"And so, we are all just monkeys that are evolving, which will lead us to our doom," Ms. Bitters lectured to the classroom.
"Humans are so needy on becoming better that they are forgetting what it means to be an animal. And growing needy will lead to their doom. Growing technology will lead to their doom. Fear of spiders and balloons will lead to their-"
A green skinned student raised his hand. The teacher turned in slight irritation,
"Yes, Zim?"
"Ah yes, Uh," he lowered his hand, "I kind of don't know the whole thing on the whole 'evolution' or 'invention of technology' sort of words. Let's say if I was another species from another planet, which I'm not, just a normal human boy, and if they have had advanced technology the whole timeline of their existence-"
"Get to the point," she squinted.
"Well I was wondering how it could be possible that technology never existed in the beginning of the human race. Now thinking of it, how are human babies made without the cloning process?"
"Oh?" Dib, Who was sitting at the opposite side of the classroom from Zim, raised his eyebrows in amusement, "and what do you mean by cloning process?"
"You know, the thingy where..."
Zim notice the kids staring at him in confusion.
"The...yes! That movie! Where babies grow in these tube thingy in another planet! Has the smiley face when a baby is done developing and they get the whole knowledge thing? Heh...a great movie right?"
The kids stared a short while.
"Oh yeah!" Keef said, "I remember watching that movie! 'Terrestrial Wars' it's called, right?!"
Dib wondered why he never heard of that movie. Still, he sighed when his plan on unveiling Zim's identity foiled again and just traced his eyes away from the conversation.
"That movie grossed me out," one goth student said.
"Well it did well in the box office," the boy said, "so I can see why it's likable-"
"Silence!" Ms. Bitters hissed, "this is why I never trust taking a student's question. Now if you poor filthy children are done talking, I shall continue this lecture. If you arent, you shall stay here for eternity."
The students stayed quiet.
"As I was saying, fear of spiders and balloons will lead to doom. Video games will lead to doom. Making a fan fiction..."
As she kept lecturing, Zim pondered about what she has said earlier. He guesses human babies aren't born the same way as irkens does?
—
The bell rang and kids rushed out of class, with some flying out of the window and falling unto the bushes, screaming in joy. Zim ofcourse walked out of the school casually as he kept pondering. He was then isolated from the others, to which several seconds after heard a voice.
"So, I'm guessing your kind doesn't reproduce the same way as we do?"
Zim turned behind to see that Dib has been following him.
Ofcourse, he was use to this human boy always following and spying on him in suspicions that he has gotten tired of telling him to go away.
"And so what if it is?" the alien narrowed, "not that I care about these things, since you lowly humans are toooo stupid to stop my greatest plans into..."
Zim pause.
"...uh...where do human babies come from?"
"You said you didn't-"
"I KNOW WHAT I SAID, DIB BOY! Just...explain to me so I can have enough information to-"
Zim paused again.
"Oh wait you're not going to tell me because you're trying to stop me."
"Right," the glasses kid said unamused, "it's not like I would have explained it anyways. Believe me, I think I had enough conversation of that with my dad," he cringes.
"Hm," Zim rubbed his chin, "Maybe it's good I didn't get the information from you but NO MATTER! I will find out more about your creations and when I do, I shall unleash my next secret plan for world domination!"
"What are you planning, Zim?" Dib grows serious and defensive.
"Oh," he makes a menacing smile, "that is a secret that will be unleashed eventually..."
"Not if I can-Wait. Are you only saying you have a plan because you don't have one yet?"
"Uh..." Zim's face went blank, "no? Why would I never have a plan right away?"
"Well it did take you a while to figure out phase two."
"LIE!" He blurted out to the human kid, "Zim always knew phase two! I just pretended that i didn't so you let your guard down!"
Dib just stayed quiet, giving a look that he wasn't buying it. Did he really think he was stupid?
"Anyhow," he made an evil smile again, "Zim shall succeed this time! And when I do, you shall REGRET-Uh...DOUBTING MY PLAN-yeah you get the picture. See you later, space boy!"
He giggled in a villainy tone as he ran off. Did stared in confusion.
"Uh...isn't that what I call you?"
—
Zim entered his home base's yard, now sighing out of a bit of exhaustion from doing his "human" life today. But he thinks he did quite well. He gathered more information on human's development and made sure Dib Monster didn't get suspicious that he didn't think of his next plan yet.
Now the best thing to do now is to think of his next plan before Dib finds out. And what better way to do that than to research more on human life? Fun. Even so, he was still curious on how exactly they are born. And what it means that technology has changed them lately. Not that ever cared too much about the origin of these dumb species, but it might help him figure out another one of their weakness in order to conquer the planet.
As soon as he entered the house, Gir, who was on the couch, turned to Zim and happily waved, saying out loud,
"WELCOME HOME, SON!"
Zim's eyebrow raised, noticing something a bit off.
"Did the roboparents break down again?"
GIR's face went blank,
"Yes."
The alien made a short sigh as he started taking off his disguise,
"No matter. I'll fix them later. There's something I need to research."
"Did someone take your ice cream again?" Gir asked.
"No no, just more boring discovery on humans again," he walked towards the toilet right when Gir hopped out of the couch and started following him.
"I can't seem to understand how is it that humans make humans."
"Maybe they make them out of pizzas?" Gir asked again as he scurried up unto his master's head, to which at this point he has gotten use to.
"Only one way to find out," Zim stepped onto the toilet.
"Computer! Take me down to observatory."
The computer can be heard sighing before saying,
"Whatever you say, your majesty."
Zim and Gir get swallowed up by the toilet as elevator lowers them to the underground base. Once they made it to the observatory, a tiny looking moose can be seen resting until they were woken up by the arrival of their master. They floated out of bed and let out a,
"Nyah!"
"Good to see you too, Minimoose," Zim greeted them as he went over to the chair.
"Nyah?"
"Skool was just stinky as always," he sat down and pulled the tiny robot out of his head, placing him on the floor.
"Computer," Zim called to it again as Gir went over to play with Minimoose, "describe to me where human babies come from!"
"Ugh," the computer complained, "Do I really have to?"
"Well if it's something that MAY be useful in finding out the species' weakness and not have people put me in a floating liquid tube, then yes."
"Fine. But I must warn you that it's extremely weird."
"Heh!" Zim smiled "Zim can conquer any weirdness! With every challenging experiences I have had with the humans, nothing can surpass whatever I'm about to hear."
—
Ten agonizing minutes later...
—
"Once it is cut off, the baby would likely be put in a warm cloth and it'll take a short while for the cord to dry and wither off, leaving a belly button."
Zim sat still. His face was mixed with disturbance and disgust. Almost as if he is completely unsure how to digest this whole information.
"Would you like me to explain it agai-?"
"No no no, I'm good!" The alien immediately cut him off and rubbed his face.
"Ok. Wow. Guess there's still more disturbing things about these creatures than I thought."
Now he sees why Dib didn't want to explain it.
Gir giggles as he was rolling about on Minimoose's stomach, the youngest servant not minding this.
"BABIES COME FROM STOMACHS!"
"Nyah!"
"Please don't even re-mention that Minimoose," Zim muttered.
"Do you have a bellybutton, master?"
"No I don't thank goodness," he softly squinted, "only humans do."
"Whyyyyy?"
"Because we developed in a tube. We don't need to have those cord thingies messing up our stomach's flesh."
"Whyyyyy?"
"Because we don't need to have two irkens have one of them grow a baby inside them."
"Whyyyyy?"
"Because..."
He thought about it.
"All aliens have a different way of reproducing!"
Gir was quiet this time, his tongue sticking out.
"Though even so," Zim started to ponder. It was strange to know humans just naturally reproduce from the very beginning. Without that, they wouldn't have been smart enough to make the junks around the planet. Strangely enough, he finds it odd that he was never granted the story of Irken origin when he was born. He was curious.
"Computer," he looked at the screen again, "did we have the cloning process from the beginning of irken species? As...well as the amazing devices we have?"
"Searching..."
There were whirring and beeping sounds coming from the computer. Which was strange since it tends to say the answers right away. But after few minutes of searching, it answers,
"No information data found."
His eyebrow raised.
"Hm," his antennas softly twitched in confusion and a bit of interest, "That's new. Uh...computer, I doubt that it could be a thing. But just in case, is there a possibility irkens use to reproduce naturally?"
Beeping and whirring sounds were heard again.
"No information data found."
He paused.
"The foundation of the irken empire?"
The computer was actually able to answer this one.
"A long time ago, three ancient leaders came together to invent the PAK. Other irkens started using it, bringing about the beginning of the Irken Empire. The three ancient leaders would eventually die and have their intelligence transferred to the control brains and-"
"Ok too boring, Atleast we have that part of the history, what about what the irken society was like before that?"
Beeping and whirring was heard.
"No information data found."
"Seriously?" He narrowed in annoyance, "that's all the info you have on my great race?!"
"Now don't you blame me," the computer argued back, "if anything, you should ask the almighty tallest about it if you're going whine about it-"
"Silence! Let me just think on how I can resolve this!"
The computer just sighed.
After a while of thinking, his antennae completely perks up from getting an idea.
"I got it! I'll call the almighty tallest and ask them! Zim being great at solving situations as always!"
He turns the chair again and starts typing.
"They must have something..."
—-
Purple pat out the fire on his forehead, leaving only a burnt mark on his head.
"Well its a good thing this ship had an automatic teleporting device," Red was seen fixing himself up as well, "what I don't get is why it took ONE STINKING MONTH TO ACTIVE!"
"My tallest?" One commander said, "we have a call from Urth."
"Not that it matters either way," Red said not listening to what the commander just said, "the only thing that matters is now that Zim is out of the picture, we can finally do the operation without worrying about his frantic calls."
"Yeah!" Purple laughed, "I said earlier that blowing up stuff would solve problems. Any who, what was it, Commander Bonge?"
"We're getting a call Urth."
"Oh right, Zim," Red said, "just send the transmission through and we'll take care of this."
Purple confidently nod but shortly paused.
"Wait, isn't he suppose to be dead?"
"Yeah why?" Red turned to the other tallest. He paused as well.
"Wait. Bonge, what did you say the transmission was-?"
The monitor turned on and a tiny irken appeared on screen, his antennae raised and smiled in delight.
"Ooo! My tallest!"
He then realized his excitement and cleared his throat.
"Invader Zim," he saluted, "signing in!"
The two leaders stared at the screen frozen. Purple makes hidden sad sniffles.
"Pull it together," Red pat the other tall irken in comfort while still looking at the screen, "we can still get through this."
"Hm, what was it?" Zim said in confusion.
"Ehem it's nothing," Red continued, "Uh...what...made you want to call us?"
"Oh, right!" The small irken chirped, "wellll I was doing some research on the humans and I found...Er..."
He cringes,
"Interesting and...gross stuff."
"What stuff?" The leader raised his eyebrow.
"Nnngh, no matter. Any how, I made discoveries on how humans have become more advanced because of technology."
"U-huh?"
"Annnnd I was just wondering if there was such thing as Irken existing without technology."
Purple stopped sniffling. He turns to the screen in confusion.
"Without...technology?" Purple asked
"I know. Sounds stupid and pathetic. With the whole thought that maybe irkens use to be born naturally."
"Born...naturally?" Red asked.
"Somehow human babies comes from a human's stomach. Seems other creatures on Urth do the same."
"And...you're saying we use to do something like that?"
"...just a curiosity because I couldn't find any data on what happened before the irken empire's foundation."
They froze.
"PFAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" They both howled in laughter, catching Zim by surprise and confusion. Gir overheard the laughing, causing him to join too.
"Oh that's a good joke," Purple wiped the tears off his eyes, "living without all our technology?"
"Yeah," Red's laughter died down, "as if it was even a thing."
"Yeah!"
But Purple's laughter slowly died and thought for a moment.
"Can it?"
Red glanced at him and thought about it.
"I...guess not?"
Zim notice their pondering and his eyebrows furrowed.
"So...nobody knows."
"Mmmm, I guess not," the purple irken said.
"Hm. Strange," Zim put his finger on his lip, "Do you think the control brains might know?"
"We can ask, Zim. But even so, why would you be interested in these things? Shouldn't you be...planning something?"
"Why ofcourse!" Zim burst out, "this is all part of making a new great plan!"
"Oh? And what plan is it?" Red asked.
The small irken stood still...he was quiet for a minute.
"...I'll call you both back."
The screen goes off, leaving just the view of the planets.
The tallest both stared unamused.
"How long do you think he'll call back?" Purple asked.
"As long as it hopefully takes."
—
"GAH!" Zim shout out in anger while Gir was still hysterically laughing, "I let the sudden curiosity take a fool on me!"
Gir continued laughing for a short before immediately stopping,
"Hm?"
"Since I put the whole irken reproduction thing into the subject, now I need to figure out a plan related to it! Yet how will it relate to stopping the humans?"
"Nyah," Minimoose floated back up.
"As far as I can tell, creating a smeet won't change anything. It'll just be the same as the rest of us."
"Nyah."
"If making a natural irken even was possible, how would I even create one? It's not like we can tell how our body can even..."
He blinked.
"Wait...I GOT AN IDEA!" He screeched
"Are you going to lay an egg?" Gir asked.