Dean Winchester doesn't usually go to the library. He isn't a bookish freak like his Pantene model of a brother. But there is one special reason why he's at the Lebanon Public Library on a Wednesday afternoon.
Sam had called him, stressed as hell about the fact that he is about to become a dad. "I mean, you know what Dad was like, Dean!" Sam whisper-yelled into the phone, panicked. "This article I read the other day said most kids grow up to take on their parental units behaviors. What if I'm no good at this?!"
Dean had sighed into the phone, already grabbing his keys. "Woah, Sammy, you need to take a deep breath, okay?" He said soothingly into the phone. He walked over to Ellen and gestured to his phone before attempting puppy dog eyes. She smiled and nodded to the door, knowing that Sam needed his brother. Dean mouthed 'thank you' before continuing, "Listen, buddy, I'm on my way, okay?"
"On your way?" Sam asked confused before glancing at his watch. "Dean, aren't you still at work? And how do you know where I am?"
Dean chuckled as he unlocked the door of his Impala, "Sam, you're panic-whispering. If I know you, you're either at a library or Jess is napping in the other room."
"I'm at the library." Sam mumbled into his phone, leaning his forehead against his hand and yawning.
"Okay." Dean revved up the Impala's engine, smiling to himself. "And don't worry about the bar, Ellen let me go early. Clearly Sammy needs some brother time. And try not to worry about Jess. Go grab that book about the kids with lung cancer that you like, and I'll be there in 10."
"They don't have lung cancer, they have cystic fibrosis." Sam mumbled, closing the baby book in front of him, dejectedly.
In response, Dean had laughed and hung up.
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Castiel is working the returns desk, and he is dead bored. Normally, he likes working at the library. First pick of new releases, decent hours, and the (usually) quiet peacefulness soothed his introverted soul.
But today, he's exhausted. He had been up the night before listening to his roommate Balthazar rehearse his monologue over, and over, and over until 3 IN THE MORNING.
Never rent with an actor. Especially not one who needs constant reassurance that "Of course your accent is believable!" (Even though it isn't.)
He was happy to help his stressed friend, but Zar always seemed to procrastinate. No matter how many times Cas told him he needed to get a day planner.
"Or use your calendar app or something." Cas had urged as they walked into Singer's Diner that morning.
"But then I don't get to have the adrenaline rush that comes from having to memorize in such a short time!" Balthazar argued, picking out a table by the window.
"Well, next time you want an adrenaline rush, try jogging." Cas muttered, flipping over his coffee cup urgently.
Bobby, as impeccable as ever, arrived with the coffee and immediately filled Cas's cup. "Your roommate keep you up all night there, slugger?"
Cas nodded, slurping up the hot liquid and immediately burning his tongue in his quest for salvation.
Bobby laughed, before asking for their orders. Balthazar ordered a plate of waffles ("extra strawberries, Bobby. You always skimp on my strawberries!") and Cas ordered Eggs Benedict ("and a vat of coffee, if you please.")
Thankfully, since Balthazar was the root of his friends suffering, he paid for their meal. Cas had been thankful, knowing that he wouldn't get his check from the library for another 2 days. Though he could definitely do without the sleep deprivation in the first place.
After breakfast, he'd only had about 10 minutes to get to work after dropping Balthazar back at the apartment. In his haste to get there, he may have run through at least 3 stop signs… but he'd made it on time! And since he was relieving Meg, she couldn't have cared less anyways.
But now the library is practically a ghost town. Except for a couple of people using the computers in the lab and a few people reading at the study tables in the main foyer. All of them looked like determined robots, their headphones plugged in, their fingers flying fast over computers, and their eyes trained on what they're working on.
Ironically, Castiel is sitting there practically falling asleep behind the counter. It's about 3 hours before they close, and all he wants to do is curl up with a mug of steaming hot Chai tea and read until he falls asleep. It's only a Wednesday. He thinks, sighing before starting to sort through the new returns. Maybe I could just cut my losses and close early. For a moment, he almost picks up the PA and announces it.
Until the most beautiful man he has ever seen walks in, and all the clouds part for just a moment.
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Dean grumbles to himself as he walks into the local library, trying to remember the last time he needed to check out a book. Maybe it was when I had to read that book about that lawyer who likes mocking birds?
He is still thinking about that stupid book when he turns a corner, expecting to find Sam, but instead he finds an angel waiting for him. Literally, the setting sun coming in behind him casts almost a halo around his mussed black hair and makes his bright blue eyes pop.
The two of them pause there for a moment, just drinking in the sight of each other. Dean just can't think to piece a sentence, let alone a thought together.
Finally, the man breaks the silence, "C-can I help you with something?" He clears his throat and smiles up at Dean.
"Uh," Dean starts, rubbing the back of his neck, nervously. "Yeah, I'm looking for my brother? He's freakishly tall and has long hair? He's probably drowning himself in baby books and tearing his hair out."
The man quirks an eyebrow in response, before Dean continues, "Well, he's about to be a Dad and he's gettin' really stressed, so he called me and I told him to find that book about the kids with the lung thing, the uh-" He pauses, snapping his fingers, trying to think of the stupid book.
"Cystic Fibrosis?"
"Yes!" Dean exclaims, pointing at the man, glad he thought of it before Dean made a complete ass of himself.
"So… you want to find this book?" Blue Eyes asks, quirking his head in an adorable way that reminds Dean of a bird.
"No, I, uh, sorry, I guess that was too much information." Dean mutters, looking away. "I'm looking for Sam. Do you know where I could start?"
The man paused, shifting his arm, revealing the shiny gold name tag on his chest.
Castiel? Hmmm. Definitely a weird one. Dean smiles to himself, deciding that the biblical name fit his angelic and delicate features.
"Well, odds are he's probably in the teen fiction department, if he's looking for the book you're talking about." Cas decides, hand on his chin. "Or he's in our study section if he's drowning in Baby books." He adds smiling slyly.
Damn that's one good smile. Dean thought, feeling his legs turn to jelly. As soon as he saw that smile, he hoped he could see it more.
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From the second Sam sees his brother he knows he's lost him. He's seen that look on his brother's face and is just thankful he wasn't doing his "hot coffee" bit. Though, now that he thinks of it, it is probably coming sooner rather than later. Dean walks close to the librarian, staring at him like he's a hot piece of apple pie with ice cream on the side.
Oh boy. Sam thinks, chuckling as the men walk around the library. Presumably looking for him, but looking more at each other than anything else. I guess it's a good thing I called him.
Which was true, he had been metaphorically drowning ever since the moment Jess told him that they're going to have a baby. Just the idea that now he is going to have to be the role model, and the one that has to watch over this little, impressionable, bundle of joy. Just the idea of it makes his chest start to constrict and his breath quicken. He immediately wishes he grabbed his Xanax before he left, but he was worried about waking Jess.
Just as his anxiety reaches panic levels Sam feels a warm grip his shoulder, immediately grounding him. "Breathe, Sammy." Dean whispers calmly to his brother. "I'm right here. I got you."
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Dean is there the entire afternoon, supporting Sam and trying to distract his stress. Taking him to the Roadhouse, a shooting range, and even bowling at one point. Somehow the 2 men end up at a paintball arena.
Despite the fact that Sam seems to be momentarily leaving his stress behind, Dean can't get Cas out of his head. The way his eyes had glinted mischievously when Dean told him of his plans for Sam. That mussed up hair of his, perfect for threading his fingers through while he-.
Suddenly Sam shoots him in the chest with a paintball, splattering his green vest with bright orange. stopping his increasingly dirty thoughts in their tracks. "Dude! You are practically in space right now!" He calls, jogging up to his brother. "Are you still thinking of that librarian you were flirting with?"
Even though Dean can feel the blush creeping up his cheeks, he glares at his brother defiantly, "I wasn't flirting with him!"
"Uh-huh." Sam laughs, stopping when Dean shoots him in the calf with a bright blue paint ball. "Ow! Come on, man! You know I hate Charlie horses!"
Dean throws his head back and laughs at his brother on the ground, flailing around while gripping his offended leg, crying out. "Let's go, you big baby." Dean walks over and helps his brother hobble back to the main building, where they return their gear, pay for their time, and decide it's time to head home.
They get about 20 minutes into their drive before Dean can see the worry returning to Sammy. He starts to twist his fingers in his lap, bouncing his leg, and carding his fingers in his hair. All tell-tale signs for his Anxiety. After Sam went and got his formal diagnosis when he was 15, Dean started mentally cataloging these behaviors, hoping to help his brother in any way he can.
"Alright, we've been avoiding it all day," Dean starts, gently, "But I can tell you're about to explode, buddy. Talk to me."
Sam sighs and overflows, like a dam that's been busted down by one particularly caring brother. "I just- am worried that I'm not good enough. What do I do if the baby starts crying? Or if they get sick? Or if they die? Or if Jess dies? How can I be a better dad than ours was?" His words come out in a panic-fueled rush, and he starts to hyperventilate.
Dean calmly parks the car and puts a supportive hand on his brother's shoulder, his standard comforting technique. He read somewhere that the best thing for helping someone through a panic-ridden attack is to ground them. "Breathe, Sammy. I'm right here with you." He says, calmly while squeezing his brother's bicep.
Sam nods and starts gulping air furiously, blinking to clear the tears that started to pool in his eyes. "What if, I don't have the answers? Like you always did."
Dean feels a pang in his chest as Sam's words hit him full force. "Like I always did? Sam, I was a kid!"
"But you knew exactly what to do." Sam says, shifting to face his brother. "When Mom died and Dad spent half his time drawing in a bottle and the other half off on 'business trips' you were always there for me. Whether I was sick, or hurt, or anxious like even now! You've always been there. How can I be you, Dean?"
Dean sits there for a minute, digesting his brother's speech while his heart swells. "Sam, being able to take care of someone isn't something you just know, you have to pick it up as you go. I mean, do you honestly think that I woke up one day and knew exactly what to do and how to help you? No. It takes time, and it takes listening to your gut. You will drive yourself crazy with what if's, Sam. You need to take every day with your little baby one step at a time. So stop driving yourself wild with research, and focus on the here and now. Okay, Sammy?"
Before Sam could respond, his phone rang.
Jess' water broke. Ready or not, this baby is coming.
A.N~ DUH DUH DUH!!! I hope you guys like this AU! Sorry that I focused a lot on Sam and his anxiety about the baby, but I've recently been diagnosed with anxiety and I know how it feels to be in the throws of anxiety-induced panic. The thought of a baby is very scary. The next chapter will include a lot more Dean and Cas!