Chapter 22

You Can't Have Me

A hand wreathed in a thickened red plaid reached out to help me stand up after I've slipped on the ice. I looked up, mind still hazy with pain until I was able to recognize that it was Abbie standing above me, a crooked smile on her face.

"I told you that you'd fall on your ass if you jumped right into the ice-skating ring."

I huffed in annoyance and allowed her to help me get up. I was pretty sure that I didn't hit my head, but my rear-end and ribs felt sore from the impact on solid ice. The air was frigid from the artificial temperature in the ice-rink in the center of the town's mall. It was supposed to be a treat for my birthday to take me to the big city and mess around in town until we could barely hold our eyelids open, just like we all did every year.

I saw Elias was standing outside of the ring's gates, already taking off his ice-skates and slipping on his winter boots. I caught his gaze and felt a hot blush come to my cheeks. Things have changed between the two of us ever since he tried to kiss me after the homecoming we went to with all of our friends, but it was cut short by his ride rolling up to take him home.

It's been difficult to look him in the eye since then.

"Come on," he urged Abbie and I, "our time's up. We can go get some hot chocolate or something."

"Hot chocolate sounds good!" Abbie replied with a dumb grin on her face as she helped guide me back to the gate. She opened it and pulled me inside back to the warmth of the parlour. Even if the area stank of old socks and cheap hot dogs, it was still a welcoming place to be.

I took off the boots and slipped on my regular fur boots.

"Whos' paying?" I asked.

"Well, not you," Abbie teased as she began to tie the sleeves of her coat back around her waist. "It's your birthday after all!"

Elias rolled his bright blue eyes. "I guess I'll be paying like I always do."

"Woohoo!"

I glanced away, feeling my chest crack. I hadn't even told them that I was going to be moving in the next few months, this would be the last time we could all celebrate together.

I brushed aside the thought and put on a big grin. "Let's go, I was thinking of some cinnamon rolls too."

Fallenfrost awoke with a start, a cold sweat covering her body as she snapped out of the dream. She looked down, trying to take in her breaths as her. Her fur was spiked out, hackles raised and terrified as she tried to smooth down her bristled fur. She was shaking, she had just realized it.

What kind of dream was that?

As she caught her breath, she realized that she was once again in the Dark Forest, and her whiskers were twitching in apprehension. The mist and fog swirled around her to only increase her terror and insecurities. The mushrooms glowed dimly against the tree trunks, fireflies lazily humming and floating in the air. Despite the calm, there was a horrible shroud of dread that was beginning to choke out Fallenfrost's lungs.

She couldn't do this anymore, the nightmares were too vivid, the Dark Forest was too real, and she knew now that something was wrong. She was going to leave for good, and never come back.

Fallenfrost had broken out into a sprint, her paws carrying her on instinct through the darkened and frozen forest. Pinpricks of weeds dug into her pawpads. She was struggling to breathe, flying and weaving in between the tangled roots and branches of trees. Tears pricked her eyes at that point as she kept trying to chant to herself.

"I have to get out, I have to get out," she begged not only to herself, but to all the cruelty and haughtiness of StarClan.

No matter how far she ran however, she could not find an edge to the forest. It kept moving endlessly, and her lungs were screaming for release. But she couldn't allow herself to be trapped in this place, she needed to get out, no matter what the cost was.

Exhaustion overtook Fallenfrost at last as she collapsed in the center of a clearing of pine-needles and moss. She was dizzied as she tried to catch her breaths, paws aching and shaking from fatigue. She needed water, but she knew the Dark Forest had none.

"Leaving already?"

The exhaustion faded away as she scrambled to her paws and whirled around to see the horribly familiar form of Hawkfrost. His mouth was curled into a smug grin as he padded out from the treeline closer toward Fallenfrost. In response, she took several pawsteps back.

"Get away from me," she growled, hackles rising. "I know what was told to my Clanmates. All of them were given different promises for joining this place. I don't want on this insanity anymore, I want to be a normal cat again."

Hawkfrost chuckled. "You were never normal to begin with." He pointed out coyly. "Even if you leave, you'll never fit in with the rest of your Clan. You were always a little different, a little strange. They don't consider you a true Clanmate. But here in the Dark Forest, you are our Clanmate. We don't discriminate between borders or origins."

"Don't give me that!" Fallenfrost spat defensively as he took another pawstep closer to her. Her tail was lashing wildly. She had to wake up at some point, right? What if Hollowpaw was right and they tried to kill her for wanting to leave? "You don't care about the Clans, none of this training has anything to do with uniting the Clans. In fact, you only seem to be trying to pit the Clans against each other. Flametail won't even listen to me anymore. I don't care what you say, I'm leaving."

Fallenfrost turned around, but it was likely her biggest mistake. As soon as she turned, she felt a pummelling weight on her back. The air was knocked out of her when Hawkfrost wrestled her to the ground and flipped her onto her back to face up at him, her stomach exposed.

His eyes were no longer kind and mysterious, but now they were fierce with an ice cold rage. He slashed her claws across her face, drawing across her cheek and down over her soft neck fur. Hot blood welled up and panic began to spring in her stomach.

Was Hollowpaw right? She wondered in despair. I just have to wake up, that's it.

"You'll live to regret this," Hawkfrost's voice was an unforgiving snarl in her ear, his breath hot against her ear despite him being dead.

"I'll be glad to see the day it happens." She snapped back in response.

At that instant, she was slammed awake just as Hawkfrost was about to draw his claws across her throat. Fallenfrost was sprawled out of her nest across the ground, realizing that there is a sharp pain on her tail. She turned lazily to see the pale figure of Snowbird flicking an ear angrily as she released her paw that was snapped on Fallenfrost's tail. "Try to not kick at me the next time you're asleep." The she-cat hissed.

Fallenfrost sighed in relief. Thank StarClan that she was tossing and turning enough to bother someone to urge her awake. "Sorry," the brown tabby murmured.

If I go back to sleep, will Hawkfrost be waiting for me?

Fallenfrost stood up and shook the dried leaves clinging to her pelt. "I'll go to Littlecloud or Flametail, maybe they can give me something to sleep better."

Snowbird scoffed and rolled over to go back to sleep. "Stay over there if you can help it. You've been kicking me all night."

Fallenfrost sighed and moved to walk out from the den and into the still silence of the camp. The quietness reached her, and she swore she could even hear the blood pounding through her body. She padded across the camp quickly to reach the medicine den. She shouldered past the lichens to surprisingly see Flametail curled up in his nest, but he was wide awake, blue eyes glistening in the darkness.

"You're awake?" She asked in a low whisper.

He lazily turned toward her. "I keep having those visions," he explained as he heaved himself to his paws. If she didn't know any better, she would say that he had the eyes of an elder. "Last night, I saw a misty and darkened forest, fireflies fluttering around. I didn't know where I was until I saw Ivypool, that she-cat in ThunderClan." he blinked slowly as his ears folded back in distress. "She tried to kill me. I managed to wake myself up, but I know deep in my heart it was another vision of an alternate reality, but it's beginning to get difficult to differentiate between reality and fiction."

Her throat was parched with sympathy for him. She padded forward and nudged his shoulder gently with her nose. "I'm here, I'm real." She gently urged with a purr rumbling in her chest. "I've had a lot of nightmares too."

She heard his inhale to breathe in her scent, but he was quick to wrench himself away with a sharp breath. "S-Sorry, I-"

"It's fine." She cut him off quickly before he could go on. Fallenfrost glanced away as she felt her eartips beginning to grow warm. "Maybe I could stay here tonight? Snowbird was getting annoyed at me for writhing in my sleep."

Flametail nodded and turned away. "Yeah, you can rest here. I'll wake you up before morning patrol. Do you want to take some poppy seeds?"

The thought of falling back asleep and possibly returning to the Dark Forest was unappealing to say the least. Despite the exhaustion fluttering at her eyelids, she couldn't afford to lose herself to her dreams and Hawkfrost. Fallenfrost shook her head. "I'll be fine, save them for yourself."

Flametail nodded and turned away to quietly rest in his bedding with a sigh.

Fallenfrost couldn't sleep at all that night.