A/N: This goes along with "Drowning" chapters 1, 2 and 3.
Linda is glad the boys are asleep, because after she gets off the phone—first with Dr. Dawson and then with Danny—she breaks down in tears, weeping for Danny…tears he'll never let himself shed.
The phone rings again, and she picks it up, terrified of who this might be. "Hello?"
"Linda, it's Maria. Danny's okay, he's safe right now."
She nods. "I…I know, I just got off the phone with him and Dr. Dawson, the one who did his anger management last year."
"He's been here about ten minutes. I'm glad Danny called him."
"What time is it? What happened?"
She'd sort of lost track of time after she and the boys got home from family dinner. From what Danny had mentioned about the case over the past few days, this could go one of two ways; and cases involving veterans, or people who were suicidal, always messed with Danny. This one, though, had been eating him up since the moment last Monday when he got the call from Gormley.
"It's about 9:30."
She frowns. Danny had left family dinner a little after 3. "What happened?"
"I didn't see anything; I was downstairs with Tommy. I was trying to coordinate getting Mrs. Russell down there to take him home, when I heard screams, then a crowd started gathering; and I knew someone had…fallen, or jumped or…"
The detective clears her throat. "I ran up to the roof; Danny was just sitting there, his head in his hand. He was in shock; I had to call his name several times before he heard me. Once we finished at the scene, I drove us back here; that was maybe around 5. He filled out his paperwork; he's been sitting at his desk since. He called Dr. Dawson. I'm gonna stick around, make sure he doesn't try to drive himself home; he's in shock, Linda."
She nods; Dr. Dawson had said the same thing. "Thanks for looking out for him. Take care, Maria."
Twenty minutes later the phone rings—a number she doesn't know. "Hello?" she says with trepidation.
"Linda, it's Dr. Dawson again; Danny gave me your number. He won't let me drive him home, but I want to let you know that I'm gonna follow him home, make sure he gets there safely."
She thanks him and hangs up, deletes his number.
"Call me any time, day or night," Doc says before he hangs up. "That goes for you and Danny."
She paces until she sees headlights pull up, hears a door slam. She opens the door, and Danny collapses in her arms.
He's shaking from head to toe, and she holds him tightly, walks with him to the couch, and sits down.
He's saying something, but it's muffled because his head is in her breast.
She pulls away a little, kisses him, wipes the tears from his cheeks. "I couldn't hear you, babe. What was that?"
"I couldn't save him," he whispers, and looks away; and then he's sobbing, and she rubs his back because there is absolutely nothing she can say that will make this better.
When his tears have slowed, Linda pulls away a little. "I'm so sorry, babe. I'm gonna get you a drink of water, okay?"
He nods, follows her into the kitchen, sits in a chair. "I couldn't save him."
She pushes the glass of ice water into his hand. "It's not your fault."
He gulps the water so fast he starts choking, and she has to pound him on the back. He splutters, then hurries to the sink, and throws up.
Linda rubs his back. "Shhh, just breathe, Danny."
He shakes his head and leans on the counter, breathing heavily.
"Babe, can I make you some ginger tea?" He had hardly eaten anything at family dinner…
Danny shakes his head and walks toward the stairs. He's moving like he's underwater, like every step takes more energy than he has.
She rubs his back once they're in their bedroom. "Danny, I need you to talk to me." She hasn't seen him this broken since Fallujah, and it's scaring her.
"I couldn't save him. I…I'm drowning, Linda."
She doesn't know what that means, and she's afraid to ask; so she simply helps him get ready for bed.
When he's finally asleep two hours later, she sends a text message: "Danny said he's drowning. Is this some sort of code?"
Doc replies in two minutes: "Yes. When I was giving him advice about the case, we talked a bit about how he was doing, and I reminded him that he didn't need to wait 'till he's drowning to reach out for help. I didn't think he'd listen; I'm glad he did. He has an appointment with me this afternoon at 3; don't let him skip it."
The rest of the night is filled with nightmares; she hears him hitting the punching bag at 5, then finds him and Jack asleep downstairs, so she hopes they've mended things.
Danny won't look at her, obviously ashamed of his breakdown the night before; but he kisses her goodbye before going to the precinct to finish his paperwork. He texts her to say he's at Dawson's, then comes home and throws himself into two minor home improvement projects she'd been asking him to do for months. It's obvious he's trying to stay so busy he won't have time to think.
She tries to get him to talk to her once the kids are in bed; but he won't, and the fact that he's just shutting down…he's not getting angry like he usually does when she tries to get him to talk about his feelings…scares her.
Tuesday morning, he leaves at 4 a.m. for the Reagan Manly Man Camping Trip, Jack's first one. She's not sure why they always do it in January, but she knows better than to argue with tradition.
"Please take care of yourself, babe," she begs and kisses him again.
"Linda, it was just a few nightmares; the camping trip is just what I need to put all of this behind me. I'll be fine, I promise."
But when he comes home early Saturday morning and tells her he's going to Corporal Russell's funeral, she knows something isn't right. He's gone to victim's funerals before, but there's something about his mood that sets off alarm bells.
And then he says he's going alone.
She pulls his tie out of his hands. "I can come with you, Danny."
He shakes his head. "Linda, I'll be fine. I appreciate the offcer, but you don't need to come with me. I'm not gonna…break down or anything. I'm fine."
She takes his hands in hers. "Danny, you don't need to go alone. I'm here, and I'm more than happy to go with you, to be there for you."
He's still trying to tie, but his hands are shaking. She helps him, resists the urge to smack him when he says, "Linda, I need to do this—alone."
"Cut the macho crap, Danny, and let me be there for you," she says, and kisses him passionately.
When they break for air, he groans. "You know I can't say no to you when you do that. Go get ready."
She's glad the boys are at Frank's for the weekend, especially when Danny has a panic attack during the funeral service.
Mrs. Russell asks them to come to the burial, even though it's private; and Danny nods. He squeezes her hand so tight it hurts during the playing of Taps. She glances up at his face, which is blank, but his eyes are so sad it makes her want to cry.
She drives them home afterwards, and holds him as he tries to fight back tears.