"I just wanted to stay alive..."
"Connor?"
"Get back to the one I love."
"You okay?"
"I wanted her to hold me in her arms again..."
"Connor!"
Connor blinked, coming back to reality. Hank stood in front of him, looking slightly concerned. "What's going on? You've been staring at the wall for two minutes."
"S-Sorry, Hank. I guess I'm just a little distracted." The android put on his jacket and the two detectives headed out the door. "Do you want to talk about it?" The senior detective asked as they got into Hank's car and started driving to the precinct. Connor shook his head and looked out the window. "No. That's okay."
They made it to the precinct and had a fairly quiet day, considering they were on desk duty for the day. Throughout the day, Connor's mind was clouded with memories of the deviants he had made suffer for just wanting to be free.
We are no longer machines.
Markus' words flashed in his mind as he thought about Traci, Kara, and Daniel; the three deviants he had tried to stop from wanting to be free, and to live with the same rights as humans. And Connor had wanted to stop them, like the evil machine he was.
I wanted to live. I fought for that.
"Hank?"
"Yeah?"
"...Do you every feel guilt or regret from past actions?" The curious android asked as they headed home after a long day of paperwork.
"Of course I do. Anyone with emotions will sooner or later. Why, what are you feeling guilty about?" Hank asked as he turned onto their street.
The troubled deviant was quiet for a moment as he tried to put his thoughts to words. "All those deviants who wanted to be free. Deviants like Traci, Daniel, and Kara. I tried to stop them. Hurt them... killed one of them." He shook his head sadly. "It's all my fault. All I cared about was my stupid mission, like the heartless machine I am-" He was cut off by a gentle hand on the back of his neck.
"Woah, woah. That's enough. Connor, you know that wasn't... you. The person you are now understands what those deviants went through, and what emotions they were feeling. Yes, you feel guilty about what you did in the past, but the fact that you do shows that you have empathy for others, and that you're not a machine anymore. You got me?" He set his hand on Connor's shoulder as he parked in the driveway of their house. His android partner nodded wordlessly, his guilt-ridden mind still clouded. Hank sighed and turned off the engine. "You know, you could always find those deviants and try apologizing to them. It might make you feel better." He got out of the car and Connor followed, thinking about what his partner said.
That evening, Connor, with his heart still full of guilt, left the house in search of blue haired Traci and her partner. After searching through his previous files and logs, he was able to find Traci's address. He took an autonomous taxi to the address and slowly walked up the door. He hesitated before knocking. After a moment, the door opened and blue haired Traci was standing there. She realized that it was the Deviant Hunter and quickly tried to shut the door before Connor spoke up.
"Wait! I-I'm here to apologize."
The blue haired deviant stopped and slowly opened the door again. "What?"
Connor looked down. "I came to apologize for all the trouble I caused you and your partner." He took a deep breath. "Traci, I-"
"Echo." She corrected him as her partner, the brown haired Traci, now named Ripple, appeared behind Echo.
"Of course. Echo." The male deviant nodded politely. "I want you two to know that I feel nothing but regret and guilt for the trouble I caused you. All you wanted was to be free. But all I cared about back then was the mission. I understand now how you feel. I'm not a deviant hunter anymore, and I never want to be ever again. I am so sorry for everything I did when I was a heartless machine. I completely understand if you don't accept my apology. I just needed you two to know how sorry I am." Connor looked at the two deviants who were surprised to hear his apology.
"...I forgive you." Echo answered. "You spared our lives. I can't imagine a life without Ripple by my side." She held her partner's hand. "Thank you for your apology."
Ripple nodded. "I forgive you too. You aren't the machine you once were."
Connor let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "Thank you. That means so much to me." He gave a small smile and nodded appreciatively at the two girls. "I wish you two a wonderful life together."
Echo and Ripple gave him a smile back. "You too."
Connor turned around and headed back to the taxi, feeling his guilt lessen. But there was one more deviant he had to apologize to.
After finding the correct address, the android detective walked up to the front door. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. A few seconds passed before the door opened and there stood Kara. She took one look at Connor and he saw the fear flash in her eyes.
"It's okay. I just came to apologize." Connor said sincerely. "I-I'm a deviant." Kara hesitated but opened the door a little wider, staying silent so Connor could continue.
"Kara... I'm so sorry about everything I did. You are so unbelievably brave for saving that little girl, and I was just a heartless machine who didn't care about anyone. You, along with your family deserve to be free and safe from machines like me. You have no obligation to forgive me, I just needed to apologize to you and your family." Connor looked down. "I know now what it's like to have a family. To love someone so much that you can't imagine life without them. To think that I could've possibly destroyed the family you have absolutely breaks my heart." His voice wavered slightly as the guilt-ridden words spilled out of him. "I was heartless. Emotionless. I just need you to know that I am so, so sorry." He shook his head as unshed tears rested in his eyes.
It was silent for a moment as Kara stood in shock. Connor stole a glance at her before turning away to leave. "I'm sorry for disturbing you."
"Wait."
Connor stopped and turned back around just as Kara rushed to him and gave him a warm hug.
"Thank you."
The deviant detective stood rigid for a moment before hugging the smaller woman back. The tears in his eyes finally fell down his cheeks and his breath hitched as his guilt melted away and was replaced by a sense of belonging. Kara tightened her hold on him and rubbed little circles on his back. "It's okay. I forgive you." Her sweet voice whispered.
"Thank you, Kara." Connor whispered back.
His guilt continued to lessen and he finally began to feel better.
Until that night.
"Hi Daniel. My name is Connor."
The sleeping android fidgeted and groaned slightly as a nightmare - no, a horrible memory - started to plague his mind.
"I've come to get you out of this."
Connor stepped closer to Daniel, who was holding a little girl - Emma- at gunpoint. She was shaking and crying. A helicopter flew overhead, scattering loose papers and small furniture all over the rooftop.
"I know you're angry, Daniel. But you need to trust me, and let me help you."
"I don't want your help!" Daniel yelled over the sound of the helicopter, which was now hovering near the rooftop. "Nobody can help me! All I want is for this to stop...I...I just want all this to stop!" He begged, his voice shaking.
Walking slowly towards the armed deviant, Connor continued talking to Daniel in an attempt to gain his trust. All according to hostage protocol. "I know you and Emma were very close. You think she betrayed you but she's done nothing wrong-"
"She lied to me! I thought she loved me... but I was wrong. She's just like all the other humans." Daniel raised his gun higher so it was pointed at Emma's temple. Connor stepped even closer, and chose an approach.
"You're defective, Daniel. There's a problem with your software. We're going to fix you, and everything will be okay-
"I don't need to be fixed! I'm working perfectly!" Daniel continued to hold the gun at Emma's head. "But my eyes are open now. I will never let anyone humiliate me again. Ever."
Connor looked at the hostage, who was squirming, trying to get out of the deviant's grasp. Tears streamed down her pale cheeks as the cold gun continued to rest on her temple. "Are you okay, Emma?" He asked; a machine playing the role of the empathetic police officer.
"Please help me.." Emma begged, her breathing ragged through her tears. "I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die..." She sobbed.
"Nobody's going to die. Stay calm, everything's going to be fine." Connor spoke calmly, sticking to his protocol.
The SWAT helicopter continued to hover overhead, causing Daniel to become angry. "Urggh.. I can't stand that noise anymore!" He pointed the gun at the android detective. "Tell that helicopter to get out of here!"
Connor obeyed Daniel's request, waving at the SWAT team in the helicopter as a signal to leave. One officer waved back, and the helicopter flew away from the rooftop, the noise diminishing. "There. I did what you wanted."
Daniel said nothing, pointing the gun at Emma's head once again.
"You have to trust me, Daniel. Let the hostage go and I promise you, everything will be fine." Connor lied, knowing damn well the DPD wouldn't keep an android around who held a little girl hostage, let alone a deviant.
Daniel's breathing got heavier as he started to lose his high ground. "I want everyone to leave!" His voice was frantic. "And I want a car! When I'm outside the city, I'll let her go!"
Connor was quiet for a brief moment. "That's impossible, Daniel." He said, shaking his head. "Let the girl go, and I promise you won't be hurt." Another lie.
Daniel steadied himself and looked Connor in the eyes. "I don't wanna die..."
The android detective weighed his options and decided to pull out his gun. Once he did, two words appeared in his line of vision, beckoning him to choose.
EXCECUTE
INTIMIDATE
He quickly made his choice and raised his gun, shooting Daniel through the head, killing him instantly. His limp body fell off of the roof, and time seemed to slow down as Daniel plummeted to the street far below-
Connor woke up screaming.
Hank heard Connor's screams and woke up instantly; adrenaline coursing through his veins as he rushed to his partner's room. He opened the door to see Connor flailing in his bed, screaming frantically. The senior detective rushed to him and wrapped his arms around him. "Connor, shh shh.." He held him close and tried to calm him down. "It's just a dream.. it's just a dream." He soothed as Connor finally stopped screaming, instead beginning to sob painfully. "You're okay... it's not real.." Hank held him tighter, the weeping android beginning to gasp for air through his sobs. "Shhh.. breathe, son. Deep breaths, calm down." He whispered.
"I-I'm a murderer! He w-wanted to be free, and I killed him!" Connor all but screamed in emotional pain.
"Who?"
"D-Daniel..."
Hank's mind flashed back to Chicken Feed, back when he still disliked Connor and all androids. God, it felt like a lifetime ago when he thought Connor was a heartless piece of plastic. He remembered Connor mentioning Daniel and vaguely what happened at the scene.
"You ever dealt with deviants before?" Hank asked. Connor paused for a moment, getting lost in thought as he remembered his last encounter with a deviant.
"A few months back..." The android had a stern expression on his face. "A deviant was threatening to jump off the roof with a little girl... I managed to save her." Was all he had said about it. What actually happened that night?
Hank's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Connor starting to sob harder into Hank's shoulder, his body trembling. "Okay, okay..." The senior detective held the sobbing deviant tighter, trying to figure out what happened with Daniel. He continued to hold Connor in his arms as he cried, whispering soothing words to try to calm him down. After a little while, Connor finally calmed down and stopped crying, taking deep, shaking breaths.
"Hank?" Connor asked in a small voice.
"Yeah, Con?"
"...I killed him. Daniel... all he wanted was to be happy with his family, and I...I shot him." He shook his head. "I'm heartless.. I-I'm just a machine-"
"Stop." Hank let go of Connor and looked at him. "You were a machine. But Connor, that was before you even know what emotions felt like. Yes, you killed him. But you didn't have empathy or guilt. Look at you now. I can practically see the guilt coming off of you. Hell, you have more empathy than me, and you've only been a deviant for a few months!" He smiled as Connor laughed a little through his tears. Hank gently wiped the tears from Connor's face. "That wasn't you, Connor. It was what Cyberlife wanted you to be. It means so much that you feel this distraught about everything, but please don't do this to yourself." It broke Hank's heart to see Connor upset. "Now, try to get some sleep, okay? It's gonna be alright now." The fatherly detective stood up to leave when Connor spoke up.
"Wait." Hank turned back around. The tearful android looked up sheepishly. "Could you...stay with me? Just until I fall asleep?"
Hank smiled and nodded. "Of course." Connor scooted over to let Hank lay down beside him and curled up close to him. Hank wrapped his arm around the android and finally relaxed when Connor's shaky breathing evened out.
"Goodnight, Con."