Chapter 18

The quote elaborates about the part of the episode where these insights start.

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Season 2 Episode 7

Minelli asks, "You have concerns?"

"I do. This man here, Uh, I don't even know what he is. He's an accident waiting to happen!" , says Bosco.

Wow! Such animosity… I would have thought some of my actions might have actually been a crime that made Bosco breed lifelong hatred towards me! At least it would have been fair… Doesn't he see how much I have mellowed out my own hostility? He'd could learn something, the stubborn old mule… But this is a fine silver lining for me to take advantage of, get to know Bosco maybe even his team, a little. If I handle this wisely it'll be a way towards my Red Whale, a little bit closer, a little more to learn the pattern, a little step to catch him.

"Keep 'em honest." Lashes Bosco. The team protests. "Care to refrain that, Sam?" Warns lisbon. " They're Jane's people. They need watching." Smirks Bosco. "I like to think of them as my people." Says Lisbon.

Ah Bosco, heading down the wrong route. See, this is why I said the first day we met, that it would take time for him to understand what kind of a man I am. He's under the delusional arrangement of thought that Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt owe any loyalty to me- what a completely laughable, ridiculous idea, like an ordinary person standing in a circus spotlight as the audience waits for him to perform! I am simple-it is manipulation that gets me whatever I want, whenever, wherever, whoever. Difficult to fathom for others, like how a good musician might bring an auditorium to tears with a limited number of notes, but a mere stroke of pen for the person who knows how to do it. The team has always followed my plans because they trust Lisbon, not me. They know whatever happens, she will smooth everything over and make actions out of link, work. They know her, so they give their exasperated trust to me. Now, who would call them my people if they were paying attention to us?! How naïve of Bosco! Sort of disappointing, he must be blind with something!

"I know what this is about. Bosco's got the Red John file. You think if you hang around long enough, you'll weasel your way into it.", remarks Lisbon.

"Weasel's a little strong." Rues Jane.

"You're wrong, Bosco would never go for it! Never." Laughs Lisbon.

Meh… so Lisbon saw through my motive, no cause for alarm, anyone could have guessed it! Besides it doesn't deter me, her little scoffing warning though for now I do acknowledge that it will take time for him to soften. That length of it and the anticipation is irritating. Since the case has been shifted to him, everything has been and I can't seem to let go of it fast enough… So far the wall of hostility seems tall, wide and impenetrable. We'll see, there simply has to be an opening.

"You shouldn't be working with us. You're hurting people…" spits Bosco. "Who?", asks Jane. "The cops you're working with…", answers Bosco readily. "Don't kid yourself. Their careers are taking a hit. If you care about them, you'll leave."

"Cops I'm working with meaning Lisbon?" Asks Jane.

That macho cop prowess exhibition aside, I laugh at his display of such juvenile emotions. He's thought about this a lot, what his feelings for Lisbon are, over the years. He personally has come to terms with it and resolved to have a solid leaning professional relationship with her but I have come smashing his world and hopes. He thinks Lisbon is in danger of losing a job she loves if I stay. While it's completely true, what he doesn't know is that I will not let Lisbon be the collateral damage in either Red John or the other cases. It's a private pact, needn't be spoke aloud to others. Another little tiny flame I keep alive with the Red embers, a sort of personal solace and promise, a declaration that I must fulfil no matter what the cost. It's a voluntary task, nothing someone else can 'burden' me with or manipulate me into doing. I do it for myself, for the minute amount of peace it gives, the comfort it provides. I will not dare hope for happiness, this is the only compensation required for what my life has become. So I pursue it and keep it alive, hidden away, so deep that no one but I can glance at it in my weakest moments.
The secret flames.

I breathe content.

"You think he has given me bad habits, I think he's made me a better cop!" States Lisbon.
"Thank you, Lisbon, can I just, umm, just…"

"Quiet.", shuts down Lisbon. "If you're so sure you're right that you won't even listen to him, then you're not a person I know.." Lisbon tells Bosco.

Wooh! The air it changed in a nanosecond, didn't even need a nuclear missile to do it, Lisbon's words were enough… If nothing else has worked so far, this will. So much drama, Bosco doesn't come off as a person who enjoys watching too many emotions on high, he's really not taking this well… Lisbon is thinking of Grace, leg twitching in the aftermath of the bullets that hit her Kevlar when she says those words, driven to the point of frustration with Bosco's unique brand of obstinacy. I am much too engrossed in the volley to rethink of Lisbon's kind words, though if I want to recall- it's there in memory that no one has ever admitted it even if there might be truth in the fact, because it would be a cost to their pride or ego, even dignity. I check the emotion, tuck it deep in the well. Sometimes I wonder what I'll do if it overflows, then try to shove even that thought aside. Upwards and onwards…

"I don't understand, the baby is sleeping!", the 'nanny' fires rapidly.

"Oh, the baby.. She's been wandering around the house like a lost little lamb! Now you're just a terrible nanny…" smirks Jane.

I shudder to think about the innocent with this monster… Well, glad to watch my brilliant trap work, of course the team and Bosco helped but it was my germination… Bosco was pretty receptive and reluctant but now that it worked he can see for himself what I do, how I do. If doesn't work I might just ask for a transfer to Bosco's unit… Even I don't know the line between jest and reality anymore. The sight of the Westlake sisters reuniting makes me smile inspite of myself. It slides off hastily as Bosco nods. Hmmm maybe there's hope.

"Bosco." Jane calls. "Don't thank me", Bosco waves.

"I wasn't going. I need the actual case file. Unabridged." Threatens Jane.

"You're a jerk. You know that?" Squints Bosco.

So what's new? Everybody and their cousin knows this! It's only a step but I need to leap. It is imperative. He must not have realised that yet. I will tell him, anyone else that wants to hear it a thousand, million, billion times. I groan a bit inyternally, hoping he'll give in. Or I'll make him, there's no alternative really.

Tequila plays a tango on his breath but he just came from Lisbon's office, right? Lisbon has made him soften, a path I should have manipulated before but no matter it has fruitfully happened now and the organic fall of events has caught Bosco off guard, works in my favour… A little mystery of tequila, Bosco and Lisbon to solve and thrive on another day. I have my Whale now. The embers glow red.