The Shadow of Your Light

愛してるのは誰？

俺のこの影？

君が照らすほどに濃くなるんだ

ØMI

As expected, preparing for the night took far longer than Rose ever anticipated with Lissa fretting over every little detail in their wardrobe. It all looked perfectly fine and even well crafted to Rose, but Lissa of course found a fault in everything. Always found something that could be changed to make it better, to make things glow in a way Rose never noticed. It was something that, of course, could be annoying at times but in rare moments of appreciation it was something Rose genuinely admired about her. She had a way of just looking at something and no matter how rough the exterior she knew just the right way to make it shine so that anyone would love it. It was a talent that fit her perfectly and exuded the charm of her own personality.

Rose wondered idly if that in itself was a power from the abilities of spirit. Being able to give even an inanimate item the shimmer of life when otherwise it would be unnoticeable. With a shudder her thoughts drifted in the opposite direction. Had the spirit gone wrong when it touched her somehow? She was once so vibrant and without the fears and anxieties that plagued her now. It was like being left in the rain under muck and foliage to rust unseen to passerby's. Had the blood that left her body in that accident been the only good left in her? Was there an amount of good and bad predetermined in each person that could never be replenished once lost? By gods, she hoped not but with each sunset and each moonrise it got harder and harder to believe these days. Absently, she rubbed at her shoulder which was showing a small slight bruising from early.

"Okay I promise now that I'm done. What do you think?"

Lissa clapped her hands together excitedly and pushed Rose softly towards the full length mirror in her room. The happiness on her face shone so proudly that even if Rose hated it, she would have faked a positive reaction just for her. She didn't have to though, looking in the mirror she genuinely stared in shock for a moment. Her hair was twisted and tied up into a delicate bun with an antique gold pin and her satin black cocktail dress rested perfectly at her hips and billowed out around her knees just high enough to truly show off her velvety black kitten heels. The color and textures complimented her skin so well it gleamed like the warm dark sand on a midsummer evening. In comparison to her classmates, her skin had often been something that made her feel out of place, but in this moment she felt so connected to it and grateful that it was hers.

"It's incredible…you really do know what you're doing. And you look just as stunning, Christian's going to have a stroke when he sees you."

Rose laughed heartily as she took in the outfit that Lissa chose. It really was incredible but she could already picture the death glares Christian was going to be giving other men all night long. Lissa's dress of choice was a full length A-line in a glimmering champagne white with crystals embedded in a vertical line down the lower half. Her hair was only half tied up on the top half, but the lower half had been curled into angelic loose curls that sat against her neckline so lightly they almost bounced with each step she made.

"Ugh don't even make me think about it, sometimes his overprotectiveness makes me feel crazy. I mean it's hot don't get me wrong, but he can get so intense sometimes. I swear you two must dislike each other so much because you're so similar, you've both got that certain look you make when you know someone might even remotely step on my toes."

With a twirl Lissa grabbed their handbags and then then began rushing Rose out the door and towards the auditorium so that they were only fashionably late. The other students must have had the same idea as the hallways were still packed with people trying to find their partners and friends and making last minute alterations to their outfits. It felt like being set loose into the middle of a zoo where all the animals had escaped and Lissa bobbed and weaved them through so many people Rose was almost sure even Dmitri would be impressed by the display as not a single person collided with either of them. As they reached the door that opened into the outdoor courtyard near the auditorium a wave of clove smashed into their faces with the rush of wind as it opened. Lissa cringed and fake gagged at the scent but Rose inadvertently and absent mindedly inhaled, finding herself growing used to the spicy herb smell. As they rounded the corner around the shrubs by the bench a loud whistling pointed them towards where they wanted to be.

"Leave it to you to make a sound like that to get our attention."

Lissa rolled her eyes at Adrian but then swiftly moved her attention to Christian before jumping in his arms for a sweeping hug.

"Wow…I can't even find a word to describe how beautiful you look tonight. Not that you don't always look like the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. But this is…wow."

Christian set Lissa down and held her at arm's length to take in her full look.

"You might want to wipe Christian, you've got some drool leaking out there."

Rose smirked and ribbed Christian with her elbow as she moved over towards Adrian.

His suit was slightly looser than a fitted fit, but it fit him perfectly. His cavalier attitude matched the look as his normally disheveled hair was gelled in the perfect way to still be messy, but not like he'd just rolled out of a ten hour sleep. Not that she would have minded, the usual was easier to imagine running her fingers through and playing with the little curls at the ends of his hair. Blushing at the thought she bowed to Adrian in an attempt to be clever.

"I think that's supposed to be my move, but I will say it looks absolutely dashing on you. Should I curtsy? I would not want to offend you."

He mimicked the voice of a regal lord as he used one edge of his jacket to curtsy back at her before stamping out the end of his cigarette with his black formal shoes.

"If this is all it takes to get you to actually show formal respect I may have to accept your invitations to events more often. I'm surprised you actually have formal wear, I just assumed you usually showed up to the big Moroi events in jeans and hole filled sweaters in spite of everyone."

Shoving his now empty hands into his pockets he laughed and looked at her with his head tilted to the side. Looking at her with a look like he was staring right through her again. It always made her feel like a deer in headlights when he did that.

"How do you know me so well? I will admit I'm only this well dressed because I couldn't possibly show up next to a vision like you and do you any disservice. You look like a dream I've had before. Radiant and splendid under a glittering sunset."

Her blush from earlier returned with a vengeance as she glanced around to see if everyone was moving into the dance yet. Adrian was still looking at her as she avoided his eyes knowing he must have been talking about that dream…the dream that wasn't really a dream. Her mind flitted through the images of that world kept secret between them, hiding them between the flesh and the soul. Somewhere between what is easy to talk about and what can only be said when you're laid exposed between the heart of another. Things like that aren't easy to say out loud and Rose never had a way with words to begin with. Not when compared to him.

"Looks like everyone is making their way in! We better go ahead before we get the last dibs on a good table."

Lissa spun around unknowingly giving Rose the desperate distraction she was looking for. Christian took her arm around his and they led the way first.

"Ready my little dhampir?"

Adrian held his arm out at her, but with a much more demure and relaxed look than moments before. Rose sighed and latched onto his arm with a little more vigor than she meant. Being crammed into a tiny space with hundreds of sweaty hormonal teens was definitely not how she usually pictured a good time. But it was a break from the solitude she was sliding into anymore and she knew she should at least try.

"As ready as I will ever be."

X

The auditorium was already feeling heavy and dense with heat and they had followed Lissa as she powered through the crowd once again to find the table she deemed perfect for them. The music was loud and pounded at an echo through Rose's head as she started to feel more and more overwhelmed. A light pressing against the small of her back pulled her out of her thoughts as she realized Adrian was leaning into her to try and whisper something in her ear.

"Shall we give it a go and try to dance? I have been forced into enough dance lessons as a kid to know my way around this."

Grabbing out for his other hand she let him lead her onto the dance floor which was an awkward mix of young men both trying to dance in a classic form and others aiming much more for a dance club style. Adrian it seemed was very much telling the truth about dance lessons as he led her through an elegant but breezy dance she imagined would fit inside the twirling sculptures of a figurine box. Before she knew it several songs had passed and sweat was starting to form along her brow and Adrian was guiding her back to their table with his hand back resting naturally against her spine. After seating her he headed out to find them both a drink and Rose found herself sitting alone at their table against the wall watching out at all the people around her.

As much as the solitude pained her at times, she did enjoy the silence in simply observing others and how they interacted with the world around them. The different ways people interpreted their surroundings always amused her and it was a helpful strategy in protecting. Vigilance is a virtue. Or at least it is for those in her world. Watching the others who didn't grow up ingrained with the sentiment was like getting to glimpse into a fantasy of a life she'd never have. Seeing others dance only having to focus on their own feet and not worry about something coming up from behind their back. Never being on edge for the next inevitable blow. Moving around the room with a freedom that allowed them to take the time to enjoy the moment they were living in. It reminded her of that moment in the dream that wasn't a dream focusing only on the way the sand felt on her skin. The way Adrian's body rumbled against her as he laughed and the way the ocean waves sounded as they collided against the shore beside them. Closing her eyes she breathed in deeply and tried to picture the moment as vividly as she could recall.

With the exhale her breath hit her with an icy blast that caused her to shiver instinctively. Opening her eyes seemed a struggle and a spiking pain was slowly worming its way up the back of her neck into the base of her skull. The music came in pulsing waves slowed down as the world was being played at half speed. Through the blur of her eyes as they opened at a painstakingly slow speed the room was painted in a solemn midnight blue and people were now only blurs and unrecognizable shapes. One shape started to form into a solid person and once more she was struck with the sight she was in the hallways.

Red hair.

Standing in the middle of the room still between the shuffling blurry shapes dancing like little glittering stars in the frozen night sky twinkling with each change.

He never moved and he never shone.

He was simply, still.

And then the others started to form in the spaces in between the twinkling dancers.

Horrific faces contorted and screaming with teeth elongated and razor-sharp. Silent and making no sound but their mouths were howling wordlessly as blood started to seep from the corners of their eyes as they stared directly at her. Yet, he stood endlessly unmoving looking at her with that same mournful look as the last time she encountered him. His eyes pleading desperately for something that she didn't understand. As the music started to pulse louder and grow quicker as the world sped back to catch up to real time the blood poured faster and more intensely out of the other creatures eyes and he faded back into a blur. Disappearing into the glittering mass of dancing stars in that night sky that haunted her nightmares.

Tears poured from her eyes as they regained sight once more and she stared blankly into the crowd of her classmates once more. Back to their normal selves and laughing and dancing and enjoying themselves and their normal lives. Her limbs had grown numb and she made no attempts to move as the shock rolled over her. Insanity was starting to seem like the new normal for her and she wasn't sure where that left her. Was this just her losing her mind? Her memories slowly unraveling her trauma from her like a shaw leaving her bare and exposed to the world to face the cold with nothing to wrap around herself and hide away. She couldn't decide what would be worse, becoming an even bigger disappointment to those who expected the best from her as a guardian or losing all control she had over her mind which she had trained so hard to conform into what others wanted. Being stripped and left alone with only the thoughts in her mind that seemed hell bent on making her deal with the things she wanted to leave behind.

Finally, she struggled to her feet and pushed backwards from her chair only to collide right into Adrian who was juggling the two glasses of punch in his hands. The dark scarlet punch drenched them both as the cups flew up from the jolt. As the red dripped from her lashes the faces of the creatures flashed once more in her mind, their crooked heinous teeth glinting under the party lights in an unspoken threat. Panic seized her and she darted out of the auditorium running in any direction that was clear of people and not stopping until she was far away from the overbearing sounds that now seemed to flood her already on edge senses.

"Rose! Rose, please stop! I can only run so fast and I'd rather not have to become a track runner just to follow you."

Adrian was short of breath and shouting but still pushing forward to make sure he didn't lose sight of her. He'd seen her like this before enough to know that when she was in this daze nothing could stop her from fleeing until she regained some control of her mind. But it was completely random when that control would return and he wasn't going to take any chances. As she came to a stop at the furthest end of the dormitories he struggled to catch his breath and shrugged off his jacket to place around her shoulders. She wasn't conscious of herself enough yet to realize it, but he could see her skin prickling against the freezing night air. As the color slowly started to return to her face and the glaze dissipated from her eyes she looked at him and bit her lip with a look he figured was apologetic but not even knowing where to start.

"Are you okay? You look as though you've seen a ghost."

"I think I did."