Chapter 20
Sidney had endured a restless night, his mind a constant whirl. He had been unable to stop thinking about Charlotte and their conversation. He continually attempted to reassure himself that everything would be well in the morning. But Charlotte's dispirited countenance remained seared into his memory. He certainly did not approve of what Lady Worcester had done, yet he could not bring himself to be at odds with the noblewoman. Through her connection to the Prince Regent, she had saved Tom and future generations of the Parker family by placing Tom on the path to prosperity. And she had saved Sidney from an unhappy marriage to Mrs. Campion. Rather than being angry, Sidney was forever indebted to Lady Worcester. He understood Charlotte's disappointment in Lady Worcester's actions, but he did not see it as a reason to halt their courtship. He had meant what he said: "Things are as they should be." He and Charlotte had been granted a second chance to create a life together. He wished for nothing more than to be at her side. The possibility that this might not come to pass caused sleep to elude him as the hours ticked by.
At half past two in the morning, Sidney finally abandoned the notion of sleep and went downstairs. He poured over contracts for shipments of goods that had long since been signed; he simply needed something else to occupy his mind. But every so often, Charlotte would commandeer his thoughts. The way she held herself away from him the night before told him that all was not well, and that perhaps their talk in the morning would not lead to the outcome he desired. He was unsure if he could withstand Charlotte's rejection. What would he do if she turned him away? Where would he go? Remaining in England was not a possibility. Despite his affection for his family, he would have nothing left to give them. He would disappear and continue his life in some other part of the world. He had done it before.
Sidney was so lost in his thoughts that he did not hear Mary come down the stairs and enter the dining room where he was hunched over the table.
"Sidney?" Mary called hesitantly from the doorway, wary of disturbing him.
He was staring at a contract and appeared not to hear her. A pile of contracts sat to his left, an empty decanter of brandy and ash tray sat to his right.
"Sidney?" she called again a little louder.
Startled, Sidney turned to her suddenly and sat back in his chair. "Mary, my God! What are you doing awake? It's three in the morning. Is everything all right with the children?"
"Yes, yes. The children are asleep. Tom and I have been worried about you since last night. Arthur and Diana, too. You must have come home well after we went to bed. Tom thought he heard you a bit ago and was going to see how you were, but considering the circumstances, I thought it best that I do so."
"I am sorry to have disturbed your sleep."
"I am not concerned about my sleep, Sidney. I am concerned about you." Mary's eyes shifted toward the decanter and ashtray and then back to Sidney. "Why were you so delayed in coming home?"
After leaving Lady Worcester's, Sidney met his friend, Mr. Crowe, at a tavern and began drinking his concerns away. He arrived home shortly after midnight, and his sleepless night ensued. Sidney did not wish to share those details, and so offered a partial truth.
"Mrs. Campion ended the engagement."
"What?" Mary cried, immediately covering her mouth to avoid waking the household. Tom was awake, waiting for her to return, but Diana and Arthur were not. She lowered her voice and continued. "What do you mean she ended the engagement?"
"That is what happened on the ride to her home. She deemed me...unworthy of marrying her due to my actions at the dinner. She said I embarrassed her by looking after Charlotte." Sidney, again, told the partial truth. He would not reveal exactly how his engagement ended. He would keep Lady Worcester's confidence until his dying day.
Mary was still reeling from the revelation. "Well, this is...this is wonderful news. Surely you must tell Charlotte."
"She knows. I went directly to Lady Worcester's home and told her last night."
"And what did she say?"
"She was in shock, understandably. I...told her I wished to continue our courtship. But she was not agreeable."
Mary came into the dining room and sat down next to Sidney. "What does that mean exactly?"
"She said she needed time." Sidney looked away, the pain of Charlotte's response causing his heart to ache.
"Is that why you are here alone?"
Sidney looked at Mary but could not answer her.
"Sidney," Mary continued, her voice soothing. "Is Charlotte's response so unreasonable? She had a very difficult evening. I am sure she was not expecting your engagement to end, let alone for you to ask for your courtship to resume as if nothing has happened."
"I did not ask as if nothing has happened," Sidney said defensively. He realized he was angrier at himself than Mary and softened his tone. "I am well aware of how callous I appear. I danced with Charlotte in London, and then abandoned her on the ballroom floor to be at Mrs. Campion's side. Before the regatta, I asked Charlotte to help me balance the boat so that I could practice, behaving as if Mrs. Campion was not in attendance. I wished Mrs. Campion were not there, and I did not have the courage to say so until much later. Then I proposed to Mrs. Campion, when only a week before I was moments away from asking for Charlotte's hand. I know Charlotte must think the worst of me."
Mary placed a warm hand on Sidney's arm. "Sidney, there were circumstances beyond your control. I do not believe Charlotte thinks you careless with your attentions. She cares deeply for you."
"And I her. But if our conversation last night has taught me anything, it is that I cannot be foolish enough to assume that she will forget all that's happened. I have bruised her from the start, Mary. Truth be told, I wanted to ask for her hand last night. But there was trepidation in her eyes, and it stopped me. The best I can hope for is that she will agree to return to Sanditon, and I can attempt to repair what I have broken. I fear, however, that it may be too late."
"Sidney, learn what is in Charlotte's heart first. She may have taken comfort in the fact that you came to her when you did. If she is hesitant, then woo her. Be truthful with her. Lay your heart bare. Prove to her how devoted you are to her. She will have no choice but to accept you if you show her your good intentions. Do what you must."
For the first time in a long time, a smile crossed Sidney's lips. He patted Mary's hand. "You are a fine woman, Mary Parker," he said, grateful for her kind ear.
"And you are a fine man, Sidney Parker." Mary returned his smile with one of her own. "I will tell Tom that you are unharmed. I will also tell him that you are no longer engaged, if that is all right."
"Yes, that is fine. I will tell Arthur and Diana later."
"Try and sleep?"
"Yes, I will try." Sidney gathered his contracts as Mary returned upstairs. He soon followed behind her and went to his room. He sat down heavily on the bed and removed his boots, then laid back and closed his eyes. He was still wearing his clothes from the evening before as he fell asleep.
The Parker family was awake and starting a new day. Sidney could hear chatter from the adults in the dining room and the children playing outside. He had slept for a few hours, and having bathed and dressed in fresh clothes, he was feeling more optimistic about his forthcoming conversation with Charlotte. Each time fear threatened to seize him, Mary's words repeated in his head: "Do what you must." Had Sidney not said similar words to Tom when Tom had kept the truth about his financial status from Mary? Sidney had told Tom that he would give anything to have a wife such as Mary. It would soon be time to act on his words.
"Sidney!" Arthur said. "Good morning! So good of you to join us. Is everything all right? We were wondering what happened to you last evening. You're not anxious about the wedding are you? It is tomorrow, after all."
Sidney exchanged looks with Mary and Tom and shook his head. "No...actually, I have some news to share. There will not be a wedding."
Forks and knives stopped, and biscuits were held in hands suspended in the air as the surprise registered on Arthur and Diana's faces. Tom and Mary remained quiet, their faces betraying nothing.
"Sidney, whatever do you mean?" Diana asked carefully.
"Mrs. Campion has decided to end the engagement. There will not be a wedding tomorrow."
"I knew it! I knew it!" Arthur exclaimed, dropping his biscuit on his plate with a flourish. "I knew that woman couldn't be trusted. Did she decide to run off with one of those rich fellows from the dinner last night?"
"Arthur!" Diana chastised. "Those men were married."
"Not all of them, dear sister. Is that what happened, Sidney? Did she decide being the wealthiest widow in London isn't enough? Does she wish to be the wealthiest married woman in London?"
Sidney tried to suppress a smile at his brother's exclamations. "I do not know what Mrs. Campion wishes. I simply know she does not wish to marry me. We are...not compatible."
"It's because you're not rich enough," Arthur said. "Again."
Diana nudged him with her elbow to stop him from rubbing salt into Sidney's perceived wounds. "Sidney, we are so sorry. When did this happen? Was it last night after the dinner? Or Heaven forbid, during the dinner? I saw you talking with Mrs. Campion after Charlotte's unfortunate accident."
"No, after the dinner."
"Well, I do not know why Mrs. Campion waited until the day before the wedding to cancel it, but you must be heartbroken."
"Uh, well..." Sidney was unsure how to answer this truthfully.
"Oh, Diana!" Arthur interjected. "You should be as happy as I am that Sidney is not marrying that woman. You said you never liked her."
"I was going to be supportive of the marriage," Diana said, lowering her head in embarrassment.
This time, Sidney could not hide his amusement. "Arthur, I assume you are not sad that the engagement has ended?"
"Not in the least. I did not trust the woman after she ended your first engagement. But, like Diana, I was prepared to be supportive. If she brought you happiness, who was I to question your choice?" Arthur looked at Tom and Mary curiously. "You do not seem surprised. Did you know about this? Were we the last ones to know?"
"Well, you see..." Tom began.
"It's my fault, Arthur. I told Mary last night and she told Tom. I wanted to tell you and Diana myself. Speaking of things I wanted to tell you..." Sidney turned to Tom, eager for a change of subject before his siblings could ask any further questions. "Tom, I must apologize to you. I said boorish things at dinner. My behavior was unacceptable."
"It is quite all right, Sidney. I have said some...rather boorish things myself these past couple of days. Everything is well then?"
Sidney took Tom's question to mean was everything well with Charlotte. He did not yet have an answer to the question. "Well enough," he replied. "I will call on Miss Heywood soon to...see how she is faring." Sidney knew he and Tom would need to have a much longer discussion about all that had transpired between them, but that discussion would have to wait until more pressing matters were resolved.
"Oh, good," Diana encouraged. "Such a terrible thing happened to her. I wonder if the mystery of how that dead mouse came to be in her box has been solved. I simply cannot imagine how frightened she must have been. Perhaps we should all go, in case her spirits are still low."
"We'll let Sidney represent the Parker family today," Mary said. "No need to intrude upon Miss Heywood with the entire lot of us. If she is feeling better, then perhaps we can visit her before we leave. Sidney, won't you join us for breakfast?" Mary gestured to the empty chair beside her.
Sidney was not overly hungry, and his nerves were beginning to unsettle his stomach. He was ready to visit Charlotte. But perhaps eating something would calm him and provide Charlotte with the additional time she had requested. He sat down and began filling his plate, hopeful that she would soon join him at the Parker family gatherings to come.