Uncensored version found at: *AO3*/works/31047788/chapters/86020390

TRIGGER WARNING! Some sexually suggestive materials.

It was December 17, the third Friday of the month.

Tomorrow would be another relaxing day in at Tharin's place. In fact, though he enjoyed exploring, spending a weekend day at the young man's studio apartment had already become a familiar routine Cullen relished.

But for Friday night, Tharin had decided to go out by himself since Cullen could not join him in his adventures that late.

Tharin had talked about the last-minute plan hatched by his JET Programme friend to barhop across Shinjuku 2-chōme, Tokyo's only gayborhood. He wasn't completely sold on it, but Cullen wholeheartedly supported the plan. He always felt a little bit guilty knowing his Navy life got in the way of their dates.

Still, being supportive of Tharin's enjoying Tokyo's gay nightlife did not mean that Cullen was entirely unconcerned with possible ramifications of the young man's excursion. Maybe Tharin would meet someone. Someone who would make a better boyfriend than Cullen. Someone who could actually accompany the young man to gay bars whenever he wanted. Who could be certain?

In short, Cullen was jealous, and his mind kept conjuring various scenarios in which he could lose Tharin. He felt guilty about that jealousy, guilty enough to try to keep mum about it altogether.

Acutely aware of little bubbles of jealousy popping and prickling his gut, Cullen checked in before he went to bed.

Hey, how's barhopping going?

Cullen dallied, wondering if he should be jokey about the subject of his jealousy. It was like standing at a fork in the road. While Tharin was formulating his response, he determined jokey was the right path.

Met anyone nice? Maybe we could have a threesome!

The typing bubble disappeared for a moment. Tharin's answer was equally mirthful.

I've met a few. Ooh, a sexy guy with glasses just came in.

Show him my picture!

Eh, that might drive him away.

Oof, I'll remember that.

While Cullen took off his T-shirt and tucked himself in the bed, Tharin sent another text.

Ok, I forgot that sad Ali doesn't know how to pace her drinks. I should've listened when she said, and I'm quoting, "I want to get crunk and ogle at cute gay guys." And she is… quite drunk.

What happened? Why is she sad?

She just dumped her Japanese boyfriend last week.

Ouch. Tell her I'm sorry.

Will do.

Suddenly, the tone of the messages became even more flippant.

Hi, Tharin's sexy little boyfriend! Why are you and Tharin so sexy and nice! Thanks for letting me take Tharin out for the night! Even though he's being a giant stick in the mud! This was followed by an emoji with rolling eyes.

Apparently, Tharin managed to wrestle back the phone, because he texted, Sorry about that. Ali got my phone.

Cullen chuckled. His jealousy notwithstanding, he wanted Tharin to have a good time. And here was Ali, reporting that the young man had been no fun. Cullen chided.

Have you been a stick in the mud?

No, I've kept up with Ali as best as I could. I'm just trying to be the sober friend tonight.

Well, I want you to have lots of fun. God knows, you don't get to with me.

Oops. Cullen should not have typed the last part. It sounded like he was throwing himself a pity party. That would get in the way of Tharin enjoying himself even more. And of course, it was the last sentence that Tharin gravitated toward.

Aww, I always have so much fun when I'm with you.

I have fun with you too. But tonight's different because you don't get to go out often. Let Ali guide you to the land of drunken shenanigans.

Ugh. I don't find blackout drunkenness particularly fun. Besides, I'm having plenty fun already.

Prove it!

Alright, I'll send you the pic of myself enjoying everything.

Then the young man sent a selfie of himself with an attractive young woman. Her dark chestnut hair was braided loosely, and her face looked distinctly scarlet. One of Tharin's eyebrows was raised, and he was holding a beer bottle up. The man's face may as well have had a phrase, Look, I'm fun, written on it.

But more importantly, Cullen could see a thoroughly handsome Asian man sitting next to them drinking from a tumbler of whiskey. He had a well-groomed beard and a nice body.

Cullen knew he shouldn't, but he nonetheless inquired.

Who's that guy behind you two?

He's nobody. Just someone sitting next to us.

You're being ridiculous, Cullen told himself repeatedly. And yet, his brain churned out an image of Tharin with the bearded Asian man, sharing a whiskey kiss. He took a deep breath in and out. Jealousy was a bad look on anyone. So, he decided to joke about it some more.

Ask him if he's into threesomes.

There was silence. Now Cullen worried if Tharin was actually doing what he asked. The young man seemed to torment him with no reply. Not even a typing bubble, just a reply that would not come. It took Tharin more than several minutes to answer. And he was brusque.

What's wrong with you?

What do you mean?

I mean, why are you trying to flirt remotely with some random dudes using me as a proxy?

It slowly dawned on Cullen that Tharin was, in fact, being territorial. Over him. It had not occurred to him that the young man could get jealous, but there it was. Clear proof of Tharin's jealousy. His whole body seemed to heat up from exhilaration of this little realization.

Heavens, Mr. Trevelyan, are you feeling jealous?

No.

You so are. I made you jealous.

Cullen added a toothy smile emoji to the last message, which Tharin immediately responded to.

You aren't funny.

I'm at least a little funny.

Yeah, well, it's not fun for me. You're my boyfriend. That's it.

Cullen drew in a sharp breath. Tharin's mood seemed to be crossing over from good-humored amusement to outright irritation. Time to come clean about everything and defuse the tension.

I'm sorry for teasing you. You should know, I was feeling jealous this whole time. I was worried you might meet someone better than me at one of the bars.

Jeez, Cul. I don't wanna meet anyone else. So that's why you've been acting so weird.

I guess so. I'm so sorry.

No, you don't need to apologize. I just feel stupid for being jealous.

You and me both, pal.

Before Cullen went to sleep, the two texted some more. Tharin would not listen to Cullen's admonishment that he should put down the phone and enjoy this time with Ali, explaining that his friend was slumped over her drink now, sound asleep. Cullen was not too proud to admit to himself that he liked the young man's attention.

With his jealousy completely cleared up and Tharin promising to take Ali back to her home now, Cullen locked his phone and plugged it to the charger. All this portended for an interesting day tomorrow, the one he looked forward to.

On Saturday came rain.

Walking the rain-soaked Kawasaki streets, Cullen still felt fairly regretful about incessantly teasing Tharin last night. And he planned to have a proper talk with the young man about it. But when he saw Tharin waiting for him at the doorway in his tight gray sweats and a sleeveless shirt, desire reached its apogee, and every particulate of remorse was forgotten.

They kissed and made love. Tharin was possessive today. The young man kept his arms wrapped around Cullen and whispered over and over, "You're mine." He was appropriately fast and rough with Cullen, which satisfied the streak of masochism Cullen did not know he had in him. And as they delighted in each other, he dropped the issue from his mind.

Afterwards, they lazed around naked, trying to recover from the exertion. It was then when Tharin's phone vibrated. The young man grunted as he stood up. He stepped over to his desk to grab his phone and checked the message.

"Oh," Tharin emitted.

"What's up?"

"It's… Well…"

Like an alert German Shepherd, Cullen sat up on the bed. He felt shapeless dread approaching on the horizon. "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong. It's just…" The pause was uncharacteristically long for Tharin. He was usually much more articulate. With a furrowed brow, Tharin finally spoke in a subdued tone, "It's Dorian. My ex."

"Ah." Cullen let the information sit in his head. As it did, he felt the dread morph into something else. Jealousy. The jealousy he had managed to hold in check began to grow again.

Cullen tried to sound insouciant. "How's he doing? I bet he regrets breaking up with you."

Tharin looked taken aback. "How are you so cool about this?"

Cullen listed off as if to convince himself as well, "Because I'm not a troglodyte. And because Dorian's not likely to fly all the way here to seduce you away from me." Unfortunately, it did not work as well as he had hoped. The jealousy remained firmly rooted to his heart. "What does the message say anyway?"

The young man's lips were pursed. "It's just gibberish." He thrust the phone toward Cullen, which startled him somewhat. Nevertheless, he accepted it and looked at the screen.

The messages app was open. A beautiful, swarthy man with an exquisitely groomed mustache smiled back at him in the profile photo. Cullen soughed. Tharin had taken the trouble to upload a picture of the man in his contact page.

The message was simple and direct.

I miss ur sweet arse, u fuckin wanker.

Cullen snorted. "Sounds like someone else had a fun night too." Belying his nonchalant attitude, his jealousy was sprouting, flowering, and releasing toxic spores. Cullen's insides turned bleak, but he managed to contain the darkness.

Tharin crossed his arms. He seemed inexplicably irked, though it was hard to take him seriously when they were both naked. He sounded exasperated as he spoke, "That's it? You don't have anything else to say?"

Cullen creased his brow. His jealousy was no longer the primary concern because he seemed to have upset Tharin somehow. Like feeling his way around an unlit room, he spoke warily, "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. I just thought you'd be…" Tharin scratched his hair, letting it fall into clumpy disarray. There was hardness in the corners of his mouth. "Never mind. Sorry. Just… forget I said anything. I'm gonna go take a shower."

As Tharin turned the corner and entered the bathroom, Cullen stared at the man's muscular back. The young man was tense, he was certain.

On Sunday, Cullen did chores around the barrack room. As usual, he found the simple chores meditative. Perhaps that was why he volunteered to clean the common area.

But it was not in Cullen to entirely ignore the stiltedness that seemed to have overtaken his relationship with Tharin the day before. It was a nice day together, to be sure. It was nice enough. But it was also true that Tharin was withdrawn and uncommunicative for the rest of the day. Whatever the issue was, they did not discuss it.

It did not help the matter that Cullen was wrapped up in his own jealousy and the unwarranted resentment toward Tharin's ex. They simmered underneath his calm exterior until they were spent, but once they were gone, they were replaced with something far crueler.

Sorrow.

Because Cullen began to imagine the after. After the unthinkable when he and Tharin would break up for some unknown reason, just like the young man had done with Dorian. How would Tharin remember their time together? Would he merit the effort the young man expended to Dorian? Would Tharin go to the trouble of manually putting his picture in the contact profile, or would he be forgotten?

Cullen's eyes stung. As he pressed his right thumb and forefinger into the bridge of his nose and held onto the inert vacuum with his left hand, he whispered, "Fuck…"

It was terrifying to be this much in love.

On Monday, Cullen was slated for a physical readiness test.

Every active personnel in the Navy had to undergo a physical fitness assessment twice every year, which included the PRT.

The PRT itself was an event dreaded by all and relished by none. But Cullen did not mind it terribly. Every year, he did ones in June and December. The December one was especially significant for him. It was his way of wrapping up the year and making sure he was fighting fit.

Having acquired the approval after a series of physicals, Cullen had been informed that he was to attend the PRT on Monday the twentieth, which in all honesty seemed like a random date. As far as Cullen could tell, there was no rhyme or reason to how these tests were scheduled each month.

On the morning of, Cullen knew he was in trouble. The sorrow he felt was real even though the situation that generated it was wholly imagined. On top of that, Tharin had been curiously reticent. Texts were short and superficial, and there was no video call on Sunday. Tharin just messaged that he was too tired, so there was not much Cullen could say. All this was about to hinder his performance enormously. There wasn't to be any inner peace as he exerted himself this afternoon, and he could not predict how much this fact would affect him.

Once the test began, however, Cullen found himself in a nice groove. His body remembered the training, and he was as ready as he could ever be. It was a great relief. In fact, Cullen managed to match his personal best time in swimming, first time since he went to the state championship in high school. 450 meters in 5 minutes and 7 seconds, which earned him the maximum number of points and put him squarely in the outstanding category. He ended up placing in outstanding category for every single event he did. God forbid, if he were to lose Tharin, he would at least have his health.

In any case, the euphoria of the day's many achievements finally washed away the unbidden sadness and allowed Cullen to assess the situation dispassionately. It was not as though their relationship was in any real trouble. Sure, they had one less than perfect day. But it did not mean more than that: just one less than perfect day.

As his day wound down and he trotted home, Cullen came to a decision. Whatever the issue between the two men was, he could not imagine it would disturb the stable foundation of their relationship. And he had to be courageous and query Tharin what angered him so.

After all, he was Tharin's one and only boyfriend. He did not doubt that the young man would listen.

After closing his bedroom door but before changing, Cullen called Tharin.

The young man picked up after a while, more than several rings. His onyx locks stuck out in all directions and shone as though they were wet. His torso was bare. He must have just finished showering after returning from the gym. He could not hide a frown as he spoke, "Hey, what's up?" Tharin could be so obvious.

Cullen made sure to smile warmly, but he could not affect calmness in his voice. It shook and cracked. "Actually, Thar… I want to talk about what happened on Saturday."

A deep sigh. With his free hand, Tharin ran a towel over his hair, mussing it further while drying it. "Yeah, I guess we should."

"It seemed like I offended you somehow. All I know is that your ex texted you, you showed me the text, I made some offhanded comments, and then you were annoyed."

Tharin hurled the wet towel onto the bed before beginning to speak in a low tone, "Cul, I'm so sorry. I behaved like a jerk." Self-reproach occluded his expression.

Cullen shook his head. "You didn't. At least, not when you compare it to all the times I treated you horribly. I just want to know what I did."

"You didn't do anything wrong. It's all me. I…" Even through the screen, Cullen could see Tharin's cheeks turn incarnadine. He roughly rubbed his five o'clock shadow. "I kinda wanted to see you get jealous."

"Uh… What?"

Tharin spoke quickly, "You seemed so above it all. It's a silly thing to worry about, but it made me worry that you weren't as into me as I'm into you. If one of your exes texted you, I would've been fuming, I think." There was a quirk in his mouth. "I don't know. I always thought myself a bigger person than that, but apparently I'm not."

Cullen chuckled despite himself. "Well, first of all, love is not a competition."

Tharin shrugged. "Yeah, I know. I already feel stupid. You don't need to remind me."

"Second, you've no idea how I've been feeling the past several days. I mean, I…" Cullen swallowed hard before confessing, "I almost cried thinking about you yesterday."

Despite the knit on his brow, Tharin's eyes softened. "Aww, what happened?"

"I thought about Dorian and how he's your ex. And then I imagined us not being together anymore, a scenario where I'm just one of your exes. It was… awful." Cullen held up his hand, swiftly adding, "And before you wonder, I was jealous. I was not as calm as I presented myself to be."

Tharin's tone was sincere as he explained, "I want you to know, it was the first time Dorian contacted me since we broke up. And I'll block him if you want me to."

Again, Cullen shook his head. "No, don't do that. Talk to him if that's what you want. I trust you completely." But then, he could not hold back as his true feelings spilled out. He scoffed. "To be frank, I'd prefer that you didn't, but… you know. I don't want to be a stereotypically controlling uber macho guy."

Tharin susurrated, "I'm really sorry I acted like an ass."

"You already apologized for that, so no more. Please. And Thar?"

"Yeah?"

Cullen let the overwhelming sensation in his heart take over his whole body as he confessed again, "You're the perfect boyfriend for me." He could feel his tone quiver in an almost imperceptible vibrato.

Tharin finally grinned, which was what Cullen wanted all along. "It's funny. That's what I said about you to my dad the week before last. That you're perfect."

The two men shared a look. It was the one infused with unspoken love toward each other. Their faces broke out in unconstrained smiles.

"…I miss you. We wasted Saturday acting all off-putting to each other," lamented Cullen.

To this admission, Tharin nodded. "I miss you too. We've got to make sure we talk about the issue as soon as possible. I don't like bad things hanging over us."

"Agreed. We resolve whatever issue we have right there and then."

The tension of the moment seemed to dissipate rapidly once they reconciled. Tharin lay down on his bed, holding the phone above his relaxed face. Cullen leaned against the bedframe and extended his right arm behind his head as he said, "I've got some good news, by the way."

"Oh yeah? What is it?"

"Turns out, I'm very healthy and very fit."

"That's not news."

"I got outstanding scores on my Navy fitness test, so it's all official and everything."

Tharin laughed heartily. Cullen beamed.

And just like that, things were patched up and their days together began to flow anew. Like the calm movement of a wide, undulating river.

END NOTE

And that's the series intro and wrap for Dorian Pavus. Welp, at least the text was memorable. And the boys were cute having a tiff, weren't they?

PLEASE NOTE! I will be taking the week of Halloween off completely, which means the posting schedule for all my fics will be shifted by a week. The final chapter of Where the Waves Crest (波の上り詰める所) will be posted three weeks from today on Sunday, November 7. Chapter 28 of Honor and Will will be posted next Sunday, October 24, but chapter 29 will be posted three weeks later on Sunday, November 14! Thank you for your patience, and have a spoooooky Halloween!