Cliff Simon Factoid: The most recent talent agency Cliff used prior to his passing was Eris Talent Agency.
I am still going to have longer than normal time in between posting chapters. Life is a little unpredictable right now. Thank you for understanding. I love you all very much.
SAM
I am laying in bed alone. My mind is racing through so much right now. Itsak has already gotten up and gone to the kitchen. I am already tired and exhausted today. Neither of us slept well last night. I long for the nights when Mardi and Rybak leave us all in peace for the night. Those nights I get the bed to myself and Itsak sleeps on the couch.
The baby and I are about eight months along already. The baby could come any day now for all I knew. I wonder if I will have a boy or a girl? Does it matter? If I'm stuck here, any child will help the future, as long as they can avoid taking the cure. If I go back to Earth, well, that's another thought.
Will Jack want the baby? I know he loves kids. I know beyond any doubt that he loved and adored his son. So yes. He will want the baby. But will he want a boy or a girl? Will a boy upset his heart too much? Will a girl make him long for his lost child? I need to stop thinking.
We have a meeting later in the beneath. I don't really want to go. I want to go fix my ship, but we have to be so careful now. So many Aschen are here in the Village. Rybak is apparently pretty high up in the government, so having him over us like a hawk is a pain and a hindrance.
We have a runner from another village coming for the meeting tonight. I laugh to myself when I first hear them refer to messengers as runners. It reminds me of the old Earth movie called Logan's Run. I just want to go home.
Doctors here on this planet are much different than at home. The major cities have all of the good medical technology and drugs and things like that. Out here in the villages, we rely on people to smuggle in needed supplies that we can't readily get. We can get things like bandages, tape, ointments, and slings.
But surgeries are often done in private, inside homes with smuggled medical tools. Babies are born at home, although that has decreased in the past decade or so. In the village that I am in, there are only about twelve women who are pregnant, out of about 7,000 people. And some of the women in our village have already taken the cure. They will never again have children.
My mind won't stop thinking. What if I'm stuck here? I'll have to get the cure. Then I'll never be able to have another child. Not that I was planning on this one. But, it's OK. I'm OK with being pregnant. If I am stuck here for the rest of my life, this is the only thing of Jack that I will ever have with me.
Unplanned baby or not, when faced with sterilization, I'd much rather keep my insides as they are, even if I never have another child.
I have to get out of bed. I make my way to the bathroom. I'm getting used to having Itsak in bed snuggled up to me. Which scares me a little bit. But, neither of us can predict when or if Mardi or Rybak will stop by. So we have to play the part of the happy couple.
If I get stuck here, I don't know what will happen if Itsak is reunited with Mara, and I am supposed to be his wife. What will happen to me? What will happen to the baby? Will they Match me with someone else? How does all that work? Maybe I just need to focus on getting home. I'm too tired to deal with the "what if's" of my life right now.
I finish in the bathroom and then waddle to the kitchen. Itsak, Carilyn, Joph, Teirden, and Jannelle are seated at the table. They all get quiet as soon as they see me. I freeze and stand in place and stare at them all. Joph asks me to sit. I slowly join them at the table.
"Samantha, the runner has come early," Jannelle begins.
"The pale ones have a weapon that can destroy our bodies from the inside. In the city, our people call it Traverser," Tierden says.
My eyes and ears prick up. Traverser. Like what? Radiation? Are we all going to die?
"Like radiation, or something?" I ask.
"We are unsure of your word, but, whatever the word, the weapon works at the molecular level of our cells," Tierden says.
He sounds like a scientist. This underground is really an underground.
"I am going to try to go back to my job in the city and infiltrate them again to stop this weapon. At whatever cost necessary," Tierden says.
I see Joph shake his head, and Jannelle looks down at her hands on the table.
"It's fine. We all knew this day would come. Sacrifices must be made. It is time to take back our planet. I will leave now. Itsak, fix Samantha's property. Then carry out the plan to get Mara. It has been an honor knowing each of you," Teirden says.
He stands and says his goodbyes again. He whispers something to Carilyn, then he is gone. I look at Itsak.
"We are all set. We can leave after dark, as soon as we have a clear path. I have a small fuel tank on wheels, the piece of metal, and hopefully all the equipment we will need. It is at Joph's," he says.
This is happening. I may be going home soon.
I am fat, swollen, sad and happy, and I can't see my feet. I don't even know if I am having a boy or a girl. I have missed out on every single Earth tradition for a mother-to-be. I've been here trying to stay alive, and trying to get home. A sense of panic tries to settle in me. My breathing increases.
I get up from the table and go to my room. I gently close the door. I look around the tiny room and then sit on the bed with my face towards the window. I try to slow my breathing, but it doesn't work. I feel the tears trying to start.
How did this happen to me? Why did this happen? What lesson could possibly be here for me to learn?
I'm having a baby. Oh my god, I am going to be a mother to a tiny human. I have been in survival mode for all these months. I have had very little time to try to bond to my child. I don't even know how to guess if it is a boy or a girl at this point. At least I know who the father is.
Oh, Jack. Will you ever know how much I miss you? Will you ever know that I am still alive? Will you ever know I have left messages for you to find me all these months? Will you ever know that you are going to be a father again?
Even though I might be going home, my heart feels like it's being ripped out of me again. I feel a tear stream down my cheek. I hear a knock on my door.
"Come in," I say softly as I clear my throat.
Jannelle comes in and sits down next to me. Neither one of us says anything. We both look out the window, and I feel her put her hand on my lower back. We sit in peaceful silence for a while. I let the tears fall with her beside me.
I feel her start to caress my back. It is very comforting. I have not realized how sore my body has become. But, I am carrying a human inside of me. I guess soreness comes with the process. I'm sore in places I've never been sore before. And these damn hormones. I cry too much.
"Samantha. We will help you get home. We think that we have a good plan now to take back our planet. Teirden has left Carilyn in charge of the resistance. He and his team are quickly working on a plan to stop the Traverser weapon. We will soon be rid of the pale ones."
I let her words hang in the air between us. I know what she was saying. But I want to go home.
"Thank you," I eventually say. "I know I'd be welcome here. But I really want to go home," I whisper out, tears still filling my eyes. I sniffle and glance at her before averting my eyes to my hands that are clasped in my lap.
"Your destinée has already been written, Samantha. I have Sensed that you will not be with us much longer."
I look at her for the first time since she sat down next to me. Her eyes are warm and hold no deceit.
"How can you possibly know all of that?" I ask softly, pretty much in a whisper.
"I don't fully understand it myself. But my Sense has proven helpful to me, especially with the Aschen. All I know is that soon you will be with your people," she says softly, then puts her hand on my belly, "and with the father of this child."
She smiles at me, and somehow it makes me feel better.
"Thank you," I say, letting the tears fall from my eyes one last time. "Do you know how your people came to this planet?" I ask her.
She looks back out the window, and slowly shakes her head.
"No. Not really. There are tales of ships dropping us off, and other tales of ships landing and making us slaves. But no one really knows. We were such great and wondrous people," I watch her eyes as they fill with joy and wonder.
"We were far more advanced than we are today. Even greater than what the cities hold," she inhales deeply and looks back out the window.
"You will be great again," I say quietly. "May I come back to visit one day?"
"Samantha, you will always be welcome here. Always."
She smiles at me, then grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze.
"Come. Let's get your things in the beneath packed and ready for tonight. I'm certain you will need to nap before moving out later. You can use the room down there to nap if you like."
"Thank you, Jannelle. I do appreciate everything you have done for me over the past few months. I am very grateful to have met you and your family."
"You are welcome, Samantha. I, too, am glad that we have met."
"I will miss you. I don't know that I would have survived without you," I say softly.
She wraps an arm around my side and hugs me into her side.
"I will miss you, too," she says.
Then she stands up, and we walk to her house to get ready for what is hopefully my last night on this planet.
JACK
"Come on, come on, come on!" I yell, raking my fingers through my hair in an attempt to pull it all out.
"Jack, it's only been 9 hours since we figured this out. He will call," Daniel tries telling me.
"Ya, that's 9 hours we could be out there going to her coordinates," I say back.
I get up and walk out of his office. Maybe I'll find Teal'c so I can hit something. Maybe I'll go bug Hammond. Nah, Teal'c and the gym come first. I'll go see if T wants to fight.
I get to T's door just as the alarms go off for unscheduled offworld activation. I'm not jumping at all of these activations anymore. Doc Fraiser is correct. I need to learn to relax. Hitting Teal'c may help me relax. I knock on his door. He eventually answers.
"Hey. Whatcha doin?" I ask.
"I was in a state of kelno'reem. How may I help you, O'Neill?"
"Do you want to go spar?" I ask, right as his phone rang. He looks at me with his lopsided look before turning from me to answer the phone.
All I hear is, "I will be there," from Teal'c. He walks back to me standing in his doorway.
"We cannot spar, O'Neill," he says.
"OK, why not?"
"That was the control room. Jacob is calling in now."
I look at him like a surprised child on Christmas day. My heart starts to race and I feel the adrenaline flush my body.
We ran to the elevator. I don't have super powers to make the elevator go faster. Pushing the lighted floor button numerous times won't make it go faster, either. Trust me.
We ran to the control room from the elevator. We rush in as Hammond is briefing Jacob about the message we have received from Sam.
"Yes, we do have coordinates," Hammond says, "Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c just got here."
"Jacob, it's Jack. Where are you? Is it safe for us to Gate to you?"
'Yes, this seems to be a friendly planet. And I was going to say no sign of Sam, but now I know she is not here. We will hang up now and wait for your arrival.'
"Sweet. See you shortly," then I turn to Hammond, "Permission to gear up to go there, sir," I request, pointing at the Stargate.
"Permission granted. Go bring her home, SG-1."
I give him a small smile, and Teal'c and I go to call Daniel. We all got ready to Gate to Jacob's location.
I'm pacing in the Gate room waiting for the others to join me. Doctor Fraiser walks in behind Teal'c and Daniel. She is in full tac gear with her medical backpack. I give her a questioning look.
"We don't know what kind of shape we are going to find her in when we get there. I'd like to be there for her," she says, averting her eyes a little.
What does she mean what shape Carter may be in? No time to talk about it. We have to go.
"Yes, of course. OK, you all ready?"
They all nod their heads. I turn to the control room.
"Alright, dial her up," I yell up to the control room.
Somewhere in the galaxies
We go to the planet where Jacob is waiting for us. It is already night, and it is hotter than hades. We see Jacob and Matta by the DHD. The Tel'tak a bit further back. No one else is around.
"Nice to see you again, dad," I say.
Jacob just stares at me and I swear I see his eyes flash. I laugh a little.
"Jack, always a pleasure," I hear him reply dryly.
"Matta, is he teaching you a lot of good stuff?" I ask.
"Yes, sir. Plenty of practice reading, speaking, and plotting courses in Goa'uld," Matta says proudly.
"Excellent," I say in my best Mr. Burns voice. "Alright, campers, let's kick the tires and light the fires."
Jacob smiles and almost laughs at me. That means a lot, actually. He seems to get my wacky humor. Teal'c nods at me, Daniel and Janet both roll their eyes, and Matta smiles like a fanboy. We all go inside the Tel'tak. It feels good to be out of that midnight heat.
I give Jacob the laptop with one of the thumb drives from The Real Lone Gunmen. Did I just really say that? Anyways, Jacob looks at the display and plots the course on the computer as Matta lifts off and takes us into orbit.
"You are getting good at this Matta. Better watch out or Jacob here will ask you to join the Tok'ra," I say a bit sarcastically.
"He already has, sir," Matta replies. I wasn't ready for that.
"He has, has he?" I ask, with my eyes directed to Jacob.
"I have. And he hasn't made his mind up yet," Jacob says staring right back at me.
"Well, that's just...great," I snap back.
Jacob knows I like him. He also knows how I feel about those damn snakes. Jacob also knows how to push my buttons. But he does mean well. Sam is his daughter, afterall.
"Sirs, is this really the time or place for a conversation about my impending implantation? Shouldn't I be heading towards Major Carter?" Matta asks.
I can see Daniel and Teal'c share a look that means they are both being entertained by our banter.
"Yes, Captain. You are correct. Here's the coordinates," I say, taking the laptop from Jacob and handing it to Matta, not taking my eyes off of Jacob.
Matta puts the coordinates into the ship, and takes us into hyperspace on our way to find Sam. I go to the back and check my gear. Janet comes back to join me. I can feel her just staring at me. After I zip my bag back up, I can't take it anymore.
"What?" I half-bark at her.
She just stands and stares at me. I'm about twice her size, and yet her gaze kind of scares me.
"Sam talked to me before the mission where she went missing," she says. I spin on my heels to face her.
"That's really none of your business," I say a little quietly.
"Yes, you are right. But, Sam is my business, just as much as you are my business during these missions. Sir, time has passed for both of you. We thought she was dead up until this week. If she is still alive when we get there, things may have changed for her," she says.
"What does that mean?" I ask.
"We don't know what she has had to do to survive. She may be malnourished. She may have been captured, tortured, or raped. She may have been forced to do things she did not want to do just to survive. But what I can tell you, sir, is that woman loves you," Janet says, lowering her voice.
I squirm in place at her words. The thought of Sam being hurt, or worse, hadn't really settled in with me. Of course, anything is possible with her being missing for so long. I should know these things.
"Don't discount that love if things seem out of character for her. We have no idea what she has been through," she continues in a whisper.
She is looking up at me with eyes full of concern. I should know this stuff. I should know that she may not be the same person she was when she disappeared. I have been through capture and torture myself. It almost wrecked my ex-wife to see me when I came home.
"I don't know how to explain this to you, but I've known this whole time that she is alive. Not once did I doubt that. OK, maybe once or twice. But something inside of me wouldn't let it go," I say, pointing to my chest.
"Sir, just be prepared for someone who is not the Sam you remember. That's all I am trying to say," Janet says.
"You're right. I should know this stuff."
I put a hand on her shoulder as I walk past her.
"Thanks," I say sincerely.
I return to the flight deck.
"Alright, Matta, how long until we get there?" I ask.
"This thing says seven hours. I think," Matta says.
"Thanks," I say. I walk to the ring room hoping to find Daniel or Teal'c, but it is empty. They must be the back.
I turn around towards the flight deck to find Jacob staring at me as he leans against the door frame. Or is it Selmak?
"Were you ever going to tell me? I figured it out on my own, but I've never heard you or her say anything," he says.
"Look, Jacob, is now really the time and place?" I ask quietly.
"She trusted you!" he spouts in a hushed tone. He stands up straight in the doorway. I usher him further away from the flight deck and Matta, and away from prying ears.
"Whoa. She still does trust me. It's not like she was innocent in this, Jacob! It just happened. What do you want me to say?"
"Oh so now you blame her?" he is starting to get a bit louder.
"No. I don't. Dammit." I pause my speaking in fear of saying the wrong thing yet again. He continues to stare at me. I inhale loudly and run my hands up my face and through my hair.
"OK, fine. This whole time I knew she was alive. I can't explain it. I'm in love with your daughter," I say as quietly as I thought I could.
Then I go to the very back of the ship to get away from everyone. Hopefully Daniel and Teal'c will leave me alone if they are back there. I need time to process this.
I will kill anyone who has hurt Carter. If she is broken, I will help fix her. If she will let me. If she has moved on, I will try to understand. Deep down I feel like she will be OK when we find her. But I really don't know.
I sit on the floor and put my back against one of the crystal panels. I put my elbows on my knees, and rest my head on my arms. All this time she was trying to reach us. We just did not know how to listen. Maybe I will change policy and have The Lone Gunmen hired on to listen to deep space when our folks are scattered across the galaxies. Because if this can happen once, it can happen again. Better to be safe rather than have to go through what we have in the past few months with someone else at the SGC.