Chapter 7

A Cat, Yet Not a Cat

The mourning was difficult, even if it froze my bones to the bitter core. I was numb to the announcement of Rowanclaw becoming the new deputy. I found myself uncaring, I only wanted Russetfur to wake up. I wish I knew her longer, I wanted to learn more from her. It was unfair that her life was cut so short by ThunderClan's arrogance.

It all came together in a rough haze, watching as Rowanclaw continued to drag Russetfur's body slowly through the sun-stripes between tangled pine trees. From not far, I scented Flametail's herbs and fur approaching. I barely cast him a glance when he flashed me a look of sympathy. I turned back to the russet fur of my mentor. My eyes were cloudy and hazy with grief.

"We will miss her wisdom." Tallpoppy remarked quietly as she shuffled and took her place next to Cederheart and Whitewater. The elder dipped her head in respect, eyes glistening. Snaketail glanced to her and sighed.

"Many hard-won skills and memories have died with our Clanmate." Snaketail held his chin high, his eyes continuing to remain fixed on her form. A sob choked up in my throat.

Skills that I never got the chance to learn.

Blackstar padded past me as his amber gaze looked down to her. "She died fighting, and she died bravely. We ask no more than that of our warriors."

Even though I could still feel Cederheart's burning stare at me, there was a trace of sorrow. He stood up slowly and padded closer to me, much to my apprehension. I recalled his frost when I first became a true apprentice of the Clan, but the ice had thawed somewhat. "She was my mentor as well." He mumbled softly as I blinked in surprise.

The gray tom was an elder, and it quickly dawned on me that Russetfur had to have been much older than even the elders in the Clan. It made me wonder: was it truly Lionblaze who killed her? Or was it her age catching up to her?

I spotted Rowanclaw as he dipped his head. "She came to ShadowClan a rogue and died a warrior."

Blackstar's gaze lifted higher toward the rising sun, lifting above the pine-tops. He squinted slightly before exhaling a puff of air. "StarClan will welcome her. What we have lost, they will gain. May her memories become our memories, and her skills become our skills."

He turned his head to nod to Rowanclaw, and the orange warrior gently grasped Russetfur's scruff in his jaw. He silently hauled her body over the grave's edge and let it drop into the cold dirt. Something cold landed on my nose, and I came upon the realization that it was snow.

A devastating blow to the Clan in what felt like was the blink of an eye. All at once, winter had come and the Clan was in no fit state to fight, let alone hunt. Even now, I could see the countless wounds dressing over each of my Clanmates. One by one, they stood up and left as the elders remained to bury Russetfur's corpse. I remained unflinching, watching as her form soon disappeared over the dark soil.

Flametail bounded away with his siblings and leader, leaving me behind. I barely lifted my head when I felt a soft tap on my shoulder. I turned around, seeing the dappled form of Applefur. She dipped her head sympathetically. Underneath the same frosted moon, Blackstar had assigned Applefur as my new mentor just last night. "Are you doing alright?"

I quickly shook my head. "Honestly, no." I meowed softly.

Applefur tilted her head and pressed her nose to my forehead gently. "I'll give you a few days to grieve before we resume training. You may want to check in with one of the medicine cats for your wounds as well. Lionblaze really did dig into you."

Lionblaze. His name burned in my stomach and left a bitter taste in my mouth. He's the one who killed her.

I stood up and began to pad away from my new mentor. "I'll be fine, it's just a few scratches. The others need medical attention much more than I do."

Applefur didn't respond, as she likely assumed I was correct. I wanted to remain longer with the grave, but there was likely a hunting patrol I needed to embark on. I followed back to the camp, wriggling my way through the bramble tunnel until I came out of the other end into the camp. Pale sunlight streaked down from the sky as I noticed many of the cats were chattering, and Rowanclaw was beginning to organize hunting patrols.

I trotted over toward the deputy for my daily tasks. "What should I do?"

The orange tom glanced in my direction. "You can go on a hunting patrol wi-"

"Actually, I'd like her to come with me."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as I saw Flametail bound over to the two of us. Rowanclaw flicked an ear curiously at his son. "Why is that?"

"Blackstar wants me to go to the Moonpool. I would like to have an escort with me, and one that's relatively uninjured." His watery blue eyes looked in my direction and I felt an awful chill go down my spine. I knew for a fact he was going to drag me to the Moonpool just to talk to me about that goddamned prophecy once again. I turned my gaze back to Rowanclaw, begging silently to let me hunt but to my despair, he nodded in agreement.

"Understood. We have plenty of paws here. I'd rather you be safe with someone than for you to go alone, especially after ThunderClan's sudden hostility."

Flametail dipped his head. "Thank you. Come on, Fallenpaw."

I flashed a final look of desperation to Rowanclaw over my shoulder as Flametail coaxed me out from the camp. As the pair of us left, the sudden sting of the frozen air came as a shock to my system. It had to be winter now, much to everyone's disdain. I trotted alongside Flametail, flicking my ear in annoyance at him. "So, now that we're alone, what did you want to interrogate me on?"

"Well for one: I genuinely did want to bring one of the healthiest cats with me on the way to the Moonpool." He explained matter-of-factly. "Secondly, yes, I wanted to ask you more." His nose crinkled up as he paused his pawsteps to stare at me. "I knew something was strange the day I met you. Falling, tumbling through the blood will arise a cat, yet not a cat, that will set things right. That's you, isn't it? A tall, black she-cat came to me in my dreams and instructed me to guide you during your time in ShadowClan."

I felt my blood run cold. I distinctly remember the words that Shadowstar said to me only hours before I died. Shuffling uncomfortably, I turned away from him. He was the medicine cat, so there was likely no reason to hide this information from him any longer. "I saw her too." I replied in a near-whisper. "Before I died."

Flametail's blue eyes widened. "Excuse me: died?"

I nodded and flicked my tail. I quickly realized that we were currently standing on the edge of the clearing that was lost in the battle only the previous day. Splotches of blood had frosted over and turned dark. I urged him on and continued walking. "I wasn't always a cat, just as the prophecy claims."

He continued staring, but his expression was unreadable. The pair of us continued walking through the forest, me following him since I didn't know where to go from the camp to the Moonpool.

"At one point, I was a human. Or as you would call them; twolegs."

"H-Hold on, you were a twoleg?"

My hackles began to instinctively rise out of defense. "This is why I didn't say anything. Hours before I died, Shadowstar appeared to me as a spirit. She told me the prophecy, and then followed me throughout the day until I… died. I woke up by the lakeside, and was brought to the ShadowClan camp. I don't understand it, either. But believe me when I say I've been trying to wrap my head around everything."

Flametail was now staring at me in disbelief. "You were a twoleg." He echoed softly.

I nodded.

"But you died?"

I nodded again.

"And now you're a cat," he looked me up and down, not understanding fully. "I can see why you've kept quiet about this. But as unbelievable as it is, the pieces fit together. The night before you arrived, I had a dream myself. There was a flash of red, like blood, and a sharp pain. I remember the sensation of falling until I landed on the lakeshore. Shadowstar approached me and told me that there would be a cat, yet not a cat that I would need to guide and watch over. It's… unbelievable, and I barely understand it myself, but it makes sense. StarClan works in mysterious ways."

I found myself surprised at how easily he took to my truth, but I was still wary. "Why would StarClan choose me?"

"I'm not one to understand why they'd choose a twoleg to join us." Flametail shrugged and shook off a cluster of burrs from his fur while we walked. "But the knowledge of a twoleg must be pertinent in some capacity, or even the change of perspective. Either way, there had to be a reason. I wasn't even aware that StarClan had such a power to move the spirits from one creature into another."

"So you believe me?"

"Barely."

"Can you not tell the others? They might think I'm crazy."

Flametail nodded in agreement. "I won't breathe a word of it. Even Blackstar thought the prophecy was strange when I uttered it to him, but I suppose he listened enough to allow you in the Clan."

His eyes betrayed no lie, watery and still. If only I could figure out whatever he was thinking at any given time. I sighed in defeat and rolled my shoulders. He wasn't the worst guide to have, and he certainly had good intentions, but it'd be nice if he let me have some personal space just to give me time to think every now and then.

As much as I complained, however, I couldn't bring myself to hate him.

We decided to push on through the forest, trying to make our way through ThunderClan territory as swiftly as possible. If they did scent us, I hoped that Flametail's medicine cat stench of herbs and bitter plants would be enough to allow us safe passage. He knew the forest well, as he was born and raised in it, after all.

As we began to follow a slow-moving stream at the other end of the territory, my paws were numb with frost and exhaustion. Yet as the winter air chilled me, I felt comforted and warmed being next to the medicine cat. Something about him knowing my deepest secret was comforting.

"Hey, Flametail?" I asked barely audibly.

He glanced over his ginger shoulder with a look of curiosity dancing in his eyes. "Yes?"

I hesitated before sighing and breathing out, "Thanks."