Rae hadn't looked at anything school-related since that awful phone call the week after Thanksgiving. Now it was Christmas morning and she sat with her laptop on the coffee table in Victor's cabin, thoroughly ensconced in her big hooded fleece robe, preparing to finally check her semester grades. Except she was just staring at the screen and the login boxes, afraid to hit Enter.
Victor leaned over her and tapped the key. "Ain't gonna change anything by sittin' there," he explained, blatantly ignoring the scowl she shot him over her shoulder.
He was right, but he was still an asshole.
She turned back and checked her school email, finding the link that would give her the info she both wanted and dreaded.
The kettle going off made her jump.
"Nah, I'll get it," Victor said when she made to get up. "I can pour boiling water, you just want an excuse not to look."
She scowled at him again, sitting up on her own now that he wasn't supporting her anymore. She took a deep breath and clicked the link.
Her exhale was shaky. "You'll be pleased to know I got straight As," she said, turning to watch him finish making the tea she'd started. Watching him do anything domestic was still weird, but she liked it, liked seeing him as a normal person instead of who he used to be.
"Never doubted you would." He set the teapot down on the tray she'd put on the coffee table and then flopped down next to her instead of behind her. He touched her chin and kissed her, light and quick. "School can still go fuck itself."
"Mmmm, no disagreement there." The relief had made her a little lightheaded. She snuggled further into her robe and leaned her head against his shoulder, smiling when he dropped a kiss on it.
"You gonna fight it or find somewhere else that'll let you transfer?"
She made a sound remarkably like a growl. "I already ran it up the chain through my advisor- excuse me, former advisor. Though he's just as pissed as I am, his hands are tied. And I doubt I can find a lawyer willing to wade through bigoted, beaurocratic bullshit just to get me back into a program at a school I'm not gonna feel safe at anymore."
Victor sighed. "Part of ya wants to try anyway, though."
She snorted. "Well yeah, but I'm not that masochistic." She shrugged. "I have other connections I can pull on. But it can wait until shit settles down with the Virus. Anywhere I go people are gonna be pissy about me and I'm not looking to get attacked again."
He didn't say anything else, just let her rest against him.
She sat up and leaned forward, opening the lid on the teapot to pull the strainer out. She breathed in the scent of lapsang souchong, smoky and bitter and perfect for a morning when snow blanketed everything outside while she was safe and snug inside. A little bit of vanilla bean-infused honey smoothed it out.
With a fire in the big hearth and cold winter sunlight streaming in through the windows to either side, there wasn't anywhere else she wanted to be in that moment. They sat in comfortable silence for a while. The small Christmas tree he'd surprised her with twinkled with golden fairy lights; it didn't have any ornaments since neither of them had access to any, but it was enough.
Victor eventually got up and retrieved the two wrapped boxes from under the tree, bringing them back to where she sat.
She'd been anxious about exchanging gifts for weeks now, agonizing over her choices and if they were too much for their relationship, not to mention being afraid of invoking the Sweater Curse, bane of all yarnworkers.
Rae turned so she sat cross-legged facing him, reaching out for her gift when he held it out.
"Want me to go first?" she asked.
He nodded, sitting down facing her.
The box was decently heavy. She could feel his eyes on her as she carefully undid the wrapping (silver foil with white snowflakes), reading something that wasn't quite nervousness but close enough she couldn't come up with a better description for it.
The first thing she saw was emerald green cashmere that unfolded into a scarf. She knew the value of the yarn and already felt a little uneasy. And then she saw what was underneath.
The books were old, she could tell that much just from the scent of vanilla and grass, and the wear on the topmost cover where parts of the leather had gone shiny from handling. That still didn't prepare her for feeling her heart in her throat when she picked up the first one and saw the gilt edges and the words on the spine over Morocco leather.
She almost dropped it in shock.
"Victor, what…?" Her hands were shaking, fingertips ghosting over the title on the spine. "This is a first edition Jane Austen."
"Yeah?"
Rae looked up, surprised to find tears in her eyes. "Victor, this is like… stupid amounts of money, I can't-"
"Don't. Turns out I have stupid amounts of money." He ducked his head a little, sheepish. "Wanted to use it for somethin' good."
There were undercurrents here she was afraid of disturbing. Victor still hadn't told her what he'd found in that locker beyond a vague mention of things he needed to sort out and she instinctively knew this had some connection to it.
Instead of poking at it, at him and whatever he wasn't ready to talk about yet, she examined the other two books. The set was three volumes total, all in impeccable shape for being nearly 200 years older than her. She'd handled books far older than that, but she'd been wearing gloves to protect them, and no one had ever let her just keep one (though she'd had fantasies about smuggling a few of them out in her purse).
"It makes me sad sometimes that her name wasn't even on the title page," Rae said quietly, opening the cover. "Just a mention that it was by the same author who wrote Sense & Sensibility, which only had By A Lady since she was an unknown at the time. And she only got 110£ for it."
She looked back up. "How'd you even know this was my favorite book?"
Victor shrugged, avoiding her eyes. His ears twitched. "You take care of your books but I can still tell which ones you read the most, they're worn an' they smell more like you than the others."
She blinked. "That's really…"
"Creepy?"
"Cute, actually." She carefully set the books on the coffee table along with the scarf and leaned over to kiss him. "I don't think anyone's ever put that much effort into a gift for me, price notwithstanding. Thank you."
Her stomach dropped again when he picked up her gift to him.
"You okay?" he asked.
She shrugged. "Suddenly feeling like I brought a Nerf gun to a nuke fight."
Victor snorted and extended his claws to cut the paper off the box. He pulled out a pair of leather wrist cuffs and a crocheted blanket and blinked at them for a moment, long enough Rae felt the urge to scream just to release the tension building inside of her.
He finally moved, fingers touching the cuffs of dark brown leather verging on maroon, wide enough to not look ridiculous on his frame. Smaller strips of leather created a woven, almost knotlike pattern down the middle. They were finished off with antiqued pewter buckles.
"I had to guess on the size, but I've done it enough times I'm usually dead on. Can punch new holes if necessary."
Victor looked up. "Wait, you made these?"
Rae nodded, cheeks going pink. "That and the blanket. I was a fidgety kid so people taught me things to keep my hands occupied."
He set the cuffs aside and unfolded the blanket. The pattern was recognizable from the one Logan had, but she'd chosen different colors for him: dark brown, amber and gold in a gradient from one end to the other.
His fingers twitched and his mouth opened and closed a few times, like he wanted to say something but nothing would come out. He set the blanket and cuffs on the table and reached for her.
Rae came willingly, straddling his legs when he guided her onto his lap.
His fingers sank into her hair, releasing it from the loose bun she'd shoved it into that morning, claws grazing her scalp and making her gasp.
She was careful not to cut her tongue on his fangs when she kissed him, having finally figured out how to avoid it even when her concentration was lacking, which was a good thing when his other hand latched onto her ass and squeezed. She rocked her hips and made him groan into her mouth.
Victor pushed her robe off and she took the chance to test a theory. She leaned in and nipped at the side of his neck; his answering growl told her she'd been right so she bit him again, this time a little harder.
"Getting bold, frail," he said, fingers finding and pinching one of her nipples. The spark of pain made her whimper.
"You like pain as much as I do," she replied, nipping a little further down. "Maybe not as much as you like inflicting it, but it feels good."
She expected him to stop her when she got near his throat but he surprised her by tilting his head. She licked him and felt the growl against her lips, tested further by biting again and palming his cock through his pants.
"Careful," he warned, even as he pushed into her hand.
Rae sat back and found his pupils slitted. "Do you actually want me to be careful?"
He bared his fangs at her. "You're wakin' up somethin' I got a tight rein on."
She curled her fingers around him, scratching the nails of her other hand down his chest and loving the shudder it caused.
Slowly, carefully, she backed off of him, going to her knees in front of him.
"Frail-"
She dug her nails into his thighs. "You know how badly you wanted your mouth on me?" She pushed his legs apart with her body and looked up at him, watched his pupils slowly dilate as she freed him from his pants and wrapped her hand around his cock. His gaze dropped to her mouth when she licked her lower lip.
He didn't stop her, his breath catching at the touch of her tongue on the head, catching salty pre-cum and then slipping under the foreskin to circle and tease.
"Fuck," he growled, head falling back. His fingers dug into the couch on either side of him.
Rae kept her eyes on him, wanting to see him lose himself in a way he hadn't before; he kept such tight control over himself like he was afraid of letting go, of being vulnerable, of letting her or anyone else see him compromised.
She opened her mouth and took as much of him in as she could. He was thick and she wouldn't be able to do much for very long, but she hadn't been lying when she said she wanted this, wanted to taste and feel him on her tongue, in her mouth. She let her hand circle the rest of him, squeezing gently, her other hand resting on his thigh where she could feel his muscles tensing.
His eyes opened in time to watch her take more and then retreat, sucking on the head, her hand giving an upward stroke each time she came back up. His ears pinned back and he growled, fingers flexing where he gripped the couch.
She kept eye contact as she reached out with her free hand and guided one of his to tangle in her hair. She moaned a little, shifting and feeling herself getting wet.
"Don't shove on my head," she said, and then she swallowed him down as far as she could.
His fingers in her hair tightened to the point of pain, tears gathering in her eyes, but it was what she wanted. She worked her tongue against the underside, pressing against the big vein, cataloging taste and texture and scent, and as she came up for air she had another theory to test.
Cradling his cock in her hand, she bent her head and dragged her tongue up the underside, letting her teeth graze him.
A snarl burst out of him and she figured she'd finally gone too far. His hand shook where it cradled her head, pupils blown as he looked down at her.
"Should I stop?" she asked, breathless.
His answer was to pull her back down, his low growl changing to a purr when she took a chance and nipped just below the head of his cock. She sucked the spot and watched him.
"Fuckin' tease," he said, burying his other hand in her hair. "Wanna fuck your mouth, frail."
Rae shuddered, eyes closing for a moment. "Can't fit all of you."
He laughed. "Wrap your hand around what you can't take."
She did as she'd been told and spread her knees, bracing her other hand on his thigh.
"Good girl," he breathed, and brought her mouth back to his cock.
For half a second her brain rebelled, she no longer had complete control as he thrust inside, bumping the back of her palate but not going further. She breathed in when he withdrew, expecting him to speed up, but he kept up a slow, steady pace, guiding her head while she squeezed the rest of him in rhythm with her movements.
"Fuck me, frail, look at you. You take it so well."
The praise washed over her, through her, pooling between her legs.
"Pretty little thing with your lips around my cock."
She moaned around him and loved the answering growl, the way he stroked her hair and fucked her mouth and told her how good she was. She lost herself in it, ignoring the ache in her jaw that was drowned out by the need pulsing inside of her, hazing her thoughts.
Victor's breathing changed, growing ragged even though his thrusts remained smooth. "Can finish in your mouth or your cunt, frail, your choice."
She squeezed him, nails digging into his thigh.
He gave that arrogant chuckle of his. "Clear enough," he said, and now he thrust a fraction quicker. "Don't swallow."
She had no time to process that beyond wanting to obey. Bitterness splashed across her tongue and she closed off her throat to keep it there, breathing through her nose as she watched his face and felt pride that she'd chased away some of the darkness he was carrying.
He pulled out and bent his head to hers, tongue flicking out to catch the cum that had escaped her lips. Her mouth opened in surprise and he swept inside, demanding she share with him. For her, it was a first, and she definitely didn't want it to be her last.
He left her mouth to nip at her neck. "You did good," he said, "but I want more."
He pressed her onto her back on the floor, his fangs appearing again in a grin as he pushed up the t-shirt she'd worn to bed and discovered she hadn't bothered with underwear that morning.
"Got sick of you tearing it off," she said.
"Fair enough." He crawled over her, pushing the shirt up further to nose at her stomach and then her breasts. His teeth found one nipple, biting just hard enough to make her cry out. His tongue soothed the hurt.
She wriggled out of her shirt and pulled at his, wanting to feel his skin on hers. She moaned when he covered her body with his, leaving her pinned to the floor on the blankets she'd laid out earlier. He nuzzled at her hair, pushing it aside to get at her neck again. "You didn't think I was gonna leave you wet, did you?" he asked, his voice carrying that low, dangerous tone that meant he wanted to play.
"I can never tell with you," she replied.
He shifted his weight over her, his hips pressing her down, his cock trapped between them. "What would you even do if I got up?" he asked, rocking his hips so he slid against her and made her writhe. "What if I left you wet and aching and said you can't get off without me?"
Need made her squirm beneath him, both the need to have him inside her and the need to obey.
Victor nudged at her jaw, laughing softly into her ear. "You're mine, frail. I'll be nice." He lifted his hips a fraction and slid in.
"Yes," she hissed, the feeling of him inside of her sating some of the ache. When he didn't go further immediately she hooked her legs around him and worked herself onto his cock.
"That's it, so fuckin' horny you gotta have all of me." That growling purr of his was like auditory sex, the man could probably talk her into an orgasm and she was pretty sure he knew it, too.
He nipped at her neck and gave her shallow thrusts, just enough to have her thrashing and moaning. "Tell me what you want, frail."
She drew in a shuddering breath. "Fuck me, Victor, the way you wanted to fuck my mouth."
He jerked back to look at her, amber eyes wide, and she thought she'd said the wrong thing until he chuckled again. "Knew I was holdin' back, did you?"
She drew her knees up so he sank in a little more. "I appreciate the caution. Are you gonna fuck me or what?"
His hand wrapped around her throat. She felt the edge of a claw under her chin and shivered, knowing he wanted her fear even if he fought that part of him.
"Pretty little frail," he crooned, and before she could react he'd pinned her wrists above her head, his hips slowly moving as he resumed fucking her. "You wanna play?"
With that claw pressing against her throat her thoughts were fuzzing. "As long as you listen to safewords."
Victor grinned. "Try to get away from me, frail," he said, releasing her throat so he could hold her wrists down with both hands. "Like you actually mean it."
Need shot up her spine and she bucked against his hold, knowing she'd never get loose if he didn't want her to but safe in the knowledge that freedom was a breath away. His fingers were like bands of iron on her wrists, holding her arms at an angle where she couldn't get leverage. His heavy body kept her lower half pinned but she wriggled anyway, because watching the play of predatory lust on his face was better than she'd imagined.
"Look at you writhin' on my cock," he murmured, pushing a little harder when she tried to jerk her hands free. His nostrils flared and she knew he could smell the distress her body couldn't help putting off. "Could use you however I want, as long as I want, hurt you and still make you come so hard you see stars."
Rae whined, still struggling against him, letting the fear wash through her along with the need, riding the adrenaline that shot through her when he lowered his head and bit the side of her neck hard enough to draw blood. His rough tongue dragged over the wound and then he was kissing her, giving her the taste of copper.
He eased his grip on her wrists a little bit, keeping her immobile while he kissed her, still slowly fucking her. She didn't realize she was crying until he licked a tear from her cheek.
"Victor, please."
He didn't say anything, just kept her pinned and picked up the pace until she could only breathe and take it, let him take her. Orgasm caught her by surprise, bursting through her body in a tingling wave that brought fresh tears, and she barely recognized when Victor came with something close to a roar.
He pulled out and she fully expected him to go into cuddle mode. Instead she felt him gently easing her legs back down, keeping her thighs splayed as he moved down her body and put his mouth on her.
"Victor, what…?"
He shushed her, lacing his fingers with hers when she reached for him. His tongue lapped at her pussy, gently cleaning the taste of her off her skin.
Rae's head fell back on a moan when that tongue pressed inside of her, seeking what he'd left behind. She lost track of time, floating halfway in subspace and letting him take care of her. Tears formed again, relief and exhaustion and contentment she hadn't felt in way too long.
She felt his hands on her, gliding across her skin, up and down her sides and legs to keep her grounded. His mouth sought her clit and coaxed a second orgasm from her, then a third, until she was shaking and laughing and crying all at once.
Only then did he crawl back up to her and kiss her. "You okay?" he asked, eyes intent on hers, hands petting her hair.
"Yeeeaaahhh, I'm gonna be floaty for a while."
He chuffed at her and gathered her up, carrying her to the couch. He helped her get her shirt and robe back on, then brought her a water bottle before sitting behind her so she could lean against him.
"You did good, koshechka," he said, nuzzling her. The praise made her toes curl. He was purring, his hands moving over her like he was afraid she'd disappear but she didn't want to stop him. Dom drop was a thing, and close contact was one way to stop that from happening.
He made her drink half the bottle and then eat some cookies, which she barely managed before the need for a nap took over. The couch was big enough for both of them but she still ended up sleeping on top of him.
Rae straddled Victor's lap and leaned against his chest, warm and drowsy and full from leftover Thai food. Her fingers played with his hair, running through the blond strands and petting it.
"Enjoying yourself?" he asked, voice barely a purr.
She laughed. "Your hair is ridiculously soft and I like touching it, okay? Is that a crime?"
Victor chuffed at her. "I ain't gonna complain."
"Didn't think so." She buried her fingers in his hair again. The texture made her think of a longhaired cat's fur but a little smoother. A handful of dreads had formed on the right side, all in a cluster like they were deliberate.
His arm came up around her back so he could lean forward for a second, rummaging in a drawer in the coffee table.
"Put these in for me?" he asked when he'd settled them again, holding his hand out.
She looked down at the beads cupped in his hand, moving his arm closer to the light. "Are these bone? They're gorgeous."
He didn't answer, just handed one to her and tilted his head a little.
She worked quickly, fitting each one onto a dread and knotting the hair at the base to hold it secure. Each one had a design carved into it, abstract waves, geometric shapes, a snarling wolf.
When she held her hand out for the last bead, he reached for her hair instead where it lay loose around her shoulders.
"Let me put this one on you."
Rae blinked in surprise, then nodded and took the bead so he could return the favor. The one he'd left had flowers carved into it, the blossoms stained a faded purple-red.
He chose a lock of hair above her left ear, so that the bead could be hidden if she wanted. His fingers were gentle and deft as he braided the lock, placed the bead and tied it off.
"You saved that one for last. For me."
Victor nodded, not meeting her eyes. Firelight painted his face in flickering shadow.
She wanted to nudge, to find out what had him almost flinching away from her. She settled in against his chest again, nose pressed to his neck. Her fingers resumed petting his hair.
He was silent long enough that she almost dozed off. His voice, when he finally spoke, was hoarse, barely above a whisper.
"There were wildflowers that grew outside our cabin. Dark blue. Got no idea what they're called, never went lookin', never went back after she died."
Another pause before he continued. His hand came to rest on her lower back, just holding her, anchoring himself. "Pa wanted to get rid of 'em, said they were pointless when the space could be used for a garden. Ma rarely stood up to him but she did for those flowers."
He laughed softly, bitterly. "Woulda been nice if she'd fought that hard for me, even just once."
Rae was almost afraid to speak, to break the spell that had finally loosened his tongue. "Was he abusive?" she asked, keeping judgment out of her voice.
"Even by the standards of the time, yeah." Victor shrugged. "Man was full o' rage, never fuckin' knew why. Just hated the world, an' me especially."
He hissed suddenly and Rae sat up to find him flinching away from the light, the hand on her back spasming. She bit back a cry at the scrape of his claws.
"Migraine?"
A growl was the answer and he pushed her away hard enough she had to catch herself so she didn't fall.
"Do you need-"
"Don't," he snarled.
Rae bit her lip and carefully got to her feet, feeling wary like she hadn't in months. As quickly and quietly as she could, she moved the grate over the fire to block out the light. She glanced at Victor and saw he'd laid down on his side on the couch facing away; the urge to go to him was strong but her sense of self preservation was stronger. She didn't think he'd hurt her but the possibility remained, and she didn't want to handle the fallout if he did worse than scratching her.
She made an effort to keep her scent neutral, not letting this fear leak out because it wouldn't help either of them. She crept upstairs and fought back tears as she curled up in bed, trying to ignore the doubts and criticism crowding the back of her mind. The split second change between quiet intimacy and snarling anger felt like emotional whiplash.
She fell asleep reading and woke up to the light turning off and Victor crawling into bed. She had no idea what time it was, other than late.
When his hand touched her, it was tentative. Part of her wanted to reject him, not to punish him but because it felt like he'd rejected her.
With a sigh she scooted closer, turning so she was the little spoon. She felt Victor's shaky exhale against her hair.
"'M sorry," he whispered.
Rae pulled his arm around her and hugged it to her chest. "Not gonna say it's okay,'cause that's a lie." He tensed behind her. "But it'll be okay. Because you're not letting this shit destroy you."
She felt him nod and his arm tightened around her, the rest of his body relaxing by fractions. It was enough for now.