Aqua: In the world of fiction, all heroes need a villain to thwart their heroic deeds of goodwill. And these two antagonists are huge thorns in red-and-blue clad sides.
Blaze: If you don't admire their motivations, you can admire their determination and awesome ego.
Marina: I sure do!
Aqua: Lex Luthor, the genius billionaire enemy of Superman.
Blaze: And Bowser, the fire breathing enemy of Mario. I'm Blaze, the spunky female demoness.
Aqua: I'm Aqua, the hammerhead shark fishman who's also the brains of the bunch.
Pearl: I'm Pearl and this is Marina, and we're Off the Hook.
Marina: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win…
All: A DEATH BATTLE!
Aqua: Ambition. A drive to stand above all odds and rise above any challenge. However, ambition is not always pure, and can lead anyone from the straight and narrow path to a slippery slope.
Pearl: Yeah, save the poetry Shark-spear.
Blaze: Enter Alexander Joseph Luthor. He wasn't born in the bottom of the barrel. No, he was born so poor, he couldn't even afford a barrel. Add some abusive parents into the mix, and you get a pretty unhappy childhood. But what young Alex lacked in wealth, he made up for it in intellect. He began studying and learning, trying to find a way out of the slums.
Pearl: So he came up with an easy four step plan. Step one, kill your parents and make it look like an accident so you can get that sweet insurance money plus a bonus. Step two, put that money into the stock markets until you have enough dough to support your own multi-million company. Step three, steal forty cakes. Step four, make sure that your money influences every outlet in Metropolis, from news stations to sanitation departments. If you followed all these steps correctly, then congratulations. You are now a villain with good publicity.
Aqua: But eventually, all turned sour when Superman showed up. In his mind, Superman was a major problem. If humans became reliant on this new source of help, then they would become weaker as a whole. So Lex decided to wage a one-man-war on the man of steel.
LEX LUTHOR
-Full Name: Alexander Joseph Luthor
-Height: 6'2
-Weight: 210 lbs
-Estimated Net Worth: $10.1 Billion
-I.Q: Immeasurable
-Occupation: Businessman, Pressident, Leader of Legion Of Doom
-Favorite Dessert: Cake
Pearl: But how would he fight Superman? In case you've forgotten, Superman is very powerful.
Aqua: Well, luck was on his side when he found a warsuit and began tinkering with it. By combining it with alien technology from Apokolips and Brainiac, he made an ultra-powerful warsuit. With this suit, he gains super strength and durability, allowing him to tank and match Superman himself. It can also allow him to fly with his feet boosters and cover him with force fields.
Blaze: Which is good because without it, he would get headshots constantly.
Marina: His suit also has a wide variety of weapons based around kryptonite. He has an axe, a spear, and a laser shooting lance made out of the stuff. He also has kryptonite based lasers for long-ranged gear, along with flamethrowers, electrical mines, arm blades, and gravity palms to immobilize opponents.
Pearl: But Lex has more than just his suit. He has a series of satellites surrounding the planet armed with enough lasers and missiles to destroy giant asteroids, and a series of drones at his beck-and-call to fire lasers. And when he needs some extra bulk, he injects himself with a kryptonite based steroid.
WARSUIT/ARSENAL
-Made out of a combination of human, Apokolips, and Brainiac technology
-Heavily armed
-Grants super speed, strength, durability, and flight
-Force fields
-Kryptonite weapons
-axe
-armblades
-lance
-spear
-Flamethrowers
-Hacking devices
-Energy blasts
-Shoots electrical mines
-Gravity palms
-EMP's
-Satellites
-orbit the planet
-fires lasers
-also houses missiles
-Drones
-fires lasers
-remotely summoned
-Kryptonite Steroid
Aqua: But Lex's most dangerous ability is his sheer intelligence. He is a master hacker, a skill chemist, a shrewd businessman, and is almost unparalleled in robotics, engenerining, electronics, and even biology.
Marina: How smart is he? He's so smart, he can make complex machines out of junk, outsmarted 12-level intellects, and has even tricked Brainiac, one of the smartest beings in the D.C. universe!
Pearl: Wait. So one of the smartest guys in this universe is named Brainiac? That's stupid, even by comic book standards! Seriously, why not something like Master-Mind, or Superior? Anything is better than Brainiac.
Blaze: Let it go, Pearl. It's for the best.
Aqua: It's not worth getting upset about.
INTELLECT
-I.Q is said to be "immeasurable"
-Is considered to be a twelfth level intellect
-Quickly learned several martial arts
-Skilled inventor hacker, chemist, engineer, and businessman
-Built hundreds of robots
-Skilled with several weapons
Marina: With his intellect, he constructed a robot that made him an escape route by reading Moby Dick, solved the anti-life equation, and even broke Brainiac's neck.
Blaze: He's also skilled enough to beat Green Arrow and Nightwing in hand-to-hand combat without his suit. Keep in mind, Green Arrow was trained by the man who made Deathstroke a master martial artist and Nightwing was trained by Batman!
Aqua: Lex's greatest ability, however, is his determination and resilience. He's survived getting shot with a sniper rifle, crushed under both a satellite and his own company's skyscraper, falling from a helicopter, and even blows from some of the heaviest hitters.
FEATS
-Outsmarted Brainiac
-Built a multi-million to billion dollar company
-Took control of Gorilla Grodd
-Is considered one of the smartest people on Earth
-Held his own against a sun-dipped Superman
-Built a device that could destroy reality
-Became a god...twice
-Stole 40 cakes when no one was looking
-Defeated Green Arrow, Brainiac, Supergirl, and Superman
Marina: With his skill and intellect, it's no surprise that Lex is practically second to none.
Aqua: But while he's smart, he's also very arrogant and cocky. He believes himself to be no less than a god, and all others should submit to him. But the only thing stronger than his arrogance is his sheer hatred of Superman.
Blaze: While this hatred has blinded him, sometimes it's the only thing that will keep him alive. With his drive to show up the Man of Steel and stand above all else, Lex Luthor will make sure he will be mankind's next savoir, only asking for an extremely generous slice of the cake in return.
Lex Luthor: Must I remind you of my superiority?
Marina: Once upon a time, there lived a giant dragon turtle with a simple dream. He wished to conquer the entire kingdom by turning the inhabitants into bricks.
Blaze: Wait a minute. You mean like the bricks Mario shatters on day-to-day bases? Oh my gosh, these games got really dar-!
Aqua: Actually, that's a misconception. It's explicitly stated that the bricks they were turned into were unbreakable and the effects of his magic were reversed after the first game, so those later bricks he shatters are just that. Bricks.
Blaze: Oh. Thank goodness.
Pearl: Back to the subject, after he discovered that Princess Peach could reverse his spell, he decided the best option was to kidnap her to prevent the princess from foiling his scheme. But after a while, Bowser discovered he had a crush on her, and desired her hand in marriage.
Aqua: So Bowser made up his mind. He would kidnap Peach in the name of love and rule the cosmos with her as his queen. And we would make sure no plumbers would get in his way.
BOWSER
-Height: 8'3
-Weight: 1000 lbs
-King of the koopas
-One of the seven star children
-Mortal enemy to Mario
-Might have a foot fetish
Blaze: Now, to challenge Mario, Bowser obviously had to be pretty tough. I mean, Mario is strong enough to kick castles around like soccer balls.
Marina: Fortunately for him, Bowser isn't a pushover. Not only is he strong enough to match Mario, but also surpass him. And keep in mind, Mario is strong enough to throw a baseball over 999 miles per hour, pull a golden chain-chomp, and as we mentioned before, kick a castle away like a soccer ball.
Pearl: He's also extremely tough, being able to withstand massive amounts of trauma like lightning, fire, lava, and having the skin ripped off of his bones. A majority of this defense can be linked to his spike covered shell.
Aqua: But Bowser's abilities don't just end with just physical abilities. He can breathe many different types of fire, from streams of flames, homing shots, fireballs, and fire that can phase through solid objects like they were air.
Marina: He also has several magical powers, like the ability to control lightning, shapeshift, throw magic blasts, and even allow himself to grow to the size of a mountain.
ABILITIES
-Superhuman strength and durability
-Amazing athleticism
-Shell
-almost indestructible
-can fire the spikes like a cannon
-Fire breath
-streams of fire
-fireballs
-purple fire
-phases through objects
-meteor breath
-homing shots
-Vacuum breath
-Flaming Shockwaves
-Magic
-petrification
-shapeshifting
-weather control
-magic blasts
Aqua: Bowser also has quite the arsenal on his hand. He has a series of hammers that he can throw in volleys, a metal bat, wands, and several bombs and missiles to throw at his opponents.
Pearl: And he also has access to the happiest flying vehicle ever, the Koopa Clown Car. And no, it's not spelled with all K's.
Blaze: The Clown Car is loaded with weapons, like claws, explosives, missile launchers, cannons, and drills. It can also somehow drop cannonballs that are bigger than the car itself! Holy cow! Is that his magic? There's no way it can't be.
ARSENAL
-Metal Bat
-Wands
-fireballs
-magic blasts
-can shrink enemies
-Hammers
-thrown in volleys
-Bob-Ombs
-Chain-Chomps
-Lucky Bell
-Drill Claw
-Double Cherry
-makes perfect clones of himself
-can make up to six of them
-clones will vanish after one good hit
-Hat
-houses boxing gloves
-can be thrown as a boomerang
-Koopa Clown Car
-flies
-houses drills, mecha koopas, cannons, bullet bill launchers, buzzsaws, and giant cannonballs
Marina: And if Bowser wasn't badass enough, he has several transformations to give himself more power. By using the lucky bell, he turns into Meowser, which turns him into a cat-turtle-dragon. And if that wasn't enough, he can also grow to the size of a mountain all on his own with no decrease in his athleticism.
Blaze: But if all else fails, he turns into the deadly Giga Bowser. In this form, he gains a tremendous boost in power, the ability to manipulate ice and dark magic, cause explosions just by punching the air, and as an added bonus, is immune to knock-back and flinching.
Aqua: Now, don't get the wrong idea. Bowser isn't immune to damage, he just, doesn't react to it. While this form doesn't last very long, a few seconds with Giga Bowser is a lifetime of pain for his enemies.
FORMS
-Meowser
-makes him faster and more agile
-sharper claws
-faster climbing
-pounce attack
-Dry Bowser
-a skeletal version of Bowser
-throws bones
-lower durability, but greater speed
-has blue fire
-fire-proof
-can regenerate as long as his head is in tact
-Giant Bowser
-grows to enormous size
-gains immense power and durability
-doesn't hinder his speed, athleticism, or reflexes
-Giga Bowser
-strongest form
-enhanced physicality
-cryokinesis
-punches hard enough to create explosions
-dark magic
-immune to flinching or knock-back
-doesn't last very long
Marina: With all the power on his hands, there is a reason why he strikes fear into the hearts of anyone he crosses. He's strong enough to tow an island with nothing but a rope and his bare hands and defeated dozens of dangerous opponents from a living mountain to his evil self who was just as strong as he is.
Blaze: And like we said before, he's fought on par with Mario and even triumphed over him a few times. And keep in mind, Mario can lift and throw castles and survive a 2.4 megaton blast.
Aqua: He's even tough enough to survive to survive a supernova to the face, which at minimum had a yield of 106 billion teratons of TNT.
FEATS
-Probably the most iconic video game villains
-Single-handedly towed an island
-Caught and threw a giant cannonball
-Kidnapped Princess Peach several times
-Tagged a spaceship that was moving faster than light
-Planned an awesome wedding while making sure everything from the dress to the cake was perfect
-Survived a supernova and the event horizon of a black hole
-Defeated Midbus, Dark Bowser, Antasma, and Mario
Blaze: With all this power, you'd think he would be invincible. However Bowser does have his fair share of weaknesses. The biggest of which is his arrogance. He's very prone to leaping in without a plan. He constantly underestimates his opponents. And to top it off, he's never fired his interior home decorator despite him building traps that always backfire on him. Seriously Bowser. Fire that guy.
Aqua: Well, he is tough enough to walk off a majority of what's thrown at him, and the only thing stronger than his arrogance is his determination. Even if he has to come back as a skeleton, he'll never surrender until he sits with Peach as his queen and Mario is six feet under.
Bowser: Show time