A/N: I kind of loved how everyone with chapter 35 was like WTF Ranger and yelled at him and then with chapter 36 the tabled had turned and everyone was mad with Steph. But, I was expecting that not everyone was happy with her reaction, but as said before, everyone deals differently with shock. Though, in all fairness, I am almost certain, people will like me again after this chapter. At least I hope so. Not gonna lie, this chapter was so much fun to write. And I leave it up to everyone to decide whether Ranger deliberately is 'leading her on'.
To say I slept crappy would be an understatement. I am not even sure whether I managed to actually fall asleep for just a second. I was turning left and right and back left the entire night, thinking about everything, about Ranger, about me. I was thinking about the conversation that lay ahead of me, ahead of us really and the entire previous evening as well. Of course I came to no conclusion or solution, but then again, was I even looking for one?
By the time I had turned around for the millionth time I managed to catch a glimpse of the bedside clock and saw a big, aggressive 3:59 starring back at me. I let out a sigh and decided to give up on sleep and find something a little more productive to do.
Rummaging through the closet, I pulled out running shorts, a sports bra top and a sweater jacket and started my way out of the apartment. Passing the kitchen, I grabbed a bunch of files that I meant to look at anyway and made my way towards the gym and the treadmill. Might as well get some work done and maybe it helped me to clear my head.
I was taking turns between looking at files in front of me and thinking about last nights events and conversations, as well as the news channel on the TV I had on mute. The anger I had somehow felt had dispensed obviously, but I couldn't help to wonder what the hell Ranger had been thinking. I assumed he hadn't thought a whole lot and just figured he show up and all was good and peachy and rainbows, but… eighteen months had passed and people had gotten on with their lives – some more than others though. Him just showing up like this, literally rising from the dead was bound to bring up a few issues. But on second thought, how would you do it? Tank told me, it was Ranger's story and he should be the one to tell me and also by the few titbits he had shared it sounded like Ranger had been doing some thinking in regards of how to break the news to me. He at least wanted it to come from himself and not through some other people.
I was running for maybe a good thirty minutes when I realized I had gotten company and Lester as well as Ram had found their way to the gym. Odd, I thought to myself since this time was even before Merry Man standard getup time.
"Couldn't sleep either?" Lester asked when he got onto the treadmill next to mine.
I personally had avoided mirrors this morning, but I was really hoping I looked better than Lester did. He looked like he had been on a bender for the past six days straight.
I shook my head at his question and started my last few minutes of running before slowing down into the cooling down phase,
"How is it that for the past two years almost my biggest desire and wish was for him to come back to us, for this whole fucked up mission to never have happened and when he actually does haul his ass back here, I can't really seem to express the joy and happiness I should be feeling?" I asked, grabbing for my water bottle and towel simultaneously
"Shock," came a reply from the back and turning around I saw Ram walking towards us from whatever machine had been using the past minutes. "You spent almost two years more or less getting comfortable and accepting the fact that he is dead and now he isn't. Your system is probably overloaded with emotions and has a certain shock."
"It isn't like I'm not happy to see him back really…," I started explaining and saw Lester a moment later get off his treadmill.
"You don't have to explain yourself, or justify anything. I think, out of all of us, you are the one his return might have thrown the biggest curveball at. And if this is how you want to handle things, good for you. You do you and you do what works. If you feel the need of hitting something or someone, I am almost certain you have a whole bunch of us lining up voluntarily as your 'victims'," Lester grinned next to me, before he pulled me unexpectantly into a hug.
I couldn't help but involuntarily laugh at his comment and gesture. "Did… did any of you know?" I finally asked when he released me.
I saw both of them shake their heads, and then Ram spoke.
"I heard it were only Tank, Zero, Hal, Bones and Junior because … well, Bones was watching the monitors for the garage that day and Tank summoned Hal, Zero and Junior to be his backup. And from what was mentioned hardly any of them actually felt comfortable with knowing before you did and had a really hard time sleeping the week between them finding out and you returning. No one was really winning here. Though, without defending Ranger, it is hard to decide what to do. I mean, you can't really call up and say 'Hey what's up? Guess who isn't dead?" So, looking at it, there really is no winning situation here. All the possible scenarios and how to approach the topic suck."
I knew he was right, of course I did. It isn't like I hadn't asked myself the same question in regards of how to actually approach and breach the topic. And Ram said it already, there was no winning scenario. All of them would have been awkward and strange and would have seemed like a bad joke.
"I know, but maybe… a different way? I mean, Ranger had always been rather guarded and private, so picking yesterdays location for a two year old reunion?" I asked uncertain. It just didn't seem like him.
I heard Lester sigh, which was something that wasn't usual his style. So, I guess there was a story somewhere.
"Look… when I ran into him and we had our little exchange which led to you noticing me and him, he noticed he had a plan, which he though didn't share until I actually called him once we were back here. He initially had planned on flying out to LA and meet you somehow there, finding it hard to wait for your return. But since apparently Tank couldn't be certain when you'd be back for sure, he didn't want to risk flying cross country to the West Coast just to find out you had at the same time decided on flying back East. Yesterday was the first actual day he knew he could run into you. He supposedly had planned for you to be eased into this, with Tank or someone else bringing you to one of the rooms and him actually having a chance to meet you privately, just the two of us. I guess in a way I screwed up his plan, but if someone actually had let me in on it…."
In a way it was good to know that Ranger hadn't just decided on showing up in front of everyone and make this big of a scene as it turned out to be, but still, things could have been done differently. But, as Ram had already pointed out, there really was no winning here for anyone. Any situation would have sucked one way or another.
"What time will he be here?" Lester asked the next moment and I sort of shrugged.
"I had said to be here for lunch, but hadn't given an exact time. Though, it probably doesn't even matter. I just need to let Ella know to prepare lunch for two to get it down to one of the conference rooms."
"You don't meet him on seven? You sure you want to have that conversation where everyone can watch you?"
"I… was debating that myself and actually decided having people have an eye on me might not be the worst idea. Somehow, alone with Ranger would give me a feeling of being cornered, as stupid as it sounds. It's going to be awkward as fuck as it is, and I imagine being all alone up on seven with him wouldn't make the whole thing better or easier and quiet the opposite."
"What happens if the two of you all of a sudden get an urge to throw the other one down on the nearest surface and have their wicked way?" Lester asked, wiggling his eyebrows provocatively at me.
"That most likely won't happen. And I can guarantee you, your virgin eyes will not be subject to that," I replied, seeing a sudden playful disappointment settle in. "That also is probably my cue to leave."
"Where to?" Ram asked confused. "It is barely past five."
"I'll see if I can get Cal to agree to some sparing in order for me to release some pent up frustration," I laughed and was out of the door a moment later to go and find Cal.
After my workout that had me actually spar not only with Cal, but Vince and Slick I found my way back to Seven to take a quick shower and get settled into my day and the things that lay ahead of me. Since it was still early, I figured I could make a few client calls and get a few files of my desk before meeting Ranger.
It felt like I had literally just sat down a minute ago when there was a knock on my door and a moment later Junior stepped in. "Ranger just arrived," he announced and I let out a long breath, realizing this was it. "We put him in one of the conference rooms as you'd asked."
He informed me which room and was waiting for a few moments until I had collected my thoughts and a few things I felt I needed to take with me and joined him on the threshold of my office door, and then followed me a few steps towards my destination.
It didn't need a genius to notice the change of atmosphere on the floor and how every single pair of eyes was focused on me. It seemed like every single Merry Man in the building that hadn't been present last night was aware now what had happened and who had showed up. And everyone was keen on finding out what I'd do next. Well, that was the big question, wasn't it? I knew I was holding something against Ranger that he himself couldn't even influence and I'm certain he didn't just pretend to be dead or play dead. I'm certain there was a story there that was complicated, tricky and involved aspects I might not even want to know.
Stopping in front of the conference door, I found it sort of ironic that it was the same one I had met the RangeMan lawyers with the glorious news of me becoming CEO all of a sudden all these months ago. It seemed almost a lifetime ago looking back at it. So many things had changed and so many more things were about to change once more.
I took one last breath and pushed the door open, facing Ranger for a second – or third time – in the course of less than twenty-four hours. He leaned against the row of windows and seemed as nervous and uncertain as I was feeling. At least we were both not comfortable.
For the first time in a long time I felt lost and helpless and had no real plan on what to do and how to proceed, so I stepped towards the chairs around the conference table and sat down, not saying a word and just looking at him. I had a million questions, comments and things I wanted to speak about, but somehow I couldn't get myself to speak and just looked at Ranger for the longest moments.
Ranger eventually took a seat opposite of me at the table and looked at me as well. We sat in complete silence for ages and I didn't even mind for the oddest reason. I also figured it was his story, he had some explaining to do, so it should be him to start the talking.
"How have you been, Babe?" he eventually asked and I was surprised about his first question.
"Apart from trying to wrap my mind around the fact that you are really and actually sitting in front of me? I'm doing okay. I'm…almost afraid to ask how you have been, worried about the story I might get to hear."
He chuckled for a moment, which seemed unusual, but nothing about this entire situation was normal. And I figured to some degree he also was happy I answered and answered in a normal manner instead of giving him the silent treatment or yelling some more.
"It was never my intention to cause you that much hurt and pain, Stephanie and I hope you believe me when I say that none of this was planned or intended. And last night should have gone very different and gentler."
"Not sure how gentle you expected it to be when more or less revealing yourself at the fundraiser of Trenton PD and in front of hundreds of people," I said, smiling somewhat at him. He just shrugged at my comment and looked at me for the longest moment.
"What happened to you Ranger?" I finally asked one of the questions that had been bugging me since last night and was not the 'What the fuck?' response I had going through my mind all night.
Instead of an immediate answer he let out a long sigh, turning towards the window and looking outside. I wondered whether I had looked similarly all these months back when I had been in a similar position.
"I can't really answer most of that question for certain since… I don't really know myself in all honesty. All I know is that one moment I was in a building that came crashing down on me left, right and centre and more or less the next memory I have is waking up in somewhat of an hospital, being told I'd been in a coma for the past night months or so and the only reason I was alive was because some militia group had dragged me out of the ruins I was buried under. They did so through secret tunnels running underground and connecting important points in the city. The excessive tunnel system had been only established before the civil unrests had broken out and were not well known by most people. I was hidden away by them and started a long road to recovery. I still don't know what that group of people had seen in me or why they had felt the need to save me. I don't know what I did to deserve their help, but because of them I was able to leave the area for safer quarters until I could get my brain to work and plan my next steps. I couldn't make contact with my handler since he had been killed and I had no idea how to get out of where I was, what had happened and how much of it could be really blamed to the war going on around me. After weeks I found out that there was a military base in a neighbouring country, but getting past the border was tricky and hard. A lot of people fled their war-torn country and security as well as border protection was tight and had been increased, so it wasn't like someone could just walk across the border and be done. I didn't know who I could trust and therefore wasn't certain how many favours it would do me to just walk up there to someone and tell them who I was and that I was American Military. I wasn't even sure whether I could trust the people at the military base I was trying to get to. But I knew I had little to no choice. It took me three tries and the hiring of a mule to get me over the border and about three days to get to the military base. There they put me on bedrest and checked me over completely, diagnosing me with several states of dehydration, a few unfortunate healed breaks of a few bones and a concussion. All in all, not a too bad bill of health seeing what I had been going through. I was on bedrest for several weeks and started investigating who knew what and whether everything really was what it seemed in regards of my accident. And discovered not all was what it seemed and that people from both sides were involved and rather wanted to see me dead than walk out of that building alive and well. But before you worry too much, this has been handled and these people are no longer an issue."
"Did you kill them?" I asked shocked, but would have understood if he had confirmed it. After that story, I was almost certain I'd have gone after whoever had let me walk knowingly into that trap.
"No, I let other people decide what to do with them and only reported my findings to every higher up I knew about back in DC. The rest is up to them," Ranger shrugged.
"I wanted to call you so often, especially after having listened to all your messages on my mailbox and hurting for you and for the pain I left you in. But… as bad and angry as you sounded with your first message, I realized how you took what I threw your way head on and pulled through. When you talked about changes and things you did, things that gave you a headache and which you still overcame – I felt so proud. I started listening to the messages once I was at the base and on bedrest and had been able to charge my phone. In a lot of ways your messages were the reason I recovered as quickly as I did. With every message I heard I knew I needed to get back here quick, even just to tell you how incredibly proud I am off you. It might not have been easy in the beginning, but you took to it like a fish takes to water. I could see RangeMan was in the best of hands and there couldn't have been anyone better to be my replacement. I knew you could do anything you put your mind to, Babe. Sometimes maybe all you need is a gentle shove into the right direction."
"I only did what I had to do," I replied, lost for words in all fairness.
"Don't, Stephanie," he almost chastised me. "Don't do this and sell yourself short. Not after what you have been doing these past one and a half years. Do you even know how incredible you are for taking this venture on and just going with what your gut tells you to do and what feels right? What you accomplished in that little amount of time? I mean, a K9 unit, an expansion and the solution to recruitment issues for other offices? You found ways to minimize expenses and also attracted a ton of new revenue and accounts. And don't even get me started on the whole Marylin Swanson deal as well as some of these articles about you and RangeMan I've been reading. You managed to turn an already profitable company into an entire new chapter and don't even seem to be at the end of your ideas. The few words I exchanged with Tank very much dripped in pride and it was evident that every single guy at this office and - according to him – at every other branch holds the highest of respects for you. Same goes for all the paper pushers at the numerous alphabet agencies. You managed to take a male dominated business and have everyone do your bidding. That itself is an accomplishment that is hard to achieve. All these plans I had in my head and that never got done due to time issues and just not it being the right moment when they arose… you took all of that and just did it, found time and ways of making it work. I'm sure there were setbacks and times when things seemed too much but you learned from each experience and moved forward, improving and adjusting whatever needed to be improved and adjusted and made it work. I don't think there are enough words to actually summarize what you accomplished, Babe. Through your messages you left on my voicemail, I got to witness and experience how you grew more confident and comfortable with each new message and you transformed yourself into the woman I'd always known you were but you hadn't been able to see in yourself. Until now."
To say I was speechless would have been an understatement. Never in my life had I ever heard anyone at RangeMan speak so much, let alone Ranger. And Ranger had until his disappearing act been the one, I had been closest to. But it wasn't the number of words he was actually throwing my way, but what he said that made it hard for me to form a thought. I wasn't used to compliments a whole lot in all fairness and Ranger had pretty much just done that, a five-minute-long compliment. So I just did what I had been doing so well for the past, I just remained silent and looked at him. And I hoped he was knowing that this wasn't arrogance on my part, but just the fact that I didn't know what or how to reply.
Eventually I found my words, though probably not in a fashion that Ranger would have liked or expected. He was probably waiting for a response in regards of his sweet-talk or prep-talk but I was entirely somewhere different.
"What's going to happen now? That you are back?" The moment I actually had asked the question I wanted to hit myself, seeing that this could been seen as me just caring about RangeMan and my position. Truth be told, I didn't really care what would happen. I was just happy that he was back and finally my happiness seemed to settle in and overturn the anger and confusion. About time.
Ranger spent a very long moment looking at me thoroughly, as if trying to come to an answer, which I found odd. He was back, I was technically seen just as his replacement and now that he was back we could go back to the status quo of him running RangeMan and saving the world and me being… well, what exactly? I couldn't go back to being a BEA, since I more or less had burned that bridge with Vinnie and I wasn't entirely sure what to do next, once RangeMan was back in Ranger's hands.
"Things will have to change," he said all of a sudden in a calm voice. "They can't be anymore what they used to be. That sort of status quo that was established throughout all these years can't continue. And I'm not blaming you, Babe. I take sole responsibility."
I took a big gulp of water that had been sitting in front of me since the beginning but had gotten little attention until now. I knew he was right and I know that was how it was supposed to go. He was back and it was his company, but after that speech about how amazing I was and had been doing, to hear how things had to go back to how they used to be in just a few very short words, was a bit of a let-down to be honest. Though, I wasn't sure what he meant with status quo. It wasn't like I had run RangeMan by the same plan and scheme day in day out. Though why he blamed himself for anything was beyond me. It wasn't like he hadn't been fighting for his life and it was technically on me. Well, on me in regards of what was going on with RangeMan.
I hoped that I had managed to train a blank face as well as every single Merry Man, but assumed I failed when I tried displaying it judging by Ranger's invasive expression.
"So there will be changes moving forward and I hope it isn't too late for the changes. That things can still be salvaged and change for the better."
Okay, this was definitely weird. If he was hoping to change things for the better did that mean his previous speech about how amazing I did handle stuff was void? Did I do not such a great job then, especially when he hoped it wasn't too late for the changes. And maybe he was just sweet-talking me to make the fall easier?
"Of course," I agreed after a few short moments. "I'll get legal on it and have all the papers drafted," I said, doting down a few words on my pad of paper which I actually had brought with me.
At my statement Ranger looked confused, which in return had me confused. "Legal?" he asked and seemed to look slightly panicked, which was odd once more.
"Don't you think that's a bit fast to get legal involved already? I mean I was going for official, but... isn't that a little quick?"
"Oh," said when realizing my mistake. "Of course, you probably want a few days to get accustomed to everything again, seeing how long you have been gone. I guess it would take a few days to find your way around things again and figure out how to do it."
At that all I got was first a coughing when Ranger seemed to have chocked on his gulp of water followed by a laugh with attitude.
"It might have been a while, Babe, but I can guarantee you certain things you don't forget how to do." His statement was followed by a wiggle of eyebrows and a wink, which caused me a hot flash and more confusion since I wasn't entirely sure how that could come to his mind right now.
"Well, yeah, I guess you're right, but don't you at least want me to run you through some of the changes I implemented or new things I introduced? But… I guess maybe you have already read up on everything?"
"Oh, I am definitely all for whatever new things you introduced and I'm certain I can introduce you to a few more," he grinned and I was definitely confused now. So, did he want me to stay on as CEO of RangeMan? But what was that about changes that needed to be made and the status quo that needed to be changed?
"Let me for once actually make things easier for you," he all of a sudden went on and got up. He walked around the large table and sat down on the edge next to my chair for a second, crossing his still very impressive arms in front of his chest and looking at me for a while before realising this was maybe not the most ideal position for whatever he was going to do or say next. A moment later he got off the table and actually crouched down next to me. And we were officially back to odd.
"Since your last message got cut just when it was getting interesting, how about I actually finished what you started and we'll change that status quo right now."
Thinking back to my last message to his voicemail it took me a moment to remember myself what he was talking about and what any of that had to do with RangeMan and his return as CEO. Before I could come up with the answer however, he leaned towards me and gazed into my eyes. There was no other word to best describe it other than gazing.
"I love you, Babe. No qualifiers, no excuses, no buts. It took me almost getting killed and you actually almost saying it to realize how stupid I had been for the longest time and that whatever had been said before does no longer apply. This is it and if you'll have me, we do this and we do it right. And if you want legal to draw something up, I still think it's unnecessary, but if that's what it takes to make you mine, I'll sign whatever you present me with."
And then he made the smallest of movements and closed the short distance between us, pressing his lips against mine. It was a quick moment and not the usual Ranger-kiss that left you seeing stars and breathing harder. And as quickly as he had pressed his lips against mine, as quickly were they withdrawn.
"You were talking about us?" I said dumbstruck as the first thing that came to my mind.
"Yes, of course. What did you think I was talking about?" he asked surprised and I found it interesting how we managed to have a conversation talking about two very different things and the other one believing what the other one was talking about.
"Um…well, RangeMan and you returning as CEO?" I asked almost stupidly.
"Oh," was all he said, all of sudden probably realizing what I was talking about with legal and why I had mentioned for him to get reacquainted. And now his comments about always knowing how to do certain things, as well as the wiggling of his eyebrows and winking made a whole lot more sense. "While that is probably on both our lists somewhere, waiting to get taken care of and to be debated and negotiated, it isn't as important as you and me and defining what we are from here on out. I lost you almost once by dying, I won't lose you again and won't sit down and waste precious time for you to meet someone or change your mind."
"It isn't important?" I asked, almost amused. "Ranger, RangeMan is your life."
He shook his head at me. "No, RangeMan is part of my life. You are my life." And just to make his point heard, he got up, pulled me out of my chair and against him and pressed his lips firmly against mine, not wasting time with cute and soft and going all in, demanding submission and access – two things I was only too happy to grant him, well, in regards of kisses.
Somewhere in the back I thought I heard clapping and someone – or several someones – banging against the glass walls of the conference room.