Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any related characters.

A/N: Tumblr prompt - never wanting to let go hug. Enjoy!

I Can't Pretend

The days are long inside the tent. For me, the nights are even longer as I toss and turn without near enough sleep.

I use up a considerable amount of my mental resources during the day while strategizing with Harry and Ron on where to go and what to do next, leaving me completely knackered by the evenings.

My shoulders sink as I sit down on my camp bed across from Harry, who has drawn a map again to test a new theory. Clearly he has no interest in going to bed anytime soon.

My legs feel heavy as I lift them up to sit crisscross on the bed. Ron joins me on my camp bed to view the map from a closer angle, the thin mattress on the bed springing up as he sits.

I'm barely listening to the two boys as they drone on, unable to concentrate on anything other than reprieve from the fatigue in my muscles.

"You okay?"

Ron's looking at me now with concern in his eyes, and I sit up straighter with a flash of irrational frustration flooding my veins.

"Yes, Ron. Why wouldn't I be?"

He recoils from my abrasive response. "Nevermind."

Instant guilt washes over me. "No, I'm sorry. I'm just a bit exhausted, I'm afraid."

"Don't worry about it." His tone sounds reassuring, and I'm relieved that any sort of conflict between us seems to be resolved for now.

Ron and I don't get along well these days. His short temper during the day over the lack of food lights a fuse under me, so much so that we're constantly snapping at each other. It's pure agony, being at odds with Ron, but I put up with it because I need him.

Despite the indifference, he is still the one person who always seems to notice when I'm running on low energy, and takes great care to make sure I'm eating enough of what we have available and not taking watch for longer than necessary.

Even now as he is physically close to me, I find myself longing for us to be even closer. I have a burning desire to be wrapped up in his arms — as if programmed by nature to want to touch him.

The intense need to hug someone only grows when navigating through a stressful environment. On this hunt, I only have two options: Harry or Ron. With Harry, I hug him like I would hug a brother. It's quick, and somewhat comforting, but nothing beyond.

On the rare occasion that I hug Ron, it feels...intimate. And all I have is the desire to hold on to him and never let go.

My thoughts drift away as I find my eyelids making an involuntary move to close. I slowly blink to force them back open, but the exhaustion wins and my head starts to loll to the side as I lose all consciousness.

When I come to, the drowsiness prevents my eyes from opening straight away. Then I notice that my temple is now resting on what seems to be a sturdy shoulder...Ron's shoulder.

I think he can feel me stirring, for an arm snakes around my waist to pull me closer. A hand brushes the hair away that is tickling my eyelashes.

"Should we wake her?" Harry asks from a short distance.

"Nah, she's tired, mate. Let her sleep."

I'm lulled into a sense of calm from hearing Ron's soft voice. I relish the fact that he apparently is comfortable enough to allow me to sleep on his shoulder in front of Harry, who I can hear going on about horcruxes as if nothing's out of the ordinary.

So, I take advantage of our current position by snuggling even further into the crook of Ron's neck, wrapping an arm around his front to hold him as if not willing to let go. I release a soft sigh while keeping my eyes firmly closed for added measure. Ron's chuckling into my hair that I'm sure is right in his face, but doesn't make a move to shrug me off.

The conversation around me filters away, and the boys seem to fall into a natural silence. I can feel myself raising and lowering from my position on Ron's shoulder as he breathes deep. In the next moment, his cheek rests atop my head.

I'm astutely aware of his fingertips that begin to trail a pattern up and down my opposite arm, sending a shiver through my body that I try to quell.

The intimacy between us is unlike anything we've experienced together before, and it's all so natural and perfect. I am in Ron's arms, and it's been a long time since I've felt so wonderfully relaxed.

Before I'm ready, Ron gives a gentle shake of my shoulder to rouse me. I wonder if his arm is starting to fall asleep. I make an exaggerated show to rub the sleep from my eyes as I stretch my arms above my head.

"Sleep well?" Ron flashes me a wide smile. I notice that his cheeks look flushed in the soft glow of the bluebell flames.

I may pretend to sleep in Ron's arms, but I can't pretend anymore that my feelings for my ginger-haired best friend don't go beyond platonic friendship.