A/N; This idea has been floating around my head for a while, this is just a kind of chapter one (?) and I will be going by the response to this chapter to see if people would like to read anymore!

Disclaimer; I do not own the characters, one Stephanie Meyer does though, I just like to play around with them

Chapter One

I stumbled back to the house, tripping a couple of times on the rocky path. I made it back as the shock was settling in. I felt a blackhole forming in the pit of my stomach.

I can't remember what I said to Charlie when he got home from work on Friday night but I think I must have looked bad enough for him to let me hide away in my room for the rest of the time, occasionally he would bring me a cup of tea and leave it on the edge of my desk, where I would usually forget about it but I always made a point to finish it or pour it down the sink before another one turned up. I couldn't even remember what I had thought about for forty-eight hours, I know somewhere in there I had shed more than a few tears and that I had just about managed to get into some sweatpants and an old t-shirt before creating a cocoon in my blankets.

The weekend passed in a blur of light and dark whilst sleep evaded me. By the time I saw the sun rise on Monday morning I knew that I didn't have much of a choice but to go to class. There was no way I could avoid going and knew I would have to face it sooner or later.
I wondered, briefly, if he would be there before my stomach started tying itself in knots, tender from not been filled since Friday afternoon.

Whatever I had done over the weekend, showering had not been one of them. I almost definitely smelled a bit funny by now and knew I would need to at least try to eat something to get through the morning. Slowly, I started to emerge from my cave of duvet, feeling a bit lightheaded by the time my feet had hit the floorboards. On the way to the bathroom, I bumped into Charlie bringing me up yet another steaming mug of coffee - he must've noticed the bags under my eyes.

"I'll just pop this on your desk." He muttered, not making eye contact, and shuffling around me on the small landing.
"Thank you Dad." I acknowledged; my voice held a lump threatening to burst at any point bringing tears with it.
Charlie looked at me then, assessing me quickly from head to toe, lingering on my face last. His mouth pulled into a tight smile underneath his thick mustache.
"I'll pop a slice of toast in the toaster for you on my way out." He stated, passing me, giving a gentle squeeze on my arm on the way. I knew it was him taking care of me and I was grateful for it as I trudged into the bathroom and stripped down, throwing my clothes into the laundry basket as I climbed under the hot stream of water.

It was in the cover of the steam that I allowed myself to take a deep breath and replay Friday night in my head.
He said he didn't want me. Okay. He said he wouldn't bother me anymore. Okay. He said he would keep his distance from me from now on. Okay. I had tried to argue with him, tried to reassure him that what happened with Jasper, it was just an accident. I had forgiven him for it the second it happened. I had battled with him that it didn't make any sense that he was saying this all now but ultimately if that were the way he felt, what could I do about it? I wasn't going to beg him to be with me, whilst it didn't make sense for him to be with me in the first place, I had more self-respect than to beg him to stay when he didn't want to, Renee had taught me that much about dating. Yes, I had thought he would be my literal forever, but I had seen Jessica and Mike break up a few months ago and surely, they would have felt like that at some point as well? Obviously neither of them knew that forever is a reality for some.
With that thought still rattling around in my head I stepped out of the shower and promised myself that I could face whatever was coming.

After taming my hair, stripping my bed sheets and gathering the books I needed I felt a cold breeze graze my back, for a split second I froze - he wouldn't have, would he?

I quickly scanned the room, my heart pounding, almost like it should've the first time he came to visit me.
He hadn't.
In my absentmindedness over the weekend I hadn't noticed that my window had been left open, out of habit, waiting for someone who would never come through it again. I took a deep breath and thought I should start gathering strength whilst I could and went over to close the window but not locking it entirely, I couldn't bring myself to do that just yet.

By the time I got downstairs, Charlie had already left for work, leaving me a small plate of toast that had been lightly buttered and cut into triangles along with a glass of water and a packet of painkillers - most likely for the headache that I would get from the lack of sleep. I took a couple of the pills and shoved the rest into my bag, double checking I had everything before I headed out to a day that I could only imagine wouldn't be pleasant.

I pulled into the car park a little bit later than I would've if I was riding with Edward due to my truck not being able to take being pushed the limits Edward would drive his vehicles.

Here came my first problem of the day - I usually slotted in right next to the silver Volvo that I could already see glaring at me from the back of the lot, on the days I drove myself to school. I knew that if I parked anywhere else people would catch on pretty quickly that something was wrong, but I couldn't face him, not yet I wasn't sure my stomach was going to keep down my toast if I had to see him right now. I opted for a space in the middle of the lot instead. By the time I had my bag slung over my shoulder and locked the truck's doors I had a petit, golden eyed, pale shadow at the side of me.
She didn't need to say anything for my eyes to start tearing up the second they met hers. I didn't need to say anything for her stone arms to be wrapped around me in an instant.

"You're not usually one to be lost for words." I half-heartedly mocked into her shoulder, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible, knowing that wherever he was he would be able to both hear and see this interaction.
"I would say I'm sorry, but I can see that you wouldn't appreciate that." Alice murmured, letting me go to hold me at arms-length (which wasn't very much for Alice), inspecting me as Charlie had this morning. Once again eyes lingered on my face but whatever she had seen there or what that meant she saw in her head appeased her enough to loop her arm through mine and she started to make our way across the lot and towards building three. On the way I caught Jessica throwing me a quizzical look because usually Edward would be the one walking me to class. I gave her a small shrug back in acknowledgment.
"She won't give you too much trouble yet." Alice whispered to me. "I can meet you after English if you want?"
I nodded at her as she pretty much dropped me off at the door to Mr Mason's room.
She was right, of course. If Jessica had noticed anything off, she hadn't had the chance to ask me anything as Mr Mason had piled on the work to prepare us for our final essays.

Like all things that you dread, time sped up until the bell was ringing and a knot had grown to a substantial size, knowing that not only would I have to see Edward, but I would also have to sit next to him for the next hour. I briefly considered taking a trip to the nurse's office to get out of the lesson, I wouldn't have to fake much, I already felt clammy and I'm pretty sure my face was draining of colour just at the thought. It was starting to become an appealing idea until I saw Alice waiting for me in the hallway. If I were going to stay friends with her, I would have to deal with Edward at some point, this was just a first step.

_

I was thankful that even though our groups had merged a little to include Alice and Edward, my human friends were still a little apprehensive around the Cullen's otherwise there would've been no doubt that Jessica would have made a beeline for me but instead, she threw me a glance on the way out of the door and narrowed her eyes a bit. She knew something was up, it was usually Edward walking me from class to class. Alice's eyes widen when they saw me then for just a slight moment, they glazed over, so quickly that those not in the know about her talents would never have registered it. She gave me a tight smile and looped her arm in mine once more as soon as I got close enough for her to and then off, she walked me towards building six.

Maybe she had seen me bolting because she had me secured pretty tight in her hold, almost but not enough to bruise me. I tried to just keep my head down, I hadn't seen him this morning in the lot. I hadn't bumped into him going to English. I would have been hopeful that he wasn't at school today at all if it weren't for the fact that I knew he would never let Alice drive his car unsupervised - not that she would've chosen his vehicle to travel in if he wasn't around anyway.
"Breathe Bella." Alice soothed, "If you want to leave early, just decide, I'll see and I'll meet you at your truck. Okay?" We had almost made it to Mr Jefferson's door as she slipped her arm out of mine but kept a hand resting just under my elbow as if she were pre-empting me passing out. It seemed like a miracle when I didn't.

Taking as deep of a breath as I could manage, I met Alice's gaze with tears threatening to overflow. I shook my head and for a moment, closed my eyes and willed them not to spill over onto my cheeks, took a much more sturdy breath and rolled my shoulders back, keeping my chin up.
"It has to happen at some point." I tried to sound more confident than I felt but after a moment Alice seemed satisfied and left to go to her next class with a good luck thrown in there as she departed.

As soon as I was on my own, outside the classroom, I felt sick. I couldn't do this. Not today. Maybe I could switch my classes around? It was still only a couple of weeks into the new school year so it could be possible. As I was running through my options, I had my head down and unconsciously my body had already started to walk backwards away from the classroom like a frightened dog. Before I knew it, I knocked into someone behind me. I turned to start to apologise feeling the blush work its way up from my neck to spread to my cheeks.
My heart jumped up into my throat.
I had assumed he was already in his seat; he was never usually late.
"Sorry." Edward spoke quietly. His voice shot through me like a knife and twisted itself in the knot that had already been building up. I felt almost winded.
I took a second to look up and meet his gaze to find flat black eyes, nursed by deep shadows. I must've taken an instinctual step backwards because his eyes narrowed ever so slightly as his shoulders slumped and he made his way past me to his seat at our shared table.

I debated walking away again, finding Alice and getting out of there but my pride stood in the way, practically pushing me through the door. I followed after him hoping Mr Jefferson wouldn't comment on our tardiness. He must've been in a good mood because he only threw us a warning glance as we took our seats.
It was just like my first day all over again as I peered at Edward from the side of my eye to see that he was staring straight ahead, appearing to anyone else to be concentrating but I also noticed he was tensed, as if ready to flee at any given moment, positioned as far away from me as possible with his lower body twisted away. For a moment I wondered if he was thinking about bolting through the window he faced.
I wanted to ask him why he was here? How could he stand it? Surely, he could have transferred classes or just not come to school, we both know that he knew more about government than Mr Jefferson could ever, having lived through a lot of it himself. Whatever his reasoning, I guessed I could've asked myself the same.

The knot that had appeared in my stomach the second I had seen him had slowly grown over the hour until it felt all consuming and I wasn't sure if I was going to throw up or cry - both of which I didn't want an audience for, especially not Edward.
By the time the bell had rung to signal the end of class I couldn't recall a single thing apart from the way Edward's body had strained away from me, his dark eyes alerted me that he needed to hunt soon and the way my heart dropped further realising this was the way it would be for the rest of the year.
Edward stayed in his seat as I packed my bag as quickly as humanly possible. As I swung the bag over my shoulder and grabbed my coat from the desk, I glanced at Edward wondering why he hadn't already left just as his eyes caught mine. My breathing hitched, the lump in my throat threatened to let out the strangled sob I was supressing. He opened his mouth but shut it almost in the same second as the next class began making their way into the room. I noticed a tear work its way down my right cheek when the droplet had splashed onto the space between us. I quickly wiped it away maintaining eye contact with him until I thought I would burst into tears right then and there. I turned and left without saying a word, knowing that Alice would meet me by my truck.