A/N: So initially I had wanted to make this the wedding chapter, but figured, nope, I'll wait another one or two chapters. Not sure yet. And I am aware that by now all you people know, I love you, but I think it doesn't get said often enough these days, so, in case someone needs a reminder: You are loved :)
Enjoy the chapter...
The dictionary defines family as a 'unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children' and also as 'a group of persons of common ancestry'. In general, it is something that you are basically born into and have no way of escaping – unless turning your back on all and everything. Family also is unbeknownst to most people most often the main reason for my old FTAs to become who they were. Either they turned out to be the disappointment their parents kept telling them all live long they were, or – and that was slightly less common – their parents encouraged their path of self-destruction. Last point usually meant the parents were on a similar path themselves.
What the dictionary doesn't tell you, is that you can also choose family. I didn't really know that either but had to come to that realization shortly after my mother's latest episode of her calling Ranger to get Morelli employed with RangeMan. Carlos, being the man who always tries to keep stuff that could be a burden or painful as far away from me as possible, was entertaining my mother by giving Morelli the time of day and I found out eventually. It isn't like I didn't understand his argument or reasoning, but I didn't like it nevertheless, since it meant my mother had accomplished once more what she was so good at – getting her way. Though, in all fairness, her way came to a sudden halt when Morelli was never really considered and just invited for a 'Come to Jesus' talk in a way. In his case it was a 'get out of Steph's life' kind of talk, which was reinforced by not just my guy, but Tank, Lester and Ram as well. A lot of people would have paid probably a lot of money seeing video footage of that event – your girl included – but there was no such thing. And Tank, Ram as well as Lester were suspiciously tight-lipped about it. Well, more tight-lipped than usual. All of that lead to something I wasn't entirely sure whether it really was a serious attempt of a proposal from Carlos as well as me calling my mother the next day to have my own version of a 'Come to Jesus' talk with her. I tried the grown-up thing and explain things – again – and how maybe I was at an age where I very well could choose for myself who to date and who not to date. Or far her meddling with my life was acceptable. In all fairness, I didn't have a lot of hope to start with and that's how it turned out to be anyway: hopeless. She kept talking about Valerie and how Saint Val never gave her as much grief and then went smoothly over to her second most favourite topic again: who was single and ready to mingle. Never mind that I was neither, but when had that ever mattered to my mother?
After ten minutes – which I myself couldn't believe I actually sat through – of her trying to pawn me off to whatever Doug or Melvin or Jason she could think off, I gave up. And realized that this had never been about me to begin with - as crazy as it sounds, seeing she was debating my dating life. No, it had always been the Helen Plum Show, with me as a side-character. It had always been about what could be done so she could outshine her friends and foes and the entire Burg by being able to say 'Look at my perfect daughters and their perfect lives/partners/children', almost as if any of it had been her accomplishment. And maybe pawning us off to some single guy like the matchmaker from hell really could be considered her accomplishment. Was this what family was supposed to feel and be like? To make you feel like a failure most of your time, abiding by laws and rules that were not written down anywhere and made almost no sense? To be told who to be friends with, who to date, who to avoid and what to make of yourself? To be grounded for being different, ambitious and free-spirited, told all day what kind of a disappointment you were and how other people's kids were doing so much better compared to you? But… better at what exactly? To be less screwed up? Better at bowing to their parents' obnoxious wishes? I was co-running a Fortune 500 company and had my face on frontpages more often in a year than any of these friend's kids in their life, was making a difference in a world and not depending on a guy financially and yet, my mother still managed to make me feel like I had not accomplished anything. And while she was still babbling about Steves and Malcoms and Gios I had already myself out of that conversation.
"No," I all of a sudden said, not even sure to what I was saying no. I hadn't really been listening the past few minutes, but judging by her sudden stop, I had great timing.
"No?" she just asked.
"Yes, whatever crazy idea you have right now and whatever guy you think you need to set me up with, or whatever job you heard about that you think is my future… no. To all of it. Just… accept the fact that I am in a very fulfilling and happy relationship with a guy who I'd die for and walk to the end of the world and back if he'd need me to. I have a really good and great and extremely well paid job that is demanding a lot from me but gives me so much back in return. For years, you kept telling me that my job was dangerous and lifethreatening and for me to go and change it. I did and let other people take over the dangerous aspects and yet, you still find reasons to complain. I sit in an office, most days anyway. I don't have to handle a gun – though I let you know that by now I actually could handle a gun very well – and let others do the running and physical heavy lifting. So… what exactly mother is it that still has you not satisfied. I'm certain all your friends and Burg-people are green of envy that your daughter pulls in a six figure salary monthly and yet you are still not happy. What is it that I am still missing? Tell me? What can I do to make you finally shut up and just give me the peace without telling me that I actually need to change something?"
"Stephanie Michelle Plum," I heard my mother almost gasp through the phone. I assume she had never been talked to like that, but than again, she was raised and lived in the Burg. People usually just smiled politely and went on with their days.
"I worry that you will wake up one day and be all by yourself," she said and I rolled my eyes. I guess she really didn't get the memo about me and Carlos dating. Heavy. And very, very serious.
"I guess when that happens you won't be around anymore," I just replied at which I heard her gasp again.
"Yes, because you'll be the death of me young lady," she said and surprisingly, hung up a moment later. Maybe I finally found a way of getting the last word in after all. I also assumed that my standing invitation to Friday's dinner was officially revoked.
There was a time when that actually would have upset and worried me, but…not anymore. Turns out I didn't need weekly Friday Night dinners when I had Pizza nights and the Merry Men. Or salad lunches every single day when one of them graced me with their presence. Occasionally one of them brought me even a doughnut, or an entire box. Usually though only when Ranger wasn't around. Whether that was because they worried his absence might be hard on me whether that was the only time they didn't need to fear him for bringing in contraband I never really figured out, but assumed it a combination of both.
So, who needed Helen Plum and her Pot Roast when you had a dozen and more hunky Merry Men providing you with enough dinner invitations and company to last you a lifetime?
I spent about two days mopping in a way, well, when I actually found the time. Running a department was time consuming, which also could have been the reason why I first of all didn't have a lot of time mopping and then second didn't dwell on it for too long. I was just not having the time.
"I hate seeing you like that," Carlos said to me at the end of day two after the Helen Plum intervention. "I know you love your mother and cutting someone out of your life – maybe not entirely but a big chunk nevertheless – is not easy. Especially when it is family, but you have to admit, the two of you never really seemed to have a really healthy relationship."
"I just feel like giving up," I admitted, and snuggled closer into his hard chest.
"But hasn't she given up on you a long time ago? I mean, whenever she tries changing who you are, telling you who you need to be in order to fulfil her strange vision of how family should be, didn't she give up on the extraordinary person that you are?"
"I just…this is gonna sound strange and please don't hate me for saying it, but for the longest time you and my mother had very similar traits. You both had a long list of conditions and but's and maybe's attached to your love."
"Ouch," Carlos said playful, surprising me that he took that observation a lot easier than I had assumed.
"Well, it is kind of true, though I'm certain even at your worst you still showed more passion, interest and love than my mother did. But…. My point is you came around and to your senses."
"Yes, and almost died doing so. Nothing wakes you up to what you could have lost then seeing your life sort of flash in front of you. I'm not proud to admitting it, but I am not certain we'd be here, like this, enjoying each other's company and actually having a relationship like grown up people if I hadn't been almost killed."
"It doesn't matter how you got here," I replied, twisting my head up so I could press a chaste kiss against his cheek. "The only thing that matters is that we got here."
"The point though also is, that I don't think your mother will… come to her senses at some point. I don't mean to wish her ill or the likes, but even then, I believe she'd still hold firmly onto her believes what she thinks is best for you. And maybe it is time for you to realize that sometimes it is best to only have small potions of Helen Plum in your life. I don't think you need to cut her entirely out of your life, but you also don't need to put yourself through weekly dinners. Not if she will bombard you every single week with the same crap. You can definitely waste your time a lot better – or spend it with people who actually like spending time with you and like you the way you are. Also… if you are in the mood for weekly family dinners, my mother keeps asking all the time when we'll actually make it out to Newark."
I needed to laugh at his rather smooth change in conversation. "I love your mother, I really do and I know she loves me as well, but she isn't really subtle in regards of hinting at grandchildren and weddings."
"At least she is doing it with charm and without trying to show you the advantages of sons of her friends."
"I guess that also would be rather awkward when I'm sitting at her dinner table and she trying sending me to other men, while her son, my boyfriend, is sitting right next to me," I laughed and heard him laugh as well.
"The odd things is that I wouldn't even put that beyond your mother. And speaking of weddings…how do you picture ours?"
At his question I got up from my very comfortable position and looked at him confused for a moment. "You have really strange ways of changing conversations. Also, is this your renewed try at a proposal? Because this one is even worse than the previous one," I admitted smiling widely.
"My time will come and then you'll get a proposal at the moment you least expect it."
"Oh, how will I sleep until then?" I asked amused, smiling into the kiss he was pressing against my lips a second later.
So, over the course of the next two months, I found myself every Sunday at the Manoso's, entertaining newfound nieces and nephews, sisters and parents who for once seemed to care less whether I was accomplishing something trivial. Because it turned out, for them the only two things I really needed to accomplish was being happy and making their son happy. And turns out, at both things I succeeded almost impressively.