Libby Howard

When Professor Lupin asked me if I would supervise and help Ella Nunes to learn attack spells, my first response was alarm.

I had heard, of course, about Ella's suicide attempt; in fact, when I first heard about it, I had nearly broken down into tears, even though I knew she was physically safe in the Hospital Wing by this point. I had finally understood the encounter I had had with her in the bathroom and I had felt incredibly guilty when I realised I hadn't been able to help her enough to prevent her hurting herself properly.

This feeling had only been made worse when I had come across Leanne crying on a staircase near the common room. "Hey," I had said gently, sitting down next to her. "I think I can guess why you're so upset. But she's going to be alright."

Leanne had tried to take a deep breath but couldn't get on top of her tears. "What if it works, next time?" she had burst out. "What if she leaves me?"

And I hadn't known what to say to that. All I had been able to do was hug Leanne tightly as she blurted out everything that had happened to Ella and how horrible it had been for her, but also how hard it had been for Leanne to hold. We had sat there for a good hour before Leanne was calm enough for me to escort her back up to her dorm.

So I knew, now, a lot more about why Ella had done what she did. And the only reason I could see for Professor Lupin to want her to be able to duel someone was if they were sending Ella and her little sister back to their mum and stepdad.

So when Professor Lupin asked me, for a moment I stared at him. "Why?" I asked, a little panicked. "Who do we want her to attack?!"

Professor Lupin, to my surprise, smiled slightly. "No, no," he said quickly. "We don't want her to attack anyone, as such." He hesitated. "She's working on controlling her Boggart. It's not – ah – it's-"

I watched as he struggled for a moment, clearly wondering how much was necessary to tell me. Finally I sighed. "Is it her stepdad?" I asked cautiously.

He frowned at me. "How did you…?" he replied, somewhere between confused and worried.

"Leanne told me," I admitted. "I know she probably shouldn't have, but she was really upset at the time. After Ella…"

He sighed. It was a little depressing that he knew exactly when I was talking about. "Well, I know you can be counted on to keep it to yourself," he said finally with a nod. "But yes. He is Ella's Boggart."

I thought back to the more advanced textbook that we had started this year. "So she has to duel him?"

Professor Lupin nodded again. "Exactly," he said steadily. "The hope is that she will be a little less afraid of him."

That made sense. "Alright, then," I agreed finally. "I can help with that."

He looked relieved. "Thank you, Libby," he said, and I believed that he was sincere. This time, at least, I felt prepared to talk to Ella, rather than going in totally blind like I had done last time. Plus I knew this time that Ella wanted my support and help, and I knew what I needed to do with her.

It was the following day when I saw Ella next, heading back to the common room with Leanne, Hannah and Susan. To my relief, she had a small smile on her face, though she still looked exhausted. Feeling a little nervous, I approached them and called Ella's name.

She looked around at me a little too quickly; clearly she was still skittish. I smiled apologetically, and she blushed a little, but just about returned my smile. The suggestive glance that Leanne gave Ella every time I spoke to her wasn't lost on me, but I didn't make any sign that I had seen it. Somehow I didn't think that acknowledging that Ella fancied me would make any of this easier. Besides, I'm sure my friends had given me looks like that over multiple people when I was Ella's age.

I decided to keep this short. "I just wondered if you're around tomorrow, after dinner? For that thing Professor Lupin wanted us to try?"

Leanne was holding back a smile and I knew she was going to tease Ella mercilessly about this later, so I kept my eyes on Ella. She blushed a little more but nodded. "Yeah, that would be really good," she answered. I was pleased to hear how much more like herself she sounded too.

"Brilliant," I said brightly. "I'll meet you in Professor Lupin's classroom about 7pm."

She nodded. "See you then," she added shyly.

I arrived at Professor Lupin's classroom (which he had said we could borrow that evening, with him present in his office next door, just in case) about 6:45pm. I was nervous, partly because of how badly I had handled Ella a few weeks before, but also because this was my first real experience of teaching magic to someone younger. I was pleased that Professor Lupin thought I could handle it; it was just daunting. Still, I felt very grown up as I used my wand to move the tables to the edge of the room, leaving space for Ella and me to practice.

Professor Lupin had given me a list of spells for us to try. Some of them were basic but there were a few more advanced ones on there. He must have thought Ella could handle them though, or he wouldn't have put them on the list. And I had seen the shield charm that Ella had used against her brother; that was advanced magic in itself and Ella's had been frighteningly good. I hadn't known how powerful Ella's magic was before then, and now I felt fairly confident that she could handle a few jinxes. Luckily, Professor Lupin had found an old duelling dummy for Ella to practice on so she wouldn't be casting the spells at me or at thin air.

The room was all set up when there was a soft knock on the door. "Come in," I called, turning towards the sound. Ella's head poked around the door as it opened slightly. I smiled encouragingly at her, and she quietly slipped into the room.

"How are you doing?" I asked brightly.

Ella swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, I'm OK," she said softly, with a small smile that only looked partially forced. She hesitated. "Libby, I wanted to say – about when you tried to talk to me-"

She broke off but I was shaking my head already. "Honestly, don't worry," I said kindly. "I know you were really struggling. It's OK."

Ella looked visibly relieved. "Thank you," she said, and I could tell she meant it.

"And I'm sorry if I upset you that night," I added. "That wasn't what I was trying to do."

She nodded quickly. "I know. I know you were trying to help."

I felt like giving her a hug but that probably wasn't very appropriate. Plus I didn't want to embarrass her, so I just touched her lightly on the shoulder. The atmosphere in the room was already less tense.

In any case, it was time to start practice. I held up the list that Professor Lupin had given me. "So you'll probably recognise a few of these," I began. "And there will be some new ones. I think you can get all of them, though."

Ella cautiously took the piece of paper from me. She scanned down the list before slowly nodding. "I think I've heard most of these mentioned," she said, a little hesitantly. "I just – do you think I can do these?"

I smiled. "Of course I do! And so does Professor Lupin, or he wouldn't have suggested them," I pointed out gently. "You're a powerful witch. You've got this."

She nodded hesitantly again. "It's just – it usually takes me a bit of practice to get a spell down – and it's hard, in lessons, with everyone watching…"

I tilted my head at her. "Do you get nervous?"

"I guess so," Ella admitted. "I don't want people thinking I'm stupid…"

"Well, you're not stupid," I told her firmly. "And we can keep trying all these spells. It'll probably take a few weeks and that's fine. You'll get there." I smiled slightly. "And when you sit your OWLs in a few years, you'll already know half the syllabus. You'll walk it."

Ella smiled, looking more genuinely amused than I had seen in a while. "OK," she said, sounding a bit more determined. "Let's do it."

We practiced the spells for a good hour. As I expected, Ella lacked confidence, and that seemed to be her main problem. Even though it was just the two of us, she seemed to be paranoid that she was going to get it wrong. In fairness, it wasn't that she was casting the spells wrong – she wasn't causing accidents or misfiring like I had seen people doing so frequently in class – her spells just didn't seem to be that powerful. I couldn't help but find that odd, considering the strength of that shield charm I had seen her perform.

I glanced up at the clock to see that it was just past 8pm. It was time to get Ella back to the common room.

"That was really good," I reassured Ella, as I moved the tables back to where they had been before, putting the dummy neatly in the corner. "You did really well."

Ella sighed. "I was crap," she said defeatedly. "That was a waste of your time, I'm sorry."

I shook my head quickly. "Don't be silly! You were never going to get it all first time. You did great."

With the classroom now put back in order, I put my wand away. "I had better walk you back to the common room," I said with a smile. I probably would have done this anyway, but it wasn't just Leanne who was worried about Ella being alone too long. Especially now that she seemed down and a little frustrated, I just thought it was safer for me to make sure she was OK before I left her.

Ella looked slightly ashamed at my words – probably able to guess why I wanted to walk her back – but nodded, and didn't protest as we made our way out of the classroom and back into the corridor. After a minute, though, she looked behind us as if to check we were alone.

"Did Professor Lupin – did he tell you why I have to learn these spells?" she asked me, her voice low and worried, but looking up at me now.

I hesitated. On the one hand, I didn't want Ella to be angry with Leanne for telling me what she had, but I couldn't deny to Ella how much I knew about what was going on. I wanted to keep her safe but I wasn't going to lie to her.

"Not exactly," I said slowly, carefully. "He didn't tell me much, but I do know most of it. Someone let slip. After you… were poorly." I purposefully didn't mention Leanne but I could tell from Ella's face that she knew who it had been.

To my relief, though, she didn't seem angry or upset. "OK," she said quietly. "I just wanted to check."

I hesitated again. "You know, Ella," I said delicately. "What I said – when we were talking, in the bathroom – I meant it. You can chat to me about anything. I won't ever judge you. And I won't tell anyone unless someone is going to get hurt." I cringed slightly, remembering Ella's response last time I had said that. I quickly moved on. "So I won't say anything about what that person mentioned to me either. I promise."

Ella nodded, blinking quickly behind her glasses. "OK," she repeated. "Thanks, Libby."

I hoped that meant that maybe she would try to talk to me. Still, it didn't matter much who she would talk to as long as she would talk to someone. I was deep in thought about this as we rounded a corner.

Ella registered what was at the other end of the corridor much more quickly than I did. Before I had time to even react, Ella was running down the corridor towards the large Slytherin boy who seemed to be holding down a younger girl, his wand in his hand. Behind him were a few more students, standing around laughing.

Ella was six or seven feet ahead of me as I saw her raise her wand and cast something non verbal, sending the Slytherin boy flying backwards into his group of friends. Two of them toppled as the boy collided with them, hard, and the rest of them quickly scarpered. As the first boy tried to get up, Ella sent another jet of light hurtling towards him – the petrificus totalus charm that we had just been working on. The boy snapped back again as the charm perfectly held him still. His remaining friends were scrabbling to their feet and running.

But when the boy was lying safely immobilised, away from the girl, Ella didn't move towards him, but instead moved towards the girl. With the boy off of her, I could see that I knew her, a member of our house: a second year called Nora. Nora was in bits, sobbing, as Ella gently helped her sit up before putting her arm around the younger girl.

A little shellshocked, I quickly knelt down next to Ella and Nora. "Are you alright, Nora?" I asked before anything else, taking my wand out to cast a quick diagnostic spell over her. Luckily, she was physically unharmed.

Nora nodded shakily, but she seemed unable to speak. I was about to ask more about what had happened when Professor McGonagall came striding around the corner. When she saw Ella and me huddled with Nora, and the Slytherin boy still immobilised on the floor, she looked startled.

"What on Earth has happened here?" she asked sharply, her eyes on me. It only took a moment for me to explain, and Professor McGonagall frowned deeply.

"Well, thank you, girls," she said, obviously a little wrongfooted. "I will deal with Mr Warrington." She focused her fierce gaze on the boy. I thought I saw a trace of a smile on her face as she levitated Warrington rather than casting the counter curse.

She turned to me. "Miss Howard, could you make sure Miss Locke – Nora – gets back to your common room?"

I nodded quickly. "We'll head straight there now, Professor."

"Thank you." Then she turned to Ella, and this time I was sure she was smiling. "That was some quick wand work, Miss Nunes," she said, pride definitely strong in her voice. "You will be beating that Boggart in no time."