Adore
Sitting alone in her office, she couldn't quite comprehend her own feelings anymore. No doubt about it, her mind and body had been through immense trauma over the last few months and now she found herself even more alienated and outcasted at work. All the years she spent pushing everyone away and isolating herself the way in which she liked to remain. But now? She found herself wanting, needing, the exact opposite. For too long she'd been fighting her battles alone. Did needing company make her weak? She asked herself this daily, wondering why exactly she lived such a solitary existence but it always boiled down to the fact that each and every time she'd ever relied on anyone, they had always let her down. Hurt her. Broke her heart. Why put herself though any of that pain when she could actively avoid it by keeping herself at arms length from everyone?
She huffed irately, resting her elbows on her desktop. It was moments like these where she had to force her brain to refer back to her recovery steps. Any kind of triggering or slightly overwhelming situation took it's toll on her, there was no intense urge to turn back to benzodiazapenes but the risk was always there and she wasn't about to head back down that dark and terrifying road again. She licked her lips and exhaled steadily but her attention was soon snatched in the direction of her office window, watching Archie closely as she made her way back to the nurses station. She'd obviously finished her close and chummy chat with Megan. It was that sight alone that had sent her into her office. There was a deeply unsettled feeling about it. She was so desperately hell-bent on winning back Archie's trust and respect yet it was being taken away from her slowly but surely. She couldn't fathom the awful feeling it gave her, right in the pit of her stomach, almost as if somebody had punched her hard in the gut. She'd never met another medical professional who didn't marvel at her abilities. There were plenty of people who disliked her of course but they couldn't argue that she was an extremely talented woman. Archie, however, had completely lost that way of thinking towards her. And she couldn't handle it.
"Mrs Beauchamp?" Her voice shouldn't have stunned her but it did.
"Dr Hudson." She responded dryly, shuffling papers as she tried to appear as though she was busy at work. "Did you need something?"
"Yes, actually." She clasped her hands together in front of her before stepping further into the room, closing the door behind her. "Megan's asked-"
"Ah, here we go." She scoffed with a raised brow.
"Sorry?"
"What has she asked you to be a part of this time? Some ground-breaking, pioneering surgery in a sunny country with more than it's fair share of perks?"
"No..." She trailed off, confused at the the temper she was being greeted with. "She's just asked if I want to observe her in theatre a few times this week."
"Look, Dr Hudson, don't take this the wrong way." She stood up, returning her stethoscope around her neck as she made her way around the desk slowly. "But if you want to skip along watching this woman-"
"Her name is Megan-"
"Yes, thank you, I know who she is." Spitting venomously, she halted in her tracks as their eyes remained locked in silence. "I just don't understand how you could pass up hands-on experience in the ED in exchange for observing such a dull procedure-"
"Dull precedure?" She questioned back at her, the expression on her face matching her utterly shocked tone of voice. "She's one of the most talented surgeons I've ever had the pleasure of working with-"
"And I was one of the best Cardiothoracic Surgeons in Europe-"
"Yes, and not to be rude but the key word in that sentence being was." She blinked coolly. "You were one of the best heart surgeons once upon a time, and I truly admire you for that especially in such a male dominated area but you're not that person anymore, are you? I missed out on the opportunity to work with that Connie Beauchamp." Despite the cruel yet honest words, her voice remained extremely soft and gentle. Her large brown eyes flickering over her superior's own glassy eyes. "You know, I haven't seen you so much as insert a chest drain during my time here. And to think, I was so, so excited to be working with the Connie Beauchamp but you've dulled in comparison to the image I had in my head, you know?" She looked down sadly, the disappointment dripping off of every word she spoke.
"Right." Connie finally mustered one word, her whole body trying it hardest to fight off her emotions. "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, I really do. If observing Megan really does mean that much to you then by all means, go ahead." She cleared her throat upon quickly spitting her cold words out. "Now, if you excuse me I have a lot of work to do." She motioned to the door, silently telling the young Doctor to leave. And she did so in a defeated and deflated manner.
Things only became icier and more strained between them over the next couple of days. Archie's words echoed around Connie's brain night and day, obviously people change over time, this was inevitable but she'd endured traumas some people couldn't even imagine dealing with. Trauma and pain have a way of altering a person's behaviour, and that couldn't be helped but a part of her kept going back to the fact that she wasn't the same Connie she was ten years ago. Her bravado had gone, that spark she had was no longer burning. Talents couldn't be lost though. She knew it was all still buried within her, it was just a case of finding it again. She had the help of the internet for that. Some of her very own pioneering surgery was available to view via youtube of all places, one of which included the twelve plus hour surgery she participated in to separate conjoined twins. She was a force to be reckoned with, watching herself in action was something she'd never actually done before and it was honestly giving her a thrill.
"Ah, nice." The impressed voice floating over her shoulder disturbed her viewing, the smile quickly disappeared from her mouth. "That was the conjoined twins case from a few years ago wasn't it?" Will continued speaking, despite Connie having shut the screen down and moved over to the patient notes located to the left of the nurses station compute she'd been using. "And you were part of the team the helped separate them?"
"Yes." She breathed. "Yes, I was but uh, that was a long time ago."
"Could've be ten, twenty, fifty, hell even a hundred years ago and it'd still be pretty bloody impressive."
"It was a big team." She smiled briefly. "The general surgeons had the biggest task at hand."
"What I would have done to be a fly on the wall during that procedure." His gaze drifted off slightly, almost as though he was imagining himself viewing it firsthand.
"You and so many others, Dr Noble." She smiled genuinely at his awe-stricken behaviour. "Perhaps once you've finished daydreaming, you can get back to work, hm?" Sauntering away she smirked to herself, she wanted that Connie back too and she'd stop at nothing until she did.
"Wait, you're scrubbing in with Connie?" Archie questioned disbelievingly as she followed Will down the corridor towards the staff room. He'd just arrogantly announced the big news to her as soon as she'd walked into work. The look of excitement in tell her was there for one of two reason, the first being that he got to wave it in her face like this and the second being that he'd only just been marvelling at Connie's work not two days ago and all of a sudden she was jumping back into theatre with him on a leash close behind her.
"I know, can you believe it?" He had an excited bounce in his step. "I'm still in shock about the whole thing if I'm being really honest with you." Shaking his head in a daze, he smiled and pulled his locker open. "Apparently Jac Naylor will be operating as well, not to mention a few other hot-shots."
"But you won't get to assist though, you're just there to observe-"
"Nope, not what Mrs B says." He interrupted with a smirk and slammed his locker shut again with an excited look on his face. "She said I'd be observing and assisting during the procedure."
"But she's not even in practise as a Cardio-thoracic surgeon anymore." She blinked with a look of pure confusion on her face.
"Says who?" Jerking his head with a small laugh he couldn't help but feel a teensy little bit bad this opportunity wasn't offered to his feisty friend when she was so eagerly chomping at the bit to further her medical career. "Just because she's Clinical Lead of the Emergency Department doesn't mean she doesn't keep up to date with renewing her licenses. She can still operate and she regularly has credentials reviewed and updated you know?" There was silence following his sentence, causing him to open his mouth again. "Look, don't feel bad." Placing his hand on her should her squeezed it comfortingly. "I'm sure she was just under the impression you were too tied up with observing Megan, otherwise she probably would have asked you instead."
"Nah, I don't think so." She shook her head as her mind clicked, a knowing yet false smile appearing on her face. "This wouldn't even be happening if it wasn't for Megan."
"What?"
"Nothing." She quickly ended the line of questioning, finally giving him a fairly forced grin. "Nothing, good luck with this afternoon yeah? You can tell me all about it over a drink later."
"Um, yeah, sure." His brow twitched slightly at her odd behaviour. "I can't say no to a pint...or three, I'll catch you later."
Watching them return to the Emergency Department, it took all of her might not to lose her cool for fear of looking like the jealous colleague. Will looked positively buzzed about the whole situation, I mean, who wouldn't? He'd just been assisting in theatre up on the Darwin ward. Her eyes fluttered from his ecstatic ridden body and landed on Connie's svelte figure, their eyes locked immediately. It's like she'd stepped out of the lift and gone to great length to locate where she was stood in order to catch her attention. The eye contact was frosty to say the least, Connie's gaze held a sort of smug glint whilst Archie's reflected nothing back in return. She wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of appearing to look envious. All of this was for her benefit, she was spending a lot of time with Megan and Connie was obviously not enjoying it for the plain and simple reason that she couldn't hack being overlooked in the the department of talent and abilities. Thus, her not-so-inconspicuous plan was a flop. Regardless, she offered Will a pleasant smile as he passed her, Rash was walking along side him almost like a groupie. He was lapping up every detail cascading out of Will's mouth as he continued to run through his experience upstairs. They surpassed her, entering the staff room and in turn forcing her to look to Connie but she was gone, she glanced in the direction of her office and saw the back of her disappearing through the doorway. She took a moment, standing still on the spot in front of the computer before she threw all caution to the wind and made a move for the Queen's lair. She was stood at the door within seconds, unusually it was left open. There was a small smile on Connie's face as she sat herself down at her desk, she'd already foreseen that Archie would approach, and here she was, right on cue.
"Dr Hudson." She smiled, her pearly pink lipstick accentuating the pink hued tones in her blouse. Her light brown hair framing her slightly freckled face beautifully but it was the piercing green eyes that got Archie first, and then the small smile that slowly spread across her face. "I trust you've heard about-"
"About Will assisting you? Yeah, he mentioned it this morning." Beating her to the chase she made herself appear completely unbothered by the Clinical Lead's calculating actions.
"I hope you don't mind, I just figured with how busy you've been with Megan you probably wouldn't have accepted the offer had it come to you first."
"No." She spoke with a high-pitched tone, as if trying to force this belief on her superior. "No, not at all. You were right to have asked him, you know, I'm quite tied up with Megan at the moment like you said." She smiled back at her in a sickly-sweet fashion. Before another word could be uttered, their sugar-coated exchange was interrupted suddenly by David.
"Apologies, Mrs Beauchamp, Dr Hudson." He nodded at each of them respectively. "We need someone in resus, it's quite urgent."
"Of course." Archie responded with a smug smile, her eyes never once leaving Connie's. It was entirely worth it, just to see the angry look on her face upon realising her cunning little plan hadn't quite had it's intended outcome. Archie was un-reactive, she wasn't playing into her little puppet show and this only further angered Connie. As soon as they left her office she slumped into her desk chair frustratedly. Part of her just wanted to accept the fact that Archie just didn't appreciate her anymore but the other part of her wanted to keep on pushing and pushing until the younger woman finally respected and admired her again. Perhaps it really was too late? Perhaps she'd witnessed too much of her darkness to be able to see the magnificence in her again?
Back out in resus, Archie was hot on David's tail as she progressed into the sterile and high pressure work area. To her surprise, Megan was beyond the doors. She was deep in conversation with Will, and he was still raving about his experience upstairs.
"It was just such an amazing thing to see, you know?" He smiled, shaking his head still not quite believing what he'd witnessed in theatre.
"Megan." Archie smiled, approaching the conversation quickly. "I didn't know you were in today?"
"Yes, just briefly stopping by." She turned her attention from Will and back to Archie. "Quite impressive isn't it?" She motioned to Will, obviously referring to his exciting news.
"Uh, yeah, it's great." Rubbing the back of her head, she did well to swallow her pride. "Sounds like he had quite the experience up there."
"Yes, well, count yourself lucky." She looked up at the Irish male again. "It's not every day Mrs Beauchamp invites someone to assist her, you must have really impressed her."
"I'd like to think so!" He laughed, oblivious to Archie's eye-roll. "Thank you, and, you know I hear Archie's doing really well with you at the moment too?" Trying not to let the compliments get to his head, he switched the attention back on to Archie, not wishing to be that boastful and big-headed junior.
"Yes, absolutely!" Megan looked to Archie who smiled in return, not one to particularly enjoy being focussed on so intensely. "I just hope I'm not boring her, especially not now you've had the Beauchamp experience and you'll most likely be swapping stories!" Archie's smile faded gently, a knife in the gut. This time it was metaphorical.
"Um, sorry, I hate to interrupt. Again but, like I mentioned, this patient is really urgently needing some medical attention." David's usually mild-mannered behaviour was replaced with an irate forcefulness, aggravated that he'd had to ask twice for some assistance.
"Will." Megan addressed him boldly. "Go ahead, let me see you in action. Let's see what's got Connie so impressed."
"Well, yeah, of course." His face was absolutely shell-shocked, one theatre slot with Connie Beauchamp and he felt like his hospital credit and reputation had more than doubled. He gave Archie a sort of oh my god, look at this kind of glance and proceeded to carry out his duties, Megan watching closely behind him. Now Archie really was feeling envious.
For the rest of the afternoon Archie had to listen to him banging on and on and on about his procedure on Darwin. Each time he told another pretty nurse, the story changed ever so slightly. Slowly but surely exaggerating his excellence. By the end of their shift, Archie could hardly bear to hear another word from his Irish mouth. Slamming their lockers shut in synchronisation, he exhaled loudly.
"What a day, Archibald! I am gagging for a drink, whattya say?"
"Nah, thanks, not for me. I've got a stack of cleaning to do when I get home." Her polite and quiet declination didn't seem to bother him in the slightest.
"Right, suit yourself then Cinderella. There'll be a bunch of us at the pub if you change your mind later on, but I must warn you." He smiled, leaning in towards her slowly. "I am a bit of a celebrity tonight so no doubt I'll be dripping in girls."
"In your wildest dreams." Cracking a smile, she shook her head at his foolishness.
"You know, seeing Connie strutting her stuff today really had me feeling a certain type of way about her. Like, it was really, really sexy." He bit his lip, inviting her to frown at him. "Do you reckon she'd knock me back if I asked her out for a drink?"
"Definitely. You won't stand a chance, so just do yourself a favour and save yourself the embarrassment, yeah?"
"What would you know?" His mischievous grin didn't alter her expression at all. "You didn't see us working together, it was like pure chemistry." She could tell he was joking but he was really riling her up, a nasty feeling brewing in her chest.
"Just leave it, she never accepts invites to the pub-"
"She's never been asked by me." Raising his brows, he edged around her and headed for the door. Her whole body tensed, her throat hitching aggressively in her neck.
"Will-" She called out after him but he continued on out of the doorway, making a bee-line for Connie's office. She stood still with bated breath, studying the scene before her as he entered the small room. She could feel and hear her own heart beating in her ears, that awful whooshing sound. Her jaw became slack when she saw him retreating, it looked like things had gone sourly and for a split second her whole body relaxed with relief. It was a strange feeling that she really couldn't describe. Why did it bother her so much if Connie did accept his sleazy invite? Her heart rate hadn't even had chance to slow before it increased in speed again upon seeing Connie following close behind him, fastening her coat and throwing her bag over shoulder as she started locking her office door behind them. She'd said yes? Why? Why would she do that? Her legs acted without instruction, taking her over to them as she blurted out her next sentence, surprising herself as much as she did them.
"Mrs Beauchamp, can I have a word?"
"It can't wait 'til tomorrow?" Will intercepted, not wanting his drink plans to be scuppered, in doing so he annoyed both Archie and Connie in the process. The looks her received from both of them told him all he needed to know. "Alright, understood." He held his hands up in surrender. "Right, well I'll go ahead and get you a drink in. See you in a minute." He folded his lips and separated from them. The prickly silence only seemed to intensify by the second until Connie re-opened her office door with an irate eye-roll and marched inside, with no invitation for Archie to follow. Regardless, she did so, slowly closing the door behind herself.
"What is this?" She asked abruptly, referring to more than one thing in particular. She was met with silence from Connie, forcing her to expand on her question after a few seconds and a clueless shrug from the higher-ranking woman. "This game that you're playing, what is it about?"
"I'm not playing games, Dr Hudson-"
"With all due respect, Connie, you certainly are." There was an anger to her voice, catching Connie's attention immediately as she sat her bag back down on top of her desk before leaning herself lightly on the large piece of wooden furniture. "Ever since Megan came along you've done nothing but try to keep me from seeing her, boycotting any chance I get to learn from her. Why?" She shook her head, her face twisting with utter confusion.
"Look, I really don't have time for this." She brushed her off quickly, losing her temper.
"I'm sorry for what I said to you the other day, I really am." Her words were loud but significantly softer now, swiftly realising that losing her temper would get her absolutely nowhere with Connie. So instead, she opted for an apology so that they could hopefully lay this silent battle to rest and just get on with their lives. "I don't think you have any idea what it's like to have looked up to someone and adored someone for so long only to witness them firsthand during their downfall when you finally get the chance to work with them. It's like every kid's dream to meet Batman or Superman but imagine the disappointment if they could see it's just a regular man in a suit, it'd crush them. That day in the Pharmacy, when I got stabbed, that was the day I saw you at your lowest and it broke me inside." Her velvety voice had a way of being so calm and soothing even whilst breaking the most upsetting news. Connie's body language changed immediately, her posture slumped with defeat. There was something about Archie, an air or grace that just made Connie feel safe. It was an indescribable feeling, she was not at all like Charlie or Elliot, her previous confidants. Archie was different and she couldn't fathom it or explain it.
"It's all good and well saying that, Dr Hudson." She croaked, her face displaying the upset clearly. "But you don't know what it's like to completely lose yourself, to know what's happening yet you can't do anything to stop it. I used to be brave, I used to be strong." She nodded tearfully, causing Archie's face to drop with sheer regret as she moved closer to her, not knowing exactly how to comfort her now that she'd almost reduced the normally stoic woman to tears. "I thought I could deal with anything but these last couple of years have really belted me." She let out a humour-lacking laugh following her whispered words, quickly standing upright again and wiping at her tears. "And I have tried my hardest to become that woman again for you, to prove to you that I am trustworthy but the harder I try to reach her, the farther away she seems to get." The silence cascaded across the room as Archie stood at a loss for words, not knowing what was the right thing to say. "Anyway, I tried but the games stop now." She sniffled, still avoiding the younger female's gaze. "I know you look up to Megan a great deal and I won't interfere with any other opportunities she has for you. After all, you've made it quite clear I'm not someone you could admire and look up to anymore."
"Right, well, thank you. I'd appreciate that." She answered softly and sweetly, a grateful smile rippling across her face as Connie nodded emotionally.
"Have a nice night, Dr Hudson. If you're not headed to the pub then I'll see you tomorrow." Grabbing her bag, she made a move for the door defeatedly but Archie's rapid heartbeat had returned, the intense feeling of possessiveness washing over her like a hot and fiery wave.
"Don't." Her arm darted out, halting Connie from reaching the door. "Don't have a drink with him, he's only after one thing."
"And with all due respect to you, Dr Hudson, I'm a grown woman, I think I can handle myself." She scoffed, still sounding quite emotional. Regardless, she pushed her arm down gently and continued on, opening the door only to have Archie slam it shut again. The sudden movement shocked her, forcing her to glance at the brown-eyed beauty in disbelief.
"Don't. I don't want you to." The closed spaced around them seemed to get heavy with tension, draining all air out of the room and suffocation the noise to a complete halt. Standing close to one another, Archie eyes remained glued to Connie's. She looked confused, her body rigid with a lack of knowing what to do. Instinctively, she took a step back when Archie stepped forward, their breath becoming faster as the uneasiness grew between them. She was picking up all of the signals, she just didn't know if she was misreading them. She wasn't. This became extremely clear when Archie stepped forward again, her eyebrows knitted together in the middle with her own confused feelings. And then, just like that, their lips were connected before another breath could be panted. Both of their hands moving instantly to one another's faces and securing the lip-lock. Connie's bag had fallen to the floor immediately, her palms now too busy caressing Archie's jawline, her fingers wrapping around the back of her neck sensually as their tongues battled on another in a slightly harmonious manner. It started off as a slow and steady kiss but with each passing moment they got more and more wrapped up in the lustful feeling. This wasn't a spur of the moment connection, this had been brewing for weeks upon weeks, masked as an array of other baffling feelings.
But this felt right.