Cliff Simon Factoid: Of all the roles Cliff played over the years, it is Ba'al which he will be most remembered.
Use of the word rape is in here, but it does not happy to anyone in the story.
JACK
The three of us go to the SGC and head straight to medical. Teal'c goes first because he is the easiest to examine. Junior takes care of any illnesses or anomalies that may have been picked up off-world.
I sit on a bed in between Daniel and Teal'c. Doctor Brightman is on duty. The curtains are not pulled around our beds. I can see the Doc moving towards me.
"Did Major Carter and Doctor Fraiser stop by already?" I ask.
"Yes, they left to go to Doctor Carter's house about an hour or so ago."
"Is everything OK? Why is everyone calling her Doctor?" I ask. Brightman almost rolls her eyes at me. She turns back to her exam of Teal'c.
"You know I can't give you in-depth details on her health, but given everything she has been through, she seems fine. She is having little panic attacks, so she may need her friends to support her. All of her friends," she says, glancing over her shoulder at me.
Does everyone know what a dick I was? Or is this just me taking everything the wrong way?
"And we are calling her Doctor due to her official status. She is officially killed in action, in effect no longer in the Air Force," Brightman concludes.
Doctor Brightman finishes with Teal'c, and he retreats to his room. He wishes us a goodnight, and says he will be available to help with anything that SamanthaCarter needs to be done. I thank him, and say we'd be calling him.
Brighman finishes me second. I thank her, and say goodnight to Daniel. He speaks to me in front of Brightman. Great.
"Everything will be OK, Jack. But you do need to talk to her. Use this time off and go talk to her."
"It's late, Daniel."
"I didn't mean now," he says, rolling his eyes at me.
I know what he means. I just like getting a rise out of him. I give him one of my smart-ass looks.
"But you knew that already. OK, goodnight, Jack. Call me when you need me," Daniel says, and I leave.
When I need him? A bit presumptuous, isn't he? Now what? Just go home? It's too late to go to Carter's. I'm sure she is sleeping. I don't even want to call to wake her up accidentally. Maybe I'll just drive by to make sure she is OK.
I walk out of the doors at the top of this hole in the ground and walk down the path to the parking lot. I'm pretty sure I still have beer at home, and I don't feel like going shopping this late anyways. The clock in the truck said 11:43 PM. I'll just swing by Carter's on my way home. A drive by won't hurt anyone.
Less than thirty minutes later, I park out front of Carter's house. I park along the yard of the neighbour's house. Carter has someone parked in front of her house, and it looks like Doc Fraiser's car.
I see lights on in Carter's bedroom window. I need to make a decision.
I get out of my truck and walk to her front yard. From the path to her stairs I can see the light on in the kitchen. Maybe she is still awake. Should I go knock? I can say I'm just checking up on her. And I know Daniel is right. Carter and I do need to talk.
SAM
I wake suddenly from my sleep. I actually did get some rest. Now I have to pee again. My back hurts, my feet and fingers are swollen, and I have no idea when my due date is. I am a mess. I finish peeing and decide to get a cup of peppermint tea.
I enter my kitchen and see my things are all put away in different spots in my cabinets. The guys did a great job with everything. But, I do not know where my water boiling contraption is. I take out a small saucepan and fill it halfway with water. I put it on the stove and turn it on. I look for my tea.
The guys put my tea into one plastic container that can be sealed. That was very kind, whoever did that. The tea smells fine for now. I'll buy some loose tea at the store today.
My coffee mugs are still in the same location. I grab my "Never Trust An Atom - They Make Up Everything" mug. I stand watching the pot of water boil. A pot of water will, in fact, eventually boil if you just stand there and watch it.
I must have woken up Janet. She pads to the kitchen to see if I am OK. I offer her a hot beverage, and she accepts. We are sipping hot tea in silence when I hear a knock on my door.
I watch Janet form a large smile from behind her mug of tea. I stare at her.
"Who could that be at this hour?" I ask.
"There is only one person I can think of," she smugly says.
Could it really be him? My stomach drops, and I am a little anxious to see him.
"I'll go get it," Janet says.
She moves herself off of the chair she is perched on, and walks to my front door. When she opens my door, it is him. He can see me sitting at my island. I can hear Janet talking to him. I let them talk hoping he will just leave. But something changes my mind.
"Janet, he can come in," I say, loud enough for them both to hear me.
Then I sort of smile to myself and take another sip of tea. Then I stop smiling. I'm still mad at him.
The two of them walk into the kitchen, and both of them stare at me. Janet smiles and walks to her mug of tea and grabs it.
"I'm just going to go to my room. I'll get my things and go home. You two have fun talking," she says.
"Janet, no you don't," and she cuts me off with her 'I'm the doctor and I know best ' look. My eyes go from her, to Jack, to my cup of tea in an instant.
Janet walks to my guest room. I glance back at Jack, then I slowly get up and waddle to the guest room to find Janet packing her bag.
"You don't have to leave. I can ask him to go home," I say.
She turns to face me and gives me a look that says I am a dumbass.
"Sam. The two of you have been tip toeing around whatever it is that you have between you. Now you have a baby on the way. Stop this. Talk to him. No more time for your games."
I stare at her, and a lump forms in my gut. Games? What games? I can be mad. I am right to be mad at him for what he did to me. But, I need help. We need to talk about what we're going to do. What are we going to do? Is she right?
"Let him in, Sam. He cares about you. He wouldn't be here now if he did not care. And we all know he loves kids. Now go. Talk to him," she says, taking my hand and giving it a little squeeze.
"Oh, god, what am I going to do?" I say on an exhale. Janet hugs me, then turns to leave. She smiles at me.
"Don't be stubborn," she says softly.
"Janet," I say, stopping her by gently touching her arm. "Can you help me find a doctor who can handle our unique situation?" I ask quietly.
"Of course. I'll make some calls when I get to work later."
"Thank you. How about dinner later?"
"I think you and the Colonel need to settle in together. Cass and I will stop by sometime over the weekend," she says, smiling at me. I just nod my head and look down.
She hugs me tight, then turns to go down the short hallway. I hear her say goodbye to the Colonel. Then I hear my front door shut.
I stand in my hallway for a few moments before I take in a deep breath. I go back out to the kitchen. I grab my cup of tea.
I don't look at him. I am holding my mug in my hands, and swishing the liquid around in the cup.
"Hey," he finally says.
"Hi," I say quietly. I still do not look at him.
"Carter, look. I screwed up."
"How'd you even know I was awake? You could have just called in the morning," I say softly, trying to sound disinterested.
"I drove by on the way home and saw your lights on."
Drove by on his way home? My house is not on his way home.
"What are you doing here, sir?"
Yes, I called him sir. I have no idea where this conversation is going.
"I want to say I'm sorry."
I finally look up at him. He was wrong, and he knows it. He does look very nervous. Maybe he is serious. I am still angry with him.
"So say it."
He straightens himself and is almost standing at attention. He looks directly at me as he inhales deeply.
"Carter, I am sorry. I wasn't fair. At all. I wasn't supportive. I pushed you away when I should have been welcoming you home."
I look back into his eyes and find sincerity. He knows he screwed up.
"You hurt me."
"I know I did. I really am sorry. I want to make this right," he says, and walks closer to me. He reaches out to try to touch my arm. I shrug him off again. I can already feel the tears start to burn my eyes. I put my mug down and take a step back away from him.
"No. You need to listen to me. I've been gone for months. You pushed me away the first moment you saw me, just like you did on Edora. Thank you for watching my house and making sure my things were taken care of. But I'm about to have a baby. Your baby. I have nothing ready. You want to do something supportive and make this right? Help me," I say, noticing I am getting a bit nervous again, my breathing increases.
"I am going to help you. I promise," I hear him whisper. We stand for a few moments just staring at each other.
"This is not how I thought we'd see each other again," I say softly, a tear finally escaping its home. I reach up to wipe it off of my face. I try to cross my arms in front of me, but my boobs hurt a little, so I drop my hands at my sides and make nervous fists.
"I know. And it's all my fault," he says softly.
I can feel his eyes bore into me again, just like before. His eyes ground me. His eyes talk to me. He says things I can understand without words.
"I never stopped believing you were alive. Even at your memorial service, something in me kept telling me that you were alive."
That's what my dad said. But that didn't explain why he pushed me away.
"Then why react like you did when you saw me?" I ask. This is what I want to know the most. Why did he push me away? I stand in front of him, looking him straight in the eyes. He looked down.
He takes a deep breath before looking at me, straight in the eyes.
"Because I am an ass. I just assumed…" he stops talking.
"Assumed what? That I'd immediately go fuck whatever came my way? If that's really what you think of me, then this conversation is over and you can leave," I say, pointing to my front door. I am very angry now.
"No, that's not what I think of you. Carter, I was an ass to you. I was wrong. I am sorry," he said looking right at me. He shifts his weight from one leg to the other, and runs a hand through his hair.
"What if I had been raped? You never gave me a chance. That's what hurt the most. This is your baby, Jack," I say, gently caressing my belly, "and this is the last situation I thought we'd ever find ourselves in."
I see him grimace his face at my words. That may have come out wrong.
"No, not the baby situation. I mean this," I motion my hand in the air between us, "distant, not trusting. This is not us."
Or is it?
I can feel the tears come again. I feel a few escape and travel down my cheek. We just stand, not saying anything. He really is not saying anything. Why did he even come over if he's not going to talk? I am just staring at him as I cry. I finally put my hands up in the air in surrender.
"OK, I'm done. I'm too tired for this shit, Jack. I really am. Just go. Leave. Please," I say almost in a whisper, pointing to my door again.
I turn to go sit on my couch. I can't stop the tears. They fall before my butt hits the cushion.
I hear him exhale as I turn around.
He eventually follows a few minutes later and sits on the cushion next to me. I let out a deep breath trying to settle myself, but it didn't work.
"I told the Odeni that I'd rather die than ever betray you. I never slept with anyone," I say with a shaky voice. I gather myself again and continue. I can't even look at him right now.
"I had to pretend to be Matched to Itsak. We held hands. We went for walks. I only slept in a bed with him to put on the rouse so I wouldn't get killed. I kissed his cheek. I was out there trying to stay alive. And if I wasn't able to get back to Earth, this baby would be the only thing I had left of you," I say. Now I really can't stop the tears.
I feel Jack scoot closer to me on the couch. I feel him drape a blanket around me. I'm so tired. I'm too tired to fight with him. I'm just so incredibly tired. I fall into his side and I feel him put his arm around me.
"I am so sorry," he whispers, pulling me tight into his side. "Everyone told me that I should prepare myself for you not being the same as you were when we lost you. And you were not the same. I have never been more wrong in my life than I was on that planet when we found you. I will spend the rest of my life if I have to in order to make things right between us again."
We sit on the couch in silence for a long time. I let myself cry. He never moves. He stays by my side, holding me through my tears.
I must have fallen asleep on my couch. I wake up to find the sun coming up. I am laying on my back on one end of the couch, both of my legs outstretched. He must have gone to my room to get my pillow for me. He put the blanket over me before he left. I don't remember anything.
He left. But, still, he came over to check on me last night. Well, technically, early this morning. I smile. A few minutes later I hear movement in my hallway.
He stayed the night. He didn't leave me alone. I look up at him as he walks around to check on me. I see him give me a small, nervous smile.
He is wearing a t-shirt, boxers, and a pair of socks. I mean, I'm having his baby, it's not like I haven't seen or felt all of him already. I smile back.
He sits down on the cushion where my feet are. He lifts my feet up and puts them on his lap. He begins to gently massage my feet.
"Oh my god, you have no idea how good that feels," I breathlessly murmur out. He glances at me and laughs a little.
I have no idea how much weight I have gained. My feet are puffy. My boobs are bigger. Aren't guys supposed to like that? I stretch both arms up above my head and tighten the muscles in my legs as he continues my foot rub.
I remember the feeling of Jack's hands on me. Well, sort of remember. It's been a few months. And his roaming hands are what got me in this situation in the first place. Not his hands per say, but his….OK, stop. Concentrate on this amazing foot rub.
I open my eyes and find him looking at me. He is incredibly handsome. I'm very attracted to him. But I'm also very pregnant, and sex is the last thing on my mind.
I have things to do today, and I need help. Enough. No time for this.
"I need help. I need clothes and I need food," there, I just spit it out. Let's see where the pieces fall.
"I can take you. I don't know much about maternity clothes, but I can drive you and carry your bags."
He is also very thoughtful. I've always known him to be incredibly kind.
"OK, thank you. This will be a good start," I say, giving him one of my bashful smiles.
He still has his warm hands on my feet. We keep our eyes on each other for a few more moments. This is as intimate as we have been since we saw each other again. A piece of my anger melted away.
He's a good man. We can't keep pretending nothing is going on between us. It's far too late for that now. Maybe Janet is right.
"Jack," I say. Then my words get stuck in my throat. He never takes his eyes off of me.
"Ya?" he says.
I pause for a few more moments, letting my eyes go from my feet, to his hands, to his shoulders, then back to his eyes.
"We need to talk and figure out what we're going to do."
"I know. I thought about it a lot last night. I will support you and the baby no matter what you and I decide to do. I will always be there for you. Always."
His eyes are dark and beautiful. I can feel the meaning of his words through the rumble in his voice. He has never lied to me before. My emotions get the best of me again, and I'll keep blaming the baby hormones.
"I never stopped loving you," I say in a very quiet whisper, never taking my eyes off of him. I feel the tears drip from my eyes.
He moves my feet and helps me sit up next to him. He puts one very warm hand on my knee, and gently takes my chin into his other loving hand.
"I never stopped believing you were alive," he says, then leans in and presses his lips against my cheek. He held our heads together for what felt like an eternity. He drags his lips along my cheek as he places his forehead to mine.
I inhale him deeply. I have missed his touch. I have missed his warmth. I have missed him.
"I am sorry I hurt you. I am here now, and I'm not letting you do this alone," he whispers. I can feel his breath along my face to my lips. I feel him move his lips down the side of my face. I feel him kiss my cheek again.
I smile and pull back to see his face. His eyes find mine and I am captured again by his gaze.
"You missed," I whisper between us.
I hear and feel him grumble.
He gently kisses me. Not too long. Not messy. Just 'Jack'. I smile with our lips still together, and then stop kissing him.
"We should get ready. Do you have to go home to change?" I ask, still smiling like a love struck teenager.
"Ya, I should," he says, running his fingers through my long hair. "I love the long, dark hair, by the way," he says.
"There's even a story to that. But I'll tell you after you come back to pick me up."
"Deal," he says. He kisses me one more time. He stands to go put his clothes on. He leaves to go home to get ready for our day together.
I jump in the shower and quickly wash myself and my long hair. I get out and dry off. I washed one of my dresses last night. I grab the blue dress. I get an old science t-shirt from my drawer, and wear it under the dress. Then weird thoughts go through my mind as I get ready.
What if my water breaks while we are out? What if it's a girl, and Jack wants a boy? Or the other way around? What if my hips don't go back to how they were before I got pregnant? What if I can't breastfeed?
After the dress is on, I look at myself in the mirror. I guess I'm pretty. I have always heard women described as glowing when they are pregnant. I don't know if I glow, but my long, dark hair does look nice. The brown really brings out the blue in my eyes.
Jack comes back to pick me up about an hour later. He takes me clothes shopping. Then he takes me food shopping. Sometime during the day, Janet calls me to let me know she lined up a doctor for me to see Friday afternoon at the SGC. Jack says he'll take me.
I feel better now that I have clothes, food, and an initial plan for the baby. I'm finally speaking to Jack about things. We're not all the way there yet. But we are getting there. Tomorrow is a new day.