"All that is gold does not glitter; Not all those who wander are lost" — J.R.R. Tolkien
Chapter VI
The depths of a lost soul
His hands are now stained with blood. So much he has run that his brain can't process the right moment he opened his apartment door and went in, hiding himself from the world. Not even getting undressed, Eren walks to the shower, letting the water fall down over him, over his hair and clothes as if this could wash the sin he just commited. He sighs, closes his eyes and shivers. Water is not enough to atone for his fault, a fault he didn't look for, a fault that eats his existence away from now on. A fleeting thought tries to comfort him: "It was him, or you instead". But when he looks at his reflection in the mirror and exhales, everything he can see is the reflection of his own betrayed soul.
It's Saturday, July the 26th. When all gets light, Eren realizes he just slept for an hour due to his exhaustion. Running away is his first thought when he opens his eyes, so he gets up as fast as he can, willing to put in a suitcase all at his hand to quickly get out of the country, with the little money he has, to somewhere nobody knows him. But this could be suspicious. Besides, no one has come to accuse or imprison him, so he just breathes and his shoulders fall. Everything's a fucking nightmare.
He should go to the office. There's still a lot of things left to do and he hates having work to catch up on. His mind can't yet absorb last night's events, and his unceasing inner conflict makes him know he must stay busy. He thinks of calling Carla: his mother's voice could certainly soothe his troubled spirit, but she would always notice if there's something wrong with him and he can't allow this. The thought is dismissed as soon as it comes. His breakfast is a toast that is left behind in the plate when he turns the TV on, where the morning news report the murder of the president's eldest son: Urklin Reiss.
The crash of the screen when it is broken cuts the air. In the spaciousness of his apartment, just Eren can hear that thunderous noise and see all the shattered pieces that crack under his feet when he decides to end the device until breaking it into smithereens. Helpless, desperate, he chokes a cry down. He wishes not to hear the surname Reiss anymore, let alone the Ackerman one. But Eren is strong and he will overcome this eventually. He is an adult, and he must act as one.
An adult…
A scared adult.
A little boy trapped inside the body of a grown man that was forced to commit a murder.
His mind draws fateful scenarios. An ambulance siren alarms him, sinking in the cyclical paranoia of the guilty human. He has killed a man, and just when the irksome noise vanishes in the distance, Eren can breathe again, exhaling loudly. This is how his day will pass by: between paranoid delusions and the tension of an uncertain and not so distant future. He can't help thinking the police will get him any time now, but while this doesn't happen, he must act cool. No one knows, until now, what has happened; no one, but Kenny, but this motherfucker won't talk. He's sure of it. This old fart is as full as shit as him, or maybe more. Thus, tying his hair in a bun and wearing a jacket, Eren leaves, on his way to the office. He truly wishes he could go back in time and never get to that day.
But fate is cruel. Cruelly grim.
"Eren, do you have something left to do?"
"Sir?"
Kurt closes his briefcase. Smiling, he clears his throat to talk again from his seat behind the desk in his office.
"Something left to do? Going out with a girl?" Mr. Ackerman winks at Eren and the boy smiles as normally as he can.
"No, sir. I'll call Carla, maybe".
"Oh, you're too young and handsome to stay home all weekend like a bird in a cage. Why don't you come and have lunch with us? Be my guest. It's still early, son".
Eren is thoughtful for a few seconds, then he agrees.
"Alright, sir".
Kurt looks pleased.
"Well, let's wait a few minutes for my daughter to come and we leave. Sasha doesn't work on Saturdays and Armin is quite busy with his moving to go with us, so it'll be just the three of us. What do you think?"
"I think it's perfect, sir".
"Wonderful. Let me finish with this balance sheet account and we'll go downstairs".
Eren nods again. Kurt loses himself between paperworks and numbers, ignoring his assistant's questioning look. The boy sighs before putting his phone back in his pocket and clears his throat, catching the attention of the man behind the desk.
"Yes?", Kurt asks, raising his eyes to look at the boy. Eren, not expecting a direct question, stutters to answer. Nonetheless, he does it.
"Sir, there's something I'd like to ask you".
Mr. Ackerman leaves his documents aside, taking his glasses off and joining his hands together on the desk to carefully listen.
"I'm all ears, son".
A brief quietness decorates the air. The youngest one finally decides to speak.
"You…", a pause "Did you ever have something to do with my mom?"
Kurt arches an eyebrow.
"Your mom and I are friends, boy. Of course I had to do with her".
Eren wrinkles his nose, scratching his ear. Maybe he didn't express himself clearly.
"What I meant was…"
"Oh", Kurt gasps. Eren's pause makes him guess what he really meant. The blonde man stares at his assistant thoroughly for a few seconds, and smiles, his index in his mouth "Son, where did you get that from?"
Eren doesn't know where to start. He wonders if Kurt knows what happened last night with Kenny.
"Actually, it's strange to me everything you've…"
"It's strange for you everything I've done for your mom?", Kurt stands up, walking around the office just to go back to his desk and take a seat on the edge of it. "I imagined you would think something like this, and it's absolutely valid. But no, son. Everything I've done for Carla is because I feel a deep gratitude for her and Grisha. If you could see and know what they did for me and my deceased wife, and also for Mikasa, you'd surely know why your family is so dear".
"Mikasa?", the girl's name escapes from his mouth in the shape of a question, so subtly he can't help it. Kurt nods.
"Kyoko had complications during her pregnancy and if it wasn't for Grisha my baby wouldn't have made it alive after birth. As for Carla, she was still pregnant with you when Mikasa was born, and it wasn't an obstacle to be with my wife all the time she needed. My daughter is just one month older than you, so it's not hard to imagine Carla's belly at that moment. You're lucky, son, for having her as your mom".
Eren seems to be sorry for having asked that. However, he feels relieved to know that Kenny is nothing more than a fucking liar. Kurt seems hurt; after all, the boy's question was slightly an accusation, and he is a sensitive man.
"I'm sorry, sir. I shouldn't ha-
"It's okay, son. If I were you I would have thought the same", Mr. Ackerman goes back to his desk, and noticing Eren's discomfort, clears his throat "You better tell me how it went with Kenny. I called him a few minutes after you guys left but he never answered. Did you get home well?"
Is it possible for Kurt to be unaware of everything that happened last night? Is it possible that his older brother acts behind his back while this man is willing to entrust his whole life to him? Is it possible for a man to pretend ignorance for so long as Mr. Ackerman seems to do?
Certainly, this is unbelievable for Eren, and Kurt Ackerman doesn't seem to be this kind of a man. Grisha and Carla should have a strong reason to trust him. His employees should have a reason to respect him. His family should have a reason to love him that much…
"Uh…"
Knock-knock.
Someone's calling from outside, knocking on the heavy huge doors of the main office. Eren freezes when his mind plays a dirty trick on him, thinking that Kenny is the one waiting at the other side. But when Kurt presses a switch and the door opens, the boy's heart starts racing when his eyes spot the black-haired head that crosses the doorstep.
"Hi, Dad".
"Hi, there, honeypie", Kurt jumps from his seat with an infectious joy, welcoming his only child with a hug and a cheeky kiss. Mikasa smiles, but her father doesn't let go of her so soon "How're you doing? Is everything okay?"
"Everything's alright, Dad. Ready to go?"
"Of course. I wanted to say goodbye in the morning but you were soundly asleep when I left".
"It's okay, Dad".
"So sit down and wait until I finish with all this damn paperwork. Look who's gonna go with us today", Kurt announces, pointing to Eren when he walks away, back to his desk. Eren has been staring at them all the time, blinking when the attention focuses on him.
"Oh, hi", the girl says. Eren clears his throat, for she has caught him by surprise.
Easy, Eren. Easy.
"Hi, what's up?", Eren repeats his question to say it clearer. The girl nods. Kurt takes her to the armchair, right next to the boy, before going back to his business.
"Well, as good as it can be. What about you?", she asks. There's a smile attempt on her lips, and Eren guesses this is her way of being nice.
"Working".
"Great".
He smiles nervously, too. Mikasa nods again and this is it, this is the end of their interaction.
Their seats are diagonally across from each other so they can look at each other's eyes when talking, but Eren rather hides his face in his phone as Kurt is again with his paperwork. The boy doesn't notice when a pair of gray eyes steal a glance at him, but for her it's better like this: to go unnoticed.
"Huh?", it's Kurt's voice, interrupting the awkward silence of his youngsters "What's wrong with you two? Both are young! Why so bored? Talk to each other, get to know each other. If Sasha was here she would be talking even to the stones! You guys should follow her example. When I was your age I used to be a little more talkative, kids. That's how I met Kyoko".
"Dad".
"What? Did I say something wrong?"
"No".
"I just want you guys to know each other. Is that a sin?", Kurt's still on his docs as he talks. He's a skilled man when it comes to carrying out two tasks at the same time "I want Eren to have lunch with us so he won't be alone the rest of the day. I thought of going to the Atrium, but I don't know what you guys want. You think it's too early for seafood?", Eren smiles. Mikasa's eyes are set on him, and he's not aware of it "As far as I know, Eren loves burgers, but it's not wrong to taste something new, is it, son? We can go to Eleven Sina Park, though. Food there is lighter and more… youthful. You can order whatever you want. What do you choose, sweetheart?"
"Green and beautiful".
Her words hang in the air, barely being a whisper that escapes the girl's mind.
Both Kurt and Eren are left puzzled by her answer.
"What's… green and beautiful, dear?", Mr. Ackerman laughs, confused. Eren looks at the girl, frowning. "I'm talking about the restaurant we're going to, baby".
"Huh?"
Mikasa stutters. Her mind has played a dirty trick on her while she was absorbed in Eren's eyes and now she wishes for a giant hole to open in the floor and swallow her utterly, as well as her cheek's blush.
"I asked you where you wanna go to eat and you said 'green and beautiful'. What are you thinking about? Are you sleepy yet?"
"Eh… No. It's just that I got a text from Armin and…"
Kurt snorts, totally unaware of his daughter's thoughts. Eren, again with his eyes on his phone screen, thinks that this sexy and cute girl is really weird.
"Alright, dear. So, where to? The Atrium or ElSi?"
"The Atrium is okay to me, Dad".
"Great", Kurt breathes happily. He organizes his documents on the desk before leaving. "Plant you now dig you later", Mr. Ackerman laughs off his youngster-like joke and Mikasa, forgetting her recent shameful scene, facepalms. Her dad sometimes makes her cringe.
"Dad, don't talk like that, please".
"Fine, fine. I said nothing".
Mr. Ackerman's laugh is infectious, too. Eren snorts, catching the girl's eyes when he stands before going out.
Mikasa wonders if there's any other man on Earth's surface as handsome as her dad's assistant. And, at the same time, wonders if there's a single human being dumber than herself, for just a dumb brat could show her own inner mind up.
Kurt eats joyly. His biggest happiness? His daughter's presence. Eren looks at him, and all the time that has passed convinces him that this man has no damn idea of what happened with Kenny last night. His paranoia starts vanishing when he sees he's no one's spotlight, except for the waiter when taking his order and all the times Kurt has talked to him about some silly or trivial thing. The three of them enjoy their starters, and now it is Mikasa's turn to break the silence.
"Dad".
"Hmm?"
"Did you watch the news this morning?"
"Of course, sweetpea. Everyday. Why do you ask?"
"Did you know that Rod Reiss' son was murdered?"
Eren swallows his mouthful without chewing. Paranoia comes back but he must act cool.
"Yeah. I saw that. But no one knows what happened. They just found the body in a ditch at the southern industrial zone with no trace of blood. The whole evidence seems to be totally erased and the police have it tough with finding the murderer".
Keep eating, Eren. Keep eating.
Silence.
The noise of the cutlery on the plates makes the boy's teeth grind, and for an instant, his mind is overwhelmed by the annoying sounds of all the diners, like a horror movie in a looping playback within his brains.
"That's terrible. He was so young. Historia must be broken because she loved him so much. I'll go visit her tomorrow".
"You're right, sweetpea. I'll go with you and while you're at it I'll talk to Rod. Since I heard the news I've been calling your uncle insistently so we both can help Rod with this case, but he doesn't answer his phone".
"If you're talking about Kenny, there's no doubt he's drunk right now and surrounded by whores. That's what he does best, especially if it's the weekend".
"Mikasa, don't talk about your uncle like that".
"You know I'm just telling the truth, Dad. There's a reason why Levi and him don't get along".
Kurt sighs. Mikasa keeps eating slowly, while Eren's dish has become a knife that cuts through his guts. He can't finish his food. However, pretending ignorance is his priority.
"Speaking of the devil, Levi's flight is delayed. He and his wife will arrive in a week".
"Delayed?"
"Yeah. It seems there was some trouble with his passport in Marley and it can be fixed in a few days".
"Fine. Last time I saw him I was still a child".
"Eren", Kurt calls, noticing his guest has been excluded from the conversation "You know who Levi is? My nephew, my deceased sister Kuchel's son".
"Yes sir, I think you mentioned it a while ago".
"Hope it doesn't take him longer. Lately, eldians have been having trouble with marleyans again regarding international relations, and I don't like this at all. It is all bringing an outbreak of racism and xenophobia just like it happened in the past".
"Dad, they've always been racist and xenophobic, but it's more obvious now after everything Rod Reiss has done with the international treaties not giving a... damn about them. Whatever, this is the president's fault".
"Mikasa, lower your voice. I don't want people to hear you saying something like that or you can get in trouble, dear".
"Well, your daughter is right, sir", Eren takes part, finally. Kurt seems pleased "To begin with, Rod Reiss should have never won the elections. This is a well-known secret but few people say it out of fear and this is nothing else than the raw truth. A small country like ours needs a strong leader, and Reiss is not that one. That's why I totally support the protests happening right now. With all due respect, Mr. Ackerman, I won't apologize for saying what I think, although I know very well he's your friend".
Kurt sighs, but he doesn't look upset. His first reaction is to smile briefly, easing the boy with a gentle pat on his shoulder.
"I'm not expecting you to do that, son. I admire people who defend their principles and you have my whole respect. Besides, I know both of you are right but I don't want any of you to get in trouble because of this. And I know Carla wouldn't want that either, Eren".
Eren thanks his words with a short smile, making sure that Mikasa witnesses the scene thoroughly. Indeed, she looks content, her eyes on them but not for so long, for she hides her face in what's left of her dish when her gray eyes meet green. Kurt clears his throat, making them look at him; they hear him cursing when a cup of wine slightly bends and the dark liquid splashes his shirt. Luckily, Mikasa catches the cup before it spills completely over the table.
"Wait here, kids. I must go to the restroom", Mr. Ackerman gets up "Ah, and talk to each other, not to your phones", he warns them, before leaving on his way to the restrooms. Mikasa smiles nervously as Eren takes his phone to his pocket. Main course arrives as soon as Kurt leaves: lobster. The boy stares at it carefully, as does the girl next to him.
Neither of them knows how to start a chat. Almost often another person does it for them. Uh, they are wishing with their hearts for Sasha to come and get them out of their misery, the misery of not knowing how to start talking to each other. Her eloquence would be a miracle right now. Besides, the damn dish looks despicable: Eren Jaeger has never tried a lobster in his life, and he wonders how the hell he's gonna eat it. But here he is, staring at this stupid red thing, trying with all the cutlery pieces what's the easiest way to get to the meat.
Suddenly, a brief sigh gets him out of his focus, making him lose concentration and raise his head.
Flustered, Mikasa tries to hide that she lowkey mocked him. But instead of getting mad at her, he feels infected by her tiny snort.
"I'm sorry", it's the first time she says. She bites her lower lip shamefully and Eren thinks this is the most seductive and sexiest thing he has seen in a woman.
"No. It's ok. I know I look like an idiot".
Here comes again, that tiny, lovely little chuckle of hers. And Eren feels delighted in the cute and funny way her nose wrinkles when she smiles.
"Of course not. I'm so sorry you have to go through this just because my Dad would eat seafood anytime if he could".
Easy, Eren. Easy.
"No. I am sorry", it's the boy's answer, daring now to look at her "You want me to be honest? I have no fuc- I have no idea of how to eat this thing".
"Well, there's always a first time, right?"
"Actually".
"And this is yours. Do you see the tongs on that napkin?", discreetly, Mikasa points at the piece of cutlery and Eren nods "Take them with your right hand and with the left one you hold the big fork. Grab the lobster with the tongs and take the meat out with the forks. You can leave on the empty plate all the pieces left of the shell. this way you can eat it all".
"But they look odd".
"Just do it".
Eren tries, funnily failing the first time. The second time is on purpose, for even though he can manage with the cutlery on his own, hearing Mikasa's little laugh becomes for him his new unavoidable source of pleasure. The third time he tries, he succeeds, cutting the lobster effectively. She follows him suit, having her first bites.
"I suck at this", he complains, tasting the dish. The girl shakes her head.
"Don't we all suck the first time we try lobster?"
"You know what? I think you could give me some lessons about all those silly things like eating at expensive restaurants. I need them asap".
Mikasa, again, bites her lower lip. Eren can't help looking at them.
"Oh, no. I'm terrible at teaching".
"Sure?"
"Totally"
"Alright. I'll ask your cousin Sasha to teach me".
"Are you serious?", the laughter that escapes the girl's mouth is now even more audible. And it's something strange, but pleasant "She would eat with raw hands if it depended on her. Sasha is… unorthodox".
It's Eren the one who smiles this time, a big grin decorating his lips, showing his teeth. Mikasa feels captivated by his face, not being aware of herself.
"I've noticed. What about… Armin?"
"Oh, he's a better option. And a good teacher, too. No doubt he can help you".
"Anyway, I think you can do it, too. I learned quickly under your instructions".
She nods, letting him eat. The noise of the diners makes them shut for a few seconds until Mikasa dares to break the silence, something unusual in her.
"Hey…"
"Yeah?", Eren swallows before answering. He must drink wine before choking.
"Did something happen to you? Don't get me wrong. It's just that… I noticed you were being quiet and… Even when I don't know you well, I think you could be quite telling".
"You think so?"
"Well, more than me, at least".
They laugh discreetly. Mikasa bites her lower lip again, and Eren struggles internally between wishing to see this expression again and not wanting to see it anymore.
"That's likely".
"You're not the kind of person who remains silent for a long time, are you?"
"Well, I think you're right. And I think you're good at reading people, too, Mikasa".
Uh.
Oh.
He called her by her name.
Something inside her guts seems to flutter briefly. It's like a tickling sensation that almost makes her lose balance for the blink of an eye.
"Thanks. I just hope nothing gets wrong".
His paranoia comes back.
Thousands of questions bomb his braincells, forcing him to shut them off immediately. Does she know what happened with Kenny? No. That's impossible. She looks worried, not alarmed. But, what if she knows and…? No. Maybe she's a good liar… No. That's unlikely. They barely know each other and if she were suspecting of him, she would have alerted the authorities as soon as possible. Anyway, she has no way of knowing what happened, does she?
"Something wrong?"
"I mean, I hope everything's going well with you. I don't wanna butt in…"
"You're not. Actually some things are not going as I expected, but I guess everything has a solution, hasn't it?"
"Maybe. But if it makes you feel better, I think it would be good if you come with us to Sasha's birthday party. We'll celebrate it today and she likes you. I'm sure she would love to have you there".
"Really? I had no idea".
"Well, you know it now. Will you come?"
Eren stammers for a second. But he thinks a little entertainment is always welcome.
"Uhhh, I think it's a good idea. What should I give her as a birthday gift?"
Mikasa laughs. It's like music into Eren's ears.
"Anything edible and she'll love you forever".
"Wonderful. If you help me choose, that'd be great".
"Why not".
Before Eren can answer, Kurt's arrival interrupts them. Mikasa seems to cower and Eren gets back to his initial position, trying desperately to finish his meal. For the two of them, it's like getting caught in the midst of a sinful act, for certain not knowing why. But Kurt doesn't notice. Ironing with his hands the new shirt he's wearing, he takes a seat.
"Why are you wearing that?", Mikasa asks immediately, trying to avert her dad from the embarrassment she and Eren are feeling.
"Oh. I had to ask a waitress to buy a new one for me. Wine stained the one I came with so I had to change quickly. This is a schlock, actually. Anything not to stay naked", Mr. Ackerman laughs, asking one of the waiters for his meal at the same time. Eren stays silent, his lips wrinkled, thinking that there's no way a shirt with Armani's original logo embroidered could be a schlock. However, he says nothing about it "And what about you guys? Could you talk to each other? Don't tell me you two were quiet all this time I was in the restroom".
"Oh, not at all, sir. Actually Mikasa asked me to go to Sasha's birthday party tonight".
Kurt claps in the air, evidently pleased.
"What wonderful news. I won't be there, of course. Mikasa knows she's free to use the beach house however she wants to. I want my niece to have a great birthday party, away from her father's lectures. I know that you youngsters don't like to be in the same place as adults, so I'll give her her present before she leaves".
"Present?", the girl asks, interested "What will you give her?"
"You'll see", Kurt winks at his daughter "She won't believe her eyes".
The girl, as modest as always, decides to wait. Eren wishes he could know, but Mikasa's silence tells him it's wrong if they insist. Their conversation could have continued softly, if it wasn't for the unexpected appearance of an unknown dude: a guy, maybe his age, his hair red and defiant eyes, pats Kurt's shoulder to catch his eye.
"Floch Forster?" Mr. Ackerman cries, standing up to surround the young man with his arms "What a pleasant surprise, son".
"Hi, Kurt", the boy says amid their hug. Their manly pats on each other's back are not long in coming. Eren looks askance, noticing the expensive clothes this newcomer is wearing, and all the arrogance he exudes. Mikasa, on the other side, looks… Annoyed. This new presence isn't welcomed for her.
"It's been quite a while, isn't it, boy? Look at you! You're all grownup! How's your father? Are you already working with him?"
"Without a doubt", the red-haired young man speaks haughtily, immediately realizing Mikasa's presence to fix his eyes on her "Well, well, well, look who's here. Mikasa, you're even more beautiful now than ever".
Smiling, Kurt sets him free from his hug. Floch walks to the girl, taking her hand to kiss it. Eren cringes before the scene, feeling an unknown sense of anger that makes him grind his teeth. She, in the meantime, answers out of politeness.
"Hi, Floch".
The red-haired guy laughs out loud.
"As eloquent as always. Are you here to stay? You spent a lot of time abroad".
Kurt interrupts a potentially negative answer from his daughter.
"Of course she'll stay. I don't want my daughter away from me anymore".
"Such good news", Floch's always-threatening eyes turn to the guest "Oh, I see you're not alone".
"Son, this is Eren. An old friend's child and my personal assistant".
"Hi", Eren stretches his hand, out of courtesy as well. Floch, understanding this nobody is nothing else than a mere worker, abstains himself from greeting him.
"Floch Forster, heir of William Forster. Pleasure".
Eren's hand is left hanging in the air. When a cloud of uneasiness settles upon them all, Kurt calms the waters patting Eren's back. Mikasa crosses her arms in denial, not willing to look at the newcomer as much as he stays with them.
"Wanna take a seat and eat with us?, Kurt invites him, much to his daughter's annoyance. Floch suggests a crooked grin, shaking his head.
"I'd love to stay, Kurt. But I came along with some friends and they're waiting for me over there. Yet still, I'd be more than glad to meet you and your beautiful daughter whenever you want".
"That would be great. Actually, we're gonna celebrate Sasha's birthday today at the beach house and you should go. It would be a nice chance to get back the friendship you had with my daughter during the elementary days".
"Count on me. Give me the address and I'll be there. Seeing Sasha again after years and spending time with Mikasa would be nice".
"Seeing Sasha again? For what? To pester her like you did back in the school days?", outrage escapes the girl's throat. Kurt knows he must settle things, but Floch grins smugly.
"Of course not, beautiful. I've changed. I'm no longer the same brat. Whatever, I'm off. Thanks, Kurt. I'll give my father your regards".
"Great, son. Take care".
Mr. Ackerman waves the newcomer goodbye and hugs him, but he can't notice the little disdain this young man leaves him with. Once again, Floch turns to Mikasa, those scrutinizing and arrogant eyes of his piercing her all and Eren just wants to rip them out for an instant.
His teeth chatter.
"See you tonight, Miki".
Taking a subtle bow to say his goodbyes, the red haired guy leaves.
Eren closes his hands in fists, not knowing for certain why.
As for Kurt, he'll do his best to dispel the tension left by this old acquaintance of theirs. But one thing is for sure: Eren Jaeger is not sure he will be able to tolerate this dude's presence once more.
Much less him being near Mikasa.
Someone cries in joy. The sudden sound bounces off the walls and falls on everybody's ears. The shiny grey metal of a Chevrolet Camaro ZL1 is exposed before the birthday girl's eyes, and she jumps on her uncle in frenzied gratitude. Kurt cackles, genuinely enjoying his niece's joy. Sasha's hug is gushing, strong, and her laughter: infectious. Mikasa chuckles, too.
"Uncle, tell me I'm not dreaming, please…"
"You're not, my child. It's yours. That's your birthday gift".
Sasha stares at the vehicle. Her eyes look over it and her fingers slide across the whole metallic body. She blinks, not believing what she is seeing. Kurt hands her the keys over, watching her scream in astonishment as she covers her mouth with both hands, jumping like a little girl, choking back her cries. Her somersaults lead her to Mikasa, the next victim of her crazy fits.
But this doesn't seem to annoy Mikasa.
"May I ride it?", the birthday girl asks, freeing her best friend from her hug.
"Of course! I told you it's yours. Take your cousins for a ride, enjoy your license. Have fun with your new toy, dear. That's why I bought it for".
"Uncle," Sasha kisses her uncle's cheek "how can I thank you for this?"
Kurt laughs, once more.
"Just having fun, sweetpea".
Everything's happiness. Everything's laughter and the noise that comes from the car door when it opens to welcome its young owner, until the figure of Artur Braus makes his appearance among them, mattock and hat in hand. He's been taking care of the front garden and his forehead is sweaty, wiping it away with his kerchief as he walks, before his daughter can get in the car. He interrupts the scene, clearing his throat.
"Sasha".
Gulping, the girl turns to him. Mikasa walks back to give them some space.
"Pa? What's wrong?"
"You won't get in".
The girl can't understand. Hesitant, she approaches her father.
"Dad…"
Arthur's steps halt when he gets a certain gap from Kurt Ackerman, highlighting their social classes: the home concierge before the wealthy tycoon.
"What's the matter, Arthur? You think I'm letting her drive without her license? She'll just go for a ride with Mikasa and they'll be back in a wink. This is an insured car and it's no harm for her. Why do you worry that much?"
Arthur Braus sighs. The mattock goes to his right hand and, with all his dignity, the hat is back to his head. Mikasa and Sasha make out the scene from their spots with tense expectation.
"Kurt, I'm so thankful for this. I'll always be thankful for everything you've done for me and my family as well as your love for my child, but for Sasha's sake I must turn this gift down".
"But… Dad!"
"Quiet, Sasha", the man states, his voice firm and clear, his eyes going back to Kurt "My daughter will have her own car once she gets to be mature and responsible enough, and for this she must work and get it on her own. It's what her mother and I have taught her. We'll always be grateful to you, but this time I won't let you give her something this expensive. She owns two hands, she will have to work to get what she wants".
For a brief while, the only noise heard inside the big Ackerman garage is the tinkling of the keys Sasha is holding in her shaking hand. Mikasa's eyes go down the floor and a thoughtful Kurt nods, right after a long silence.
"I understand", Mr. Ackerman answers softly "I'm sorry, Arthur. I just wanted to give my niece something useful and fun for her birthday, but I get what you mean".
"Thanks. You can't imagine how important this is for us", Mr. Braus fixes his eyes on his daughter. She looks stressed, powerless "Sasha, look at me".
She doesn't. Her father insists, and everything he gets in return is an angry glare from his daughter's sun-colored eyes.
"Why do you always do this, Dad?", the question escapes her throat like a knife.
"I do this for your own sake, Sasha".
"For my sake? Everything you've forbidden me to have was for my sake? For my own sake you've done nothing else than put me to shame all my life, just because when I finally happen to have something worth it, you are always here to remind me that I have nothing, I owe nothing. Right like now, right like this".
"Someday you will understand, my child".
"There's nothing to understand. Thanks for ruining one birthday more, Dad. Truly, thank you".
Helpless, the girl walks toward the exit. Her eyes are full with tears, but no one notices. Kurt nervously covers his mouth in bewilderment, as Mikasa puckers with sadness. Arthur's mattock hits the floor fiercely.
"Sasha, come back here!", his daughter ignores him and leaves "Sasha!" no matter how many times her father calls her, she won't be back. Mikasa mutters an apology before going after her, as Arthur sighs with a glimpse of regret "I'm so sorry, Kurt. I have a reckless child".
"She's young, Arthur. Someday she'll understand why you do what you do and she'll be proud. Don't pressure her. She's just a girl".
"That's all I want, Kurt. All I want".
As the old ones mourn the youngsters' immaturity, the girls walk away. Running, Sasha finds a hiding in a corner of the main garden, but her best friend will always know where to find her.
"I wanna be alone, Mikasa".
"No. You and I know you don't".
Curled up, Sasha hides her face, hugging her legs. Mikasa sits next to her, her hand leaning on Sasha's back to comfort her.
"Why must he ruin it all?", the girl asks, a while later. Her friend sighs.
"How could I know… Maybe all parents were made for that. Maybe that's one of their missions in this life".
"I'm sick of it".
Mikasa wraps her in her arms. This is one of the things Sasha admires the most about her: her ability to bring comfort. Even when she's not feeling ok.
"Well, that's quite normal. But what is not normal is you ruining your special day".
"Already ruined".
"Of course it isn't. Wanna go to the kitchen and eat some ice cream? It will make you feel better".
"No".
The dark-haired girl insists no more. She understands well Sasha is not in the mood to eat, and that's saying something".
"Fine. You'll come with me to the beach house".
"Huh?", the birthday-girl asks, her head coming out of its hiding place.
"Come on. Armin and I have something for you".
Sasha doesn't refuse. Her confusion is obvious. Nonetheless, she goes with the flow. Armin's name into the chat, knowing it or not, has switched on a light of concern that is never easy to turn off.
Mikasa knows it. And whether she admits it or not, she likes it.
This beach house is, to Eren's eyes, something like a summer palace (even when he hasn't seen one before). When the young man arrives at the pointed address, he knows he must walk a long way after getting out of the taxi. Five minutes hoofing it, and a breathtaking house makes its appearance before his eyes, a magnificent porch covered in gold by the rays of a setting sun as the early twilight bathes the beach in ochre and the choppy sea moves behind his back. Once again, he feels wretched before the Ackerman's wealth, but this time he won't let his discomfort win. Anyway, he must be accustomed to seeing such luxury at this point.
Musn't he?
Armin is the first one to welcome him. Waving, asks him to come into the huge and opulent indoors. They shake hands and Eren looks upon the guests, ignoring the structure and decorations of the place. There are a lot of people, but his eyes seek just one.
And thus, he finds her. Right in the back, near the bar some meters away from the entrance door, making out that silky dark hair and the glint of a pair of emerald earrings Armin leads him to the girls and he must, primarily, congratulate the birthday girl.
"Eren!" Sasha is the first one noticing his presence "What a nice surprise".
"Hi, Sasha. Have a happy birthday," he answers, a smile in his lips as he hands her a small gift box she receives merrily.
"Thank you. May I open it?"
Eren and Armin chuckle when hearing her. The newcomer nods.
"Sure. It's yours. Hi, Mikasa," he says, not wasting the chance of having her close. She unconsciously hides a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Hi, Eren. Thanks for coming".
"Anytime. I must be thankful for inviting me, actually".
During the brief exchange of words and smiles Armin is not able to understand, Sasha opens her present. She puckers when peering at the Paris Hilton's Can Can perfume Eren has bought for her, and when she looks at Mikasa, both of them chuckle quietly. Eren will never know he has terrible taste in buying presents for women… Well, at least not now.
"You don't like it?", he asks, anxiously waiting. Sasha shakes her head no.
"Far from it. It's… pretty nice. Thank you", Sasha answers, nervously giggling. Armin rescues her from her awkward response.
"Eren, I can show you the house if you want to," the blond boy tells, his hands in his pockets. Eren nods and the birthday girl talks again.
"Hope you've brought your swimsuit with you".
"Huh? For what?"
"Heh, you'll see"
A phone rings somewhere among them. The chat is interrupted as Sasha takes a look at her phone screen and moves away from the group and Armin is left behind, sighing. He, Eren and Mikasa can hear her talking to Niccolo and her obvious excitement is annoying because her voice becomes so bright it makes Armin get itchy and her eyes shine so much they make him close his own eyes in pain. He serves a cup of wine and drinks it all in a shot, as they all hear her talking on the phone.
"Hi, hun," a pause. "Yeah, I know you're busy. I'm just waiting for you," another pause "What? No, I haven't gotten it yet… Oh, oh, wait. Wait a minute" in this very moment, a mailman knocks at the main entrance, bringing with him the biggest bouquet of white roses and when the door is opened he asks for Sasha Braus "I am!"
"This is for you, miss. Please, sign here".
In less than two seconds, the ink slides over the sheet.
"Done".
"Thanks. Enjoy your present".
The mailman is gone. The bouquet catches everyone's attention as the girl goes back to her phone call.
"It's beautiful! You're so adorbes", a brief pause and Sasha laughs. Armin drinks another shot. bitterly. "Yeah, I love you too. Bye. Yeah, bye".
When turning around, Mikasa is the first person Sasha sees. Her excitement and joy lead her to her best friend jumping, waiting for her opinion about Niccolo's present.
"They're truly beautiful", Mikasa says, caressing the roses. Sasha's eyes glitter, as Armin makes out her brittle happiness with his heart broken.
"Wow, she forgot so fast about the incident in the kitchen", Armin mumbles, bringing the edge of the wineglass to his lips to drown his words. Although Eren doesn't understand him, he can hear him.
"What do you mean?"
"Nevermind. I'll be in the pool".
Eren is nothing else than a mere bystander, but the eyes are the mirror of the soul and, when Armin leaves his side, he has left the reflection of his own steps like footprints as he passes by.
Mikasa notices it, too, but she keeps quiet.
"Where is Armin going?", the birthday-girl asks, raising her voice over music and the guests' noises.
"Pool", Eren answers.
"We all should go too!", the girl cries, pushing her best friend to the backyard of this huge house. Her happiness is bustling, lively. She doesn't seem to recall the misfortune caused by her father earlier that very day. The crowd follows her to the pool, where Armin feels obliged to stay not to make a scene, neither ruining the moment. Everybody, half of them already in the water, shouts for joy as Sasha's favorite music band, Coldplay, makes their appearance in the celebration: that's Mikasa and Armin's present for their friend, their surprise for her. Live music, pool, trays full of Sasha's favorite meals and snacks as well as one or two alcohol glasses lead the party and until then, the birthday girl thinks there could be nothing better than this. The beer pong game started by Reiner and Hitch (school old friends) is carried on by some acquaintances and others not so close; but Sasha loves to see some new faces on her special day. She joins in too, laughing, pushing Mikasa to the pool when she tries to push her aside from the insidious game. Eren, in turn, is pushed by Armin as a punishment for making fun of him before. The evening out is amazing, dynamic, cheerful, something worthy of someone like Sasha Braus.
Her friends are with her, and that's the most important thing to her.
"You know that one?" Eren asks, having fun as he watches the guy who leads the beer pong game now. He, Mikasa, Armin and Sasha have long fallen into the pool, as the music band continues playing almost nonstop.
"Who? The one who brings the drinks?", the birthday girl answers. Eren nods, amused "I have no friggin' idea", the conclusion to her explanation is a cackle. Eren laughs, too, so does Mikasa. The boys talk to each other, and Eren can't help staring at the dark-haired girl's movements, not being able to take his eyes off of her. Armin's lips, instead, outline a sweet smile, happy to witness Sasha's bliss. He would give his everything to freeze this very moment and make her happiness everlasting.
But all the smiles fade away with the arrival of a new guest.
"The life of the party is here. Did you guys miss me?" that red head is unmistakable. Floch appears in the scene and his presence is outrageous and unexpected "Armin! Long time no see, buddy. You've changed a lot, haven't you? You don't look like the same weakling you did back in school, huh."
The red haired guy wraps Armin in a stifling hug, one of those that makes you cough.
"Hi, Floch. Your hairstyle is as awful as always. Has any hen brooded her eggs there yet?", Armin mocks, as deadpanned as he can. Floch smiles bitterly, turning to Mikasa.
"Your sense of humor, Armin, as odd as always, isn't it?", the red-haired guy states as his attention goes to Mikasa, holding her right hand to kiss it "The jewel my eyes wanted to delight in: Mikasa Ackerman".
"Hi, Floch. But this party is for Sasha, she's the honored one".
"Of course she is!", standing up straight, Floch walks to the birthday girl. He hugs her, too "Congratulations, Sasha. Did your parents give you something worth it at last?"
"Hey, I won't let you say such shit to her. It was enough", Armin's voice raises over people and music. This humiliation doesn't go unnoticed, and Sasha hides her face before others can see her. Floch smirks, raising his hands in surrender as Mikasa embraces her best friend to protect her.
"Sorry, sorry, Sasha. I brought you a gift. Hope you like it".
The girl ignores the present, taking it to leave it on a desk. Floch, not really caring about her, decides to join the party as he tries to get closer to Mikasa. He has no fucking idea of how uncomfortable she feels around him, and he doesn't give a damn, either. As for Armin, he tries to keep calm, but he's not willing to accept another insult against Sasha. He could be her shield, her spear, her protector, her five senses if she wanted to. He could be anything she needs, even if she doesn't need it…
But Sasha quickly forgets the incident, ready to enjoy the rest of her special day. She's happy, she's with friends, with her loved ones, and there's just one person missing, in spite of her happiness.
Niccolo.
The aforementioned arrives one hour later, when night falls in that corner of the Paradi Island and the musicians are long gone. When she notices, she runs to him, frenzied, soaked through the pool water, dressed with that swimsuit that fits her so well and outlines every curve, making her attractive for every eye. But the smile that Niccolo comes with disappears as she comes closer, turning into a bitter expression, full of roughness.
Before she can hug him, he cuts her off.
Armin notices, but he waits. Mikasa is holding his arm. Armin just waits.
"Nick? What's wrong?"
"What the fuck is this? Why are you dressed like that in front of this bunch of people? Look at them, they would eat you up if they could. What's wrong with you? Have you lost your dignity?"
"But, hun, it's my birthday party. We were just having fun at the pool and I'd like you to come too…"
"Pool my balls. Seems like you have no shame at all."
Sasha sighs. She's about to cry.
"Niccolo, why are you talking to me like that?"
She gasps, overwhelmed by panic and shame. Niccolo doesn't seem to care about the volume of his voice and, instead of answering her question, he talks again, imperiously, coldly.
"Put on some clothes. You look like a whore."
His words are so cruel, so sharp, so offensive, they leave open mouthed to all who could listen. Luckily, most of the people were distracted by music and food; however, those who heard were enough for Sasha to feel like a piece of shit.
"Bastard. Who do you think you are?", it's Armin. Niccolo is taller than him, but this doesn't stop the blonde from pushing him to the ground. Mikasa runs to them and Eren comes after and some others "You think you can treat her like a nobody? You're the nobody here, you scum".
Standing up, Niccolo loses his temper. Anyone could have thought he was about to punch Armin, but he restrains himself from doing so, almost sensing that this could get him into worse trouble.
"This is between Sasha and I. Keep your nose out of our business".
"Watch your mouth when you're with her, or I won't be held responsible for my actions".
"Armin, calm down", Mikasa stands in the way, glaring at Niccolo, making him step back. He won't admit it, but this girl scares him.
"She's right, we must calm down and… What's this motherfucker doing here?", the chef flies off the handle when he sees Eren. He's about to throw himself at the guy, but Sasha stops her boyfriend. Anger is gnawing at him inside, but he knows how to pretend. He knows well how to act like an honorable and righteous man. He knows that, under any circumstances, he can't touch Sasha, no matter how fuming he is. "You brought him here", he tells his girlfriend in a low voice "Didn't I tell you I didn't want you near him?"
"He's just a workmate. There's nothing between me and him", Sasha answers, lowering her voice too. Her hands squeeze Niccolo's arm as Floch makes out, excited, amused. He won't take part of the scene, that's none of his business, but he thinks this would be a good video for YouTube and starts recording it all with his phone, so confident no one will notice because they're all too deep into the fight to care.
"If you have some business with me, we'll settle the score right here and now", Eren retorts, clenching his fists. It's Mikasa the one who holds him back, grasping at his wrist. Armin is prey to her strength as well: they won't doubt a second to go against Niccolo if she lets them go.
"No one will settle a thing. No one will ruin Sasha's day. Is that clear? Whoever wants to do that, whoever tries to screw it all up, will have to deal with me first. I'll make sure to kick them out so they won't be able to go back".
Nobody dares to defy her. All the ones involved spread out and Sasha gets away with Niccolo to a corner of the room so they can keep on arguing. She doesn't know it, but Armin's vigilant eye is on her and her boyfriend, keeping a check on them through a mirror that faces the house bar, a double scotch in hand. As for Eren, being the only one who could realize Floch's shady intentions, approaches him in a very threatening way, imposing himself on him to clear up some issues.
"I saw how you were recording it all with your phone, Forster. If you upload that video to any website or social media account, I swear to God that I'll kick your balls so much that you'll have to get a genitals implant", he warns the redhead, patting his left shoulder and an intimidating glare. Floch gulps down, closing his fists when Eren walks away and he shudders out of fear and rage for not being brave enough to confront Kurt Ackerman's assistant.
Meanwhile, Armin still awaits. Looking at the lovers' argument, grief eats him away from the inside and, when Mikasa moves away to go to the restrooms, Eren takes a seat next to him, helping himself to a drink.
"Everything okay?", he asks. Armin huffs bitterly, and Eren can't tell if he's chuckling or just grunting.
"As much as possible", the blonde answers, wincing when his tongue tastes the whisky. His eyes never look away from the mirror in front of him. That's his only window to Sasha and he's not willing to lose sight of her.
"You must take it easy, dude. Being this stressed won't help Sasha either".
"No way. Having that bastard around feels like getting a thrashing right in my guts".
"Or in the balls", Eren jokes. Armin laughs, this time genuinely.
"I must watch over him. I don't trust that asshole".
"Neither do I. I'd do the same if I were you".
"Me?"
Eren drinks a shot. As the liquid goes down his throat, there's silence and he clears his throat because of the warm texture. They can hear murmurs in the distance, a couple having a heated discussion, doing their best not to be noticed.
"You like her, don't you?".
"Huh?"
The green-eyed boy smiles to himself. He nonchalantly ties his hair up before slightly shaking his glass.
"I'm not good at this lovey-dovey stuff, but it's obvious that what you feel for her is different from what you feel for Mikasa, am I wrong?"
Armin can't answer. He's caught by surprise and not knowing how to respond to this statement.
"Uh…"
"Kay, it's okay. No need to answer me but, listen", Eren leans a little towards Armin, leaving his hand on the blonde's shoulder warmly "if I were you, I'd do anything to see her happy. And it's clear she's not happy with that bastard. She doesn't know it, that's for sure. But someone has to make her know".
"What's… What do you mean?", Armin stutters. For some reason he gets somewhat nervous. Eren drinks the rest of his glass in a shot, sitting up straight again. Mikasa is back and they follow her with their eyes until she sits again.
"I mean that you must show her you're the one who can make her happy".
The conversation about Sasha comes to an end. Armin, a little bit confused and flustered, finishes the rest of his drink, asking for one more round. Mikasa leans on the bar, next to her best friend, not aware that the rest of the world is nothing for Eren since the very moment she came back.
"Talking about me?", she asks, arching an eyebrow "You guys kept your mouths shut as soon as I came".
"Not at all. We were talking about how unfair life is", Eren is the one who talks. Armin says nothing and she nods. In the same breath, the blonde guy decides that drinking straight from the 50 year-old Chivas Regal Royal Salute bottle would be better, when the mirror in front of him reflects the loathsome scene of two young lovers joining their lips together in a kiss that is far from being brief. He doesn't need to be a genius to know they have patched things up. Armin wants to cry, but he does not do it. He wonders how this woman can be this blind and let that Niccolo do whatever he wants with her; he wonders what he can do to take her out from this hell disguised as heaven, how to make her realize the raw truth without acting as an enemy, without letting out his feelings for her. Those feelings he has hidden so much for many years.
Alcohol and distress make him feel dizzy. But he doesn't care. Eren is telling Mikasa something and she just bites her lower lip, smiling. They don't notice, but Armin is looking at their movements, shaking his head no. He's not sure of the amount of time they've been talking to each other at this point, and he's too dazed from drinking alcohol to fathom. Nonetheless, he's included in the conversation shortly after…
But the girl in the mirror, the sun-eyed girl, will be the one in his mind for the rest of the day.
Kenny is gone. Seems he'll be out of the country for a while. But Kurt doesn't worry. It's his older brother's habit to leave without informing.
When night falls and Eren turns his broken TV on to watch the news, an uncomfortable and odd taste of relief overwhelms him, knowing there's no clue about Urklin Reiss' murderer. Seems every hint has been erased from earth's surface, every evidence, as well as Kenny Ackerman. But one thing is for sure, tonight, he'll be able to rest better than last night, even when the phantoms of his crime keep wandering around him, right there where his eyes finally shut.
He dials a number.
"Hello?", a voice comes from the other side of the phone. Eren takes a little bit to answer.
"Armin?"
"Oh, Eren. Hi", the boy greets him, recognizing his voice "Is this your phone number? I'll save it".
"Can we meet tomorrow? I need to talk to you. There's something I want to ask you".
At the same time, somewhere outside Paradi, a man getting on in years smokes his cig, walking in the middle of the night; putting his hat on, as he gets ready for his next move.
Again, I apologize for any grammar mistakes. I have no beta reader and English is not my mother language. Thanks for reading.