A/N: I love it how some of you are so invested they feel she is getting done too much and overworking herself. LOL Not sure whether you guys realized that a few of the 23 chapters actually included lines like 'weeks later' or 'as the weeks went by'. In a way to give people a rough timefrrame... by the time THE chapter gets posted, over a year will have passed in the story eventually...
Taylor was a perfectionist to some degree and also didn't seem to understand the words 'just a few'.
As suggested by Tank and the others I had asked Taylor to send me the first budget proposals for the other offices and expected a few files. What I found however were boxes of papers and files. Every budget proposal or actual budgeting done for every office since the beginning. At least they were sorted and in chronological order. But that was pretty much the only good thing if I was honest. The files were… big, as in a lot of pages and I started wondering what exactly was in these proposals. As I discovered a few moments later the answer of what was in them was easy: everything.
Every little detail, everything that Ranger anticipated in regards of spending money was listed with a number. From cars and refurbishments, to uniforms, equipment and provisions. Every piece of paper, pen, stapler or paper clip was listed. He knew exactly what he was doing and judging by the next budget proposal it seemed he was spot on. The budget usually got a correction with the next one, but the correction was usually down rather than up. But then again, there was probably just a limited need of buying cars every year. Well, unless you ran the Trenton branch and decided on providing me with several new ones constantly.
I came to realize the joke, that Ranger had made a few years back, with me being an entertainment line in his budgeting was actually not really a joke and I started wondering how much money he had bleed over the years because of me. Seeing the money RangeMan made I knew it wasn't like I cost him more than he made, but it still made me uncomfortable to actually for once see how much money I did cost him. I stuck with the Trenton files for a while, going through them and finding receipts for things I assumed were mine, or rather stuff that I managed to cost him.
I had never been naïve and therefore knew that the stuff Ranger provided me with wasn't cheap or didn't come with a certain price tag, but seeing for once how much money he actually had spent on me over the years was overwhelming. And depressing when come to think that I wasn't ever going to be able to actually show my full gratitude now that I knew how much money I was costing Ranger and RangeMan rather regularly.
"You alright, Bomber?" I heard Bobby's voice ripping me out of my train of thought. Looking up from the file in my hand I saw him standing in my door and leaning casually against the door frame, Lester and Cal behind him.
"Are the budget files giving you headaches?" Lester joked loudly and I saw Bobby shack his head.
"What has you looking so worried? You know you don't have to open a new branch, right? And if you really do, I'm certain Taylor will be more than ecstatic to help wherever he can."
I was about to feed them a lie, saying something along the lines that they were right and letting them believe that a new branch was what made me look so worried, but decided that maybe for once, honesty would work best. I'm not saying I made it a habit of lying to any of them and never about anything serious, but looking at the files, realizing how much Ranger sort of invested in me and how we never talked about anything or how he made it always sound like it was nothing and not a big or expensive deal pushed my mind in a fragile direction.
"I stumbled across Ranger's entertainment line in his budget," I admitted and decided if any of them knew what I was talking about, good. If not, I'd let it rest.
"Entertainment line? What's that?" Lester asked amused, getting a look that told me where exactly his mind went. "I wasn't aware porn or the likes were part of budget."
He hadn't even managed to finish his statement when both Cal and Bobby hit him on the back of his head and shook theirs. "That's not what it refers to," Bobby said rather hard.
"Than what is it and why are you looking … upset without being upset?" Lester asked, looking at me confused.
"I'm the entertainment line," I explained and saw Lester leer at me for a moment before Bobby gave him a death glare, effectively stopping him speaking whatever raunchy thought had come to him.
"Did any of you know how much money he actually paid for my regular mayhem?" I asked Bobby and Cal since obviously both seemed to know about it.
"Not an exact number, no," both said almost equally. "We never saw numbers and that was more Rangers forte anyway. Is that it? Is that what's bothering you?"
I nodded briefly. "I never… assumed it was that much money I cost him. And he spent all that on me and hardly ever got anything worth his money…," I admitted.
"You know if it helps, he wasn't lying, you really were his entertainment," Lester said and I saw Bobby as well as Cal taking another aim at the back of his head. "Not… wait, just hear me out, okay?" he said, taking a step away from the two and out of their reach effectively.
"Ranger is… was… had been a serious guy. I mean, we all know him. He could be rather scary to a certain degree and was always rather business-like. For the longest time it was him, us and RangeMan with him leading this company a bit like the military. Which isn't bad, seeing that all of us have military background and sort of need or crave that structure and in a way stability. It is what all of us know and why we are so effective. I'm not saying Ranger didn't have a life or anything, but… he was always very serious and blunt, down to business and moving on after it is done. The business we are in and the world we kind of move around is a rather cold and lonely one at times. We have crappy hours, rather dangerous jobs and not a lot of time socializing in any deeper way. Add to that the way we look like we could lead a gang it is hard stepping outside of the bubble we created for us with RangeMan. Most of us work here, live here and spent a lot of the time we actually do have off around here as well. Whether it's working out or the likes. We all are very serious people most of the time and have seen a lot of bad stuff over the years. Whether that is due to our current job, the assignments we occasionally do for Uncle Sam or what we did see back when we were regularly in the military. I can't remember how long you had already been an odd part of my cousin's life but when I saw him smile at one of your regular chaos created situations I actually thought he had gone crazy finally. That the job and everything we see and do finally caught up with him and he was one step away from being insane. It isn't like we don't smile or laugh around here, but… well, we kind of don't. Until you showed up in our lives. You think you didn't pay him back or weren't worth the money he spent on your cars and us making sure you made it to see another day? Think again, missy. To a certain degree you gave him back his humanity. I'm not really sure where we'd be today if you hadn't shown up and provided that sort of entertainment that would seem insane coming from anyone else but you. The entertainment you provided gave him a rather welcome change of his otherwise rather serious life. And when I say entertainment, I don't mean this in a antagonizing or unworthy way. You really were his entertainment."
"I hate saying this, because Santos is going to remind me of it for the next three decades, but… he is right, you know? You might not have given him money or worked off the price tags of whatever car he provided, but you gave him something way more valuable. You stuck with him and gave him …whatever it is that you actually have had going on. Your friendship and faith in his good side and the fact that you didn't run scared when being introduced to this side of things meant a lot to him. More than all the money and the stuff he could technically afford. Sometimes you can't put a price tag on things," Bobby reminded me and made me smile involuntarily, seeing that Ranger's most favorite quote usually was 'No price'.
"So how about putting the files down for a while and joining us for lunch?" Cal asked and a moment later I smiled.
"I never say no to lunch." Getting up from my chair I was curious to see what Ella had come up with today. I knew the files on my desk weren't going anywhere soon and I also knew I could learn a lot from them and gain a lot of help in regards of starting up a new office. But I couldn't help but wonder whether I also wouldn't discover a few other things about the big, black question mark that was Ricardo Carlos 'Ranger' Manoso.
Later that evening – much much later – when I was sipping on a glass of wine and paying my affection-starved puppy some petting and belly rubs, I had my phone in my hand and had dialed the oh-so-well known number by now before I even really realized what I was doing. A moment later I was babbling onto his mailbox.
"I… don't know whether I ever said thank you. Like… ever. Whether in one of my last messages or when you were still around and bugging me," I said in the receiver with a laugh. "I… came to realize today how much you actually ever did for me. Not that I didn't know before but seeing a number attached to everything moved a lot of things into a different perspective. I know saying Thank You now will not change much other than clearing my conscious in a way since I finally know I actually said it and mean it for so much more than just whatever you did in that very moment for me when I said it before. The deeper I seem to dig into RangeMan the more I find out what a remarkable man you were without me ever grasping the depth of it all. I know you always have been a rather private man and were never really into actually boasting about anything good and positive you did, but sometimes I wish you would have. You never got the recognition you deserved, and yet I know it wasn't what this was all about for you. But maybe it would have helped the rest of us, the people who judge you as a thug and a thieve and a criminal. They would have had a chance to see the remarkable man you actually were and we knew you to be. They would maybe have been less judgmental and therefore maybe would have made your life a little easier. Though, I was still around to complicate everything and give you one or two headaches all by myself. So, thank you Ranger. For everything you ever did for me in the years we knew each other and for all the small and big things you did and made possible. I… don't think I'll ever be able to thank you in a way that seems justified and right. But I want you to know that I am thankful and grateful and … and that I miss you. I hope that wherever you are now, that it is a better place, though I'm sure it is. Everywhere where you are is a better place by default. I… I miss you. So much. Every single day. And every day a little more."
I hung up before I would start to cry. Taking a deep breath I knew at some point all this would get easier somehow and at one day in the far, far future the sun would rise again and the feeling of pain I was feeling deep inside me would be less until it was barely there anymore. At some I would be okay again. And Ranger would only be a distant memory. And secretly I hoped that day will never come.
Post-A/N: **********************
**********SPOILER ALERT********
**********SPOILER ALERT********
THE chapter will be chapter thirty-four btw ... in case you wanted to know
******* SPOILER END ************