I walked into the room, and immediately was surrounded by tiny eyes and hands. Everyone was excited that I finally arrived, even the grown ups. I guess I was their favorite. Or something.

The excitement and yells of "Miss Carter!, Sam!, You're here!, Miss Sam! YEAH!" always make me feel good about being here. I went over to the volunteer table to check in with Veronica to see what needed to be done tonight.

"Hey, V, I'm here."

"Hi Sam! It's a crazy night tonight. We are painting or drawing ornaments for the big tree in the entrance way," Veronica said.

"Nice. What can I do?"

"If you could sit at the tables with the younger kids and help them with stringing the ribbon through for the hanger, that would be great," V said.

"Sure thing."

I smiled at V, then turned to go find a table to sit.

I've been volunteering every place I have been stationed. Giving back to my community is important to me. I take it seriously. I don't know if I will ever have kids of my own, so I enjoy helping those who need it most. Especially this time of year.

I sat down at a table with three of the younger kids, ages 5-8. This table had different ornament shapes pre-cut from cardstock paper. The kids would make drawings on the paper ornament, or put glitter or put stickers on them. I took a paper punch and punched one hole at the top to string a ribbon through to hang on the tree.

One little girl, Amy, was placing a line of glue on her green tree ornament. She sprinkled red glitter over the glue, and was being very meticulous about the process. I told her to let it dry for a little bit before blowing off the extra glitter. But she lifted her ornament and blew the extra glitter in my face. It was an accident, and I knew it.

I still smiled and laughed loudly with her, and all of the other kids at the table laughed too. Amy's tree ended up looking like a tree with red garland strung around it.

"You are very good at art, Amy," I said. The little girl looked at me with big eyes and a smile that went from eye to eye.

"Thank you, Miss Sam. I love to draw and make things."

"I can see that. OK, let your pretty tree dry, then we can put the ribbon on, OK?"

Amy smiled at me. I brushed some of the red glitter out of her face. We both shared a laugh again as we waited for Amy's glue to dry.

On my way out for the night, I had asked V about Amy. She and her mom had been at the shelter for three months. The girl's father used to beat the mother. A friend had helped them get out across town into Heart's Light.

"V, Amy is very good at art. Is she in school?"

"Yes, she is in first grade. Her mom almost has enough money for a deposit on a small apartment. She works at King Soopers as an assistant store manager. She still has to be on the lookout for the ex," V replied.

"I had...I had no idea. So can Amy get any further education in the arts? I mean, I know she's still young, but I think she has a lot of talent."

"Probably just what she gets at school. We don't have money for instruction here at the shelter. For any subject. I wish we did. There's a lot of talented kids here," V said.

"I wish I could help them all."

"Ya, me too, Sam. Me too. When will you be back? You are always the highlight of the night when you show up," V said with a smile.

"Soon. I'll call when I know my schedule. I do enjoy my time here," I said smiling. Then I left to go home.

...

As I drove, I wondered about my own life. Would I ever have a child? I had no one in my life to even try right now. I don't know that I'd ever want to have a child and not be in a relationship with someone. Plus with the job, would it be fair to traipse across the galaxy with the potential to not come back? Without a significant other to care for the child, it is impossible.

Then there was Jolinar. Janet said the blending, then her death, took a toll on my body. I would always have naquadah in my blood now. They say it may eventually dissipate, but so far after three or so years, it was still there.

Then there is the overall stress from the job itself. Sometimes I feel like I live off of adrenaline. We never know what we'll face on the other side of the Gate. I love my job, don't get me wrong. I have no doubt about that. But I'll do what I always do, and put thoughts of family on the backburner once again. For now I have my job.

…

I stopped for groceries on my way home before the stores closed for the night. As I pulled up to my house, my headlights illuminated something on my front lanai. I parked the car, and walked around to the front of my house.

There were a few presents on the doorstep. I smiled and figured it was the guys who left them there while I was out volunteering at the shelter. I brought the groceries inside, then went back to pick up the presents.

I put all the presents under my small tree, then picked up my phone. I called the Colonel's house because I knew they guys were over at his house tonight for Christmas Eve. He answered the phone, and I immediately heard the other two yelling my name in the background. I smiled, quietly missing spending the time with them.

'Carter! Merry Christmas!' he said rather loudly when he answered.

"Hi sir. Merry Christmas."

'Whatcha doin? You comin' over? How were the kiddos this week?' he asked.

I could hear Daniel talking in the background, telling Jack to ask me how I was doing and to come over. I can imagine Teal'c staring Daniel down and raising an eyebrow.

"The kids were wonderful, sir. There's a lot of very smart kids there. Very talented artistic kids, too. I just want to help them all, you know?"

'I wish we could help them all, too. But, perhaps by you helping even one of them, you are changing their future. And since it's you, their futures would be changed in a very positive way,' Jack said.

I smiled at his warm sentiment.

"Well, thank you, sir. I hope so too."

'So, you coming over, or what?' he asked.

"No, sir. I'm in for the night. But I will see you all over here tomorrow and we can open presents! So don't forget mine!"

'We could never forget you, Carter. You got the ones out front?' he asked me.

"I did, thank you. I'm gonna go. You all have a great night and I'll see you all tomorrow."

'What time, Carter?'

"How about any time after noon?"

'Sounds good. Good night, Carter. Merry Christmas.'

"Merry Christmas, sir. Good night."

I hung up, and went to my room to change into pajamas. I walked back to the kitchen and made a cup of Sleepy Time Tea. I thought about the time that has passed since the Colonel went missing on Edora.

I know I had an irrational reaction to how he reacted to seeing me on Edora. He just didn't understand what I went through to get him back. I pretty much changed the laws of physics to get him back. Then he ignored me, and went into her arms.

I don't know why I felt the way I did. Maybe a simple 'thank you' would have sufficed. I don't know. I push my feelings down again, and carry on like I always do.

…

I woke up the next day and put on one of my ugly Christmas Sweaters. I looked at myself in the mirror and decided I looked rather cute and festive. I wonder what the Colonel would think of me in this sweater. I cringe at my own thoughts. Why would I care what he thinks what I look like?

The sweater had a small argyle print in red and green, overlaid by patches sewn on to make it look like it had missing pieces. The patches were in the shape of ornaments. There were even two actual plastic ornaments hanging on the sweater, strategically placed, of course, that I added on myself. I shook my head at how silly this was, then went to the kitchen to get ready for the guys to come over.

My fridge was full of beer, Sprite, and Diet Coke. The guys were bringing the food. Last year we ended up with only Chinese and pizza. This year, I made a list of things to bring so no one would bring over the same dish.

I had potato chips and dip in the house. I let them keep Chinese on the list of things to bring, and I added veggies and dip, salad, wings, and chips and salsa. I have no idea what the guys are bringing, but at least this year will be varied.

Daniel and Teal'c arrived first. Daniel carried in the presents and put them under the tree, while Teal'c carried in chicken wings and salad. Teal'c put the food on the kitchen island, then turned to bow at me and wished me great felicitations. I smiled back at him and hugged him.

"Happy Holidays, Teal'c. Thank you for coming."

Daniel walked back to me and hugged me. I wished him Merry Christmas. He went to the fridge and grabbed a beer for him, and a Sprite for Teal'c. We sat in my living room waiting for Colonel O'Neill to show up.

He arrived about an hour later. Daniel and Teal'c went to help him bring his stuff inside. He had Chinese food and chips and salsa. Daniel rolled his eyes at him, knowing full well that he got the chips and salsa at the place that I loved the most. Teal'c put O'Neill's presents under the tree.

"Hey, uh, nice sweater, Carter," he said, not even trying to hold back a sarcastic smile. I noticed him looking at the strategically placed ornaments.

I smiled back at him, then returned to what I was doing. I felt myself flush at the attention he was giving my sweater.

The Colonel grabbed a beer out of the fridge, and the four of us started grazing on the food. We stood around the food on the island. I stood directly in front of the chips and salsa, of course. We talked and joked, ate too much food, and smiled and laughed with each other. I was having such a good time with them. They really are my family.

After grazing for a while, we opened presents. It was a crazy, mad, free for all with no order to the chaos of paper flying around the room.

We all sat around relaxing and talking again. Then I got up off of the couch and went towards the kitchen to get refills. The Colonel joined me. We brushed past each other, and the Colonel stopped me by gently touching my arm.

"Hey, Carter. What's all this?" he asked so softly. His voice is so, I don't know, comforting, when it's so low and soft. It hits me where it should not.

He ran his fingers through my hair. His long, strong fingers came out of my hair with red glitter on them. His fingers felt like fire.

"Oh," I said, a bit bashful, "the kids and I made ornaments the other day. Some of them were using glitter. I got some in my hair, and I swear that stuff never comes out," I said, smiling up at him.

"Freeze!" Daniel yelled to everyone.

He walked up to me and Jack and pointed to the ceiling.

The Colonel and I looked up. Someone had put mistletoe on my ceiling.

"Oh, no Daniel. I don't think so," I said, trying to get out of the way. Jack still had a gentle hand on my arm.

"Carter, it's just a kiss," Jack said, putting his other hand on my cheek.

He leaned in and gave me a kiss on my cheek.

But once his warm, soft lips hit my cheek, I froze. I flushed a million shades of red. I was a little pissed. I pulled back away from his lips a few seconds later, and moved away from his warm hand on my arm.

I was conflicted. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to stop. I wanted the Earth to swallow me up. What was happening?

"Um, I'm sorry. You, I, uh, shouldn't have, I need to go pee," I said, then quickly left the room.

That's when I knew. I could no longer deny my feelings for him. Dammit.