My apologies dear readers for such a long lapse without updates! I have one more chapter forthciming in the next few weeks and hope to bring this story to conclusion by the end of the summer. Thank you for reading and liking this story! And as usual disclaimers - I don't own Sailor Moon, I'm just a superfan who likes to imagine and dream up fantasies filled with romance, wonder, and "what ifs." - Love, SunflowerScribe
CH. 14 Mamoru
Life had resumed as much normalcy as possible for Mamoru without the love of his life in his constant embrace. His apartment felt suffocating without her presence, every nook, and cranny filled with memories of her. Their breakfast escapes, passionate interludes, her laughter. Some days the Senshi would find him sitting in the bathtub or at the dining table, his mind lost in the special moments spent there. Today, in particular, he was sitting on the couch clutching a pillow that still had the smell of her lavender and vanilla shampoo. If sunshine had a scent that would be it.
Over his shoulder, Rei gave Mamoru a gentle pat. He'd given the inner Senshi keys to his apartment. They'd all grown cautious and worried about each other's mental well-being and checked on each other often.
"Was that Usagi's?"asked Rei.
"Yes, this was hers," Mamoru answered. "It still smells like her. I can't bear to wash it."
Rei sat beside him. "I still don't understand what happened. It wasn't supposed to be like this."
"I know," said Mamoru. "I play it over and over in my mind, and it never makes sense. The only time I can semi-block is out is when I'm at the clinic.
"How is that going?"
Mamoru brightened a little. "I'm doing as Usa asked of me, doing what matters to my heart — to the world. Every young patient I treat reminds me of her or…" his voice caught, "Chibi-usa. When I don this work, it feels like I have healing love powers like Usako did. I hope she'd be proud of me."
"I know she would be," said Rei. "I feel the same way about the temple and all our new charges. We've taken on so many. I can hardly keep up, but they are so eager to learn, and we give as much as we can — in her name."
Mamoru raised his head, teary-eyed. "She'd be proud, Rei… of all her Senshi. You've all listened to your hearts and her dying wish. You've all given so much of yourselves despite…."
At that point, Mamoru could no longer keep himself together and let out full-body heart-wrenching sobs into the pillow. Rei sat with him patiently for the better of half an hour until it melted away to small hiccups.
"Ok for now," Rei asked gently, knowing full well that it was only a matter of time before another episode like this took hold.
"Thank you," Mamoru replied. "It's the one thing Usa asked of me that I can't do. I can't be happy without her. I will do my duty to protect the earth, honor, and nurture its people… but for me, there will be no happiness."
Rei stared blankly, and rather than offer empty comfort words; she replied with, "I understand."
For she did. She had spent much of her time with Usagi complaining and arguing, but the girl had taken hold of her heart in ways she didn't quite understand until after she was gone. Rei also knew that one day, her heart would begin to heal, and her love for Usagi would grow into a distant dear memory, but for Mamoru, she knew that pain would last thousands of years.