Uncensored version found at: *AO3*/works/31047788/chapters/85233271

TRIGGER WARNING! Some discussions of a fetish. Some discussions of homophobia.

December was an eventful month for Cullen. But it was also a strange month for him.

More precisely, the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas had a strange effect on most American sailors stationed in Japan. Everyone around Cullen, even Thom Rainier, seemed more cheerful, more buoyant. Everybody treated the entire month like a long vacation even though maintaining a battle-ready state was the type of work that allowed for no breaks. There were fewer complaints, fewer scuffles, less gossiping… A veritable Christmas miracle.

Cullen supposed he was bitten by the Christmas bug too. His steps were lighter, and his heart was full. Though it was obvious that most of the cheer was due to his relationship with Tharin.

There was an unofficial tradition of the brass relaxing the rules on liberty around the holidays, and Cullen managed to snag one every weekend in December including Christmas Eve. Tharin and Cullen spent the first weekend in a state of heightened emotions. Nervously confessing their love for each other and coming out to Tharin's father as a couple were wont to have that effect. The second weekend was to be about something more… physical.

Because Tharin suggested to Cullen that they go to a love hotel – a place designed specifically for couples looking to discreetly consummate their relationships – for the day.

Things were working out in a rather opportune way. Both Cullen and Tharin had received a clean bill of health recently.

When he was due for a physical at the end of November, Cullen finally got up the courage to ask his primary care manager for a full panel of STIs. To be sure, it was overdue. He and Tharin had been having sex for four months now. And though they had kept it relatively safe, plowing their way through so many condoms in the meantime, it still seemed prudent to get tested.

Part of the motivation was because Cullen wanted to be sure of his status for Tharin as well as for himself. Another part of it was that if, God forbid, they did have something, they would need to be treated as soon as possible.

It had taken Cullen this long only because he knew that the Navy frowned upon the use of medical resources for STI screening. And so, Cullen went in expecting the worst. He had read enough online accounts of primary care managers turning sailors away unless they had actual symptoms. But his manager, a soft-spoken woman in her late thirties, turned out to be a considerate and caring physician. All it took was for Cullen to explain the situation to her, and she agreed to get him tested for everything.

He mentioned the results to Tharin, who in turn went to Kawasaki's one public health clinic to get his done the following day. His results came back promptly as well. Neither man had any infection, and that was that. So, they were cleared to enjoy themselves freely on the second Saturday of an eventful and strange month.

On Friday, a day before their love hotel date, Cullen saw someone in a suit at the base and remembered something. He made a reminder to himself to mention it to Tharin during one of their daily video calls.

And he did so as soon as he returned to his barrack room after work. Despite the season, the weather remained temperate, and Tharin was in a T-shirt on the screen.

"Hey! What's up?"

Cullen knew his cheeks were flushed. "Not much. I, um… actually called to ask you a favor."

"Sure. What is it?"

"Will you wear your work clothes and a tie for tomorrow?"

The young man paused for a second. "I mean… I guess. Can I ask why?"

"…Not really."

"Oh." Tharin fell silent only to break out in a wicked smile a moment later. He was too discerning, Cullen knew. "You… like me in those clothes, don't you?"

"I may…"

"You're blushing! Oh, man, how cute are you?!"

"…Will you do as I ask?"

"Of course, I will. Now that I know why, I'll definitely wear nice work clothes for you, Cul."

"And we won't speak of this ever again?" asked Cullen, somehow knowing the answer.

"Not a chance," chortled Tharin before stressing, "Not even a miniscule dust speck of a chance."

Cullen soughed, excited and regretting at once.

Tharin took the red and ivory Keikyu train coming down south. And they met in Shioiri Station at 1328, a stop before Yokosuka-chūō for the young man. It was closer to the hotel they would go to.

As Cullen had requested, Tharin dressed up for their date. He had on a casual hunter green jacket left unzipped on the front. Underneath was an indigo tie and a button-up shirt with blue vertical stripes and a white collar. Sapphire-colored chinos and black dress shoes completed the outfit that seemed designed to bring out the young man's cobalt blue eyes.

Tharin had the leather messenger bag around him. It was the one Cullen had seen before, on that day when he came out to Thom Rainier.

In contrast, Cullen was dressed in Santorini blue button-down shirt, with a couple buttons left open despite the cool weather, paired with gray cable knit cardigan. Beneath were tan corduroy trousers and his favorite brown chukka boots.

When Tharin in work clothes appeared at the station exit, Cullen felt his face get unbearably hot and swallowed roughly. They had better get to the hotel and soon.

As they walked the narrow, abandoned streets of the neighborhood, Cullen gradually closed the distance between the two until there was none. He then grasped Tharin's hand as he asked, "So, this love hotel. What's the deal?"

"The name's pretty self-explanatory, right? Basically, couples go there to… have sex. And sex workers, too."

The prim and proper Cullen within him objected. "Oh, are we sure we want to go to a place like that? It may be shady."

"Nah, I researched this place, and it isn't like that at all. It's comparable to mid-range inns in America except with more amenities." Tharin lightly cleared his throat before continuing, "Although… I chose a love hotel because it does feel a little illicit. Like I'm a married man cheating on my husband with you here."

Cullen's lips upturned. He looked at the young man. "Oh yeah? Is that what you like?"

With their eyes locked, Tharin said with a straight face, "Yeah, my husband has no idea what I'm doing behind his back."

Cullen chuckled uncomfortably, "Okay… I'm your living, breathing boyfriend who actually exists. Honestly, the cheating talk's kind of making me nervous."

"Yeah, but you aren't my husband. You wanna play one? The one getting cheated on?"

"Mm, no, thank you. I definitely do not have a cuckold fantasy."

Tharin affected an English accent. Poorly. "Ah, the gentleman is quite enlightened. I gotta say, I'm impressed you know the term." And Cullen felt Tharin's hand squeeze his.

Cullen answered with as much facetiousness as he could muster, determined to tease Tharin back, "Thanks for the compliment… Perv."

"Hey, no kink-shaming allowed!" laughed Tharin.

But his laughter gradually turned into somber silence. With a knitted brow, Tharin started, "We did get lucky with this hotel. I read that most love hotels don't let gay couples in. It worried me enough to call around first, and a good thing I did.

"I ended up calling like six love hotels in Yokosuka. The first five were blatantly mean about not accepting gay couples. This one was the only one that said they had no such rule and that we'd be welcome. Although I think I stumped the receptionist really bad. She kept asking me to repeat what I said."

Now, Tharin's visage seemed to contain pain and antipathy in equal measure. "Sometimes it feels like I'm having to apologize for being gay. And being in a gay relationship can suck too." His lips twisted into something akin to a smile. "Maybe I should've warned you about all the bad things first, like a disclaimer."

Cullen gently bumped his shoulder against Tharin and brought his hand up for a kiss. "I know. But I'm willing to bear the cost if it means I get to be with you. And we don't have to go anywhere if you don't feel comfortable. We can stay in at your place or go out to eat at Kumi or something."

Tharin looked determined. "Oh, we're going to that love hotel. Now that I know we can go, I really wanna check it out."

And soon enough, Cullen saw the creamy white spires of the love hotel built in the style of a French château. The word kitschy did not even begin to appropriately express the gaudiness of the architecture. He snorted in disbelief and amusement.

There were multiple entrances to the hotel, one of which had a giant vending machine that obscured it even further. It was no doubt to accommodate discreet lodgers having less than savory encounters, to make sure none of them ran into each other and experienced an awkward moment. Cullen and Tharin chose the one on the far-left corner, the one without a vending machine next to it.

The insides felt corporate, walls adorned with wooden panels and nondescript white paint, which juxtaposed against the outer appearance. There was no front desk and no receptionist. Everything seemed to be automated, which Cullen was glad about. Another way the hotel was built to accommodate casual encounters. Tharin was right. It did feel illicit to enter a love hotel at this hour, and it heightened the tension. Cullen could feel himself harden as he let lurid thoughts flicker in his mind.

At the lobby, the two men were confronted by a giant screen divided into many squares with room numbers marked digitally. Some of the squares were lit up with the picture of the room while others were turned off. Cullen guessed that this was to show the availability of each room.

Tharin pushed one of the buttons on the room that read 303 and explained shyly, "I like the number three."

Cullen wrapped his right arm around the other man's waist and pecked lingering kisses on the side of his neck. Without letting go, Cullen whispered, "Whatever you like."

When they boarded the elevator, however, Tharin pushed the button for the second floor instead of the third.

"Aren't we going to the third floor?"

Tharin wrinkled his face and made a droning noise before clarifying, "We still have to go get the key at the front desk. They have one on the second floor."

Oh. Cullen's initial impression was wrong. In retrospect, he probably should have seen it coming. If Japanese love hotels were not amenable to gay couples, there had to be a way for them to stop them from using their facilities. Machines couldn't do that. Only people could.

The front desk was not a friendly place. There was a sterile counter with a glass wall separating the customers from the receptionist. At least the receptionist seemed affable enough. A middle-aged Japanese woman with laugh lines, she conversed with Tharin in a soft, hushed tone. Cullen could not handle the anxiety and turned away from the counter, focusing his gaze on a spot at the far end of the corridor.

Tharin turned around after the receptionist handed him the room key, and he reached out for Cullen's hand. Cullen obliged, feeling his heart beat fast and strong. Neither man checked to see the receptionist's reaction.

They held hands as they went up to the third floor. The hands remained locked as they walked the long hallway to their room. As Tharin opened the door to Room 303, Cullen's heartbeats were still as fast as they could be.

With the door quietly shut behind them, Cullen closed the space between the two and let his lips land on Tharin's. And they kissed. Gently at first, but intensely at the end.

Tharin's right hand was over Cullen's chest. As they broke from the kiss, the young man noted in a low voice, "Your heart's beating like a hummingbird's, Cul. What's the matter?"

Cullen chuckled. There was a hitch in the back of his throat. "Y-yeah… I know you called ahead, but I was still worried the receptionist may turn us away for being gay. But I'm feeling better."

Tharin furrowed his brow, and the corners of his lips turned downward. "I shouldn't have scared you about this. It's my bad." He asked, worry transparent in his tone, "What can I do?"

"I could use some cuddling."

The young man nodded and led Cullen inside by the clasped hand. "Come on, let's cuddle then."

Tharin and Cullen padded over to the lavish bed. Cullen sighed and let his body crash onto the top sheets. The young man took off his messenger bag and threw it carelessly on the floor before lying down on the bed.

From his supine position, Tharin took off the jacket rather laboriously. Cullen kept his cardigan on. After raising themselves just enough to reach the pillows, Tharin enfolded Cullen in a tight embrace. Cullen burrowed into Tharin's chest as he felt the other man rub the side of his arm. He inhaled the whiff of Tharin mixed with the smell of winter on his clothes.

The anxiety derived from the feeling of self-loathing, much more faded now thanks to Tharin but still there, subsided entirely too slowly. Thankfully, Tharin asked no questions as Cullen kept his face buried.

And then lassitude hit Cullen.

He did not mean to. Yet Cullen, weighed down by the aftermath of anxiety, could not keep his eyes open. Like wet sand left behind by the ebbing tides, it stubbornly clung to him. And the bed sheets were soft too. Silky smooth.

Eventually, Cullen succumbed to sleep in Tharin's bosom.

Cullen woke with a start.

But Tharin was with him, and his head was on the young man's shoulder. Meanwhile, Tharin's left hand was firmly attached to his trapezius. Through their linked bodies, Cullen felt Tharin's warmth, and it was a calming presence.

Tharin's gaze was focused on the flat-screen television on the opposite side of the room. NHK news was playing on mute. A banner filled with Chinese characters that Cullen could not read appeared on the screen.

"Good morning, Mr. Sleeping Beauty." After Tharin turned to look at Cullen with a grin, he carded through Cullen's hair with his right fingers, slicking it. It must have been mussed.

"How long has it been?" asked Cullen as he rubbed his eyes.

"Just an hour."

"Oh, ok. I thought…"

"That you slept through the whole day? No." Tharin grabbed the remote controller by his side and turned off the television. "You ready to head out?"

Cullen looked up. "Why would we head out? We just got here."

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. Like you said, we can go back to my place."

"No, we're here. And I'm…" Cullen briefly contemplated. The anxiety was long gone. And so, instead of finishing his thought, Cullen sat up and reached over to massage Tharin's chest. He tweaked the nipples over the thin fabric of the shirt. They were already erect, and he could even feel the tiny bumps and grooves on them. His other hand reached for the middle of Tharin's chinos.

Tharin gasped, but still inquired, "You… sure about this?"

"I'm sure."

Cullen wanted to prove that he was all right now, to show that sex with Tharin was very much in his mind.

It was then when Cullen moved his left hand to grip the side of Tharin's face and they began to kiss fiercely. Cullen moved like a wild animal, his fingers digging into Tharin's shirt, his lips aggressive, and their legs twisting together into one mass. As the trace of sleep sublimated into desire, the young man, whose movements opposed Cullen's in sensible caution, let Cullen take and have what he wanted. All of his body, all of his soul.

Because he loved him.

After their tempestuous sex, the two men explored the accompanying features of their room. There was a control panel by the bed that allowed lodgers to manage light switches and air conditioning and set the morning alarm. But that was only the beginning. The room came with so many different gadgets. Some were ordinary things like a mini fridge, a coffeemaker, and a microwave oven. But there were also an air purifier, a built-in vending machine, and a karaoke machine.

The karaoke machine put Cullen at ease. He gathered that the walls here were thick enough to be soundproof. Nobody could have heard the two men have sex. Loudly, if he was being honest.

And then there was the laminated brochure that had pictures of women in different dresses, the kind that could be colloquially referred to as slutty Halloween costumes. There was a school uniform, a French maid outfit, a flight attendant uniform, a nurse uniform, and many more. Tharin must have noticed Cullen looking intently at the brochure since the man howled in amusement. "You wanna cosplay? You can borrow them for 600 yen."

Cullen swiftly put it down as though it burned and began to shuffle away. "No, thanks."

Tharin picked up the brochure and drawled, "Aww, why? Don't you wanna be a sexy nurse? Or a sexy police officer? They might have your size."

At that, Cullen hugged Tharin from behind and whispered, "I thought you already liked me in my Navy uniform."

"That, I do," said Tharin with a grin in his tone.

The hotel bathroom had its share of surprises. It had a bidet. But more importantly, it came with a mint green bathtub separate from the shower booth that was inexplicably large enough for two burly men. Tharin was eager to try it out, so they decided to soak and relax for a while.

It was Tharin who first noticed the small screen of a television built directly into the wall by the bathtub. While Cullen filled the tub and poured in the complimentary bubble bath liquid, the young man turned on the TV and browsed. And he slapped his own thigh and bellowed a loud ha.

"Look! It's literally all straight porn! Hundreds of videos of straight porn!"

Cullen chuckled as he controlled the spigots to make sure the temperature was suitable. "Yup, I can see."

Tharin kept flipping through all the options. "Are you in the mood for anything? Creepy schoolgirl fantasy supreme? A horny widow? Hmmm… A foursome with three of your busty work colleagues? The TV is your oyster."

To this enthusiastic offer, Cullen groaned. "Please. I can't stand Japanese porn with all the fake moaning. Plus, it all feels too exploitative for my taste."

"A-ha! So, you admit to having seen them!"

"Yeah. What of it? I'm a red-blooded American man. And it's not like you don't watch porn."

Tharin's thumb never halted as it kept pushing on the remote controller buttons. "Well, at least I have the decency to feign outrage when I'm confronted by such accusation by you. How's that for what of it?"

Cullen turned off the faucet and splashed the water at Tharin. The young man wiped his face and flashed a roguish smirk. "Don't start something you can't finish, Rutherford."

"I'll start something when you get in the tub," declared Cullen as he unwrapped the bath towel around his waist and immersed himself in the warm, foamy bathwater. He then gestured for Tharin to get in.

The young man chortled, let go of the remote, unfurled the bath towel as well, and complied.

And there they were, Tharin's small spoon to Cullen's big spoon, in the bathtub together, with the water level just barely under the edges.

The debate about each other's preference regarding pornographic materials naturally led to discussions about their sexual history. And they managed it without much of a hitch, none of the awkwardness that came with the revelation of various exes from the past. At least, not initially.

Part of it was because the two men focused their idle conversation on their respective ages of sexual awakening. There was an air of innocence about everything that surrounded their youthful discoveries.

Tharin hummed, "I think I realized something was off when I was eleven. I mean, not off… Just… gay. One of the weekly flyers had a whole page dedicated to underwear ads, and I found one of the models just so… hot."

With his arms wrapped around the young man, Cullen kept kneading the other man's chest. He simpered. "I'm going to take a wild guess and say it was a guy?"

The young man made a thumbs up gesture. "Ding, ding, ding! Oh man, I don't even remember what brand it was anymore, but I still remember how the model looked in those tight briefs. In fact…" Tharin turned halfway. "The model kinda looked like you, Cul. Blond, awesome pecs and arms… Awesome everything, really."

"You lucked out, didn't you? Dating the guy of your dreams," said Cullen in jest.

Tharin scoffed. "Conceited much?" But then, he immediately refuted himself, "Although… I suppose I did luck out. You are kinda my dream guy in every way." Tharin turned around to kiss, but the position was uncomfortable for both. The young man could not turn all the way, and Cullen had to lean back further to avoid crashing into the other man's forehead. After their lips barely touched in the middle, the two men gave up and laughed.

Tharin gently played with the bubbles around him as he asked, "What about you? When did you realize you were bi?"

Cullen kept his arms firmly enclosed around the young man as he recalled, "Well, in retrospect, I've had lots of crushes on guys when I was in high school. Back then, I thought I just wanted to be like them or wanted to be friends with them, but it was more than that.

"What really cinched it for me was something that happened in my junior year. There was this senior in the varsity swim team who was incredibly talented. He was our best swimmer and took all kinds of AP classes. When we became close from practicing relays, I began to feel something really intense, like nothing I had ever felt, and knew then I was into him. And now that we're talking about it, he kind of looked like you, too. Black hair, blue eyes…"

Tharin's voice was mellow and his body was limber and loose as he noted, "I don't exactly have the swimmer's build though. The result of me dabbling in intramural rugby in college, I think…"

Cullen felt the need to contradict the statement, somehow emphasize the fact that Tharin was the only one he wanted. "It hardly matters. To me, you're perfect. I love you because you're you. I'm not trying to resurrect some high school crush."

The young man was jocund. "Aw, shucks. Thanks, babe."

"I mean it. Don't compare yourself to others. I'm sorry I brought my crush up."

"Don't be. I like finding out new things about you. That includes your past crushes." Tharin gathered bubbles around him half-consciously as he inquired next, "I did want to ask, you said you never dated any man before me?"

"Yeah…" Cullen rested his chin on Tharin's shoulder. The young man's aroma tempered the flowery smell of the bubbles. "You helped me realize I've a problem accepting my bisexuality. I think that's what prevented me from dating guys in college. It's a shame, too. I had several… uh…"

"What?"

Cullen knew he had made a mistake. He tried in vain to rectify it. "Never mind."

"Oh, come on. You can't start saying something like that and just stop. Several what?"

"I was going to say, fuckbuddies…"

Tharin took a beat, but he answered with glee in his voice, "Eh, it's gonna take more than that to faze me. I've had my share of one-night stands and friends with benefits. You're good."

Yet, Cullen could not help but feel contrite for continuously bringing up his past crushes and flings. "Still… I apologize if I made you feel bad or self-conscious."

"Ah, self-flagellation. Very medieval of you." Tharin overlapped his soapy hands on Cullen's. "Cul, I believe in this relationship. I know you do too. It isn't going to be wrecked by something as trivial as the past. You can tell me anything you want." A light chuckle. "I do have to say, I'm surprised you were such a player back when. I probably should've known. After all, you're a sex god."

Cullen scoffed. The same logic could be applied to the young man as well. "Does that mean you admit to being a player also? You've earned the title of a sex god today."

Tharin clutched his chest in mock disbelief. "Why, I never." He then gave Cullen a quick sidelong glance before glibly replying, "A-yup. I was a player. I admit freely, your honor."

The two men guffawed. Cullen was sure they were laughing at their past selves. The ones who were too young, too dumb, and too full of unruly libido.

But Tharin's booming baritone soon reverberated throughout the tiled bathroom, his tone entirely serious, "You know you're the only guy for me, right? I mean, it's old-fashioned and probably some patriarchal bullshit, being exclusive and all that. But still, I'd like us–"

Cullen cut through the rambling with a kiss to Tharin's temple. The salt of his sweat and the scent of his hair hung on. "I know. You're the only one for me too, Thar."

Before, Cullen was never so decisive in his personal affairs. But to be able to claim Tharin as his one and only, to tell the young man that he chose him over all others without any reluctance… The happiness that decisiveness evoked made Cullen's heart hammer.

With the two men's bodies fused together, the thrums emanating from deep inside Cullen seemed to echo throughout both. Cullen squeezed Tharin again and susurrated, "I love you."

From behind, Cullen could see the corners of Tharin's lips inch upward. "I love you too."

END NOTE

I feel like this chapter needs a cheesy porn music in the background. The one that goes bow-chika-bow-wow.

Next up, a conflict... of a stupid kind, coming on Sunday, October 17.