In Between

Is it over?

To have been on a world with physical objects, and having the ability to feel, touch, and see things as they are rather than how he would perceive them to be, gave him warmth. He had been in the world of the living and the world of the dead, where in one world, everything was exactly how it seemed, and in another, he was able to conjure a world more to his liking. But in this place, he was in neither world. He couldn't create or see things.

He felt his body drifting through water without worrying about drowning or staying afloat. A noise resonated in the air and though he couldn't identify what it was or what it could have been, it wasn't unfamiliar.

And he felt as cold as death while he'd been wandering, which made him think back to the last few seconds of his life. Where the only thing his mind had been the person he knew he'd let down the most.

Yuna had been trying desperately to ensure he had everything he wanted - and everything he needed - in his life. Even if it meant the one thing he wanted was more of her attention, something he couldn't have as much of as possible. He felt as though he'd been experiencing a mid-life crisis, where he would reminisce in his glory days of being a star.

During that time, he'd been invincible. Much more willing to throw back everything life had given him. Jecht was a deadbeat dad and his mom had neglected him when Tidus needed her most in life.

Big deal, he would tell himself, taking in Jecht's most treasured life lesson that other people in life had it far worse than him. Zanarkand was destroyed and he was stuck in this death spiral of pain and misery when he arrived in Spira. So what.

And when he'd taken Yuna's hand, stepping into this uncharted territory of a mission in defeating Sin once more, he thought he could take it with a grain of salt. That he could handle all that was to come. In each step towards the ultimate disaster, Tidus felt his will shrinking. That, he assumed, was how these malicious spirits were able to take advantage of him. By draining him of his own confidence that he could accomplish this task. That he had the ability to keep Yuna safe.

He felt foolish that he ever doubted that it was a possibility. During Yuna's first pilgrimage, he had been the only one who dared to think outside of Yevon's hold. That vanquishing Sin forever was possible without an unjust sacrifice.

Tidus had been ungrateful. And now, after all that time he spend secretly wishing that death would once again come for him, he was regretting it. With the way he was physically feeling, combined with the possibility that he would never again hold the one person he loved, he questioned what exactly made death so appealing for others. To never weep, to never laugh, to never feel angry after the opportunity for an easy blitzball win slipped out of his grasp.

And yet there was some silver lining to it all. Now he knew he couldn't cause the danger he had both times he'd existed in Spira. Not anymore. His presence on Spira couldn't have come without a price. It wasn't the first time he'd come to this conclusion. It was practically screaming at him everywhere he went and he chose to ignore it. Just as Yuna had.

He felt something grasp his hand and pull him out of the illusionary river he had been traveling in. When he opened his eyes, he was in broad daylight, which didn't make any sense. Every corner he turned when he was in the land of the dead was nothing but darkness.

"Dad..." Tidus moaned, disoriented from all that had happened. Jecht had glanced at his son once and began to walk away. "Wait... don't go... don't leave me here again..."

A heavy sleep had overcome him. The only sense of relaxation he'd had after everything. His mind refused to give into it. He wasn't quite ready to allow himself to rest.

When he opened his eyes again, it was as if someone had put a fish bowl over his head, where he was trying to see with perfect vision through its glass.

Tidus's head wasn't aching. He didn't feel the sores anymore. His mind wasn't filled with the perpetual fear of what was to come. For once, he felt at peace. Truly at peace. But if he was here at the same time his father was, he could make a guess as to why.

"So..." he began. "Is this it? Is this the end?"

Jecht shrugged. "Up to you, kid."

Tidus gave him a confused look. "I... don't understand."

His father had walked forward into a path leading to nowhere and Tidus rose to follow. The world was dark, but not cold. He could see few pyreflies floating about, occasionally interacting with his body. They were whispering to him. Words of kindness and gratitude at what he had done for them.

The song of the dead was terrifying and mournful, but this time, it was pleasant. Almost like a sweet tune. At times, he would listen to Yuna humming the Hymn and believed it to be the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. He still believed it, even after hearing these spirits.

When Jecht stopped, Tidus followed suit and looked at what kept his father's attention. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped as he was caught with the feeling of nostalgia and yearning he didn't even realized he had.

Zanarkand.

Still intact despite all destruction it had been through; just like himself. He had been gone from it for three years - feeling more like over one thousand - and he could still recognize each and every point from where he stood. His beloved stadium, the place where he spent a majority of his childhood. The gym, where he went to when he wanted to escape his home life. His school. His old home.

The boathouse was untouched. When he saw it, he could feel conflicted thoughts overwhelming him. A sense of familiarity, which made him want to immediately run to his home embrace the serene, modern atmosphere, practice blitzball again, and lock himself in his room as he had done during his youth. Sadness for when he watched his mother slowly waste away after they received the news about Jecht's disappearance.

Similar emotions had overcome him when he learned of his nature the first time. Glad and relieved to know that there was an end to Sin, but sad that it would be the end of him. Just like his life, Zanarkand had its good memories and bad. And this time, he'd been more willing to remember the good.

"Home." he finally said.

"Yup." Jecht answered.

"We can go home." Tidus was grinning with the wonderful feelings seeing his old home gave him, but his smile slowly began to falter upon realizing what it all meant. "But... what about Yuna?" He thought about the last time he'd said goodbye. "I can't just leave her."

Jecht sighed. "I know, I know. I get it." He spoke with a much gentler tone than Tidus had ever heard. "But you got a chance to do it right this time." Tidus looked at him. "Sayin' goodbye, I mean."

Tidus lowered his head and thought about it for a second. Occasionally, he would wallow in the guilt about how he'd left Yuna the first time, without so much as a few words, practically telling her he needed to go and she needn't be sad. Though it would have been more cruel to have forced her to wait it out until the end. At least this time he could give her a proper farewell before he was gone.

"Guess this is it, then." Tidus finally said. "You and me, two boneheads just trying to make our time here mean something." He thought of all the fights he and Jecht had throughout his youth. Before he came here, it felt like an entire lifetime ago. The feelings that those arguments had given him were brought up back faster than any tidal wave he'd encountered. But this time, all the negativity hadn't come with them.

He could remember the rest of his childhood. The parts when Jecht tried his best - in the way he was capable - to cheer him up after a particularly rough day.

"Don't sweat it," he would say. "Everyone sucks at blitzing their first time."

And the thing that Tidus loathed about his father more than anything was when he believed Jecht had abandoned him indefinitely. It was when he'd found out the truth that he began to realize his father believed that the way he'd raised his son was the best way possible. It was almost as if Jecht had known since the beginning that Tidus would have to face everything he had when he arrived in Spira.

No amount of Jecht's parenting could prepare him for that.

"Tidus?"

He turned to see a figure he also had only seen for a brief period in his childhood. Her brown hair swayed atop of her shoulders. Her eyes sparkled. Her smile was just as bright as ever.

"Mom..." he said. She walked towards him, her hands clasped over her mouth. He watched a glowing tear fall down her cheek.

"You've grown... so much."

She was so much different than when she'd took her last dying breath. Healthy, ironically full of life. And when she wrapped her arms around him, she felt warm. Happier than he'd ever seen her.

He looked at her and at Jecht. In life, both had been dragged down by the circumstances of how they'd lived life. Each of them - Tidus and his parents - had been drowning, without any knowledge of how to save each other. And now, after life had ended for them, they'd been freed from the chains that life had kept them in. They were afloat.

Tidus's mother beckoned for him to come forward. Tidus was about to, but he stopped in his tracks. His smile faded slightly. He had the opportunity to join his family again. A second chance at living the life he wanted in his childhood.

In death.

But regardless of how elated he felt to see both of his parents again, he didn't move an inch closer.

"What's wrong?" his mother asked.

The blonde boy didn't have any words for what he was feeling when he first felt it. He wished he could show them exactly what was flowing through his mind.

The first time he taught Yuna to whistle and laughing at how much she struggled at first. Then when she finally showed him she could do it, he felt pride in his heart not just because she was able to whistle effortlessly now, but because something he taught her actually worked.

The first time he played blitz with Wakka and Wakka being impressed with his skills, even before he showed the older man the moves he was really good at.

The first time Lulu taught him to cast a spell and when he almost fired it back at her. The time he and Rikku went on a week-long treasure hunt and showed up empty-handed but filled with enjoyment and happy memories regardless.

His family - his true family - was not here with him. No matter what path he chose, he knew he couldn't fix the past. In life, he liked to pretend his father didn't have all the issues he did and instead was a loving, supportive parent. Jecht showed he had the ability to change, even for at least a short while. And he could see from the way his mother looked at him that she was willing to give it another try.

But as Tidus stood still in his path, his eyes staring into the ground, he found that he was less willing to relive his childhood. If he chose this path, he didn't know what would lay ahead, and wasn't entirely sure he would even be conscious to replace those painful memories, anyway.

He had escaped death more than once. And looking at the rest of the lost souls that had been chained to their inevitable fates made him feel guilty about doing so. If he were given the choice, he would have brought almost everyone back to the real world for their own second chances.

As a great friend of his once told him, he couldn't save everyone. That's why they needed to rescue what was left of the world before more lives were taken. That's why he was needed to prevent more lives from being lost.

"I..." he began. The longer he contemplated, the more the beautiful city of Zanarkand began to fade away. Like it was a dream. Because that's all it had been and that's all it ever was. A dream. His dream. "I can't..."

Jecht shared a look with Tidus's mother and approached his son.

"You don't want to." Jecht concluded.

Tidus didn't know how to answer this. It wasn't that he didn't want to so much as it felt wrong. It felt wrong to leave Yuna and the rest of his friends to watch over Spira while he was at peace. Throughout his journey he believed that because his second life on Spira wasn't perfect - and neither was his relationship with Yuna - that something had to be wrong.

He felt as though because it wasn't everything he wanted, then it wasn't good. Or it could have been better.

But he'd come to the realization when he'd crossed the barriers between life and death that life in itself didn't have to be perfect. The people involved with life weren't perfect. The situations he'd been put in weren't perfect.

But they brought him happiness. That was all that mattered.

Finally, Tidus shook his head. "Sorry... I just don't feel like I want to be done living life, yet."

Jecht nodded. He completely understood. Tidus knew if Jecht had the opportunity to reconstruct himself and the life he'd lived to something he didn't have to be ashamed of, he would.

He could hear the sound of something opening up behind him. He turned to see that the portal had been opened. There it was. His way out.

The first thing that Yuna thought of when she was taken hostage was the one person she thought she'd been doing her best for. Not just for her own sake but for his. Bringing him back to Spira, she believed she could give him everything he needed, and everything he wanted, in life.

But she knew she was extending her abilities much further than the universe deemed possible. Or the fayth. The question she had to keep asking herself was why the fayth decided it was right for her to allow him to live again if they wouldn't do it, themselves. To teach her a lesson? To show her that it wasn't possible? Those were the answers she was receiving when she had been cleaning up the mess it made.

Tidus had been slipping from her grasp since the beginning. She could feel it as soon as she ran into his arms on the shore of Besaid. The transition from not existing for two years to having to live a mundane life again couldn't have been easy. He had suffered internally and she didn't always have the answers.

But Yuna always told herself that it was for the best. He was here with her, after all. But it wasn't just herself who was able to be with him. Everyone else was more than happy to see him. That included all of the people he'd helped during her pilgrimage.

Solving this problem would mean the death of him. But just like the defeat of Sin, it was a necessity.

It was nice while it lasted.

She had been in the dark for a while now and when she awoke, groggy and uncoordinated, she felt as though everything that'd happened to her only took place in a matter of seconds.

"Yuna...?"

Her vision was blurry and her head was feeling too heavy to lift from the small cot. She felt her stomach churning and her body aching. When her vision cleared, she could see Gaia sitting beside the cot, her two fingers pressed against Yuna's wrist.

"She's alright." Yuna heard the woman say.

"Wha..." Yuna asked as she dragged her arm across her eyes. It was much too bright to even lift her eyelids. Had all of this been a fever dream? Was she now waking up from a series of nightmares?

She gazed around the room once she felt like she was more stable now. One of the team members was missing. It wasn't a dream.

"Where's... where's Tidus?" she asked as she collapsed back onto the cot. Her breathing had quickened upon seeing that she may have lost him in the battle. The others looked at each other, unsure of what to say.

Yuna felt too tired at the moment to feel anxious about it. But she could feel her pulse increase. The numb feeling that overcame her upon realizing that Tidus may have been dead because of her was overbearing. But when her consciousness had returned fully, she realized that she didn't have time to worry about it now. The gate was still open. The spirits still had access to the real world.

She sat up, carefully, and looked at each and every one of the team.

"I'm so sorry to have put you all through this," she said to them. "None of this wouldn't have happened if I didn't..." her voice trailed off as she realized the one she truly wanted to apologize to wasn't here. She could feel tears threatening to spill over her eyes, but she paid no mind. "Thank you all for... everything... and-"

It was then that Auron decided to step up. "It's alright."

Yuna nodded. It was time to put an end to the suffering. And the death.

They were gathered on the roof of the airship, all harmonious in the nerves and worries that everything about to happen in the next minute wouldn't have been the end to it. That there still would have been loose ends to this entire ordeal. Yuna maintained herself as she watched the portal before her. She could see the other side, something than an average person might not have. The spirits were still miles below the ship. She couldn't hear them or identify them, but she knew they were there.

She'd given the others time to bid farewell. Gaia turned to face her son, trying her best to keep herself from becoming a teary mess.

"I guess this is it." she told him.

Wakka nodded. "Hey." His hands rested on her shoulders. "No sad faces, ya?" Gaia tilted her head and gave him a half-hearted smile, but a smile nonetheless. "'Least we got to see each other."

His mother embraced him for one last time. "I love you, you big oaf."

Wakka held her close. "Say hi to Chappu for me."

Auron turned his attention to Chuami, who was clearly trying to keep herself from showing emotions. The same way Auron always did.

"I, uh..." she stammered. "I wish we could've met in different circumstances."

Auron nodded and rested his gloved hand upon her head. That was the first time he had ever been in physical contact with anyone, Yuna assumed. She hadn't even seen that kind of affection towards her during her life.

And then Auron did something else that amazed her. He lent her his katana. The legendary weapon he used to defeat Sin twice.

"I need you to take care of this for me." he said as he handed the weapon to Chuami. "It won't be of any use to me now."

Chuami's eyes widened and she gently took the weapon. "I... I don't know what to say."

Yuna saw her give Auron a side hug and he'd taken it, another thing that surprised her. But was glad that Auron was at least able to have this moment to bond with her. It would be the last time he would have been able to do it.

When it was over, Yuna focused all of her attention on the gate. She had the ability to manipulate the celestial fabric that composed the barrier and intended to use it only for this purpose. But she hesitated, for if she closed this passage between the living and the dead, then she would have separated Tidus's access to her world. If her assumption about his fate was true. And if she didn't, Spira would continue to be terrorized by the undead.

"Do it, Yuna." she heard Auron say.

Tidus had to make his decision fast. The portal was closing. He turned to his parents and held out his hand to them.

"Come with me!" he told them. "We can have a new life together." He could feel himself choking with emotion. "Start over. You don't have to stay here."

Jecht and his mother stayed where they were.

"That ain't our world." Jecht told him.

Tidus couldn't accept this. "It wasn't my world either."

He could see that his parents weren't the only phantoms present. Bahamut's fayth appeared beside them. Then Shiva's. Then Ifrit's. The fayth were gathered before him, with a much holier ambience than Tidus had ever seen.

"Tidus, if you want your life to be spared," Bahamut's fayth said. "You have to leave now."

The boy shifted his head from the closing portal and to the entire row of spirits that formed before him. This would be the absolute last time he would ever see them. He was saying goodbye to any chance he had at rebuilding the shattered relationship between him and his father. And his mother.

And yet his need to continue living and make something of himself in the real world was stronger. He turned to the entrance, now half its size but didn't leave without doing one last thing. He ran into his father's arms. Jecht was surprised by the gesture and it took him a moment before he returned it.

Tidus had let go of everything he'd ever felt towards his father that wasn't anger. It released from him like an invisible wave. He was more than glad that things between them ended this way. The thought of killing Jecht a second time plagued him, but only for a second. Things were different now. Things will be different once he crossed that barrier.

He wrapped his arms around his mother. She wasn't afraid to show him her emotion. She cried just as she had when Jecht walked away from hers and Tidus's life.

"Please take care of yourself." she told the boy.

Tidus nodded.

And he ran fast towards his new destiny.

When he crossed the thin line between the other world and Spira, it felt as if all nonhuman parts of him had gone away, along with the rest of the portal. He found himself in a random field that wasn't the ruins of Zanarkand, or anywhere familiar.

But as soon as he felt real grass underneath his fingers and was able to breathe real air in, he almost passed out right there and then from the intense relief that came from having made his choice.

"I'm here," he said as he basked in the warm sun that was now revealing itself from the terrifying storm that had been clouding him the entire way.