Genres/Rating: Enmity, Ideals, War, Angst, Family, Friendship. (T)
Characters: Dimitri, Rhea, Sothis, Raine, Warin, Shamir.
Summary: He had meant what he had said to her, that no one had the right to lay down their judgement on Rhea but she and her brother, but Dimitri had not admitted that there were certain caveats to such a statement. It was true that her sentence could only be handed out by the Eisner siblings, as they were the party that had been wounded so sorely in the first place, but a word hadn't been spoken of who would see the sentence through. She did not yet understand her place, did not yet understand the cruel mercy that had been bestowed upon her, but he would see to it that she would soon learn. After all, a human could judge a monster freely... but only another monster could render out true punishment that would last past the mortal coil.
Wyvern Moon
Garreg Mach (Archbishop Office)
Late Afternoon
Rhea admittedly was not sure what she was more surprised by as she sat down in that oversized chair that she had made far too many judgements and orders from in the large sprawling space that connected to her personal office. The future king of Faerghus had led her there from the infirmary doors with one hand delicately placed on the back of her neck in a grim reminder that if she did not obey his command willingly, he was more than ready to use force to make her comply, and in the instant that his skin had touched hers, she had been too frightened of him to disobey.
It was ridiculous. He was a human man, albeit with one of the stronger Crests that had been stolen from her kindred, but he was human nonetheless... and she was feeling more powerful than she had been in long ages. Her mother's power was flowing through her veins now, a gift unasked for but a gift nonetheless, and she did not doubt that she could wield it with all the deadly accuracy she needed if she was pressed to. There was never again to be a feral transformation for her, never again a loss of complete control due to weakness in body or spirit, but still she had quailed underneath his steely one-eyed stare and had gone along with him in silence when he had told her in no short terms he would not permit her to see the woman responsible for her condition.
She could have overpowered him if she had wished, even if he wouldn't have obeyed her commands. She knew she had that strength, but something inside of her had not been able to rise to her wish when he had barred her way. It wasn't better sense, that had not kicked in until after he had turned her around, but she did not know exactly what it was that had made her hesitate. It couldn't be fear. She did not fear humankind, and she certainly did not fear him... but with the knowledge that the child was sleeping mere feet away behind the both of them, and likely would have woken immediately if a commotion had broken out... Yes. Perhaps that was why she had obeyed. As much as she wished to speak to the girl, she did not want to disrupt her healing. That was far more reasonable a justification than anything as foolish as fear.
Yet... As Rhea raised her eyes from her seated position, looking across the empty hall and to the lone figure who stood before the closed doors and her only method of escape... There was a deep sense of unease that crawled its way all over her flesh all the same. There was a look on his face, a dark, wrathful look that she could faintly remember on a much younger visage, and a dull part of her remembered how she had seen it then and deemed him mad. He had been obsessed in his rage, singular in his focus even as the skeletons of his ghosts clawed at him with their fleshless hands, and she had seen the wild beast howling beneath the face of a young boy. Now he was a man, but the beast remained, though now it was no longer hidden.
No, instead he seemed to have embraced that beast he had been keeping locked in its cage, and it showed in the way he stood, and the way he regarded her as if she was something he was debating on hunting down for a meal, or simply slaughtering for the sport of it all. His one good eye was blazing, but it was a sane blaze of wrath that did not mar his handsome features and turn them twisted and frightening to look at. She had heard the stories of his madness, of his vicious killings and the horror he had wrought in his long exile, but the child's touch had seemed to have tamed him. Now, she understood it hadn't been that way at all.
Nothing could tame a beast, especially a beast of his calibre. He was soaked in blood, from the tips of his golden-blond hair all the way to the callused soles of his war-weary feet, and she knew it just as well as she knew herself. The scent of blood, of the dead, could never be truly washed away from those who had made piles upon piles of corpses as they had. He had waged a one-man war just as she had waged her own all so long ago, and like him, she had never really been "tamed" in her role as an Archbishop, rather than as a Saint. Instead, they had simply caged that madness and strength, only allowing glimpses of it to show when absolutely necessary, so that they did not lose themselves to it as many others before them had, and as many others after them likely would.
The realization was sharp, and it made her entire body stiffen in both fear and rejection of him as she watched his careless body language and understood the depth of the wrath burning in his eye. He hadn't embraced it... He had entirely let it go. Every instinct she had was screaming to beware him, to get ready to either fly or fight in the face of the monster bearing his fangs before her, and she wondered at how something that looked so human could project such a horrific aura. Even the eldest brother of the child, the miracle child of her own Crest, had never been able to make her feel this level of fear. She understood his powers, the strengths and the weaknesses, as she herself was the reason why he had it... but this man in front of her was different. He was the descendant of Blaiddyd, and his Crest made even the sturdiest objects, the strongest of walls, into nothing but the most fragile sheets of parchment in his large and cruel hands.
"It seems you're beginning to understand... Good. Then I won't hear anymore of your arrogant blathering from this point forward. You are in no position of power here, Rhea... and it seems someone needs to teach you your new place." Dimitri's voice was quiet, carefully controlled, but the ice in his tone was colder than the farthest reaches of the north when he finally broke the silence as her expression of confused arrogance turned into cautious fear. He crossed his arms over his chest, watching the way Rhea almost seemed to squirm underneath his stare, underneath his imposing presence, but he took no pleasure from it. She had been forced into this position, forced to obey him, but only the thought of it being painfully necessary had goaded him into action. She needed to be stopped before she could cause anymore damage, and with Raine asleep and Warin currently unavailable, he had known he was the only option left to make an attempt to force her into compliance.
Dimitri had withheld himself for moons, had bowed his head and permitted the siblings to make their judgements and direct the course of action, and he had done it all willingly. He had meant what he had told Raine, that it was not his place to judge their decisions, but as she had pointed out so bluntly, it didn't mean that he had to be happy with their choices. He had only stayed his voice out of respect for them, for her, because she had given him the same courtesy when it had come time for him to cross both words and blades with Edelgard, and for that he would forever owe them a debt... and for that, he had promised himself that he would not interfere with their ideas of justice, when the time came for the scale to be settled.
However, Rhea had crossed a line. She clearly did not realize what it was that was allowing her to sit there now, and he also knew that even if her life was at risk that Raine would never explain her rationale to anyone other than him or her brother. But she did not need to explain, and both he and Warin had understood the moment she had withheld her blade. It was impossible not to understand how her mind worked, how she had come to the conclusion that giving Rhea her life was a better choice than leaving her to die, but Rhea was not as privy to her inner workings as she believed she was. No, instead her arrogance demanded that she would pry it out of the woman she called a child when it pleased her, and Dimitri would not permit it.
Enough damage had already been done, and though Raine had managed to claw out one last miracle in the end of it all, that did not mean that her wounds were closed. No, she was still bleeding, still writhing with the pain and the grief of the injuries that had been inflicted on her body and her soul, and it would take years, perhaps even decades, before she could look at what had been done to her and deem it scar tissue on her already battered spirit. Dimitri would not allow for even one more scratch to befall her, and if it meant cutting away the shackles he had placed on himself to do so... then he would gladly hack them to pieces, and embrace that beast he had been caging out of fear, and out of his desperate wish to be the man that Raine believed he was.
"You seem to be under the misguided impression that you are alive out of a sense of mercy... I will make things very clear for you. You are not alive because Raine thought it merciful to spare you. You live because it was decided that death would be too easy a punishment for you." The words rolled off of his tongue like water, so easy to speak but yet dripping with a tasteless poison, and Dimitri watched with a grim satisfaction as Rhea's eyes widened and stared at him in uncomprehending confusion. It should have amused him, but all he felt was a deep gaping hole in his chest, a hole that reminded him of the heat and the pain and the faces of those who had died at his hands... The flames awaited him one day, and he had accepted and embraced his fate, but with that acceptance had come a new understanding.
Death was an easy escape for the sins he had committed, and that day in Grondor, when he had knelt at the hands of a victim's family, he had been seeking that escape more than he had been hoping for repentance. Warin had implied the same of him, of his suicidal idealisms, but he hadn't been ready to listen to him then. No, instead it had been Raine, with her kindness and forgiveness, that had told him of his selfishness, and the truth of what it meant now to be alive. That day, her sacrifice had been a prolonging of his life, but also a prolonging of his punishment... and there could be no more befitting thing for him to live, to live a long, long life in penance for all he had ever done.
"Death is too easy a punishment...? What madness are you spouting, as if the child told you such a thing from her own lips?!"
"Raine didn't need to tell me these words for me to know what she intended... and the fact that you argue is only more proof that you only believe you know her, and don't at all understand who she is." Dimitri countered calmly, coolly, and a part of him wondered at how easily Raine could manage to hold her composure in the face of what had to be such an all-consuming wrath. So many times she had held her hand, held her sword or her tongue, and he had wondered at her control... To do so now himself was testing his body to the limits, as it only knew violence as an answer to wrath, but he forced it down all the same. He would project it outwardly without action, through his voice and his body language, as she had not yet given him a reason to lay his hands on her again. When she did, he would unleash himself fully, but he was not permitted to do so until she forced his hand. After all, Raine had given her her life... It was not his to take, no matter how badly he wanted to.
"You have been judged, Rhea, for the sins you committed not only on humanity, but on the Eisner family... and the punishment could not have been more fitting for you. Raine understands this, in a way only she could, but it seems that you cannot comprehend her mind. With that said, I will spell it out for you more plainly." Dimitri continued, and each word was forced out as he felt his limbs beginning to tremble with his long pent-up bloodlust. The defiance in her seafoam green eyes, the arrogance that made her scowl at him in disbelief was almost enough to make him wish he had left a lasting mark on her throat in the hallway, but he had stayed his hand. She needed to be educated, and educate her he would, even if it killed him to do so on the siblings' behalf. They simply were in no state to do so themselves, and he didn't wish them any more pain. They had done enough, had heard and seen enough, and if he had his way, they would never again be forced to look upon her face, let alone have to hear her measly excuses and justifications for why her actions had been righteous, rather than monstrous.
"You and I are monsters of our own creation... as such, it is only fitting that humans can judge us. And you've been judged to live. To live out every last minute of your long, pathetic life, so that you can repent for your sins. Raine wants to ensure that every time you breathe, every time you blink, every time your heart beats, that you are reminded that you live only by her grace." Dimitri's voice was harsh now, and the coldness had turned into a blade and made every word as sharp as a keenly forged sword fresh from the hands of a blacksmith. He could feel his anger simmering, curling his stomach into a tight knot, but he forced it out through his throat all the same as baffled seafoam met icy cerulean, "A grace that the child of the mother you called a failed experiment chose to give you, Rhea. Do you understand, now? What Raine gave you was no gift... It was a punishment, and a fitting one. You will live a long, long life learning what true mercy is, and that it is cruel and cold. Your life will forever be haunted by the sins you committed, and you will wear them like a stone around your neck until the day you die. You weren't forgiven... You were sentenced. Sentenced by the same child you called a vassal, that you dismissed as human, that you tortured and ripped everything away from... Sentenced to live, because she decided that death would be far too easy a punishment to give to someone like you."
Rhea opened her mouth to speak, feeling a white-hot surge of anger rippling through her veins at his arrogant and self-righteous words, but almost as quickly as she wished to rebut them, she found her throat closing and her body shrinking in on itself. Dimitri stood less than a stone's throw away from her, but she was sharply aware that he could close even that with one stride and snap her neck as easily as a quill if he wished to... and from that dark look on his face, she was well aware that he wished to. It tempered her anger, reminded her that her life had just been newly given and she did not wish to fight for it so soon again, but...
'A... punishment...? I have done... nothing wrong...!' The words rang out angrily in her skull, protesting his harsh diatribe and refusing to listen even as something ugly and painful twisted its way deep into her chest in defiance. Rhea winced at the feeling of it, this sudden rejection of her own knowledge of her actions, and she pressed her hand to her suddenly throbbing heart in surprise. She knew she had not been wrong... Humans had always, always been in desperate need of a shepherd to guide them, and the Goddess had been the one to keep them in order and ensure that they blossomed as they should. She had witnessed the chaos they had descended into time after time when the Goddess had been stolen away, and she had known with her return that everything would again be as it had used to be... and she could shed the mantle of the saint, of the archbishop, that had been thrown so haphazardly on her shoulders.
"I have done nothing wrong...! Bringing back the Goddess was for the good of the entirety of the world...! Had she never been connected to the child, none of us would even be here today to have such a conversation!" Rhea heard the words being spoken more than she felt herself talking, and the outrage overwhelmed the whispers of the guilt that were curling their way through her stomach and chest. She fought it all viciously, unable to hold the conflicting feelings in both of her hands as she turned her chin upwards and challenged the man who had called her a sinner, despite all that had been done to save the lives of those who stood there and sentenced her like some common criminal. "Do you forget that it was her miracles that allowed the child the live, and to lead as she did? Am I to be sentenced for that, too? Or their very births?! Roslyn was my creation, and had I never interfered, neither of those children would have ever been born! Is that too a crime?! Do they wish they had never existed?!"
"You would take claim over their existence after trying so hard to deny one of them their right to live? How hypocritical are you?" Dimitri returned sharply, and he felt his fists clench hard at his sides as her words speared their way into his brain like ragged blades. There was logic to some of what she said, and even as incensed as he was he could admit that, but her arrogance in her claims made them ring so hallow. They all knew that Sothis' connection to Raine had saved them all countless times, and not a single soul had ever doubted that... but what did that matter, when Raine had enslaved by that same connection? The world for her soul was a logical choice, a pragmatic equation that likely even Raine would have agreed with, but that did not change the fact that her freedom had been stolen from her before she had been allowed her first breath. "You fail to see that they simply don't care... That your interference granting them their lives does not matter to them. And even so, your "creation" of Roslyn was only one link in the long chain that eventually led to their births. You said so yourself, that she chose to love Captain Jeralt, and she chose to have children of her own volition... You do not have a right to say that it is by your grace alone that they live... and even if they accepted your claim, you still fail to see that they would never care for such a thing. You took away far too much from them for them to ever care that their existence is owed to you."
"And the Goddess?! What say you to that?! Am I to be punished for my hand in saving this world, regardless of what other sins you find me guilty of?!"
"I do not know. That is not my place to say. I did not know her as you, or as Raine, did. But Raine insists that Sothis did not wish to return... and I am inclined to believe her." Dimitri shook his head as he forced his arms to cross over his chest to hide the fact that his hands had begun to tremble in anger. Still she was fighting him so viciously, refusing to admit to her wrongdoing by clinging to the tiny facets of logic that could not entirely paint her as being wholly in the wrong. He admitted there was sense to what she said, but he still did not believe it mattered. Perhaps that was his own selfishness, but what else was he meant to do? The war was over, and it had cost them all so much to win... and even before the war had started, so many had tasted loss, and learned of their inability to do nothing in the face of those far more powerful than they. "I will not deny that the power of the Goddess aided us many a time, and had Raine never had any attachment to her, we all likely would not be here today... Yet still, does your one good deed of forcing together their souls redeem you of everything else you've done? Raine has deemed it otherwise, and as far as I am concerned, it is her word that now stands as law."
Any other words Rhea would have hoped to speak were caught in her throat, and that dark feeling of disgust and guilt had clawed its way deep into her chest and robbed her of the option to speak. She could hear something whispering in the back of her skull, could feel cold hands clenching at her heart in desperation to remind her of something she had forgotten, and she winced as she raised a hand to her throbbing head. She had awoken so confused and in pain, and yet also with this desperate need to find the child that was responsible for her current state. She had felt so strong, so alive, that everything else had been eagerly pushed aside, and only now were those momentary feelings again making themselves known.
It was... warm. Though a small, rational part of herself remembered that in her last conscious moments she had collapsed upon the Throne of Knowledge, now she felt a strange, comforting sense of familiarity and warmth that she had not felt in many a long, long century. Her wounds had disappeared, and a new vibrant energy was flowing strong and heady through her veins. That accursed weakness that had taken her over ever since her imprisonment in Enbarr's dungeons was no more, and for the first time in what could have been a millennia, she felt as if she had been born anew. She feared nothing, and every inch of her was throbbing with magical energies that would keep her heart beating, and her power flowing, for centuries. Never again would she lose control, lose her mind, and the thought made her confident and safe and calm.
"Rhea."
"Mother?!" The familiar voice, so gentle and soothing seemed to speak from inside of her very body, and she spun, desperate to find the source of it in this strange world of light and warmth. She could see nothing but white for as far as her vision permitted, and in this place there was no one else to be seen or sensed no matter how she reached out to find them. Yet that voice was unmistakable, as she had heard it so many times in her dreams and her dearest memories, and she turned her head, continuously searching as she called out again, desperate and pitiful, "Mother...! Mother, where are you...?! Show yourself to me! Please!"
"I cannot... To take form again is beyond my powers now that they flow within you." Sothis' voice once again echoed from everywhere, but Rhea clutched at her chest as she understood that it was from inside of her that her speech was emanating despite that loathsome echo. Yet, a part of her paused as she tried to take in her words, and that strange, melancholy tone that accompanied them. Her confusion seemed to reach out to that voice, and she heard a soft chuckle, but again there was a lack of warmth to it as again she spoke into her very ears, "I see that you are understanding... This is good. You have been spared a cold and miserable death at Raine's hands, and given my powers to boot, to ensure your healing and longevity... You were given a grand gift... though the costs of it were high."
"Mother... Why... Why do you sound... so disappointed?"
"Even if I could take form now, I would not show myself to you, child... I could not bear to face you, after all the harm you've wrought on the world... On that poor girl. As it stands now, I cannot see you as I once did." The words were spoken softly, but they were like hammer blows as Rhea winced beneath each and every syllable. Her mother's tone never harshened, never turned sour with anger, but the disappointment and the sadness was deep and aching all the same. She could almost picture her face, twisted with grief and yet still somehow remaining kind with her ageless wisdom, which only made her words all the more deadly as she continued, "My darling daughter, who showed so much promise... You turned your back on the humans that you were meant to shepherd and protect after my death. You indulged in your selfishness, and broke law after law trying to undo the only tenant of time... You have committed every sin possible to bring me back to this world, but never once did you think of what would happen should you succeed. They were right, you know... This world has learned to survive without me. It is long past time that you, too, learned how to live like that."
"No! No, you cannot say such things! You were there, Mother...! You saw the war! The evils of the humans, their atrocities, their madness...!" Rhea felt the desperation, the fear and the anger and the rejection piercing through the void, and her body reacted on its own as it turned in fruitless search for her mother's visage. Of course, she could see nothing in this vast whiteness, nothing as far as her eyes could see, and that nothingness was like a noose that was slowly, lovingly, tightening about her neck. She shook her head, unable to stop herself from arguing as she cried out piteously to the one thing, the one goal that had kept her tethered for so many centuries, "The world needs you to return! Had you not been there, all would have been lost from the very start! How can you look at what has happened and claim this world has learned to live without you?!"
"I will grant you that had I not been with her, that many things likely would not have played out so well in the continent's favour... but does that really change the portrait of the past, child? We are mortals. We too sin, and are capable of the same monstrosity that you condemn the humans for." Sothis' words came easily and swiftly, as if she had been expecting such an argument, and her dismissal came with a cold tinge that made Rhea shiver down to her very bones. There was a wisp of anger in her bodiless voice, a hint of the wrath that was simmering underneath her wisdom as she continued almost as if she was scolding her, "When you began to elevate yourself, to elevate me, so far above them, you lost touch with the reason why I had spread my gifts among them in the first place. We are not their betters, even if we bear power and life that they could only dream of. And even if we are... Is it not our duty, as the ones with power, to show mercy and benevolence on those without? The humans have learned this themselves, albeit slowly, and with much pain and missteps... It is time to entrust them with their own destiny now. They have earned that right."
"But what of you, Mother...? What are you going to do now...?"
There was a moment of silence at the plaintive questions, at the unspoken yearning and fear, and Rhea wished more than ever that she could see her mother's face to know what expression she was making as she held her tongue in obvious thought. She hated this line of speech, and the finality of her words... but what could she say against it? She had come this far to speak to her, to see her again, and she did not have the strength required to argue against her judgement. Sothis' silence spoke almost as much as her words did, and the disappointment, the quiet sadness, were like swordstrokes to her very soul.
Sothis seemed to take and let out a breath, as if she was not entirely sure of how she wished to speak, but when her voice once again emanated from the light surrounding her, Rhea was aware that she had simply been looking for the most merciful way to pick her words. Her explanation came quietly but sternly, firm and unyielding in her judgement as her daughter stood with her head bowed and hands tightly clasped together, "Your attempts to return me to the mortal plane have failed utterly, Rhea. The Crest Stone has shattered, and her heart has begun to beat, as it should have done when she was born. All of your tools to resurrect me are no more... and I am glad of it. From now on, the only remnants of me will be in you, and in her, until both of you pass away. Then, finally, I will be complete, and able to rest. Only now can I speak to you, and I am taking this opportunity to urge you to learn from your mistakes. You have been given a second chance to redeem yourself of your sins... I suggest that you take heed of this, and do all that you can to heal the hurts that have been inflicted on this world, and on its people. Raine has shown you a mercy I did not know she was capable of... You would be wise to use it to your advantage."
"Mercy...? You call this... a mercy...?" Rhea could hear the laughter bubbling in her throat, a mad, disbelieving and painful sound that echoed that feral madness that had taken her over in the real world. She felt... broken. Almost as if she was a little girl again, hiding amongst the crevices and cracks of Zanado in her desperation to disappear. How could this wretched existence be anything like a mercy? Her hands had felt every last hope she had ever had, that she had spent a lifetime building, cruelly ripped away and thrown to the ground to shatter to pieces. She was empty, powerless, and her voice reflected it in her weariness when she spoke again flatly, "Everything I have ever done... All I have strove towards... You are no more, and you will not return to me... I must continue on, without you, all alone... and you call that a mercy?"
"Yes, child. It was a mercy. Cruel, cold and bitter, but a mercy nonetheless. You are alive. Robbed of your dreams, perhaps, but still alive. There are no end to dreams, child... and no end to the duties that you ought to attend to." Sothis' correction came swift and strong, and there was a quiet undercurrent of strength that dared the solitary woman to refute her. Rhea could almost picture a steely stare, stern body language and a tilt of a chin as those cruel, cold eyes glared down judgementally on her as she continued firmly, forcefully, "Only while you live can you search for a new dream, and attend to the world as its caretaker and healer, as you were once meant to do. You were granted a second chance... I would advise that you take it, and be wise with your second life. Raine will not be so kind a second time... and I will not be here to save you, should you misuse the gift she gave you."
The light was dimming, and from far, far away, Rhea could feel her body stirring. She turned in desperation, hands clenching at the thin air in a vain attempt to keep herself anchored to this halfway world where she could hear her mother's beloved voice, even if she could not see her. Panic drenched her to her very bones, and instantly she was truly a child again, lost, confused and anguished as she cried into the void for a moment's respite from her centuries long suffering, "Mother! Please! You cannot leave me again!"
"I am within you, child, and shall be until the day that time, too, takes you from the mortal world. You are not alone, and I shall always be with you... but now know that I can, and will, judge you for your words and deeds from this day forward, now that we are together. And when we come face to face again, at the end of all things... I pray that you will be able to meet my gaze with both humility and pride for your sins and your penance."
Rhea sat silent and cold, hearing those words reverberating like far-off thunder in her pointed ears as she stared down mindlessly at the pale, clenched hands in her lap. The high she had been feeling, the energy and the arrogance and the power had all faded away into emptiness, and she felt the weight of that conversation resting snugly in her stomach as if it had always been there. How had she forgotten that vision, when she had woken? Her mother's blood had pumped so wildly in her veins that nothing had mattered but finding its source, finding the answers, when they had already been given to her before her eyes had opened.
'I was... and have been... a total fool...' The realization was a cold grip on her spinal column, squeezing down without mercy as her mother's voice continued to echo in damning judgement in her head. Even with as much love and grace and wisdom as she had had... She had still looked upon her deeds, and called her a sinner... and the guilt she felt made her body as heavy as solid stone. She had truly fumbled, had truly failed in more ways than she could possibly count, and with the heat of her victory, of her survival now gone... The shame had come to take its place, and leave her painfully and coldly empty.
"I... understand." Rhea heard more than she felt herself speaking, but she did not raise her head as she felt the future's king stare weighing heavily on her. All of his threats, all of his posturing... and only now did she realize just how near-fatal her error had been. A part of her was chuckling, detached and distant, as she reminded herself of the sheer power that came with the obligation of protecting one's loved ones. Dimitri had always been a strong man... and his love for the Eisner family, for Raine, made him near impossible to defeat. He had taken the battle into his own hands and without waiting for permission, and he had been right to stop her... but she still felt nothing but an awful hallow feeling in her stomach as she continued, "I have indeed... committed too many sins... If she has seen fit to judge me with the curse of living... There is nothing for me to do but abide by her judgement."
Dimitri said nothing for a long moment as he watched her, taking in her defeated posture and the dullness of her once bright and defiant seafoam-green eyes. Something had flickered in her mind's eye for a moment, a memory or a thought, and all of the fight had gone out of her in an instant. He did not know what it was that had changed her mind so suddenly, but he was not about to question it. Her turn of conscience was of no matter to him. So long as she understood her place, and understood the boundaries that were to be drawn now that the war was over and the secrecy dealt with... He would be able to release her with little guilt. "Good... Then let it be understood that you will never again approach the Eisner siblings of your own volition. If and when they choose to treat with you, it will be on their terms, and not yours. Warin will go where he may, and I doubt he will ever see you again, but the same cannot be said for Raine... but she will be under my watch, and I will be there every time you two meet from henceforth. And I will not hesitate to remove you if you dare step a toe out of line."
"You need not concern yourself... The child would be disappointed to see you react with such violence, even if it was in her defence... I will not make sink so low, after all your efforts to prove yourself more than your previous actions." Rhea felt her lips tweak into a wry smile, but there was still pain whispering throughout every last nerve ending she possessed as she imagined Raine's disappointment at what was currently occurring. She had not seen them together much, but she had heard almost everything, and she was well aware that if anyone believed he had controlled his monsters, it was her. Even if she was completely wrong. "I will keep my distance... and remain as I should have been from the beginning. Neutral... Impartial... A force only for the helpless, the injured, and the lost. I have lost my way as Archbishop... I will see that her path of charity continues, now that the mantle is being returned. And neither she, nor her brother, will be troubled by me any longer."
"It's a single, and tiny step you make in reconciliation, but if you speak truthfully... Then I will have no need to bloody my hands today." Dimitri answered her coldly, sharply, and with great effort he forced his hands to slacken from the tight fists they had become ever since he had marched her by the neck into her office. Anger was still surging through him, demanding vengeance, but he could feel the cold fingers of pragmatism reaching back into his brain to soothe his ego. The primal need to defend his mate, to defend his family, was all the beast knew, but the man could assert control again, and did so with cruel impatience. "But remember... I know exactly who and what I am. What I have become, and what I can do... and I am not afraid to unleash it all on you. A human may have rendered judgement on you... but only a monster should have the obligation to punish you, should you decide to step out of line. She's seen enough battle and blood. I will take up the sword for her, and strike you down in her place. Never forget that, Rhea."
"I will not forget it, Your Highness... I swear it."
Infirmary
Late Night
"He looks a bit like a little kid when he sleeps, doesn't he?"
Raine bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from chuckling as she watched Shamir's hand ghosting tenderly through her brother's thick and unruly navy hair. Despite herself, she couldn't help but agree with the sniper's assessment as she watched her brother, breathing deep and even in the cot adjacent to her own. His injuries hadn't been as bad as hers, but his exhaustion had been many times worse, and once he had been yanked up into the infirmary, he had hit the cot like a sack of stones, and hadn't risen since. She was glad of it, knowing he was finally getting the rest he needed, though she admitted she hadn't expected Shamir to watch over him after all that had been said and done.
She herself had sent Dimitri to his own quarters with the promise that if she needed anything she would call for him immediately, and after a short but exasperated argument, the future king of Faerghus had relented and gone on his way. Warin had been sleeping since the afternoon, and when Shamir had slipped inside of the room when the healers left for the night, he hadn't been there to scold her off. Though, Raine noted as she watched Shamir watching her brother, that even his scolding likely wouldn't have chased her away. She was too stubborn for that, and unlike many in the monastery, she wasn't at all afraid of him. Rather, it usually seemed to be the other way around, which again made it very difficult to hide her urge to laugh.
Still, the truth of the statement was very apparent, even in the faint candlelight that kept the infirmary from being completely dark. Her brother was wearing the faintest of smiles despite all of the bandages and bruises that coated his body, and for once the weight he always carried without complaint seemed to be gone from him. He was laying down, yes, but his tense, taut body was now relaxed, and with Shamir's fingers gently combing through his hair... He did seem remarkably childlike, and Raine agreed with a soft murmur, "I have to admit, I haven't actually seen him sleep in quite a long time... We grew out of sharing tents pretty quickly, but I remember he always was a fitful sleeper. It's good to see him resting."
"He's been fighting since he was a child. I think tonight's the first night in a very long time that he's felt like he won't need to fight a battle tomorrow." Shamir remarked with a small, rueful smile, but her wine-coloured eyes remained as sharp and watchful as ever. Her hand stilled in his hair, fingers moving with slow, gentle purpose, but her expression had turned quietly serious as her words fell over the mostly-silent infirmary. The truth couldn't be more apparent, despite their surroundings, and it felt oddly jarring despite it all. After all, they three were soldiers, born and bred to fight and make coin wherever they could find it, but those around them... were not at all the same.
The two women were the only ones awake, though they certainly were not alone. The majority of those who had been impacted by Rhea's rage had been forced to take respite in the infirmary from both their wounds in the battle and their major exhaustion. None of them could remember the events that had transpired, which Manuela had considered surprising, though Seteth had remarked it was nothing of the sort. The Crest Fragments, and the blood had taken them over just as a Relic would have to anyone without a corresponding Crest. It had only been a matter of luck that Rhea had been subdued before the members of the Church had succumbed to the influence of the power they had not known they possessed. While they all had survived the mania, and the ensuing beating back to sanity, their numbers had not been small, and the infirmary was packed to the brim with injured soldiers and clergy.
Luckily for them, Manuela had been kind enough to move the siblings to a bed far into the corner so they could be mostly undisturbed by the coming and goings of the other healers and the patients. Their wounds, in comparison to those who had been fighting inside the monastery were minor. It was mostly exhaustion that had caught up with them, though Raine was well aware she was under special observation considering her massive bodily changes. It mattered very little to her, how much time she would need to spend in the familiar room, but she was still glad of the company, and the ability to watch her brother sleeping calmly and peacefully in the neighbouring bed.
"You're right. He won't have a battle to fight tomorrow..." Raine mused with a half-smile as she watched her brother carefully, regarding the peaceful look on his face with a mixture of relief and a strange feeling of exasperated amusement. He had always made it seem so easy, flitting from battle to battle as if it was the most natural thing in the world for him to do, even if his body was falling apart as he did it. He was scarred, inside and out, from his lifetime of fighting... yet still he was going to seek out more of it, now that all was said and done. She shook her head a little, leaning back further into her pillows as she added errantly, "That won't last very long, though... He won't settle down for peace. Not just yet. He's going to keep fighting for awhile, chasing after Father's ghost, and never acknowledging that he's already earned the title of the second coming of the Blade Breaker several times over."
"So, you knew what he had planned. Somehow, I'm not surprised." Shamir almost wished that she was, that Raine's words had been spoken with rancour rather than loving affection, and she wondered at herself for it. It really wasn't a question that anyone had not known the answer to. He had always made it clear that the war was simply one step of many on his journey as a mercenary, and that its ending would not impact his choice of a future. He couldn't lay down his gauntlets or lance even if others would toss theirs away with delight or relief. It simply was not in him to do so. Yet, the contrast to his sister was stark, and she could not help but point it out as she watched Raine's calm and soft stare, "And you approve? He could finally get a chance to rest, but instead he's going to push forward... Doesn't that bother you? Not even the smallest bit...? You'll be separated, too... You aren't intending to follow him."
"Warin is Father's son... and just like Father, I don't think he knows how to live a life without fighting yet. It's true that our journey is over, so our paths will be diverging, but that's just how it is. He's only doing what is natural for him to do, and that's to take over Father's role as a mercenary leader." Raine answered with a small shake of her head a little sigh, and she felt her heart twinge despite the truth of it all. It would feel strange to part from him, after all that they had lived through together, but she did not begrudge him of his choices, just as he did not begrudge her of her own. "He wants to see the Agarthan threat entirely wiped from Fódlan... I think he can do it, especially if he has you with him. As for me... I don't have any fight left in me. I need rest... I need stability. I've been fighting against my will for too long, and somewhere, it's broken me. I couldn't join him even if he asked, which he hasn't. He's known our paths would diverge for a long, long time... and he's made sure that even when that time came, that I'd be taken care of... The idiot."
"He loves you."
"He does... Too much, I think." The words were not spoken with malice, or even indeed a hint of exasperation, and Raine found herself abruptly grateful for Shamir's understanding. The two weren't truly close, not in a way they could actually quantify outside of their roles of a commander and a soldier, but she still knew Warin almost as well as she did, and that knowledge made a bond all on its own. She rolled her shoulders a little, shaking her head again before she continued in a low, musing sort of mutter, "He's sacrificed even more than I have, regardless of what he says... but he doesn't complain. As if he doesn't think he has a right to. I wish he would have gotten angry with me, fought me, anything, but instead he just bowed his head and let me lead... because he loves me. That's why I want to see him off on this path he's chosen... Why I'm not worried about him forging ahead into more fighting. It's what he wants... and he deserves to do what he wants to do, after all of this."
"You won't be lonely?" Shamir wondered where the words were coming from, where the urgency to hear the answers was welling up, but she couldn't fight the instincts as she realized her chance. This was the first time, perhaps the only time, that she had with her lover's sibling, and she wanted the entire truth out of her. Wanted to spill all of the mountains of truths that had been built up within herself. She had held back, hiding behind professionalism to mask her fear of intimacy, even as platonic as it could possibly be, but now none of that seemed to matter a whit. She was reaching, hungry and almost desperate, and a part of her felt the fool for it even as she pressed, "You've spent your entire lives side by side. Won't parting be difficult for you?"
"Maybe a little... but wherever I am, I know he'll come running if I call for him. No matter where he goes, no matter where I end up, that will never change." Raine answered the question easily enough, and she almost chuckled to herself at the concern that was being shown to her. She hadn't expected Shamir to worry, though she understood why she would... Everything that had brought them to this point, to their respective beds in the infirmary, had been because they were family. All they had done, all they had ever done, had been in the name of the blood they both had running through their veins, and only once had they parted from one another, and it had been unwilling on both of their parts, then. Now... Now, it was different, and now it came by choice, and Raine admitted there was a certain weight to that knowledge, even as she spoke gently to the contrary.
Raine watched his sleeping face closely in silence, examining the way that the lines fell away from his brow and around the corners of his eyes and jaw as he slept on, oblivious to them and their conversation. He looked a good decade younger, and the sight was heartening, even if it did make her heart twinge with guilt and pleasure. He had suffered too long by the one shackle he had always worn, and she had always resented herself for the weight she made him bear. She continued slowly, her smile bittersweet as she sighed, "He'll always be there for me when I need him, regardless of the distance between us... and when he's finished fighting, when he finally feels ready to settle down, then I'll be able to help him learn how to live a peaceful life with you. But until that time comes, until he chooses a peaceful life... I can't, and won't complain about whatever it is he does in the interim. We might be siblings, but we're still two different people, with different wants and needs. He has to put me behind him... and I have to let him go so I can move on, myself. We've been all each other's had since the deaths of our parents... We were never going to be together forever. He knew that long before I did."
"You were never a burden." Shamir felt the words coming out more sharply than she intended, and she realized as soon as they left her lips that she had taken Raine aback almost as much as herself. However, now that they had been spoken, Shamir felt that quiet flame flickering back into life as she looked back down at the face of the sleeping man at her knees and then back up to his sister. She understood the thought of shackles, the thought of obligations and necessities brought on by blood and duty, but... It had never been that between them. She knew it hadn't. "I know it's not my place to comment on these things, but... He's an arse when it comes to words, and he doesn't use them nearly as much as he should, even around you and I. But you need to know he has never once thought of you as a burden to him. He lived for you, not in spite of you. You may be two different people, but you're siblings nonetheless... and he loves you with every ounce of his being. Parting might be natural for you now, but that doesn't mean anything when it comes to how he feels for you, or how you feel for him. You are the only family you two have had for most of your lives. That means everything to him."
Raine didn't answer for a beat, startled by the ferocity of Shamir's tone, as well as the weight of each and every word she spoke. She was speaking what she felt to be the truth, her brother's truth, and Raine knew him well enough to understand that it was indeed fact. Warin was a painfully simple man, despite all of his complexities and his facade of coldness. She could count the number of times they had told one another they loved each other on both of her hands, but even without the words... They had always known. It had just been their way, long before their lives had been so brutally upended. "I know that, Shamir... I promise you that I truly do know that he loves me, and that everything he's done until now has been because of that, and not because of anything else. My feeling like a burden is my own weight to bear... It's not that I ever thought poorly of him... I just wish I could have... given him more, I suppose...? The only good thing that's come of this mess is that now, maybe in the future, I'll be able to repay him, if even a little."
Shamir's cocked eyebrow spoke volumes of the questions she wanted to ask in response to that answer, and Raine chuckled before she adjusted herself a little more comfortably in her cot. The blanket that was covering her was thin, and in no way provided her with the warmth that she wanted, but she had an overlarge cloak to hang about her shoulders, and the rough, worn fabric rubbed at her skin and made her smile in reminder of the man who had left it with her against her protests. She hugged the front more firmly about herself, unable to really resist the urge before she explained with a low chuckle, "I apparently have a lot of pull in Faerghus, so if you two ever decide to settle down somewhere, I know I'd be able to help you transition. Not to mention he's a hero of the war in his own right, even if he'd never permit himself to be rewarded properly for it. The least he deserves is a little spot of land to call his own, to do whatever he pleases with, with the woman he loves. I want to see him happy, however that happiness manifests for him... and I feel the same way for you. If I can do anything for either of you, before you set out, after you set out, or when you're ready to retire... I'm always going to be there, waiting and willing to extend a hand to pull some strings for you both. That's what family does."
It was Shamir's turn to pause, and she found herself looking down at the sleeping man at her knees as if he had the answers to the multitude of questions and concerns that were rushing their way through her head. Raine spoke of it so simply, just as Warin had, but she well understood the true gravity of that one simple word. The only consolation she took from her own distress was that Dimitri seemed to be as much at a loss about it as she was. It was strange to hear and hard to embrace, with her own past nipping annoyingly at her heels in reminder of the life she had left behind, and she found herself admitting it with a wry, "It's... still a bit strange to hear you call me family... especially when I can't even really recall my own, after so many years. I don't regret my choice to leave and become a mercenary, I know that it was the best thing I could do in a small village with too many mouths to feed, but... Well, you two lived very different lives than I did. Family means quite a lot to you."
"It doesn't matter if you don't remember your family very well. Family isn't just who you were born to, but also who you choose to include in your life." Raine dismissed the comparison with a small shake of her head, and her smile was gentle as she pointed a finger to the ring that was laying on her brother's chest as he slept on, oblivious to the two of them. It was true enough that her main bonds, her main drive of focus and survival, had always been her family... but the definition of family had changed for her in the past several years. After all she had seen, all she had experienced, it was almost impossible for it not to. "By marrying my brother, you're becoming his family, and mine. That's a choice that you're making for yourself on who to call your "family". Adoption happens all the time, especially when there are so many orphans... Family isn't just what you're born into, but also what you make for yourself... or what you happen to be dragged head-first into. Whatever comes first."
Shamir had to stifle a laugh at the last remark, knowing full well that the younger woman was thinking of her students and their fierce love for her. They had all but claimed her as their family in the same way that she had adopted them, and while she might complain, there was no doubting how much they loved one another. What had started as a house and a professor had become a deadly and loyal pride, and Shamir found herself musing, her voice almost melancholy against her own will at the thought of it all, "I admit, I... have some regrets about not getting to know you better, during all of this. I was more content to watch from the sidelines as you forged your way through the mess that got handed to you than to join you like your students did. It was much easier to get on with your brother, because of the kids constantly needing your focus... but, still, you never treated me any differently, even if I kept my distance. You should know you earned my respect with that."
The words were spilling out freely now, and Shamir felt a heat burning in her face despite herself, but she did not cap the lid back down on the bottle that had been containing it all. She had felt out of her element, comforting the clearly distressed woman outside of the castle in Enbarr, but she had wanted so desperately to do something that she had forced aside her awkwardness. It was the first time she had realized she regretted her standoffish nature, especially when it came to the sister of the man she loved, and she forced the words out with some effort as her embarrassment reared its head, "S-Still, you... You ought to know that I didn't choose to follow you lightly. You are, and were, a commander that gave me pride in myself as a soldier, and as a human being. You may not have enjoyed being a leader, and I don't think you're wrong to feel that way, but to me, and to a lot of others, following after you felt natural. There's no such thing as a just war, no such thing as a virtuous fight, or a bloodless victory, but I'll be damned if you didn't try your hardest to fight for what you believed was the right thing this entire time... and a leader with that mindset, with that determination... was easy to follow and believe in. You were the commander we needed for this war."
"I didn't have much of a choice, most of the time... but hearing that I didn't do so badly, even then... I won't lie and say it doesn't feel nice." Raine admitted with a weak laugh, and she felt her own cheeks warming at the unexpected praise. Shamir was awkwardly looking away now, her speech finished, but the words hung in the air all the same like a clear rain after too long of a tense expectation of a storm. She felt herself relaxing back against her pillows, closing her eyes for a moment as she savoured this chance to rest with the knowledge that she, like her brother, would not need to fight on the morrow before she continued tiredly, "I never again want to be put in such a position, I never want to fight another war... But if I have to... I know who I'd want by my side, and protecting my back. That in and of itself is its own comfort."
"I'll be a mercenary for a long while after this, but I promise you, I'll have your back for the rest of my life. I owe you that much, after all of this. I owe Warin that much, after all he's done, too." Shamir let the words flow freely, strong and sure, and when Raine looked up at her in surprise, she met the expression with a fearless smile. She was free of her shackles in a spectacularly unique way, and she knew Warin would keep her free for as long as she chose to stand beside him. That made her confident, made her sure, and she continued as Raine watched her closely, "I know he won't want to be claimed by any nation or territory, that he'll want to run his troupe the same way that your father did, but I know the reality of this world. We'll need all the help we can get, from everywhere we can... and your connections in Faerghus will always be the ones we trust most. You will be seeing a lot of us before we retire... and probably even more when we do... At least, I hope that's the case."
"I'd like that." Raine chuckled again as she felt herself tugging Dimitri's cloak all the more tightly about her slim frame. She could imagine it, though the picture was not quite clear, of her brother and his eventual wife, smiling and free of conflict and settled in a peace that only they could have ever obtained and called their own. They would take life at their own pace, answering to no one but themselves and each other, and she did not doubt for a moment that they would be happy. They would never need or want much, she could imagine a small cottage on a modest patch of land they would work themselves, with several little rascals to look after, and the idea warmed her chest and made her heart ache with a bittersweet sort of pain.
The picture became blurry as she tried to wonder where she would fit in, where her home and her happiness would evolve from, but she shook the thoughts away before they could sink their claws deep into her head. She had spent so much time in recent moons contemplating the present, the battles ahead, and now the past that the future was nothing more than a smoky and heavily shadowed idea to her. It frightened her just as much as it raised questions, but she did not want to overly linger on them. Her journey, for the most part, was now over. It didn't matter if she hadn't given much thought to the ending of it. She would stumble on it somehow, someday, and she would allow herself to be happy with that. She had received all she had looking for, after all. To demand more, to chase after something else, wasn't right of her to do.
So, instead, she settled in her bed, curled up tightly in her warm trappings and feeling the heavy weight of sleep beginning to rest itself on her shoulders. She would entertain her thoughts with her brother's future, with his lieutenant and wife, their mercenary livelihoods that would become stories for them to share in the future, and the eventual retirement that they would find happily waiting for them when they wished for it. It would lead to sweeter dreams than she had been given in the recent times, and she closed her eyes, allowing the heavy cloak to pull her consciousness under even as she repeated herself tiredly, "I'd like that a lot..."
AN:
Am I allowed to just run away again without leaving much of an author's note? Because I kinda wanna. X'D
It's been a rough month and a half for me. I've hurt my knee somehow, and I'm essentially out of both of my legs... It's pretty hard to get around, even with my cane, and the pain... Yeesh. It's hard to describe it, and I thought I had a pretty high tolerance for pain! I've had a lot of difficulty focussing on even getting out of bed to eat so I can take my daily pills, and trying to sit down and write is almost like trying to climb a mountain. What's worse is that I want to write so badly, the ideas are just buzzing around loudly in my head, but I just don't have the energy to follow on through. Which is really disappointing, considering how close I am to finishing this series!
And yes, you read that right. Azure Moon: Cerulean Tears is almost done. I speculate about... three more chapters, plus an epilogue, before things are nice and neatly wrapped up? It's always hard to tell, especially since there are so many things I want to write down even at this juncture, but I think I'll manage well enough... I have a good idea of what I definitely want to show before I finish, and after that... Well, who knows.
I did like the idea of a small anthology of related one-shots to this collection, of scenes I never got to write or had the time to insert, but at the moment I don't think it's a good idea for me to dedicate myself to anything. The very last thing I want to do is disappoint the people who've been waiting on me for the better part of two years (TWO YEARS?!) for me to finish this monstrosity. In that vein, I'm almost glad a new Fire Emblem game wasn't announced at E3. It would have made me freak out and rush to finish before the new information overwhelmed me and sucked me in. I don't want my muse to flit off to somewhere else and leave me and everyone else hanging!
Regardless. As always, I want to sincerely thank everyone who's journeyed with me this far, whether or not you were here at the start or just hopped on the train of this fanfiction. I've had a lot of fun, and it's really been a labour of love. I never had the courage to commit myself to a full "rewrite" or "rework" of a FE game, even though I've been writing for last three games for a pretty long time... So getting to do this, seeing the reactions, having people fall in love alongside me, laugh or cry or rage, has all been a really wonderful experience for me. Of course, I'm not done yet and I'll save all the real monologuing for the end, but I want you all to know how much I appreciate you. From the smallest "seen" to those who followed, favourited, bookmarked, gave kudos or commented... Each and every one of you has helped me keep writing, and this work really wouldn't be here without you! So have a good one until I see you again with a new chapter!
Mood: Loving.
Listening To: "Warriors" - Imagine Dragons
~ Sky