She ran out of the hospital, her lungs painfully burning from the freezing air – but she did not care at least she could breathe, while All around her people were begging her to help them breathe or dying and she could not keep up. She felt like every glimmer of success she had in helping Dr. Grey and everyone else just fell apart. Besides that, her personal life was falling apart, she had not seen her kids in DAYS… WEEKS. Talking to them over the phone just was not enough, every ounce of her being ached for them – to hold them, smell them. Yes, she had an affair with Tom, but it meant nothing she LOVED OWEN, she did not know why she was afraid of Owen or why she did it. Everyone was against her, even the nurses, no matter how hard she tried to fix things or maintain some semblance of normalcy she felt ousted, she could handle it, so she thought. The one person who only mattered to her was ignoring her unless it was something related to their children, even then he would not look at her or touch her. And when an inch was given to her by anyone, she was so on edge she could not manage to accept it instead she lashed out. But when it came to her patients, she managed to set aside her emotions for she did not dare let them know she was close to a major mental collapse. She needed a friend, but she broke the one person she would turn to.
Since their wedding day, he could not manage to look at her, a cold short conversation about the kids was all he could manage, she was still the mother of his children. He lost his 7th patient of the day an 8-month-old baby, Allison's age. The mother's wailing made his heart stop. Instantly he thought of Teddy, how she would react if they lost their children, He could not feel anything anymore… he rushed outside hoping to feel something again, he caught a glimpse of her…. She was thin she lost so much weight. What have I done; it is Teddy? He thought He could never stay that mad at her, he could not understand why she did it …. she probably had a reason, but he did not want to hear it…. just yet. He had gone long enough ignoring her. Actuality in all of this, he lost his only friend, he too had no one to turn to for a hug or to make him laugh. He needed her; the one person who could understand how all this felt like a war zone.
She caught him glancing at her Damn it, he will not even be near me. She ran her hands over her face suddenly feeling someone in her space, it was Owen. Looking at him she could not find the words to speak, she was so tired.
"Hey" He smiled at her
"Hi," she said quietly quickly looking away playing with her mask, DAMN IT she thought
"Teddy…. Owen paused not sure what to say or how to say it… I "
she stopped him
"Owen ….me first this time…. I'm not okay…" She looked down pulling at her mask
"I haven't held or seen our babies for WEEKS now, it's killing me, Owen! I MISS OUR CHILDREN, This whole thing is killing me. I think I have taken 4 steps forward, but I have taken 6 back… I feel like I cannot win this one. I am TERRIFIED I am going to lose Grey which I will never forgive myself for and I am scared we will leave our children parentless BECAUSE PEOPLE SELFISH IDIOTTTSSS! She yelled throwing her phone I SORRYYYY I AM SO SORRRYYY FOR HURTING YOU! She sobbed I LOVE YOU OWEN with every fiber of my body I love you and our family! I do not know what's wrong with me, I don't know why I've done the things I've done; I'm terrified of who I've become I DON'T RECOGNIZE MYSELF, THIS IS NOT ME OWEN"!
"HEY HEY WOAH WOAH "! He grabbed her, he realized how much weight she really had lost; she was a skeleton …. the scrubs hid it well.
"Teddy you need to go home"
Omg How did I not see this He thought to himself he KNEW this about her- the soldier in Teddy would work herself to death.
"Teddy… Look at me, *he grabbed her face* you need to go home, and talk to someone, okay"?
She nodded
"I'm not okay".
"I know love, it is okay, we'll figure it out" He placed a soft but firm kiss on her head as he held her. He was reminded of the mother of the 8-month-old baby he just lost.
"Teddy, listen to me … You need to go home, eat and sleep. The patients will not benefit from you unwell…. Most of all when we get through the other side of this, OUR CHILDREN will still need their mother "
He paused
"Stand up babe, I am with you every step of the way ok, I love you "
"I don't even have a home to go to" she quietly said
"Teddy look at me, THIS ENTIRE THING SUCKS but when I told you my answer would always be 'I Love You' and I meant it, you have a home with me".
She looked at him softly and slowly wrapped her arms around his neck unsure of how he would react. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in. She sighed in relief the first time in weeks she needed his arms around her, he was still her home.