Cliff Simon Factoid: Cliff's basic star chart is: Sun sign Virgo. Sagittarius rising (26 degrees), Moon is Sagittarius (15 degrees).
SAM
I've been back almost one week now. I think. I find myself missing the Odeni. I know we will eventually go check on them one day. Not knowing what is going on with them is hard. Are they fighting against the Aschen? Has anyone I know died? Did Carilyn and Teirden move the resistance along? What about Mardi? Is she OK? And Itsak and Mara. Did they get Matched? So many questions.
I lie awake in bed, alone again because Jack is once again on the couch. I feel awful. Maybe I'll ask him if we can stay at his house until the baby is here. At least he is on my couch.
I am working out of the security office on level 6 until I get reinstated. I started my report about my disappearance yesterday. Today is my baby shower at work. I find I'm rather excited about that. Janet really did something special for me. I feel my brain is all over the place right now.
I still need to talk to Jack about my future. This baby changes everything for me. For us. One of us has to stay on Earth. The toilet down the hall flushes. He is awake.
I see him poke his head in my door. It's almost 0500. Time to get up and get ready for work. I smile at him in the door.
"Good morning, come on in," I say.
"Hi, mamma. How are you?" he asks as he leans down to kiss the top of my head.
"Good. Not bad at all. Can we talk?" I ask.
I watch his entire countenance drop, as if he fears I'm going to say something bad. I grab his hand as he sits on the bed, trying to reassure him this won't be painful.
"It's not bad," I smile at him. "But, we do need to talk about my future. The baby changes everything. One of us should stay on Earth."
He looks at me and I see him thinking. He drops his eyes to my hands. I see him start to open his mouth to say something, but he stops. He gently squeezes my hand and meets my eyes.
"I told you I can retire," he says softly.
I immediately shake my head.
"I can't ask you to do that. I know you love this, and the people. And it would drive you nuts to not be able to see how I'm doing when I'm off world," I say with a big smile. He laughs and nods his head in agreement.
"I think we can figure something else out. I can go to a different SG team. There may be one who needs a lead. When I had my talk with Hammond, he mentioned I could apply to Miller's old civilian spot. That way we both can still work at something we love."
He raises his hand to my face. I feel his thumb caress my cheekbone. He drops the hand to the baby.
"For him, I would give up everything," he says, looking me straight in the eye.
Now I understand why parents say that. We will sacrifice our own good to help our children. I see it in Jack's eyes. He is serious. He will leave this all behind for our son.
"Why don't I ask Hammond for the civilian job. I can buy back my military time. I can do more science stuff as a civilian as opposed to being on an SG team. You know how much I love my doohickies and gadgets," I say with a smile.
I see his eyes get lighter and he almost cracks a smile. He caresses my belly and leans down to kiss our son. He doesn't pull back right away. Oh god. He still makes me tingle everywhere.
"I will support you in whatever decision you make. But I will retire for you and Jacob."
He sits up and looks at me with those deep, dark, sexy chocolate eyes.
"OK. How about we talk more at a later time if we have to?"
"Done," he says, running his fingers through my hair.
"You going to keep the hair dark, or let it go blonde again?" he asks.
"I don't know. What do you think?" I smile.
"I do like the dark hair. A lot," he says, and leans down to give me a quick kiss.
"Alright. Then one more round of brown and we'll see how it goes," I tell him.
"So. Did Hammond have the old forgiveness vs permission talk with you?" he asks me.
I know where this is going, and I'm still not ready for this conversation. But I can't ignore him if he wants to talk about it.
"Um. As a matter of fact, he did," I say softly. I look up and meet his eyes again.
"I am most likely going to get disciplined," he says.
"You? What about me? And why?"
"Technically, you are dead. Hammond may need a head to hang, so he can have mine. This is another reason for me to just retire."
"Dead? I get that, but it takes two to tango. And we did," I say, motioning my hands between us.
"Tango, I mean," I say, almost laughing at my own words.
"There is one solution for both of us," he says, looking straight into my eyes.
His words sober me fast. He's talking about getting married. I inhale deeply and gaze downward before replying to him.
"Jack. How do I balance that with everything else? I'm dead. How would that even work legally? I don't have a job. This baby is coming, and we have nothing. We live separately. I'm just," I pause, trying to find the words.
"Overwhelmed?" he asks.
I shake my head in agreement to that. I can't look him in the eyes. I know he is far more old fashioned than I am. And I do realize that right now would be an opportune time to get married. But, how? I can't legally marry him until I'm legally alive again.
I feel him put his hand under my chin and gently raise my chin so our eyes can meet. He doesn't say anything. He stares and searches me, trying to find something. I feel like I no longer even know who he is.
I can't hold back the tears.
"I'm sorry," I whisper through my sobs. He runs his fingers through my hair again. It feels good.
"I don't know what I'm doing half the time anymore. I started to believe I'd never see Earth again. I started to think of a life without you and everyone here. Now I'm back, and it's just so...much," I finish, placing both hands on my belly.
He moves around on my bed and puts his back against my headboard. I collapse into his side and he holds me. I am not sure how long I cried. He is the first to speak as I settle down.
"How about we go back to the wise words from your dad? 'One day at a time, one thing at a time.' I promised you I would be here for you and baby Jacob. I'm still here," he says so softly and so quietly that I believe I would be OK with him. I feel him kiss the top of my head.
"And now I have to apologize to you. I have to get ready for work. I couldn't sleep last night so I changed your car battery. It starts right up. We can go in together, or you can go later for your shower. I'm fine either way," he says, caressing my arm.
I still have my head on his shoulder, and just sit with him for a few more moments. I know we both have to get ready to go.
"Thank you. Can we go in together? Can you wait for me?" I ask, wiping the last tears from my eyes.
He reaches over and takes my hand and kisses the back of it.
"For you, anything. I'll get ready in the other room. I'll wait in the kitchen for you when I'm done."
He gently takes my head and kisses my forehead. Then he gets up and leaves my room to get ready.
He is so affectionate with me. I like it. He is my comfort, and I really don't have anything to worry about. And yet I worry every day.
He drives us both to work. I stay up top in the security office where I'm allowed to roam free while he goes down into the dungeon for his work day. I type out all that I can remember for my mission report. Then I just wait for the baby shower to begin.
Janet comes into the security office to let me know it's time for my shower. I walk to the loading dock with her. What I see takes my breath away. It looks like the entire SGC is in the loading dock for my shower.
The room explodes in congratulations when I walk in. I put my hands to my face to keep from crying. I've done too much crying lately.
Wrapped presents are stacked on tables and are placed along the wall on the floor. Teal'c, Daniel, and Jack are standing in front of the group with General Hammond. Off to the side is a table set up with food and drink. This is a full blown baby shower. I don't know what to do or say right now.
The General has something in his hands. He walks to me and hands me a folder as the room quiets down a little bit. He smiles at me and hands me the folder.
"Doctor Carter. I wanted to be the first to tell you that I was able to get you reinstated into the land of the living. Your death certificate was able to be nullified. It's going to take some more time to get you reinstated into the Air Force," he says. I must have tightened up or winced or something because he continues quickly.
"If that is what you want. Why don't we talk more Friday after your appointment with Doctor Klein. You don't have to decide right now. I have to go back down to work. Enjoy your baby shower."
"Thank you, sir," I say to him.
General Hammond leaves the room, and I waddle over to sit in a chair they set up in the middle of the room.
I don't remember much from the afternoon. It goes so fast, and everyone is so kind and helpful.
And Jack. What can I say? He is brilliant this afternoon. He works the room like a professional. He gives me attention, and yet pays attention to anyone who wants to interact with him. I stare at him from across the room and smile at him.
He looks at me as he talks with the people gathered around him. He smiles back at me. He continues to work the room.
I feel intense cramping, and my smile disappears from my face. My eyes go large and I search the room for Janet. Cassie was sitting next to me.
"Sam? Is it the baby?" she asks me.
I nod my head yes.
She motions her hand at Jack to come quickly. He and Janet arrive at my side.
"You OK?" he asks.
"I don't know. Whatever that was, it hurt," I say nervously, more to Janet than to Jack.
Janet goes to the front of the room to use the desk phone to call Doctor Klein. She returns to say that Klein wants me to go to his office for a quick exam to check to see if I'm dilating. I look at Jack with a troubled look on my face. Everyone came to this party for me and the baby. Now I have to leave.
Jack looks at me with a nervous smile on his face. He still can't touch me or indicate anything that would give him away as the father of this baby. I feel like screaming to just screw the rumors and the regs. My god how I want him near me now.
My mind takes a moment to remember what he looks like in this moment. We haven't really agreed about an 'us' since I have been back. He wants to get married. And with that look on his face right now, it is very hard to tell him no.
Jack is talking with Janet, but I'm not paying attention. My mind is racing. The baby may be coming. My dad is not here. Who will call him? Who will call Mark? Will Jack stay with me at my house after the baby is born? Do we move to Jack's place where there is more room?
Jack puts a hand on my shoulder and asks if I'm ready. I nod my head, and he walks me to the elevator. We don't speak. In fact, we don't say a word until we check into Doctor Klein's office. I am sure we are both incredibly nervous.
We are whisked into an exam room. I take off the necessary clothes for the exam, and sit on the table with the privacy paper over my legs. Doctor Klein comes in with his nurse and has me lay me on the table with my feet up in the stirrups. The nurse gets what the doctor needs to do the exam. Klein puts on his gloves. He tells me step by step what he will be doing, and then goes in for my exam. Jack looks insanely uncomfortable. It's cute.
"Well, Doctor Carter. You are two centimeters dilated. You are in the very early stages of labor. You can get dressed. Come meet me in my office when you are done and I will explain what happens next," Doctor Klein says. The nurse helps me get my feet out of the stirrups, and helps me sit up. I still have the privacy paper covering me.
I look at Jack. He thanks the doctor. Dr. Klein and the nurse leave the room. When the door shuts, Jack comes to my side. He takes my hands and looks at me very concerned.
"You OK?" he asks me.
I realize then that I am shaking. I let go of his hands and remove the privacy paper. I get my clothes back on and turn to Jack. I look at him and I am still trembling.
"Hey, c'mere," he whispers. He walks to me and brings me into a tight hug. Well, as tight as a huge pregnant lady can hug.
I hold onto him tightly. I am not crying, but I feel like I should be. I am scared. Having a baby is going to hurt.
"This is so stupid," I laugh a little into his neck. "I'm tougher than this. But I'm scared."
"You are going to be amazing," he says to me, pulling back to look me in my eyes. "I'm going to be right by your side, if you'll let me."
I look at him strangely. Did he honestly think I would deny him the birth of his child? Is he confused as to what is going on between us? Am I confused about what is going on between us? I feel a twinge of anxiety start to grab me.
"What do you mean 'if' I let you. I need you with me. I don't want to do this without you," I say softly, but quickly, almost in a little panic.
I see his eyes change. He gives me the most intense look I have ever seen from him. I'm not sure what he is thinking, but it doesn't matter because the next thing I know, his hands are on my face cradling my head, and his lips are pressed against mine.
He holds me to him for what feels like an eternity. My hands go to his face as well, and I find myself opening my heart up a little more. But then I remember we're at the doctor's office, and I'm in the beginning stages of labor.
I pull back and look into his eyes. They are still very intense. And dark. I see a dangerous, primal protection in his eyes. Protection for his child. Protection for me. He is poised like a cobra ready to strike. And I am the object he is protecting.
His eyes are also very gentle. His touch is incendiary on my skin. His touch is tender and soft, and meant only for me. We stand together. We lovingly hold each other, close enough that we are breathing the same air. He kisses me again, then looks at me as he speaks.
"Thank you," is all he whispers.
In that moment we just shared, something shifted again between us. He takes my hand and we walk to the doctor's office.
JACK
The doctor just put his hand up Carter's...whatever. Doesn't matter. It's his job.
She is in labor. She is going to give birth to our son. I am still not sure what our relationship status is. She doesn't want to get married. We haven't talked about what we are to each other. There really hasn't been time to talk.
I hope to be there for the birth. I'm not sure, so I ask. She says she needs me at the birth of our son.
Something inside of me instantly changes when I hear those words. I become like a bear marking his territory. All that matters to me at that moment is my son. And Carter. They are my family. And this papa bear will do whatever he has to do to make sure they both are OK.
I walk into the doctor's office with Carter and we take a seat. Doctor Klein goes over the next 24 hours with us and what to expect. He starts throwing out words like placenta separating and lochia. My mind shuts down. I take myself back to the time loop with Teal'c. We're playing golf through the Stargate.
"Jack?" Carter asks, poking my arm with her hand.
"Ya. What? Sorry," I say.
"Do you want to cut the umbilical cord?" she asks me with a knowing smile. She knows I wasn't paying attention.
"Ya, sure, you betcha I do."
"Alright, here's the information about the next steps. Call me when your contractions get closer. You can check yourself for dilation, there's a paper in there for that. This will hopefully be the longest portion of your labor," the doctor said.
I wince at that self-check statement. Carter smiles at me. Probably laughs internally at me, too.
"Any questions?" doc asks us.
I look at Carter, and she at me. We shake our heads knowing we each have a million and a half questions.
"Alright. You two go home. Keep her as comfortable as possible. A hot bath may be a good idea. Call me when the contractions get about 15 minutes apart. Let's get your son born," Klein says.
I take Carter home. I settle her on the couch and make her a cup of hot tea. I call Daniel, Teal'c, and General Hammond to let them know the status. Janet and Cassie come over for about thirty minutes to check on Carter.
Carter's contractions are so random. I have a sheet of paper she wants me to use to write down the time in between. I have thirty two, forty nine, thirty five, fifty minutes apart. Nothing under thirty yet.
We have only been home for maybe seven hours. When she has a contraction I don't know what to do. I try to rub her back, but she growls to not touch her. So I don't. I've seen an angry Carter. It's not pretty.
I accidentally close my eyes and take a nap. I awaken to a kick to my thigh. I look over and see Carter trying to turn onto her side. She is holding her sides as she rides out this contraction. It is a long contraction. Just about a minute long.
This contraction is thirty minutes from the prior one. I feel as useless as a five and a quarter inch floppy disk. I get her another cup of tea, and as she sips the tea, she has another contraction. Twenty eight minutes apart. We break the thirty minute barrier.
I go pack Carter a suitcase with the items on a list she created. She gets up to go to the bathroom. She comes out ten minutes later and tells me, with a huge smile on her face, that she estimates she is more than four centimeters dilated. Only my Carter could smile at a self exam of this sort.
My Carter. Yes, dammit. My Carter.
The next five or six hours are more of the same, but with contractions getting closer together. They are between seventeen and twenty five minutes now.
We finally get to the fifteen minute mark. I call Doc Klein. He says to head over to the hospital and they will evaluate Carter and decide when to send her up to the birthing floor.
We go to the hospital and they check Carter in. We are put into an exam room. A nurse comes in and has Carter change into the hospital gown. Carter lays down for her dilation check. She is at seven centimeters now.
Carter asks for an epidural. We're really not sure if it will work on her or not because of her resistance to pain meds. But we'll see. She is really uncomfortable right now. I hope it works.
We are sent up to the birth suite. Doc Klein is called and is on his way.
I look over at Carter laying on the bed. One arm is up over her eyes, her mouth wincing in pain. The other hand is on her side trying to massage out a contraction. Her knees are bent up under the sheet with her feet flat on the mattress. She is in a lot of pain, rocking her knees side to side. And there's nothing I can do.
I feel as useless as a camouflage golf ball. I take her hand and she grabs me tight. I look at her and try to smile to reassure her I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. She is gorgeous, even in all of this pain, Samantha Carter is an incredibly gorgeous pregnant woman. Pregnant with my baby boy. I kiss the top of her head and tell her I love her.
The anesthesiologist comes in to give her the epidural.
By the time Doc Klein arrives, the epidural has taken the edge off Carter's pain. She is a little more relaxed, but she says it doesn't stop all the pain. She is amazing.
An hour and a half goes by, and Carter is now dilated to ten centimeters. At just about twenty three hours after her doctor appointment in Klien's office, it's time to push. I am about to meet my son.