Sins of the Fathers

Silence prevailed through the air. The lightning ceased and the crew could no longer hear the pattering of raindrops hitting against the roof of the Inn. Rikku was huddled, watching the opaque mist slowly inch its way towards the Inn. She shivered against the chilling draft that swept upon her shoulders, and tried to rid herself of the awful thoughts about Yuna being held captive. Instead, she reminded herself of a time when the world was still at peace under the events of the Eternal Calm. She and her fellow Gullwings trespassed the Calm Lands, chasing after frisky chocobos, racing against each other with the hovercraft vehicles. Though these memories were clear in her head, finding a time when the world wasn't plagued with grief, sadness and Sin was difficult. Sin lived in almost every memory she had, whether it was hearing about it from somebody else, or watching Sin take many lives away. A heavy sigh left her mouth.

This can't be Spira's destiny… can it?

To ask why the world couldn't have just remained in its peaceful state with the Eternal Calm would've been a rhetorical question, to a follower of Yevon, or one that knew the mysteries behind the Beckoning and the consequences of bringing it. For Rikku, however, the thing she reminded herself of was that her father had always been right about leaving the dead behind, no matter how much one's heart pined for them. She couldn't say she hadn't been to the Farplane every now and then, listening to the hums of the pyreflies and conjuring the memories of her deceased mother and her beloved friend, Keyakku. She often did it as a means of clearing her head, as trying to do so with her living family members was a very difficult task. But never in a thousand years could Rikku have guessed something so horrifying and treacherous could come of it.

Right beside her trembling body, Lulu was pacing. Back and forth, with nerves rising. She blamed herself pointlessly for letting Wakka out of her sight into the deadly mist without any help. Pacing wasn't something she did regularly, nor was dwelling on past regrets and mistakes, but she opened the floodgates with one feeling of guilt, though she wasn't being vocal about it.

"He's still out there…"

She didn't realize that she said it out loud until Rikku turned her head and asked, "Who?"

The pacing stopped. "Sorry… I was just…"

Rikku scooted herself to make room and Lulu sat next to her, folding her hands across her lap. As far back as when she first took the responsibility of a guardian, Lulu had always known where to go, what to say, what to be focused on, but in the rare cases when she didn't have this knowledge, she would douse herself in her own insecurities. It wouldn't last long, because no matter how little she knew about the future, spending too long on what she could've done better was a trap. A trap that lead to self-loathing, and no closer to any solution.

"I hope… Yunie's okay…" Rikku said, finally breaking the silence.

"She will be," Lulu responded.

"How do you know?"

It wasn't a satisfying answer, but the words that came out of Lulu's mouth were, "I just do."

"Okay…"

The older woman could've said anything more reassuring, but she really felt as though she'd hit rock bottom with any feelings of optimism. In fact, Lulu wished that somebody else would give her some comfort.

"I… hope my dad's okay, too," Rikku finally said. "And Brother, and Shinra, and… well…"

"They are intelligent and resourceful, Rikku," Lulu responded. "I am confident in their capabilities like I am in yours. Regardless of what's to come, we'll finish what has begun, and restore the peace."

Her words were met with a tone of slight doubt and a hint of fatigue, as if she'd said something similar in the past and wanted this to be the last time she would ever say it again. Rikku understood completely. She thought Lulu wasn't supposed to be here, risking her life and her health for a terror that should be no more. She belonged back on Besaid, settled with her family, taking care of the humble village alongside Wakka. Yuna should've been there, too, with the man she loved. And Rikku, well, she didn't know where exactly she belonged, but it definitely wasn't chasing down an ancient evil, and losing those she cared for. She thought about how envious she'd been of Yuna when she heard that Yuna decided to spend the rest of her time in Besaid for some much-deserved rest. Suddenly, Rikku felt guilty about lashing out at her cousin for wasting away. If she were honest with herself, Rikku would admit that she craved a life like that.

"How are you feeling?" Rikku heard Lulu ask.

"I'm… holding on," the young Al Bhed answered. "I mean… I guess I should be happy to be alive, right?"

"It's okay to feel… unhappy about things."

"But it's not really… how you say, progressive." Rikku crossed her legs. "I want to keep my head up, for everyone else's sake. I know that other people are relying on me."

"But it's okay to carve even a little bit of time to feel what you want to feel," Lulu sighed. "It's not ideal to keep everything locked away inside."

Rikku smiled half-heartedly. "Well… I guess I'm… afraid?"

"Of Sin?"

"Nah, I battled so many scary things. Sin's just another one of them."

"About the future?"

"Well… sort of… There was a time when I had some idea about what my future was going to be like. You know, have a home, a family, stuff like that."

Lulu turned her head towards the younger. "Well, then what are you afraid of most?"

Rikku took a second to think of a lie, but it wasn't something she was particularly good at.

"Well… it's kinda stupid, you know?" she began. "What I'm afraid of, I mean. I know there's so many more important things to think about, but… what I'm afraid of most, I think it's something I've always kinda… worried about ever since Yuna's pilgrimage." She tilted her head sideways. "My dad kept telling me 'you better keep a close eye on your cousin'! And he kept saying that over and over again, 'til Sin was dead, you know? Even then! He kept saying it! Like Sin was just gonna pop back up and…"

Rikku paused when she remembered who she was talking to. She cleared her throat and realized she was starting to sound more of her old, childlike self.

"Well, the thing is, I don't think he really thought I could be a successful guardian." She continued. "When I joined up with the Machine Faction, he decided he wanted to do the same. He said it was because he wanted to make money, rebuild Home, you know, those kinds of things. But, I can't help but feel like he did it because he thought I was going to screw up somehow. He's always micromanaging me. I love the guy, but sometimes, I can't stand being in the same room with him. He can say really cruel things to me, like how I could do this and that better, or like how I should be a certain way to meet his standards. I'm surprised I haven't gone down the path of my brother. He took everything my dad said and just… did the exact opposite."

"So, you're afraid of disappointing your father?"

"I'm more afraid of other people seeing me the way he probably sees me. A screwup. Someone that can't be trusted with important things."

"I don't think that way of you," Lulu claimed. "If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have gotten very far during this whole journey. You saved them from when Sin attacked Bevelle. And now you're going to help us end this madness once and for all. Every one of us knows how much you've done."

"Yeah but… maybe I do wish my dad would see it that way, too."

Lulu scooted closer to the blonde. "But I'm sure he does worry about your safety and your health, as all parents are."

"Yeah… maybe…"

Lulu stretched her legs outward and breathed in the eerily calm exterior of the Inn. The air smelled of damp grass and soil. The calls of several different fiends could be heard from the distance. Rikku shifted as she felt the older woman stiffen up a bit.

"Hey, Lulu, can I ask you something?"

"Hmm?"

"What's your biggest fear? I mean… if you have any."

"Of course I have fears," Lulu replied. "It's a part of human instinct."

"But you're so calm and collected even in the worst of times. I used to think only older people were capable of being like that."

"Quite the contrary. I have many fears, but I refuse to let them engulf me."

"What are they?"

"Well, for one thing, I worry about you. I know you've lost quite a bit in the fight against Sin, and your family is no better off. That can take a toll on one's mental health. I worry about my son. He's still so… fragile and delicate. I would do anything to prevent any harm from coming to him. I… shouldn't have left him."

Rikku noticed the change in tone of her voice and gently placed a hand on the mage's leg. Lulu straightened her back and continued on.

"I also worry a lot about Yuna, as I had been for many years."

"What about Wakka?"

Lulu rolled her eyes and a small laugh escaped her throat. "I especially worry about Wakka. The level of stress I receive because of him is higher than I deemed possible for myself. I don't think a single thought could ever cross his thick head about how his impulsive decisions could effect those around him. I only wish he would be considerate about that for once."

Rikku giggled for the first time in what seemed like forever.

"And what, may I ask, is so funny about that?" Lulu couldn't help but feel a grin tug at the corners of her mouth at the fact that her worries about her lover were amusing to somebody else.

"It's just… the way you guys interact with each other. I don't know why, but I think it's pretty funny."

Lulu's grin fell back into a frown as she remembered that Wakka was still out there, and that hours had passed since he left.

The two sprang to their feet when they heard the sound of something splashing their way towards the Inn. Rikku readied her claws and Lulu was nearing a vicious spell, but the figure became more clear.

"Wakka…" Lulu dropped her doll and went up to him and Rikku followed. He was stiff, his brows furrowed and his eyes pained.

"Are you okay?" Rikku asked.

"Yeah…" he seemed to be in a daze. "I'm… fine…"

"You're hurt…" Lulu breathed, staring at his blood-streaked arm. She took his hand into her own and studied the injury. Wakka turned his head and gently pulled his hand away from her and let it drop to his side.

"Just a scratch. No big deal, ya?"

Lulu sighed heavily, then took his hand again. "Come with me."

Rikku stayed in the lobby as she watched over the entrance. The time was currently twelve o'clock in the morning and everyone in the Inn besides the prisoner was restless. Kurgum was still shaking and completely speechless after the incident in Bevelle, Chuami was trying to remain as stoic and possibly, though a mixture of feelings swarmed in her heart. Rikku, who'd already experienced her own fair share of terrifying encounters, remained in the lobby, her head nodding off.

Lulu took Wakka to a room towards the far back of the Inn and had a small bowl of warm water with a washcloth. She wrung out the washcloth and brought it over to him as he was seated in one of the chairs beside an open window. He flinched a bit when she brought the warm cloth upon his wound. The wounds weren't very deep, but they hurt badly. After she cleaned it, she casted a healing spell on him and it only took a few seconds before the pain subdued and the open cuts closed.

"Thanks…" Wakka mumbled.

Lulu crossed her arms, angry with herself that she allowed him to walk out the door, but also extremely relieved nothing worse had happened to him.

"You need to be more careful," she scolded. "We can't have any more accidents like this happening to you. I've told you this once before, and I know you're more aware about what could happen to you than this."

Normally, he would've protested, saying that he was being careful, and how he'd managed to stave off lots of fiends before receiving one single wound, but he was silent. He lowered his gaze to stare at the lantern in the corner that emitted a warm light. Lulu let her arms fall and her expression softened.

"Are… you alright?"

He breathed in and stood from the chair. He made his way over to the open window, resting his hand upon the windowsill as he scowled at the surroundings outside.

"You were right, you know." he finally said.

His words made her head perk upwards. "About…?"

"Leavin' things the way they're supposed to be."

Lulu's mouth was open and she shook her head slightly. "I… don't understand…"

He was trying to not allow the emotions that built up inside of him to explode, but he wasn't emotionally structured the way Lulu was. He turned around swiftly and it made her jump. He clenched his fists and for a second, his mouth moved without any words. Then, everything came out.

"I was completely stupid to think that I could be with my mom, and then find my dad and… be together, ya? I just thought everything was gonna be fine and then we can go back to Besaid and… I don't know, just be a happy family…" he slumped down on the chair and rested his elbows on his thighs. "Even though at the back of my head, I knew it wasn't gonna be like that… just like you told me, she's gotta go like every other unsent. And… my dad probably didn't wanna see me if he didn't come back to look for me and… Chappu. But… it wasn't just about meeting my dad, ya? Like… I remember you told me you didn't want me looking after Vidina. All my bad habits would ruin him, or make him… I don't know, not the person we want him to be when he grows up. I thought…"

By this time, Lulu kept her eyes fixated on him, her mouth slightly open. He wasn't even aware of the volume of his voice until he calmed himself down. He was panting slightly, his hands gripping his hair. Trying to suppress his emotions to where he could rationally discuss them was easier said than done. Lulu always reprimanded him for running his mouth without thinking first. However, this situation wasn't like any other. She was listening with an open heart and an open mind. If anything, she was feeling sympathetic.

"You thought…?"

He hung his head, plopping back on the chair. "I never got to grow up with a dad, Lu. I don't know anything about anything, and… I don't know, I thought maybe seeing my dad… talking with him, would give me some idea, or some way to be better. And I thought that bringing my mom and dad together, with me and you and Vidina, we'd just be one big happy family before my mom had to… well, you know."

She walked over and sat on her knees beside him.

"But… it was selfish of me, ya? I mean, you were right, you guys are my family. You and Yuna, and Vidina, you guys were always my family. I should just focus on keeping you all safe, and leaving things the way they are. I think… I think I'm just adding fuel to the fire on this whole Sin thing, and this whole Beckoning thing, by trying to find the past. I think I should just… let her go. Let them both go, and… embrace what I already got."

The miserable look returned to his face, amplified by the sorrow in his heart. This was exactly what Lulu wanted to avoid since Wakka first said he wanted to find his father. Him coming to terms that the fantasy of his big happy family was nothing but that, and his mother would have to be sent to the other side. She knew it would either break him, or cause him to do something unwise. He'd already done one of those two.

"I… understand," she gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "But… if you remember… before, I told you I had faith in you. Regardless of the things I've told you, I believed in your abilities. I entrusted you with Yuna, and-"

"And look where she ended up!" He stood back up and started pacing around.

"That wasn't your fault," she said. "Don't spend any more time thinking that way."

"What about Chappu?"

She lowered her gaze and wrapped her arms around herself, feeling the sudden draft coming through the window.

"I… wish you didn't have to see me do that…" Wakka said.

"He wasn't your brother," she felt goosebumps form over her skin. "Not anymore. He became an inhuman creature, and you were right to end his suffering."

He noticed her position and he walked over to where a small blanket was draped across a lounge chair and wrapped it around her shaking body.

"But… I couldn't keep him safe, you know? I couldn't stop him from turning into… that. And I couldn't protect Yuna, I couldn't protect Gaia. What if I can't protect you, or Vidina? What then?"

"Wakka, you don't have to worry about me. The last time I checked, I was still here, still breathing, and now… well, I am warmer. Yuna is still alive, Besaid is safe and Vidina is okay as long as we destroy this threat once and for all. Gaia and Chappu… there was nothing else you could've done. Their fate was already determined, and they were only following it. "

"Yeah, but…"

He had to admit, this was the first time in a long time that she'd comforted him, especially after he disappeared into the night without a backup plan against her words. Internal conflicts weren't easy for either of them, and as Wakka mentioned to Gaia, it was better to forget about them and turn to moments of intimacy.

"Listen, I have something to say as well," Lulu cleared her throat and sat back down further away from the window. "There was a time when I, too, couldn't protect the people I cared for. I'm still struggling to appreciate the person I am, and instead think about who I should be."

He looked at her with surprised eyes.

"You didn't think you were the only one, did you?" she asked.

"But… you're always so sure of yourself, ya? You're sure about what's best for Vidina, and-"

"I didn't grow up with parents, either, and there are times when I worry about what Vidina will think of me in the future. But… you and I, we're doing the best we can. We'll make mistakes, and we'll learn from them. There's no need to worry about that."

"But… I want to be something better, so you can trust me."

Lulu bit her lip, unsure of what to say next. She hated apologizing for when she said something insensitive, or something critical of others and hurt them in the process. Whenever she scolded Yuna, she spent quite a while feeling insecure about how her words effected the younger. She thought the same thing of Wakka, but only sometimes, because his cluelessness caused her to be cruelly honest more often than she would've liked.

"I understand how you feel," she reassured him. "But, I'll reiterate the fact that I believe in you."

Wakka was feeling something different about her. That she was much less scathing and more compassionate. He figured she was being less like herself because she was feeling vulnerable to the terrifying world outside, or maybe she was pitying him. He was about to tell her more about what he wanted to fix, but she caught him off guard when she wrapped her arms around him. That settled it. He wanted to allow his confessions to resume for another day, when the world wasn't at stake. For right now, he wanted to cherish this moment between them, and enveloped her in a tight hug.

The wonderful feelings that bloomed between the two faded away when they came out of the room and Wakka caught sight of the prisoner in the corner.

"What in Yevon's name is this slimy snake doing here?!" he yelled. Before Wakka could even think about laying a hand on the man, Rikku jumped in front of him.

"It's okay, he's not a crazy, all-powerful monster!" she yelled. "He's just a typical cranky old man with a sad heart."

"This cranky old man still has his hearing." Eiren said.

"What?" Rikku shrugged. "It's true."

"Yeah, well I don't think it is," Wakka said. "You guys saw the things he can do! Make monsters out of thin air, and recreate scary versions of aeons! And now you're gonna believe him when he says he's just 'some guy'?"

"Believe me, if I could eradicate your crew, I would've done it by now." Eiren said.

"Yeah? Well you're probably planning on killing us when we're asleep!"

"I'm not," Eiren said. "It's not you I was looking for. I was merely following my daughter, Gaia, to safety, and she just happened to be with you all."

"Your daughter?" Wakka said, his eyes opening wide. "You're lying…"

Wakka recognized those eyes when Eiren stared angrily at him. They were the sharp, dark brown colors that Gaia inherited, which carried on to be a trait of her offspring. Eiren was being sincere, much to Wakka's dismay. He threw his hands up in the air.

"I ain't buying this!" He yelled, storming out of the room.

Eventually, thanks to the pleading of the others, Wakka begrudgingly came out of the room he was housed in and stood before the bound man, his arms crossed over his chest.

"You got a lot of nerve showing up here…" he mumbled. "'Specially after that stunt you pulled."

"That wasn't my doing." Eiren protested. "I did what I did because I was promised a reunion with someone I lost."

"A lot of people wanted to see people they lost, too," Wakka said. "Look where that got 'em."

It was quiet until Wakka decided to ask, "What's your deal with her?"

"What do you mean?"

"You saw the look on her face when she came face to face with you," Wakka said, sitting down. "I only see that kind of look when somebody's got something against another. So what was it?"

"I'm afraid that's none of your business."

"Actually it is," Wakka said. "And since I'm seeing that you can't go anywhere, and you ain't gonna last long enough out there without us, you might as well spit it out."

Eiren was puzzled by the first statement Wakka gave him. Now he was curious to know what his daughter's involvement with this furious redheaded man was.

"Well, in the time when Sin was a major threat, I was doing everything I can to keep her safe. Her mother was taken by Sin when she was a small child, and I couldn't bear the thought of the same fate befalling upon her. The trouble started when she wished to play for the Goers at a young age. I reminded her that if that were a reality, then she would most definitely encounter Sin, being in a crowded, overpopulated city such as that one. I told her she was no match for those mighty players."

"Hmm."

"When she learned of her mother's death, she swore vengeance upon that monster. She wanted to be a Crusader, to fight Sin, to protect the remaining family we had, and learned the art of wielding a bow and arrow in preparation for it. I refused to let her, and I went as far as discouraging her by saying that being a Crusader was a 'man's job'."

"Seriously?"

In all of Wakka's life, women were well-respected as Crusaders, guardians, summoners, and blitzball players just as men were. There was no dividing line between either gender.

"Can you blame me?" Eiren said. "She was a wild child, completely restless. We resided in the quaint island of Kilika for as long as I could remember. Things were much different when I was growing up, and I was only repeating the knowledge I had from then."

"Uh-huh."

"One day, Sin decided to pay us a visit. I remember that day more clear than any other day. Gaia… she had to watch all those people fall prey to the leviathan. The next day, she marched right up to me and told me she was going to be a summoner. She wanted to be the one that would bring the much-awaited Calm, and peace to Spira."

Wakka leaned back and his gaze softened.

"I may have been a faithful follower of Yevon, but I was never going to let my daughter willingly throw herself to Sin, no matter how much it broke me when her mother passed. My daughter was the only family I had left, and… I couldn't let her become another one of Yevon's tools. I told her that she was never going to leave Kilika, and she wouldn't survive long enough out there to even face Sin."

"Damn…"

Eiren gave him a glare. "If you're going to judge me, I'd appreciate it if you do it silently."

"I get why you did it, but… that's… that's enough to mess anyone up, you know? I mean, you were her only family, and I think it would've been better if you gave her some words of support, ya?"

"What do you know about it?" Eiren snapped. "Have you ever had your family turn from everything you've done to keep them safe and throw their lives away like it was nothing?"

For a second, both men locked eyes together in a frustrated stare.

"Yeah, I have, and guess what? I treated him the same way. Always lecturing him about Yevon's teachings so that Sin doesn't come and destroy everything we got, keeping him from wanting to become a summoner, discouraging him from leaving Besaid, all that stuff."

Eiren opened his mouth to continue justifying his harsh behavior, but he chose to keep going with the story, wanting to get it off his chest before the pain built up again.

"Years later, she'd had enough of my overprotectiveness. We'd been growing further and further apart, not even able to speak a few words to each other without falling into an argument. She was ready to leave, and she took what little she had, stood at the door, and said she was departing for Luca and I wasn't going to stop her. By that time, she was grown, and made a remark about me having no reason to come looking for her as she was no longer under my care. Then… uh…"

"What?"

"I… told her… well… it wasn't my proudest moment."

Wakka held his hands up. "No judgement here."

Eiren hesitated, then winced as he thought of what he told Gaia. "I told her… 'if you walk out that door, don't you ever come back'."

"Wow…" Wakka sighed and hung his head, shaking it slightly. "That's… wow…"

"I know… you don't have to remind me."

Wakka was taking in Eiren's last words when it suddenly hit him. He was speaking to his grandfather. Someone that shared his bloodline, and someone Wakka might've shared similar qualities with. It made him angry and disappointed. He wished that he could've been left believing that his grandfather was an extraordinary man, like he believed his mother was.

When the story was finished, Wakka stood up, not wanting to hear any more of his mother.

"Better rest up. There's a big battle ahead of us."

"Wait, aren't you going to let me go? I can't sleep soundly with these binds."

"Hmm, I don't know if we can trust you yet." Wakka said. "Just lay on your side, it'll be more comfortable."

Eiren groaned, even though he knew he wasn't going to get away that easily.

Before Wakka stepped out into the hall, he paused for a second.

"Just one question."

"What is it?" Eiren's voice sounded irritable.

Wakka turned around. "Did Gaia ever mention to you about having kids?"

Eiren's eyes widened. "No… no, she never spoke of it. Why do you ask?"

"Just a thought."