Hey everyone! I'm not one for lengthy Author Note's, so long story short, I AM NEVER GOING TO ABANDON THIS STORY. I'm in college and had to prepare for my final's week, and then I kept saying I would update this as soon as finals was over, well I enjoyed my week off from school and (because I am a crazy person), now I'm in my summer semester! But I motivated myself to get this chapter edited and put up. I am definitely aiming for a chapter update every week/every other week.
I listened to "Unsteady" by X Ambassadors and "Love is Gone (Acoustic)" by Slander on repeat while I wrote this chapter because I am an emotional person. So you know, you can play it in the background while you read if you like to make yourself sad.
Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.
TRIGGER WARNING: There is a short scene of sexual assault, it does not go into any gruesome details and it is short lived. The point of it is more for the plot of what happens afterwards.
I play with the cool metal on my fingertips, before bringing my arm up and back, with my elbow next to my ear. I close my eyes, take slow deep breaths, and as I snap my eyes open, my arm shoots forward, releasing the metal throwing knife. Bullseye. A smile spreads onto my face without me being able to control it.
"Why are you so good at this? Are you actually from a family of volunteers?"
"You have watched me suffer this entire week of learning to work with guns. Let me have this one skill without questioning it."
Christina laughs, then she tries another poor attempt at throwing the knife. Hers falls to the ground and she shakes her.
"Damn babe, your board is looking pretty bare," Will says as he approaches our booth. Thank God we are in the middle of training and their PDA has to be kept tamed. While I have adjusted to their ability to not care who is around when they are affectionate, I still prefer to not be standing directly next to them.
"Have you heard anything from Four?" Will whispers, looking around to make sure no one is too close to us.
I can't help but roll my eyes, "No they keep sending him to places where we end up not being able to talk for days at a time. I'm pretty sure he's expected to be back today though."
"I hope they make their selection for a team soon. They've been rushing us through this training and I'd like to get into the real action," Christina smiles and punches her right hand into the palm of her left.
"Oh, I'll show you some action," Will leans towards Christina, raising his eyebrows in a suggestive manner, and Christina responds with a giggle.
"You two are disgusting," I spin around and walk towards the weapon return, just in time for the signal that ends training for the day.
I let my legs take me the long way back to the dorms. I'm distracted, and I know it has to do with the past few weeks. Three weeks ago, I spent the night at Four's and felt like our relationship grew in so many ways, both physical and emotional. I woke up feeling like I was on cloud nine, laying in Four's bed, waiting for him to get back from his meeting with his commander. He returned with good and bad news. The good news was the new training plan was going to be initiated and we would be able to be selected for a team within a few weeks, but an exact date wasn't in place. The bad news was that Four and Zeke would be returned to Libya and a few surrounding CIA compounds to check out the atmosphere there.
A piece of me wanted to complain about how I was disappointed in him having to go. Then the other part of me kept that from being spoken out loud because I know it's not fair to him. It isn't fair to complain about his job when it's HIS job, I still get to sleep in the comfort of my own bed and stick to my everyday routine. Of course, that was easy the first few days, but now it's weighing heavy on me and Christina has been trying to get me to talk to him about it. I tried to reason with her that I could wait until our training is over and we are officially agents, then I could at least pretend to understand the stress he is going through right now. But feeling the way that I feel right now, maybe it won't hurt to talk to him about it.
I have high hopes that I'll be seeing him today. The days where his Wi-Fi was working reasonably and we were able to facetime or message each other, Four has been coming up with all sorts of plans to help me train. In two weeks we will be having a test that demonstrates our physical capability, weapon skills, and how we handle pressure. All of this will be used to determine if we get selected to work with Four's team.
I bring myself back to reality, and notice that I have definitely let myself wander in the opposite direction of my dorms. I ended up at one of our training facilities, which would be great if I had bothered to pack my work out clothes with me. I let out a sigh of frustration.
"I really need to pay more attention to where I'm going," I mutter to myself.
"Yeah, you do," I jump from the unexpected voice, and whip around to see Peter.
"Right…anyways, I have to get home," I try to walk past Peter to get to the exit, but I feel him grab onto my wrist.
"In a rush to get home to your boyfriend? Where's he been huh?"
"Let go of me," I hiss out and pull my arm from his grasp.
"Also, I don't know what you're talking about," I say as I rub my wrist.
Peter rolls his eyes, "Oh please. You two have been all over each other in public. I mean I don't blame you, it's the only way you're going to get selected to be taken out of the program and picked for that special team."
I want to defend my relationship with Four, but I know that doing that is just admitting to Peter that he's right about there being a relationship in the first place. I thought Four and I have been careful with displaying our affections in public, and if we do, to make sure no one like Peter is around. We've had the talk, more than once actually, about how we aren't breaking any rules, but that it won't make me look good. And here is that moment.
"Whatever Peter," I try to walk past him again to get to the exit, but he steps in front of me. I feel my stomach sink and I know that whatever is about to happen next, it isn't going to be good.
"Do you need something?" I snap, pulling my shoulders back and attempting to create an image that I am confident. I can't let him know I'm intimidated.
He laughs and takes a few steps forward, causing me to take a few steps back until I hit one of the supply lockers.
"Listen Prior, I don't need anything from you. Personally, I think it's pathetic that you are letting this little fling go on during training because it's a distraction," my fists tighten at his words. How dare he call it a fling when he doesn't even know what's going on!
"But I'll add that if you want to play dirty and sleep with the guy picking the teams, then we can play dirty too," I can feel the grimace form on my face by the tone of his voice. It's filled with hatred and vile.
"Who is WE?" I raise my eyebrow. Right on cue, Drew enters the isle of supply lockers. I would call Drew one of Peter's friends, but he's more like a shadow. Just doing whatever Peter thinks is a good idea, and rarely speaking up on his own. I can feel the anticipation growing, and I know I should be scared but I don't know what to expect in this moment. These two couldn't possibly be willing to harm me, right? We are in the middle of training for a program that has a goal to protect people! I don't have time to question this though, I need to get away from these two and get out of this building as quick as possible. As Peter looks over his shoulder to Drew, I knee Peter right between the legs and take off running.
"You bitch!" Peter roars, and I try to get past Drew but his hand wraps around my right bicep.
I swing my left fist to hit him the face but he grabs it right before contact. He's too strong and I no matter how hard I move my body around, I can't get out of his hold.
"Good luck buddy," Peter says, patting him on the back as he walks away.
Drew shoves me against one of the lockers, leaving me no room to escape.
"What exactly do you think you're doing? What are you trying to get out of this? Was this Peter's idea or are you this disturbing on your own?" I spit at him, and he slaps me.
"Shut up," he hisses and I flinch at the strong smell of alcohol that is coming from him. I continue to struggle against him as I feel his hands wander around my body, and claw at my shirt. And then it hits me, these are the things we hear about over and over again. This is why in boot camp; we weren't allowed to go anywhere alone. This is why they always say, 'have a buddy'. The realization of what is about to happen, no, what IS happening to me right now, is overwhelming.
'Get yourself together Tris', I repeat to myself as I continue to struggle against Drew. He is beyond drunk, which I have never been more thankful for alcohol, as he can't even figure out how to take my shirt off or unbutton my pants. It doesn't help that anytime he takes one had away from my arms, I start swinging at him.
"DAMN IT!" He roars, grabbing my arms, his monstrous hands gripping my biceps, and throwing me to the ground. He spits on the ground right next to my face, and I hear him murmur, "You aren't worth it."
I'm not sure how long I stay on that cold concrete floor, it might only be thirty seconds or maybe five minutes, but by the time I find my feet, Drew is gone. I feel angry, embarrassed and defeated. Unsafe and on edge. And most of all, I feel alone. Unbearably alone.
(Four POV)
Damn it's so fucking bright here. My thoughts have been constantly cycling between the heat, or the harshness of the sun, since I arrived. I am trained to not complain, but complaining about something as minor as the weather has kept me from constantly being distracted by my thoughts of Tris. I have finished my short stop in Egypt, only spending five days here, and am waiting for the greenlight to board the plane that will take me home.
"Four! The plane is ready to go," Zeke calls for me, and I can see him waving like crazy. I give him a nod and make my way to the gate.
As soon as we're boarded and sit down, Zeke does not slow down about his exciting revelation on how is going to propose to Shauna.
"Man, I just can't believe it's taken me this long to figure it out. I mean, I've deployed before, for six months, but going on these missions where it feels like we've been in actual danger. Wow. It opened my eyes. We don't have time to waste Four. We need to be taking action on our feelings. And I just…yeah, I need a ring. I need a plan. She'll say yes, right?" Oh my God, there is no way I can listen to this for the next 18 hours of travel.
"Zeke..." I sigh, "Relax. She'll say yes. At least you better hope so… I don't think any other girl is going to be able to handle you." I smirk as Zeke's smile drops to a scowl.
"Oh please, do not start acting like you are mister perfect. You only figured out how to talk to a girl recently, and then as soon as she's in your bed, you leave her for three weeks." Now it's my turn to scowl.
"I'm kidding dude. I'm sure she's handling this fine. Not to mention, she's trying to go into this career." All I can do is nod, followed by me closing my eyes and leaning my head back. My goal for now is to sleep as much as I can for the next 17 hours so I can get back to Tris.
*17 hours later*
The first flight that took us to France went quick, but France to Georgia felt like years. I check my watch as we exit the plane, I can get to the training facility just in time for them to be done for the day. It would be nice to surprise Tris there instead of texting her first to meet up tonight.
I part ways with Zeke, wishing him good luck on finding a ring for Shauna. I have no doubt in my mind that he is about to go buy one and propose tonight, because the man has been talking about it constantly for a week. The training schedule I have saved on my phone tells me that they are on weapons training this week, and today they threw knives. My mind imagines Tris throwing the knives, and I'm captivated at the thoughts of the way her body moves. Now I want to see it happen in person.
But once I arrive to the weapons building, it seems deserted. After doing a lap around the building, I head to my car and see the instructor getting into his.
"Sir! Where's the class for weapons this week?"
"Oh, they got out about 15 minutes ago, we're way ahead of the schedule."
I nod and decide my next stop will be her dorm.
I get to her dorm quickly, and I try to maintain my calm façade as I walk towards her dorm. I cannot say I really enjoy this feeling, being overly excited and nervous, but Tris has managed to captivate my attention beyond any girl I have ever met. So, for her, I'll accept these feelings.
I raise my hand to knock on the door, but pause when I hear a crash my inside. It was the sound of glass breaking.
"What. The. Fuck." I hear Christina, she sounds angry and spoke with more aggression than I would have ever expected from her.
I lightly knock, but after a couple seconds of silence and no one answering, I try again but louder.
The door cracks open and Christina's eyes show a flicker of excitement and then shock, followed by panic. She's much shorter than me, so I know Tris saw me. However, she moved out of the view from the door, and Christina doesn't seem like she's making any moves to open the door wider to let me in.
"Are you going to let me in?" I ask slowly, mainly because I am confused on what is going on, but also because Christina looks like her brain is still loading.
"Uh…uhm…" she stutters, and then turns her head quickly, which I'm assuming is she's looking at Tris.
"Christina," I say and her attention snaps back to me, "What is going on?" She opens her mouth but no sounds come out.
"Let me in Christina," she flinches from the intensity in my voice. I don't blame her; I didn't even mean to come off rude or intense.
"Let him in," I hear Tris mumble. Christina takes a step back and lets me open the door fully to walk in. Immediately she sneaks behind me and says, "I'll be right back," shutting the door behind her.
My eyes land on Tris, who is now sitting on the edge of her bed, feet flat on the floor, and her hands are gripping the edge of the mattress. She's looking at the floor, her hair creating a curtain so I can't see her face.
I approach with caution, because I can read the room and tell that is something is going on here.
"Hey…" I saw quietly, and take a few steps towards her.
"Hi," she responds quietly, but still makes no movement to look at me. I feel something that I haven't felt in years… heartache? I have never wanted someone to look at me more urgently than I do right now.
"Look at me Tris," I stand still and wait.
"Don't freak out," and before I can respond, she stands and looks at me.
Anger. Blood boiling, raging anger. Now that she is standing, I can see she has bruises on her arms, clear imprints of fingers that were gripping her too tight. Her bottom lip is swollen and a small scab is forming. She has a bruise on her cheek…and her eyes. God, her eyes are swollen from crying and even deeper than that, I can see something broken inside her. Her eyes are showing that something awful happened and she feels broken right now. It's the same look I had seen from my mom all those times.
"What…" my voice cracks, and I squeeze my hands at my sides, clear my throat, and try again, "What happened?"
"I was being stupid," she begins, but I hold my hand up.
"Stop. I do not want to hear anything about you blaming yourself, until I hear the story of what actually happened."
She sighs and looks down. I take a step forward so that I am right in front of her, and gently take her right hand in between my two.
"I'm here now Tris. Please tell me what happened."
"After training, I was thinking about you and how much I missed you," she pauses and her voice breaks slightly, "But then I ended up at the training facility on the west side. I wasn't paying attention when I walked there, so I didn't even think about the fact that I didn't have clothes to train in. When I was about to leave, Peter showed up. First, he criticized our relationship. Then… I don't know. Then Drew, and it happened so fast. And I tried to fight him off."
I thought I couldn't possibly get angrier compared to when I first saw her, but now I am starting to feel uncontrollable. My body is shaking and I let go on her hand so that I don't break her hand from squeezing.
"What did he do to you?" I close my eyes and I know my face isn't hiding what I am feeling.
"He touched me…all over. But he was way too drunk to get my clothes. I kept trying to fight him off but he was so much stronger than me. But eventually he got sick of fighting, so he threw me to the ground and then told me I'm not worth it."
"I'm going to kill him," I turn around and start to walk towards the door, but I feel Tris's gentle touch grab onto my wrist.
"Wait…" My rage is still hot but when I turn around and look at her, everything in me softens. I know Tris is strong, but the woman in front of me right now, she needs someone. And something tells me it isn't Christina that she needs right now.
I sigh and rub my hand down my face.
"We don't need to do anything about this tonight. We don't even have to talk about it more if you don't want to. But tomorrow… it's ultimately your decision…but tomorrow I really think we need to go talk to someone about this." She doesn't respond, so I take her hand again, "Tris, you do not have to do this alone."
She nods, and finally looks at me with a smile.
"I cannot tell you how happy I am that you're back."
"I can't tell you how happy I am to be back," I pull her in my chest and hold her. This was not what I expected when I landed today, but to know I'll be ending the day with her in my arms is all I can ask for.
Tomorrow, if she decides to take action on what happened, then I am going to be at her side every step. But even if she decides that tomorrow isn't the day for that, I have my own business to take care of with these fools.
That's it for this chapter! Ok I know this is shorter than some of my previous one's, but it seemed like an appropriate place to stop and I wanted to get this up. Like I said, my goal for the next chapter will be within a week. While I was gone for a bit, just know that I read the reviews all the time. I love seeing it and it makes writing that much more fun!
Little shout out to sensitivity8, imjustagurl, lexinthecity, and ceciliahellis. Of course, I appreciate all my reviewers (especially because I totally understand that the guest reviewers are people who just don't sign into their accounts…that's how I am too when I read stories!) but these four are always reviewing and it brightens my day!
Anyways, much love and I promise I'm already working on that next chapter. I don't want to leave the aftermath of this negative chapter for a long time!