A/N: So I feel like maybe I was the only person who wanted Kensi to come back from Afghanistan (S5) a broken woman. We all know that as far as strong female characters go, Kensi is pretty badass, but I can't help that feel someone who was held captive and tortured by the Taliban would need a shoulder to cry on when they got home.

Well, I decided to fix that! This fic is rated M and mentions torture techniques and intimate Densi moments. It gets a bit gritty, don't say I didn't warn you.

Enjoy - reviews are very welcome!

It was 8 o'clock in the evening and Deeks couldn't stop thinking about Kensi. He knew she was tough - hell, she was easily ten times tougher than he was - but still, he just couldn't shake the image of her sobbing in his arms from his mind.

In a futile attempt to try and rationalise his worries about his partner, from the moment they'd landed back on US soil he'd told himself that she was trained to be brave, trained to be smart and trained be meticulously prepared for anything and everything.

But torture?

No, nothing in the world could prepare you for torture.

He so often thought back to his time in 'the chair'. He'd watched Sam get electrocuted over and over again. He'd smelled the hum of burning skin and saw the sweat drip from every pore on Sam's body. He'd heard him go through every ounce of pain to protect his wife - to protect the person he loves most in this whole world. And then, when they were done with Sam, they'd turned on him.

He'd kept his mouth shut, proverbially speaking anyway. He'd thought about how easy it would have been to tell his captors the truth, how with one word he could have made all the pain go away. But the thought of Kensi - her beautiful smile, her gorgeous laugh and her big doe-like eyes - those thoughts had kept him strong. If she were the one whose cover had been in question he would have died before he gave his torturers anything. He knew Sam would have done the same too, because not only are they all part of a fiercely loyal special ops team, but Deeks was also fairly certain they all suspected that Kensi was the person that he loved most in the world. If anyone had ever actually asked, he would've fiercely denied it but, to put it bluntly, he would have done absolutely anything to save her.

The big difference between their situations, however, was that he and Sam had been captured and tortured in LA. They'd had the luxury of knowing the best minds in the country were working on a plan to rescue them. Kensi? Kensi hadn't been as lucky. She'd had been kidnapped, tortured and held captive by the fucking Taliban for God's sake. She had been alone, vulnerable and scared. God knows what those men had done to her, she'd barely uttered a word since her rescue. From the moment he'd laid eyes on her back at base, he'd wanted to reach out and hold her, comfort her. He wanted to be there for her every second of every day for the rest of his life. He'd wanted so badly to be the guy she could run to, the guy with the shoulder she could cry on, the guy she could trust with all her deepest fears.

But he wasn't that guy. Not yet anyway.

Since they'd been back in LA, Deeks had barely seen her. They'd spoken on the phone a few times, working their way awkwardly through long, stretching silences and mundane small talk. How he wished he could talk to her about the things he desperately wanted to. How he wished they didn't need to keep avoiding the 2 glaringly obvious elephants in the room: Kensi's time in country and their 'thing'. He knew he couldn't push her, he knew that if he bought either of those topics up when the timing was all wrong, it could jeopardise everything they had built up together over the last 5 years. Not to mention that Kensi hadn't always been alone; she'd been held captive with her ex fiancé. That was another topic of conversation Deeks knew they'd one day have to have, but was happy to put off for as long as possible. Not that he felt jealous or insecure or anything, not that he'd ever admit anyway, but it was certainly a conversation he wasn't particularly looking forward to having.

Eventually, however, they'd have to talk. One day they'd have to discuss all the unsaid things between them.

But for now? For now he waited. He waited patiently for the girl who stole his heart long ago to remember that he was there, he was always there. He just hoped that she'd remember sooner rather than later because he was missing her like a hole in the head and it was tearing him apart being away from her for so long.

X-X-X

It used to be that every time her name popped up on his phone, he'd smile to himself. Now though, when his phone rang or a message from her appeared, his heart ached with sadness. She'd taken to turning their casual conversations into dark, twisted analogies, like the time she'd texted him: "When I'm back at work, I want cronuts okay? I thought I hated them but it turns out being tortured by the Taliban makes you miss American cuisine". He'd sent back something light-hearted, something about pastry babies and offered to talk, but as usual he was met with, "No need, Deeks. Honestly, I'm fine!"

Kensi was anything but fine and he knew it, but without her voluntarily opening up to him, there was nothing he could do. He'd learnt a long time ago that you do not push Kensi Blye into discussing something she does not want to discuss, no matter how important it is.

He wished he could help her, just like she had helped him. Since she'd been home he'd realised how hard it must have been for her when he'd shut her out. She'd constantly tried to call him, tried to visit him and tried to make sure he knew she was there if he needed her.

Perhaps he should be trying harder to be there for her. Yes, Kensi was headstrong and stubborn, but she was still human. He'd ignored hundreds of her calls when he was off work recovering but he never begrudged a single one. She was there and she never stopped letting him know. She didn't wait around just hoping that one day he'd pick up the phone and spill his guts out to her. She was proactive and she never stopped letting him know that she was there when he was ready for her to be. Ultimately, it was her actions that had saved him. She needed him too, even if she'd never admit it.

As he lay on his couch running the same old Kensi related scenarios through his mind, he smiled at the thought that popped into his head. What would Kensi do if she were me? Deeks stood abruptly and searched his coffee table for his phone and the keys to his truck. He knew what he needed to do, he knew exactly what she would be doing if the tables were reversed. It was time for him to repay the favour and there's no way he could stand by and wait any longer. Kensi needed him, whether she knew it or not.

X-X-X

He opened the front door of his apartment purposefully but hastily took a step back when he saw her standing there. Her hand was raised like she was about to knock and her wide, mismatched eyes were puffy and bloodshot. Kensi stood, trauma etched across her face and let out a small croak, her voice sounding alien to them both. "Deeks, I-"

She sniffled and opened her mouth to continue, but no words came out. In an instant Deeks was wrapped around her, cradling her head and whispering comforting words into her hair. "Kens, it's okay, I'm here. You're going to be okay, alright? Kensi, listen to me: you're home and you're safe, no one can hurt you now. I'm here, Kens. Kensi? You're safe." He whispered variations of his mantra over and over, breathing in the scent of her hair while she silently sobbed. He cried too, tears slipped down his cheeks as his heart broke for her with each ripple of fear that erupted through her delicate body. Every time another tidal wave of emotion came, he held her tighter, willing the pain to take him instead.

Seeing her like this, it was insane. He never thought he'd see Kensi this broken, this afraid. It's not that he didn't think she was capable of feeling fear, but it was more the fact that he was surprised she'd willingly let him see it. In that moment, with her crying in his arms, he'd have given anything to take the pain away. He'd willingly sit right back in that chair and face his own fears all over again if it meant that he'd never have to see Kensi like this. However much he wished that was possible, he knew it wasn't an option. Kensi may be back in America, but it was painfully clear that every moment she spent inside her own head was spent back in Afghanistan.

Eventually, he gently eased her away from his body and lowered his face so it was level with hers. His t-shirt was wet through and her face was blotchy and tear stained. With a sorrow filled sigh, he lifted her chin and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. This gesture of affection wasn't usually something that was allowed between them; he was usually on guard, keeping his love for Kensi locked deep down inside, but seeing her like this... it was breaking him. He didn't care if it wasn't allowed, he brushed back a stray strand of hair and as he took her hand, she laced her fingers with his and followed him inside.

More chapters to come and I'd really appreciate some reviews as I'm planning on making this one a little longer than my other fics!