Cliff Simon Factoid: Cliff's parent's names were Emmanuelle and Phylis. He was their fourth child.
JACK
I take her shopping for clothes. I even throw in a few things for the baby. I know Janet is setting up a baby shower for Carter, but I want to get something while I am with her today. You know, from daddy.
One of the things I pick is an elephant pajama set. Since we do not know if we're having a boy or a girl, this should be fine for either. It has a cute cartoon elephant on the front. On the backside is an elephant butt. Carter rolls her eyes at me and laughs at me when I put that in the cart. It is nice to see her laugh. Even nicer that I can still make her laugh.
Then we go grocery shopping.
We have a good day together. We are talking to each other. Finally, real talk. We have some more talking to do, but we're talking. It's more talking than we have talked before. Ever, I think.
Maybe we have always had the words in our minds that we have wanted to say, but we pushed it down and locked it away in that fucking room, and then counted that as talking. I have always cared for Carter. I'm pretty sure she still cares for me too. Now we are trying to navigate our words out loud.
I wasn't kidding when I told her I loved her. She told me today that she never stopped loving me. Then she let me kiss her. I kissed Carter. Obviously I've done much more than just kiss her. But now I feel like we are starting over again. I feel like I get to rediscover her all over again.
I carry the bags in the house. Carter goes straight to the kitchen and starts to take things out of the bags. I walk into the kitchen area and meet up with her.
"Where would you like the bags?" I ask.
She turns to look at me. She is radiant. I just stand and stare at her. I don't move. She takes my breath away. A pregnant Carter is a beautiful Carter.
"Um. You can put my things in my room, and the baby things can go into the guest room. We can do the groceries together," she says with a smile.
"You got it."
I turn to go put the bags in the rooms she wants them in. I come back out to help put groceries away. I hear her talking to herself as I round the corner. She is facing the counter, so her back is to me. I can't tell what she is saying, but I can tell her shoulders are tight and she is worried.
I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her. I gently place my hands on her belly and hold her. I drop my chin to her shoulder. She lets me hold her.
"You are beautiful on any given day. But a pregnant you? You are radiant and shine like the Stargate itself," I whisper into her neck. I drop a soft kiss to her neck.
She turns in my arms to face me.
"Jack," she says softly.
"You OK?" I ask her.
She looks into me. I can tell she wants to say something. I'm not sure how much she trusts me yet.
"It's just. I don't know. I wish I could do more to you now."
I see her breath catch, and her face flushes.
"No one said pregnant woman can't have sex. I've done it before," I say, waggling my eyebrows at her. I feel her laugh.
"Oh. Well, I want to, I think. Sometimes I'm not even in the mood, and I don't know how it even works when I'm this big," she keeps rambling on like she often does, so I gently stop her by placing a finger on her lips.
"It's OK. We don't have to do anything but spend time together. I can wait."
She nods her head and looks down in the direction of my chest.
Then I drop my hands to her belly again. It's like I can't stop touching my child, or Carter for that matter. She puts her hands on top of mine. She lets her hands follow mine as I caress her baby belly. She looks up at me and doesn't take her eyes off of me.
"May I say hello to our child?" I asked softly.
I want to make up for the colossal mistake I made on the Odeni planet. She shakes her head affirmatively at me.
"OK," she barely whispers out. I can feel her emotions in her words. Her eyes get glossy.
I take her hand and help her to sit on the couch. I slowly drop to the floor on my knees. The carpet is a little bit of a comfort to my old knees. I settle myself a little bit in between her knees. I put both hands back on her belly and I lean in.
"Hi. I'm your daddy. I really screwed up our first introduction. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you and mommy. I love you, little one. I can't wait to meet you. You are going to love the family you are coming to. You have aunts and uncles waiting for you. And you have a mommy and daddy who will do anything for you."
Then I lean in and kiss Carter's belly. I feel her hand go behind my head, and she holds me to her belly.
I feel a tear drop onto one of my arms. Carter still isn't letting me move, so I keep my face on her belly as close to our baby as I can get. I keep giving little kisses every now and then to our baby through Carter.
"Jack," I hear her say with a shaken voice.
She gives me room to look up at her. She has tears in her eyes. I can't tell if she needs me to speak, or just stay still between her legs, holding her like I am. I wait for her.
"That was beautiful," she says softly, touching my hands, and keeping them on our baby. "You really are a good man," she whispers to me.
Neither one of us moves. I caress her with my thumbs. She does not move her eyes from me. I just feel her in the moment.
"I just wish we knew what," and then I immediately cut her off.
"It's a boy," I say softly, sitting back on my heels. My hands stay on her knees. The words came out automatically. What is happening to me?
"How can you possibly know that?"
"I don't know. I just do. It's like the feeling I got when I knew that you were not dead. Can you feel my hands vibrating?" I ask.
She looks at me like I am crazy. So I guess that's my answer. No, she cannot feel my hands vibrate. She continues to look at me. I do not remove my hands, and she does not move them, either. Our eyes met again. I could feel her thinking.
"Your hands are warm, but you always seem to have warm hands."
"I don't know how I know. I just know."
I look up at her and can tell she was touched by this. I take one of her hands and kiss it. I smile as I get up off of the floor. I move to sit next to her on the couch. I pull her into my side and hold her again.
"Thank you," she says.
"I told you I'm not letting you do this alone."
"I forgive you," she whispers, almost soft enough that I don't hear her. I crack a small smile. She continues.
"I missed you," she says, as I watch a tear escape her eye. She takes my hand in hers and interlaces our fingers. She lays our hands on her belly.
"Every day I was gone I thought of you. Then when I found out I was pregnant, I just wanted to come home. I tried so hard to get home. I didn't want to transmit in plain voice because I had no idea where I was and who was out there. Even if I did, I had no idea how long it would take for someone to hear me. I had no real way to defend myself because I had to keep my P-90 and Zat hidden. So I put my messages in Morse code. I didn't know how long it would take for someone to figure it out.
"I wanted you to be a part of this whole thing. Part of finding out I was pregnant. Part of watching him or her grow."
"Him," I interject, which gets me a swat on the back of my hand, which is still firmly on Carter's belly. At least she smiles a little smile for me.
"We just got done fighting when I went missing. You were unconscious. When I got to the ship and rose to a safe altitude, I realized right away that the fighting seemed silly. You were hurt, and I had no idea if you were even alive. I never had a chance to apologize to you for yelling at you."
"No need to apologize. I'm alive. You are alive. And I am here with you now. That is all that matters. We can fight later," he says, making us both laugh a little.
"I wanted you to be a part of telling me that everything was going to be OK. I pictured us as a family. And then you pushed me away when I saw you for the first time."
I roll my head back and look at the ceiling. I take in a large breath before continuing.
"I don't know how, but even as those words came out of my mouth, I knew this baby was mine. I don't know why I said what I said. And I know I will never be able to apologize to you enough. But I am here now. I'm not leaving you alone to raise our child," I say. It is a promise I will not go back on.
She looks at my hand in hers, then caresses my hand with her thumb.
"I don't know what you and I are going to do, but I want you to be present in our lives and help me raise our baby," she says with a little smile.
A part of me melts.
"Well, I'm going to love this child as much as I love its mother," I say. I keep my eyes on her.
I see her sit more upright. She lets go of our hands, and turns slightly towards me with one arm on the back of the couch. She looks at me, then to my eyes, my lips.
"You still love me?" she exhales in a whisper.
"I never stopped," I say softly.
I take her hand again, and lift it to my lips.
We share a quiet moment between ourselves. I don't know what else to say to her right now. I will wait to see what she wants to say. We sit for a few moments.
"What are we going to do? You and I?" she asks.
"I don't know. I think we take one day at a time," I tell her.
I see a small smile form on her face.
"That is exactly what my dad said. One day at a time, one problem at a time. But, we sort of have one giant problem," she says.
Her face sobers and she gets nervous.
"Hammond is going to find out," she says, separating our hands and rubbing our baby belly. Our baby belly. I like that.
"I know. And I'll take the hit for it all," I tell her.
"You know it doesn't work that way. It is always the woman who gets the short end of the stick. You know this."
I wrap my arm tighter around her and kiss her head.
"I won't let that happen. I will fall on the sword for us." I hear her laugh at me.
"They won't let you do that. I'm a part of this as much as you are. It takes two to tango. And now we have a child coming. I'm OK with whatever they do."
"We could always just get married," I say.
She turns her head into my shoulder and giggles a little.
"First of all, that's so romantic. And second, we barely know each other. I mean like this. As in a couple."
I just stare at her. I guess I'm just a bit old fashioned when it comes to this stuff.
"I don't know, I've thought about it enough. I just thought that we could give our son a mother and father right from the start," I say.
She touches my cheek so gently.
"You've thought about marrying me before?" she asks.
"Sure. Haven't you?"
"Ya, I suppose I have. But, he has a mother and father. A dedicated mother and father. That's more than a lot of the children have where I volunteer. Our baby will be fine even if we never get married."
Her words sting. She is just walking through all options. I hope. I just want to do right by both of them. We will get reprimanded for what we've done. We both know that. But I'm not going anywhere. She's not going anywhere. Maybe one day in the future I will make her my wife.
"OK. I guess I am just a bit more old fashioned when it comes to this," I say and caress her belly.
"I will do whatever you need me to do. Can I at least take you out on a date? Show you what it's like to be the lady of Jack O'Neill?" I ask.
"You're lady, huh?" she jokes, lightly nudging my side with her elbow. "Come on, Jack. I'm fat, about ready to give birth. I have nothing to wear."
"Yes, you do. Look in your closet again. Let me take you out. Tomorrow. After your doctor's appointment."
"What did you do?" she asks with a smile that reminded me of a kid in a candy store. She is so beautiful.
She stands and steps to the side a little bit. She holds her hand out for me, and I take it. We both walk to her bedroom. I see her walk to her closet, and begin to go through the clothes I hung up for her. I see her face light up when it registers. Her eyes get big, and she has that million dollar smile on that I have fallen in love with.
I had gotten her a dark blue maternity dress. It was a stretchy fabric, but sturdy. It should come below her knees, and it has long sleeves to keep her warm. The neck comes to a point in the front. I thought it would be perfect for her.
"Jack. You shouldn't have. But, I can't wear heels. We can just stay in and order something."
"Nope. Not gonna happen. You can wear gym shoes for all I care. I want to take you out. Once the baby comes, we won't get that kind of time anymore for a very, very long time," I say with a little laugh.
She looks at me, and I see her relax a little bit. Good. My plan may be working.
"OK. Deal. But for now, what's for dinner? I'm craving Earth food," she says with her giggle that lights my world.
I laugh, and kiss her briefly. We finish putting the groceries away and we decide to make spaghetti. Easy enough. We clean up together after eating. Then I have an idea.
"How about I run home to get some clothes to keep here at your house. I'll stay with you tonight, and as many nights as you need me to."
I watch as her shoulders drop, like a big ball of stress was dropped from her arms.
"I would love that. Thank you."
"Alright. I'll run home and be back shortly."
I touch our baby again, grateful that Carter is letting me touch her body. I kiss her forehead, grab my keys. I leave out the front door. I climb into my truck and an idea hits me.
But can I really do this?
I pull out of Carter's neighborhood. I see my cell phone sitting in my arm rest's cup holder. I guess I'll never know if I don't pick up the phone. I take in a deep breath and dial a number that I still have memorized still after all these years.
'Hello, Jack?' I hear on the other end.
"Yes, it's me. How are you doing, Sara?"
'I'm fine. Thank you. Why are you calling me?'
"Do you have a minute to talk?"