you were at the school. Now, I can see if we can adjust the day slightly. Maybe James could come home at lunch when we eat. I could make your lunch, and maybe you could feed him then. That's all, though, because I insist you aren't to be carrying him around."
"Martin, the doctor said-" Louisa started to say.
"Louisa, I'm also a doctor, and I'm perfectly aware of what he said. My opinion differs, and well, frankly, I have a bigger stake in this than any random doctor whose credentials are nothing near what I would like or possess myself. We've agreed that you can hold James or have him sit with you in bed, but I will care for him around the house."
She nodded, and the two were quiet for several moments. Finally, she said, "I'm sorry, Martin. I'm sorry for snapping at you. I know you are going above and beyond, taking care of your patients, me, the house, James."
"You're my wife," he quickly said. "It's to be expected I should care for you."
"Still-" Louisa said.
"It's getting late," Martin glanced to his watch.
"Yes," she nodded, putting her hands on the table to help herself stand. Martin quickly moved around to help her, and she shook her head. "Really, Martin, I'm okay. You did agree with the doctor that small movement, from the bedroom to downstairs was okay if it was minimal. I've been downstairs all evening. I'm okay to go to bed."
"Yes," he said and grew silent again. He turned around and finished up in the kitchen as Louisa almost waddled to the staircase.
"Oh, Louisa," he called to her as he followed her. "The moving crew will be here the day after tomorrow. I'll make sure the surgery is closed." In all of the commotion after Joan's death and with the holidays, the official move from London to Cornwall had been delayed. Louisa had agreed to stay, of course, under the partial condition that she would work at the school. She had agreed to having a house built and they had been consulting with an architect. The problems with the pregnancy had everything in turmoil again. The movers had been delayed due to their own schedule, last week due to Louisa's stay in the hospital, and finally, the family's final belongings were scheduled to arrive. Ruth was being a tremendous help and supervising the pickup in London. Martin had planned to do it, initially, but with Louisa now, he refused to almost leave her side, something that also had Louisa a bit irritated, just how attentive he was being.
"That will be good," she said, resting her hand on the small of her back. Doing so accentuated her pregnancy even more. She stood there waiting for Martin to turn out the table lamp. He walked toward her and nodded with a gesture. She nodded in return, and with that, he put his hand on her stomach to feel the baby's movements. She put her hand over his and moved it to where he could feel the baby kicking.
"He seems to be active for this late at night," Martin looked to her, encouraged.
"Yes, probably enjoyed my cup of tea and is ready to keep me up," she said with a small smile.
"I thought it was decaf?" Martin asked. Louisa rolled her eyes and leaned over to kiss his cheek.
"Thank you for listening to me as I broke down again, Martin. I'm sorry you are having to do everything around here," she told him, looping her arm through his as they stepped toward the stairs.
He gestured to her, "I think you are selling yourself short, Louisa. You are taking on the biggest job right now, keeping a safe environment for the baby."
"Yes, the baby," she nodded, patting his arm. "Daniel?"
He whipped his head toward her, an almost disgusted look on his face, "What?"
"For a name," she explained. She studied his face and sighed, "You don't like it."
"I'm trying to figure out why you do," he almost snipped. "Danny? In no way will I be reminded of that snake, little Danny who wanted nothing more than to be with you."
"Oh, yes, right," she said, biting her lip, their sweet moment ruined. "Yes, I suppose that won't work. I'm sorry, Martin. It truly hadn't occurred to me, but quite right."
"Danny," Martin muttered, as he gestured for Louisa to start up the stairs before him. She gave him a sheepish glance, almost trying to apologize with her gaze. Her expression changed, and she smiled. From a step above him, she turned, leaned over and kissed him on the cheek again, "Well, at least you should have no concern this baby is his, Martin," she chuckled and patted his arm. "I can finally laugh about that conversation we had back with James, although at the time I was appalled."
He grunted and gave her a look before he once again muttered, "Danny, ugh."