Threw It All Away

by Alexandria M

*Final Installment of Dean and Ana* It's 6 years later since we saw Dean and Ana, their lives have changed so much and now Dean has chosen to leave the WWE, to pursue something else in life, to face a new adventure with his wife and kids. What could their new adventure bring to their lives? How is life for the Ambrose family now that Dean and Ana are both older.

6. The Darkest Night, His Deepest Pain

*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter they were greatly appreciated, thank-you all so much*

A couple weeks later:

After the school year ends for our children, Jon and I go to Florida to check out houses and find a house in Jacksonville, Florida. I'm not sure I am 100% ready for this move but I am going to need to get ready. AEW is allowing Jon to have some time before he makes his debut especially since Jon was under a no compete clause from WWE. AEW has it for Jon to make his debut in August which gives us all the time to move, get settled and focus on the new changes for our family. We know that the twins are due January 15 as the internal ultrasound confirmed last week that I am 8 weeks along. This week we had a blood test done to see if there are any chromosomal or genetic defects, with me being 34 it was suggested by the doctor so we are waiting on those results to come back. We haven't really announced to anyone but our children that we are pregnant, we are at least waiting until 12 weeks to announce it on social media and to other family members. We do plan to tell my dad when we go to Ohio for our first family vacation this summer at the Lake House Jon bought many years ago, it's one of our favorite spots and where we usually disconnect from the world and enjoy our time together as a family. We are also in the process of getting approved to foster Alexander, we had our background checks done, we needed to take a couple classes and we needed to get our home study done so we are just waiting back on word from CPS. Jon also needs to talk with Roman about moving to Florida, and moving their gym down here to Jacksonville, I'm not even sure how that's going to go, but I am hopeful.

"We are not having much luck," I say as we are driving to the 5th house of the day.

"I know," he says taking my hand, "It's like we want the perfect house."

"I don't think there's a such thing as a perfect house, Jon, it's the family and love inside that makes it perfect."

"That's true," he says, "but I think my main goal is to have a yard like we do in Connecticut so that our children can play outside on a swingset, have a trampoline and have a place to ride their bikes."

"I'm sure we will find something," I say with a smile. "I am just really nervous about this move, it's like we are uprooting our whole lives, everything we know is back in Connecticut, our children's whole lives are there."

"I know," he says stroking my hand with his thumb, "but we can make new memories here in Florida and the best part no snow, no cold, no winter, that's a plus for me."

"Yeah, we don't have blizzards and snow here in Florida but we do have hurricanes," I say, "a hurricane can do a lot more damage to a house than a blizzard can do besides, I enjoy the snow and the cold weather, after all I am from Cincinnati and lived in New York and Connecticut for years. We had some nice winters."

"I am not a fan of the cold, but when you sleep on park benches in blizzards and snowfall, you learn to hate the snow."

"I understand," I say looking at him as he reminds me of the life he once lived in Ohio. He didn't live the life I did, he had a rough life, sometimes he didn't even have food, sometimes he didn't have a roof over his head and he spent cold nights out on park benches or wherever he could find a place to crash. I kiss our joined hands as he pulls into the driveway of the 5th house we are looking at today. "Well, this looks cozy and welcoming," I say. "How many bedrooms does this house have?"

"The real estate agent says 6 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms," he answers me.

"Nice," I say with a smile as he pulls in front of one of the garage doors where we meet our real estate agent. He turns the car off and we get out of the car.

It really is a nice house it looks about as big as our current home, the front yard is nice with planted bushes, a palm tree sits in front of the house, the driveway is made of stone brick and the stoned bricks can take us to the side of the house where the garage is or leads us to a pathway that takes us to the front door. Like Jon said the house has 6 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms, we have enough room to put Oliver and Bennett in a room together, give Alexander, Ace, Natalia their own rooms and a room for the twins along with us having the master bedroom. The garage can fit 3 cars, there's a game room and a rec room in the house. It has an open floor plan with a gourmet kitchen that has a large island, upgraded cabinetry, granite counter tops, stainless appliances, it opens to a large family room, there's a screened lanai and an outdoor fireplace. Outside is a heated saltwater pool, a spacious backyard that we could add a swing set, and trampoline to. There is a summer kitchen, outdoor shower, it's amazing. The master bedroom is amazing and spacious, with a beautiful walk in closet with racks for shoes, bags, drawers and places to hang our clothes, I love it. The master bathroom doesn't disappoint with a stand in shower and tub with a rainfall shower, double vanities, and double closets. It's everything I could dream of. The rooms upstairs are just as amazing, large and spacious, the one thing I don't like is that the twins would be upstairs and Ace would be upstairs while we are downstairs. I know Ace likes to wonder at night to come sleep in our bed and I don't want him falling down the stairs but other than that it's an amazing house well worth the million dollars that it costs. "What do you think?" asks Jon as we stand in the kitchen.

"I think it is an amazing house and I love it, I think there is a lot we can do with it, I like the outside area, we can put in a swing set, get a trampoline. It looks like a great neighborhood, kids can ride their bikes out front. It's really nice, what do you think of it?"

"I think it's a great house, I like it a lot, but I do want to know what are the Catholic schools like around here, are they good?" he asks the realtor.

"Some of the best schools around," she says, "they have a really great rating even our public schools have great ratings."

"That's good to hear," I say, "the success and ratings of schools are what are most important, we want our kids to get the best education that they can in a Catholic school setting." Jon and I decided that we wanted our children to attend Catholic school when we put Natalia in school. Jon isn't a practicing Catholic but he will attend mass on Christmas Eve and Easter while I do practice my Catholic faith and have since I was younger, it's important to me and important to me that we raise our children to be Catholic, all of them have been baptized in the faith, Natalia has received her first holy communion and has been confirmed and accepted the Catholic faith as her own, Oliver is probably about a year from his first Holy Communion so it's important to me they receive this education. "What do you think, Baby?"

"It's up to you," he says, "I want to put an offer on the house, but it's up to you," he says.

"I want to put an offer on the house," I respond.

"All right," he says as he gives the realtor our offer, we offer well above asking price because to me I think the house is well above what they are asking for it, and we aren't strapped for cash and have enough money to offer as much as we do.

After putting an offer on the house, the realtor tells us that we would know if our offer was countered or accepted in the next 24-48 hours after she talks with the owners. Jon and I make our way back to the hotel we are staying in while our kids are in Connecticut except for Ace since he is still breastfeeding he was at the hotel with a friend of Jon's that lives here in Florida. "Mommy!" yells Ace as we walk into the hotel room.

"Hey, Buddy" I say with a smile before I scoop him up in my arms. I carry him to the living room while Jon thanks his friend for watching him.

"I really wish you would stop carrying him," he says as he comes into the living room in our suite.

"I'm fine, Jon, I promise and the babies are fine, but I do think that we need to announce the pregnancy soon," I say looking at my stomach as Ace sits on my lap.

"I think so too," he says sitting down next to us, Ace crawls over to his lap. "You're definitely starting to show."

"I know," I say placing my hand on my stomach, it is definitely starting to poke out. "You want to talk about baby names or do you want to wait on that?"

He shrugs and says, "I guess we could discuss some ideas, I mean there are two of them and the way we choose to name babies it may take some time," he says making me smile. "Let's see, we have Natalia Alyse, Oliver Bennett, Bennett Dean, Alexander Thomas," he says, "boy names or girl names?"

"Let's do girl names first it might be easier to come up with girl names than it is for us to come up with boy names. I don't want to find the sex out either," I say. "I want to be surprised."

He nods, "okay, we can do that. Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Yes, because I feel like if we find out the sex and that they are boys I'm going to be disappointed. I want two girls so much I want healthy babies but I want girls and I feel like if we find out they are boys during the pregnancy I won't be as excited."

"Understandable," he says with a smile, "I am sorry that my sperm only seem to be capable of making boys."

"It is what it is but I also like the element of surprise, we don't have to make a pink or blue nursery or pick out a girly theme or a boy theme, we can pick out a theme that's gender neutral and paint the nursery a neutral color. I think surprises are good."

"I agree, some surprises are good," he smiles. "So girl names," he says, "what are you thinking?"

"Well, I want something timeless, something classic, something classy. You know how I am, I always loved the name Annika for a girl but I don't think that's 100 percent classy and timeless, it's beautiful just not something I am looking for, what if we named a girl Ellis after your mother?"

"Ellis," he says contemplating it. "Okay," he says, "I do like the name Ellis, my mom was such a special part of my life, she may not have been the best mom but she tried and she loved me more than I could ever know. Losing her was the hardest day of my life. I think it's an honor to give one of our daughters the name Ellis if we should have daughters, it doesn't get anymore timeless and classy than that. My mom would be honored."

"All right," I say with a smile, I know how much his mom meant to him. He has a lot of bad memories of his mom but he also has a lot of good memories of his mom, some of his best times in life were with his mom when she was sober. He loved his mom and deep down I know that his mom loved him, even though she made some tough and bad choices she thought she was doing the best for him. I saw some good in his mom and I would be honored to name one of our daughters if we should have one after her. "Ellis Grace," I suggest, "do you like that?"

"Ellis Grace," he says with contemplation, "I do, and if necessary we could call her Ellie for a nickname."

"Okay," I smile, "now another girl name, do you have any ideas?"

"Isabelle?" he says, "after your mom?"

"No, I'm not that big of a fan of my mom to name a daughter after her. It's a pretty name though just not for our daughter, do you have any other suggestions?"

"Well, I have always liked the name Scarlett, do you like Scarlett? Ellis and Scarlett, it kind of goes well together."

"Natalia, Oliver, Bennett, Alexander, Ellis and Scarlett," I say, "it all goes together, I think Scarlett is a beautiful name!"

"Me too," he says, "so Scarlett what? Your middle name is Eve, do you like Eve for the middle name; Scarlett Eve?"

"I think it's beautiful," I say with a smile. "Ellis Grace and Scarlett Eve, beautiful names, or do we like Scarlett Rose better?"

"No, I like Eve, because that's your middle name."

"Okay," I say with a smile, "so boy names this is going to be hard, because we have used all the boy names we like."

"I agree," he says. "You know what boy name we haven't used yet? Sebastian, I like the name Sebastian."

"Sebastian," I say thinking about it. "I do like the name Sebastian. Sebastian Jonathan Ambrose?"

"Sebastian Jon Ambrose," he says, "you know I can't stomach the name Jonathan."

"I get it, but I do like it, Sebastian Jon," I nod. "I mean Ace would have been Sebastian so I am all for Sebastian."

"What about Asher? Do you like the name Asher?" he asks.

"Hmm, Natalia, Oliver, Bennett, Alexander, Sebastian and Asher," I say, "I like Asher we really rock this baby naming thing."

"We really do," he says with a smile giving me a high five. "Wait! What about the name Tate, do you like Tate?" he asks.

"Oh my gosh! I love the name Tate, way better than Asher and I think Sebastian and Tate go great together, did you get Tate from Yellowstone?"

"Yeah," he says, "I like the name, Natalia, Oliver, Bennett, Alexander, Sebastian and Tate, perfection," he says.

"I agree, so middle name for Tate?"

"Elliot, Tate Elliot?" he asks.

"Oh my gosh, I love it, Tate Elliot Ambrose, it's amazing," I give him a high five because Tate Elliot is a pretty kick ass name for a baby. "We definitely got this."

"Of course we do, we have a lot of practice, I can't believe we were 17 years old when we had our first baby and we are still thriving."

"We did well for ourselves," I say with a smile, "and leaving Ohio was the best thing we could have done for our lives, do you ever wonder what those people we went to high school with are up to?"

"Not really, I don't care, I still think Shawn working in a gas station was the most ironic twist of fate I have ever seen in my life," he says. "He was always so sure that he would be better than me, have a better life than me."

"That's the funny thing about money, it doesn't always last forever, money can disappear in an instance," I say. "Shawn lost the money he was so secure in. He was a terrible person."

"I agree," he says taking my hand as Ace jumps off his lap, "where are you going Buddy?" he asks.

"To play," he says, Jon and I nod as he goes to play with some of his toys.

"I've been thinking," I say.

"I'm listening," he says.

"So you know how every 6 months we donate to charity?"

"Yes," he says, "what about it, we have the money so we donate to charity."

"I know, I'm not saying it's a bad thing, what if we used our money to open our own charity, we have the money, so what do you think if we started our own charity?" I ask.

"What kind of charity?" he asks.

"Well, you always talk about how you want to help others and give back, I think how you started with Alexander is a good start. Helping homeless children is a good start, opening a shelter to homeless children, domestic violence victims would be something amazing, I want to do something to help homeless people but mainly homeless children, what do you think?"

"I think that's an amazing idea, we should open our own charity and provide shelters for homeless children, domestic violence victims," he agrees. "I don't know where to start but I love that idea. Let's do it, let's open a charity."

"All right, well I have a lot of time on my hands so we'll work it out, go over some details and get everything together. I think that after the life you lived, that giving back is the best thing we can do."

"I want to help abused children and drug addicts as well," he says, "that's something else I want to do."

"Okay," I say with a smile as I see the tears in his eyes. "What's up?" I ask. "You okay?"

"Ana, I'm not supposed to be here, I'm not supposed to be living this life," he says. "I don't know how I got so lucky, but I was not supposed to be living this life, I was supposed to be out on the streets, get some girl pregnant, and live life out on the streets. I wasn't supposed to be living in Connecticut or putting offers on 6 bedroom houses worth over a million dollars, I wasn't supposed to be bringing in millions of dollars a year. I wasn't supposed to have this life, I wasn't meant to have this life. I was supposed to be some kid in Ohio, living the streets, knocking up different girls, not having a steady job but bringing in drug money as my income. I wasn't supposed to have this life, Ana," he says as he starts crying. "I am not supposed to be this guy, Ana."

"Jon, you deserve this life more than anyone, your mom was trying to keep you in the cycle of life that she was living but cycles are meant to be broken and you broke the cycle. You became the man you were supposed to be, you earned every single thing that you have, every single thing you own, you earned it. You put years into training to be a wrestler, you earned this, you became the man you were always meant to be. You were always better than the streets, always better than that life, this is the life you were meant to have," I say as I snuggle up to him as he wraps his arms around me. "You earned every single thing, Jon, don't ever forget that and you know what, if your mom was still here today, if your mom was still alive, she would be so proud of you. She would be so proud of you, she would have been cheering for you the day you got into WWE, the day you left the business, the day you took me for your wife, every child we have created, she would be proud of the man you are today and I know that. She may have said that you were meant for the streets but she didn't mean it, she wanted you to be bigger than the streets, bigger than she ever was, she wanted you to live your dreams, to be happy, have a wife and kids. Your mom would be so proud of you, and Jon, I know that she's looking down watching you, and she's proud of you, she's proud of everything you have done and everything you are because damn it, Baby, I am proud of everything you are, who you are, who you became, I am proud of you every day, because you broke the cycle, it took going to juvenile detention and having a baby at 17 but Jon you are the best man you could have ever become, I am proud of you and I know that your mom would be proud of you, she is proud of you," I say with tears in my eyes. "You are everything you are meant to be, and meant to have everything you have. You are an amazing husband, father and while I am proud of you every one of our children are proud of you too. I love you, Jon."

"I love you, Ana," he says through his tears. "I miss my mom so much, I wish she was here so that she could see this, see how far we have come, not just me but us, the life you and I created. I hate Mack every day for taking my mom away from me, she deserved so much more, such a better life and he took that from her, he took her from me, she can't even know her grandchildren and they can't know her because she's gone, because some coward, some asshole took her life in the most tragic way. I always think back to that night, Ana, I think about her in that hospital bed, how helpless she looked, how helpless she was and it breaks my heart. There was NOTHING I could do for her, NOTHING, I couldn't help her, I couldn't save her, I was 18 fucking years old with the decision to let my mom live on a ventilator with the hope she would wake up or make the decision to pull the plug because she had no life quality. Her life was cut short and there was nothing I could do to help her, Ana, NOTHING," he says breaking my heart. I knew that he had to make that awful choice and I knew he went to the hospital to see his mom after she was beaten nearly to death and stabbed but he doesn't talk about it much, and this is the first time since that night he is talking about it. I remember him coming home telling me that Ellis was gone and I asked if he wanted to talk about it and he didn't, we never did until this moment and I can't even imagine the emotional turmoil he has had to deal with the last 16 years as he kept it to himself. "Ana, it was the worst thing I could have ever imagined in my life, I didn't know when I went to the hospital that night I would be making the decision to pull that plug. It breaks my heart, Ana that she's not here, I know you saw the bad side of her but I promise you she wasn't always bad, she was a good person, she had dreams but what is a teenager supposed to do when the man that promised her everything abandons her, leaves her on her own with a rambunctious 3 year old boy. She did what she could do, she lived the life she thought she had to so that she could give me the life or give me the best life she thought she could. She had her own issues, Ana, she was depressed, she was bipolar, she had many manic episodes, she never fully recovered from my dad leaving her, she did drugs to numb that pain, to numb that hurt. She got caught up in the life and that's the life she thought she deserved but she deserved so much better. I did my best to protect her but I failed but I had my own family to protect, my own daughter to give the best life to, a woman to take care of. I will always remember that day, the day I wanted to help her but couldn't, I could have said keep her alive, keep her on the ventilator, let her live but that wouldn't have helped her, it would have been selfish," tears are streaming from my eyes as I hear the hurt, the pain in his voice, his own voice cracking as he speaks, "I couldn't be selfish, I had to let her go, I couldn't let her live in pain anymore even if it was the most painful thing I have ever done. I feel good knowing that she's not doing drugs anymore and that she's not fearing her life, and that she's not being hurt anymore but every day as I live without my mom, I hurt, I hurt so much, Ana," he says making me cry. "I hurt so much," he says breaking down, I wrap my arms and hold him as he cries, I let him cry, I don't say anything because he needs to let this out, 16 years of pain, it needs to come out. "I was going to buy her a house, give her the life she deserved. That was my promise to her, I wanted her to live a good life but never got to give her that good life. I love her so much, Ana and it hurts every day I have to live without her."

"Daddy," says Ace as he appears in front of us, looking at us both with his beautiful blue eyes, long eyelashes, his hair pulled up in a messy bun, the look of confusion on his face. "I love you," he says breaking my heart. He knows the right thing to say at the right time, "don't cry, Daddy. It's okay. Mommy, don't cry." I smile through my tears.

"I love you, Buddy," says Jon breaking our embrace to pick him up. "I just miss my mom a lot," he explains to Ace. "Your grandma would have loved you so much, I wish you could have met her but she probably loves you and your brothers and sister, she was a good woman," he says. "I love you, Buddy," he says kissing Ace's cheek as his cellphone rings. He contemplates answering it but when he sees it's the realtor he answers it. "Hello," he says into the phone. "Yes, this is he," he says. I watch as a smile comes across his face, his blue eyes showing pain turning to happiness. "That's wonderful! That's great news, when can we move in?" he asks and I know that we got the house. "Wonderful, thank-you," he says before he hangs up the phone. "Ana, we got it, we got the house."

"That's so awesome, Baby," I say with a smile. "When can we move in?"

"They have to do an inspection and she said probably in about a month or so we can move in."

"Great," I say with a smile, "The Ellis Foundation," I say.

"Huh?" he asks.

"The Ellis Foundation, that's it, that's the name for our charity in honor of your mother, you want to make her proud which I know you already do, because damn it you make me proud every day but you wanted to buy her a house, you wanted to help her when you couldn't, so why not honor the name of your mother, and name the charity after her and help others in her name."

"Ana, I love you so much!" he says with a smile, "so fucking much," he says before kissing my lips softly.

"And if it's any cancellation, you did knock a girl up, you knocked a 17 year old girl up but we grew, we grew together and built all this together."

"You're damn right I knocked you up, and many times after that, I mean after all, you are my favorite person to make a person with," he says making me smile, "you always will be, but more importantly you're my favorite person in this life, that sees beneath my surface and loves me still, I think I should talk to someone about my mom, the pain is hurting more every day lately."

"That's probably a good idea, but I am always here when you want to talk about her, I want to know more about Ellis," I say, "but as far as professional help, that's probably a good idea, sometimes we can't handle our problems on our own and sometimes our problems are bigger than we can solve and we need a little help. I support you in that, Jon, I will always support you."

"Thank-you," he says, "Thank-you, Ana, but I still hurt so much inside."

"I know you do, Baby, and I wish I could take that hurt away but I can't but I am always here for you, always," I say before we share a soft kiss.

*A/N: This chapter meant SO much to me, I have dealt with the pain of losing my own mother in 2021, and as I read my previous Dean and Ana stories, I saw that Dean and Ana NEVER talked about that night at the hospital, it was time, time for Jon/Dean to express his hurt and pain. What do you think of them starting their own charity and calling it the Ellis Foundation? What do you think of the names they chose, Ellis and Scarlett for girls or Sebastian and Tate for boys? What do you think about them waiting to find out the sex of their babies? Please review and thank-you for reading.