Oh my god it's me- And there's an update- and it's still September and not March.
Sorry, I'm just very impressed in myself. Also impressed that there's like, a whole other chapter just sitting in my google docs. That's like god shit from me, updating twice in one month-
Succulentsofa- ty! Dialogue is like the struggle of man so y'know it's great that it actually turned out okay, I was kinda worried about it just sucking so I'm glad it was good! And yes Forrest is very Gay because I am Very Gay and well can no longer write a straight character, hence Moonpaw (Yes I agree she is having a very tragic life rn imagine being heterosexual and heteroheartbroken couldn't be me) and YEAH? HE GOT DEADED? BETTER FIND OUT WHO DID IT :)
Anyways ty Lucy! Your reviews are very nice to read thank you thank you plus you write fun reviews y'know
Anyways uh omg haha wtf here's more of the story that literally no one asked for but haha here take some traumatized Amberpaw for the soul before shit hits the fan
TW/Blood, references of torture/death (I think that's it)
Amberpaw's nightmares were plagued by Larkpaw's corpse and blood streaming down his fur, creating rivers as he slowly bled out in Windclan camp.
He woke up screaming most nights, but no one seemed bothered. Somehow, even Fleetflame, who was in the medicine den with him, stayed fast asleep through it all.
It was as if no one remembered what happened. No one remembered what happened to him, and thought that he was supposed to move on.
He should move on, that's what Amberpaw told himself. He… had to move on.
But what about Larkpaw?
"Amberpaw, if you keep destroying that feverfew instead of sorting it, I'm going to take it away from you." Fleetflame's monotone drawl brought him back to the present, and he glanced up, dropping the herb.
"Oh, I… sorry." He muttered, sweeping the scraps away with his tail. "I was… just lost in my thoughts."
The spotted cat sighed heavily, but Amberpaw saw the sympathy deeper in his eyes.
"You'll change nothing if you keep thinking about it constantly." The medicine cat advised. "One day, you're going to have to take that next step, no matter how long and hard it is. There's no easy way to really recover from this kind of thing."
Amberpaw nodded numbly, amber gaze plastered to the floor.
"I miss Larkpaw." He whispered, shoulders sagging. "She'd know what to do."
Fleetflame nodded. "I… I won't lie, I'm not sure what I'd do if I lost my sister. I wish I could say something to help you there, but…"
"There's no easy way to recover from this kind of thing." Amberpaw repeated, finishing his sentence.
"Exactly." The older cat admitted, pawing out a stack of marigold. "Now, uh… are you hungry? I think a hunting patrol just came in."
Amberpaw nodded, leaving his shredded feverfew behind and opting to go out with his mentor and scan the fresh-kill pile.
Cats were milling around in the main camp area, most of them dozing in the sun while it was out, while others chatted to the hunting patrol, who had just come from Windclan and reported that there wasn't even a border marker to be found.
Amberpaw stiffened at Windclan, trying to cast all memory of the rival Clan from his mind. If there was one thing he definitely didn't want to think about, it was that.
Grabbing a small mouse, he sat down by Dawnpaw cautiously, who was deep in conversation with Swiftpaw.
"Hey Amberpaw." The cream cat said, flicking her tail in greeting as she dug into a vole.
"Hey." he replied, and bit into his mouse, shutting his eyes tightly to avoid looking at the blood that decorated its corpse.
"Y'know, your mom was in a right foul mood today." Swiftpaw commented from her place near the apprentice's den. "I was wondering if you knew why."
Amberpaw shrugged, mouth full. Swallowing, he shrugged again. "Uh… nope. Maybe she's just in a crappy mood. Happens often."
"Seems like it." The black-and-white apprentice remarked snidely. "Even though I'd like it if she cut the attitude sometimes. Would make it a hell of a lot easier to learn things."
"Some things never change." Dawnpaw declared, eliciting a snicker from her neighbor.
"Anyways, how's training with Fleetflame?" Swiftpaw tilted her head curiously. "I'm jealous. He seems a lot more laid-back than Skystar."
"Well maybe he has less to do." Dawnpaw put in.
"I don't think so." Amberpaw murmured cautiously. "I mean… last week, somehow, half the Clan had splinters from the same oak. It was ridiculous."
"How is that even possible?" Swiftpaw wrinkled her nose. "And why am I not surprised?"
"Only in Thunderclan." Dawnpaw rolled her eyes, grinning.
"Honestly." Amberpaw snorted, grateful that the pair of them weren't treating him like he was some breakable object. "But he's nice. Puts up with a lot of stuff too. I would be tired already if I was him."
"Yeah, he seems resilient." Swiftpaw agreed. "Much like his sister. I swear, those two basically dominate Thunderclan. Skystar has just been shrugging off patrols to Eaglespark now. Instead she focuses on how to kick Flamestar's ass."
Amberpaw winced. "Yeah, that seems like Mother."
"Still, Eaglespark practically runs this Clan." Swiftpaw rolled her eyes. "I mean, might as well demote Skystar to "battle planner" and make her leader."
Amberpaw frowned, a bit put off by the statement. Even though it might be true, it felt weird that some cats were pushing for Eaglespark to be leader. Sure, the deputy was great at her job, but she was young, and Amberpaw didn't know if he was sure about her leadership yet.
Or you're just biased.
"But Skystar's been around for so long!" Dawnpaw put in, stretching leisurely as she did so. "I mean, she might as well kick around until she dies, right?" She glanced at Amberpaw. "Sorry. I know this is uh, your mom we're talking about."
"It's okay." Amberpaw admitted quietly. "Honestly, we're… not on amazing terms right now to begin with."
"Why?" Swiftpaw asked curiously, but Amberpaw got to his feet, only waving his tail in goodbye before making his way to the medicine den. He knew it was an awkward way to leave, one that would definitely draw questions, but he couldn't bother himself to care.
Fleetflame was chatting with Eaglespark when he got there, the medicine cat's sister obviously griping about something. When she noticed Amberpaw, however, she fell silent, opting instead to shoot a smile at him.
"Hey, bud!" The deputy chirped. "Fleet here was just telling me about how good you've been doing! And well, how you kinda killed our feverfew, but that's alright."
"Oh, well… yeah." Amberpaw winced. "Sorry about that."
"Eh, it's no biggie." Eaglespark shrugged. "It's greenleaf, so we'll be able to find plenty more." She raised her eyebrow. "However, that also lets me segway to my next topic… which is well, we need some stuff! According to brother medicine cat, obviously." She nudged Fleetflame, who only rolled his eyes.
"So I was thinking that you two, and I dunno, someone else that I'll figure out in a minute, go out and get that stuff! Y'know? Because no one likes picking plants more than my brother!" The brown she-cat dropped her voice. "He doesn't really have interesting hobbies, I know."
"You're saying this as if your favorite activity isn't yelling at other cats." Fleetflame remarked snidely.
"Oh, please do shut up." Eaglespark rolled her eyes. "Anyways, yeah! That's pretty much my spiel, so uh, you guys should head out! I'll stick you with Darkflame and Dawnpaw so you have someone to chat with, Amberpaw."
"Probably good to get Darkflame away from Lightningclaw." Fleetflame snickered. "They're so positively enamored with each other I won't be surprised if Darkflame comes to me saying she has mysterious kits coming."
"Oh please, it's bound to happen." Eaglespark grinned. "And I can't wait to laugh my ass off when it does." She glanced at Amberpaw. "Anyways, we can have this conversation later. Adieu, dear brother!"
Fleetflame only shooed her out of his den in response, before following her out to find Darkflame and Dawnpaw. Amberpaw followed, spotting the cream fur of his denmate near the warrior's den, obviously waiting for her mentor.
"Eaglespark said that you're with me." He said, before correcting himself. "Or, uh, us. You and Darkflame are supposed to help me and Fleetflame collect herbs and stuff."
"Oh, got it." The older apprentice glanced back one final time before following Amberpaw towards his mentor, who was making forced conversation with Darkflame.
"Y'know, I just think he's different, right?" The black she-cat exclaimed, blinking dreamily. "He's so handsome…"
"And technically a murderer." Fleetflame pointed out snidely, scowling at Darkflame. "He did attack that one apprentice. From Windclan."
"Yeah, but it's Windclan." Darkflame rolled her eyes, dismissing the reply. "And that was Skystar's order! Anyways, it's just some stupid apprentice. He would've grown up to become a cold-hearted torturer like the rest of them."
Amberpaw froze, hearing the way she talked about Sunpaw. Rage flared up in him, hot and fiery, and he stormed over to the older cat, lashing his tail.
"Don't you dare." He hissed, digging his claws into the dirt beneath him. "Sunpaw wasn't cold-hearted! He was kind, when no one else in that place was."
Darkflame sighed heavily, plastering a look of sympathy on her face. "Oh, Amberpaw, I know it was hard there, but you have to realize that he manipulated you! This… this Sunpaw is just like the rest of them. Cruel, and willing to do whatever it takes to get what they want."
She shook her head mournfully. "It seems like you have a bit of Stockholm syndrome, dear. Don't worry. We'll help you recover, and then we can get revenge on Windclan-"
"I don't want to get revenge on Windclan!" Amberpaw shouted. "Don't any of you see? I don't want to stoop to their level! They…" His anger started to drain away, replaced by a cold, cold, emptiness, one that was beginning to crush him.
"They ruined my life." He forced out. "But ruining theirs in return won't change that."
The black she-cat was silent, as well as Dawnpaw, and finally, Fleetflame stepped forwards.
"Darkflame, I think it would be best if you stayed back, actually." The medicine cat said, his voice clipped with anger. "I'm sure you have much better things to do, with a certain tom."
The warrior flushed with anger, as well as embarrassment, but only turned around stiffly and stomped off, ears flattened. Fleetflame watched her go, before making a face and turning back to Dawnpaw and Amberpaw.
"Sorry about that." He winced. "I just wasn't sure what else to do." He shrugged. "It's fine though, I can drag my sister with us. I know she doesn't have anything better to do."
With that, he walked off, leaving Amberpaw and Dawnpaw, the former shifting away from the other.
"So…" The cream she-cat started. "That was…"
"Sorry." Amberpaw blurted out, ears pink with shame. "I… I don't know what got into me."
Dawnpaw shrugged. "It was deserved. She didn't spend days trapped in Windclan, you did. She doesn't have any right."
"Don't remind me." Amberpaw shuddered. "But… Even with… what happened to me, I still don't think they're all monsters. Some of them, maybe, but some are just following orders. And who knows what Skystar did to them before I was around. I mean, Flamestar seems young, really young for a leader. I just… I wonder how much of the story we have."
Dawnpaw studied him for a moment before replying, frowning in curiosity.
"Y'know, Amberpaw, that's one of the things I'll never get about you."
"What?" Amberpaw asked, tilting his head. He didn't know what she meant by that. To him, he seemed rather shallow.
"Your empathy." Dawnpaw admitted, flicking her dark tail. "This… Flamestar did horrible things to you, and yet you wonder what happened to her. I mean… there's not many cats who think like that, and… I wish there were more. If there's one thing that these Clans don't have enough of, it's empathy, especially for each other."
He looked at her for a long moment before cracking a small smile, shifting his paws bashfully.
"I… thanks, Dawnpaw." He mumbled. "It means a lot to hear you say that."
The cream she-cat smiled, pressing up against his side. "No problem, Amberpaw. I'm always here for you."
Amberpaw opened his mouth to reply, but saw Fleetflame, with Eaglespark in tow, and decided to give Dawnpaw a nod instead.
"I can't believe Darkflame walked out on you!" The ginger she-cat complained, sighing loudly.
"No, I sent her away, actually." Fleetflame shrugged, dismissing it.
The deputy's brow furrowed with confusion. "Why? Did she talk too much about Lightningclaw again?"
Amberpaw tensed visibly, and Fleetflame noticed that, deciding to breeze past her question. "It's not important. At least, not now, because you're coming with us."
"What about the evening patrols?" Eaglespark asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Will it kill Skystar to do those herself?" Fleetflame countered.
"Probably." The ginger cat grumbled before following them outside of camp.
The forest was alive with the sounds of greenleaf, prey scuttling in the bushes and in trees, sending sticks falling to the ground as they moved. Amberpaw caught Eaglespark looking longingly at a few mice, obviously wanting to hunt, and only swallowed his laughter, deciding to walk along Dawnpaw instead.
"So where are we looking?" Eaglespark piped up from where she was currently fighting with Fleetflame for the lead, the latter having the position at the moment.
Amberpaw could tell that both of them liked to have the lead in something, and both of them did, of course, but they worked well as a duo as well.
Maybe you and Larkpaw would've been like that, if she was here.
Amberpaw swallowed back tears and focused on the path ahead, paws shaky with every step. It was ironic, really, how he went from fine to not fine.
"Well, we need more feverfew, of course." Fleetflame replied, glancing around. "And mallow, maybe juniper berries?"
"There's mallow by the lake." Eaglespark added, bounding ahead of her brother.
Amberpaw froze.
"Let's go to the lake, Amberpaw!"
He stumbled, barely able to stay upright at the very thought of going back there.
Fleetflame looked back, and slowed down, letting his sister take the lead so he could steady Amberpaw.
"No lake." He replied firmly before letting Amberpaw lean on him, amber eyes soft with worry.
Amberpaw shut his eyes briefly, trying to dispel the flood of memories that threaten to claw their way to the surface again.
Eaglespark met Fleetflame's gaze, before glancing at Amberpaw.
"Right!" She exclaimed, projecting excitement into her voice. "No lake. We'll uh… head towards the abandoned Twoleg nest, the opposite way. Further in Thunderclan territory, where it's safe."
She paused. "I'll… I'll go with cats to the lake later. We'll grab mallow then."
"I don't think that's a good idea." Fleetflame started, voice taut. "We don't really need mallow-"
Eaglespark sighed heavily. "If we keep dancing around Windclan, we won't succeed as a Clan." She glanced at Amberpaw again. "Obviously, some of us should stay away for good reason, but we can't show them that we're scared of them."
"We don't need the mallow." Fleetflame hissed through gritted teeth.
"I'll get the fucking mallow later." Eaglespark shot back, going nose to nose with her brother.
Amberpaw watched as the two siblings held a mini staring contest, deciding to stop next to Dawnpaw. At this rate, they'd probably find nothing at all.
"We can show that we're not scared of Windclan at the Gathering, where there's a no fighting rule." Fleetflame countered, amber eyes narrow.
"Or I can go and get like, two cats, and grab the mallow, and come home, and everything will be fine." Eaglespark snapped, flattening an ear. "And my worrywart brother can sit at home and wish he had mallow, and wow, Starclan, I got some for him! You know why?"
"Because you're stupid enough to risk your life." Fleetflame finished.
"Because I have the guts to face Windclan." Eaglespark answered. "And you don't. And honestly, I'm not sure if you ever will."
"Well some of us have seen enough bodies for a while." Fleetflame finished, looking away.
Eaglespark sighed heavily before following her brother, the two of them in complete silence.
Amberpaw exchanged a look with Dawnpaw before continuing on, peering around for feverfew. If he was going to be honest, he didn't really know where that argument had come from, but he agreed with Fleetflame all the way.
For one, Windclan was definitely not worth bothering over a patch of mallow, and two, Amberpaw just… agreed with Fleetflame. The ginger cat was right about a lot of things, almost all the time if he thought about it.
In fact, he couldn't remember a time when Fleetflame was wrong about something.
The two siblings were still silent when they entered camp, Eaglespark only dropping the feverfew at her brother's feet before turning tail and leaving, stomping over to the leader's den.
Amberpaw didn't think they were mad at each other, not really, but they definitely had differing opinions on how to handle the Windclan situation, and he hoped that wouldn't cause trouble in the future.
He followed Fleetflame into the medicine den, waving goodbye to Dawnpaw as he did so. The ginger cat seemed preoccupied, and Amberpaw hovered at the entrance of the den, unsure of what to do or say.
Finally, Fleetflame glanced at him. "You can come in, y'know."
"Oh!" Amberpaw jumped, surprised, but shuffled in anyways. "Sorry. You just seemed…" He paused. "Lost in your thoughts."
"Yeah, I was." Fleetflame admitted, putting the feverfew in its rightful place. "But it's nothing." He sighed heavily. "Sorry about my sister. She's not this agitated all the time. She just gets bent on the idea of revenge."
Amberpaw frowned, guilty. "No, no, it's fine. I understand why she feels that way, especially being the deputy. It's probably a lot of stress." He glanced at Fleetflame cautiously. "You're… not mad at her, right?"
The ginger cat shook his head. "No, I'm not. I just… I don't want her to do anything stupid and get hurt. I've buried too many cats since we started fighting with Windclan, and… I don't know what I'd do with myself if she was next."
Amberpaw opened his mouth to reply, maybe to offer sympathy, because he knew pretty well what it was like to have a dead sister, but Fleetflame cut over him, the older medicine cat obviously wanting to end this conversation. Amberpaw didn't blame him, this topic wasn't the brightest.
"Well, I should probably go check on Skystar." The speckled cat admitted, glancing towards the entrance of camp. "Make sure she's not having sudden heart failure or something. I don't even know." With that, he brushed past Amberpaw, tail flicking with irritation as she left the day.
Amberpaw watched him go, an odd feeling settling in his stomach. Even though Eaglespark and Fleetflame led well by themselves, and sometimes together, they both didn't seem to love working with and under Skystar. Amberpaw knew that he didn't really know, after all, being her son was much different than being, well, her medicine cat.
Still, Fleetflame had also had a long day. With tensions with Windclan being so high, it must be stressful having to worry about all of Thunderclan. After all, his clanmates did tend to get themselves in quite a few stupid accidents, most of which required medical attention.
But I'm going to help with that. Amberpaw told himself, starting to check over the rest of the herbs. And then I can get my name, and be helpful, and… and do what I want.
He paused, eyes frozen at a clump of horsetail as he paused, and realized that this might not be what he wanted.
No. He shook his head, continuing on. Of course it is. I can't be a warrior, not now. This is right.
This is right.
Eaglespark and Fleetflame my literal fucking favorite sibling duo in the world thanks anyways yeah idk man I was writing and went "but what if we put Eaglespark in just for kicks" because idk she's probably going to show up more y'know? Just saying, wouldn't want to like spoil the book for idk hm maybe Res who is convinced that I'm trying to make them sad- (Which might be true)
Anyways yeah be crime do gay or some of that shit! I'm going to go pass out and not write for a month! School is a lot of work! Cool!
Okay there's my A/N I swear these used to be like actually readable but take what you can get ig okay bye friends or not friends or whatever
-Minty