Chapter 17

Acceptance

Fallenfrost's chest aches hearing the tiny coughing of Dewkit persisting in the medicine den. Flametail had been working day and night to treat her, but nothing had seemed to work. Whatever it was, she likely caught it from Mistkit's cough. It was difficult to sleep, not when Dewkit had trouble breathing.

Fallenfrost nosed her way into the medicine den quietly as she could, carrying a squirrel she had caught earlier that morning. Over a moss patch, she could see Flametail working to treat the limp form of Dewkit, making her as comfortable as he could. Fallenfrost tried to avoid looking at the gray kitten the best she could as she placed down the squirrel for the ginger tom.

"I got you some fresh-kill, it's still warm." She promised as she eyed the storage. "Did you need help with anything?"

"I wish you could," Flametail sighed as he curled his tail over his paws. "It's so strange, nothing seems to be working. I even had gathered borage beforepaw."

"Beforepaw?" Fallenfrost echoed. She peered over the edge of the nest to look at Dewkit once again.

Flametail turned away sheepishly, almost afraid to give Fallenfrost the answer. "This may sound crazy," he began slowly, "But ever since I fell in the lake, I've been having strange visions, not like the ones I normally get from StarClan. It's almost like deja vu, I can't explain it." He shook his head.

Fallenfrost padded forward and sat down. "Try me." She challenged him.

A light caught Flametail's eyes as he whipped his face to her. "Not here," he mumbled as he motioned a tail over to Littlecloud sorting herbs at the other end of the den. "I can talk to you about it later. I have to ask you, though: how are you adjusting to being a warrior?"

Fallenfrost shuffled her paws awkwardly. "It's fine," she replied modestly. "I can't help but feel like something is missing, though. I can't pinpoint why. It feels like I'm forgetting something really important." She shook out her fur, her head scattered for thoughts. Since she's fallen in the lake as well, Fallenfrost hasn't fully felt like herself anymore. She felt as though something was ripped out from her chest and body, despite still being whole physically. She figured at first it could be amnesia, but it wouldn't make sense why she suddenly couldn't remember anything from before she joined ShadowClan.

The medicine cat nosed a pair of indigo colored berries toward Dewkit. "Things have just been strange since the accident," he muttered in a near-whisper. "I can't explain it but I… feel like I'm not supposed to be alive?"

"Don't say that," Fallenfrost blurted out as she quickly stood up to begin lashing her tail. "You have every right to live as much as the next cat."

"I'm not saying I want to be dead. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly grateful to you." Flametail's eyes turned to stare past Fallenfrost. "It's just that I feel I shouldn't."

Fallenfrost was about to object once again until a thin, pale brown lithe tom with wild blue eyes came barreling into the medicine den, his chest heaving. "Flametail, Littlecloud, Ivytail needs one of you!"

The ginger tom turned around to face Owlclaw. Littlecloud had already made his way across the den to meet the warrior. "What's wrong?" The tiny brown tom asked.

"She's kitting," Owlclaw shook his head, "She needs help- Ivytail won't stop yowling!"

Flametail turned desperately to Littlecloud and then back down at Dewkit. "Can you go? I need to keep an eye on Dewkit."

Littlecloud nodded. He no longer appeared sick, but instead perfectly healthy as he was when Fallenfrost first arrived at ShadowClan. "I got it. Let me grab the necessary herbs first." Littlecloud stepped back over to the storage in search of the proper herbs. He called out over his shoulder to the anxious father. "Go find Ivytail a stick, something for her to clamp down on. I'll be there as soon as I can."

Owlclaw anxiously nodded and quickly turned tail out of the den. Fallenfrost turned to Flametail and then back at the gathered herbs. As Littlecloud left the den, she looked to her friend worriedly. "Is she going to be okay?"

"She's not the first queen to ever kit, and Littlecloud has seen countless births. Ivytail is a strong she-cat, she's going to be fine."

"What about Dewkit?"

His gaze faltered. His watery eyes looked down to the kit who was in the middle of another bout of coughing. He flinched as his long tail dragged on the sandy floor of the medicine den. As Dewkit's misted eyes looked up to the medicine cat, Fallenfrost could feel the energy of the forced smile. "She's going to be fine," she saw him lie through his teeth.

Dewkit's mew was weak, "Why is Ivytail screaming? Is she hurt?"

Fallenfrost was quick to speak up, "She's going to be fine. You'll be getting some new denmates soon!"

She tried to prop herself up over the ledge of the nest. "Will I be able to play with them?"

Flametail purred in amusement. "You'll need to wait until they're a little bit bigger for that."

The kitten nestled herself back into the warm straw of the nest. She released an exasperated huff followed by another cough. "I want to go play now. It's not fair that Mistkit and Sparrowkit are already better." She flicked her tail and puffed out her cheeks, causing Fallenfrost to chuckle. She looks like an annoyed frog!

"I'm going to get new moss for her nest. Fallenfrost, you can keep an eye on her." Flametail stood up from his position. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

Fallenfrost nodded in agreement as the ginger tom stepped out and into the camp. The brown tabby curled up next to the nest and watched sympathetically as Dewkit began to shiver. Would it be inappropriate if she allowed the kit to curl up next to her for warmth?

Glancing back and forth, she decided that she should. Poor thing must be so touch-starved after being confined to the medicine den for the past few days!

The she-cat stepped over the rim of the nest and curled up in the moss and feathers next to Dewkit. The kitten wordlessly pressed herself up against the warm fur of Fallenfrost. Her eyes were screwed shut as she concentrated on not coughing.

"F-Fallenfrost," the kitten wheezed, "what's it like to be a warrior?"

She blinked in surprise at Dewkit's sudden question. She thought for a moment, lifting her head dramatically. "Let me think," she began gently, trying to choose her words carefully. "It's rewarding. You can hunt, patrol, and fight for your Clan. It's a way to repay them for taking care of you. It's nice knowing that you have the ability to protect the ones you love."

"I wish I was big enough already to do that," Dewkit mumbled through Fallenfrost's fur. "That way I wouldn't be stuck in this den with other cats taking care of me. I want to be training already."

Fallenfrost smiled sympathetically at the kit. "You will eventually, you won't be little forever."

"Do kittens stay as kits in StarClan?" Dewkit asked suddenly, catching Fallenfrost off guard.

The she-cat blinked in surprise and nervously laughed in response. "Why would you ask such a thing?"

"Flametail's a liar," she rasped. "I think I'm going to go to StarClan, but I don't want to be stuck as a kit."

The weight of Dewkit's questions hit Fallenfrost like a boulder. A pebble of panic began to form in her lungs as she tried to hitch her breath. She curled her tail over Dewkit's pelt as a way to try and comfort her. "You're not going to die," she tried to promise, "you're going to become a strong warrior just like Toadfoot."

Dewkit went quiet as she buried her head into Fallenfrost's pelt. She said nothing else as Flametail entered into the medicine den with layers of fresh green moss dripping from his jaw. He placed the collection next to the nest. His eyes drifted to Fallenfrost, who's expression was now dim with sorrow.

Fallenfrost looked up, only exchanging a quick stare with the medicine cat as the two of them wordlessly spoke. The thing on both of their minds was the fruitlessness of curing Dewkit. She didn't have much time left, and the most that they could do was make her comfortable.