Anyone else pissed because of tros ending? Like wow, my heart was crushed. Anyway I cant stop thinking of what could've been. Idk if this is just be a one shot type of thing, maybe a couple chapters or a whole ass story. But I do know there will a completely different interpretation of tros for me. This will start after the last jedit so..enjoy.
He felt it inside of him, he felt all of it, the force pulling him to the darkness, yet the light was still hanging by a small thread, trying to combat the darkness inside him, or maybe that was just the lack of sleep.
His force bond with her had made his nights restless.
Rey.
Thinking of the name made him uncomfortable, or wait, maybe he was just confusing emotions. After all him being a former apprentice and now Supreme Leader of the first order, the only emotions he ever felt were hatred and anger.
He hadn't slept well the past eleven months. Every day, every damn day he was reminded of offering her his hand, yet to be rejected. He had felt something that day, after he even begged her to join him, it was a different feeling then normal, his force bond made it worse. They happened at random or whenever one reached out to the other through the force, which was never.
Sweat beads rolled down his face as he sat up. He looked around his quarters to get distracted, something to get his mind of her, yet something inside told him no.
What was happening to him?
"Curse you Snoke." He mumbled to himself, yet both he and Rey knew this wasn't exactly just Snoke before he killed him. They had expected it to be gone the second he was dead, but here they are eleven months later.
Now that he thought of it, he hadn't actually had an encounter with her for almost two months, which was odd, considering they almost happened every week or two.
Why did he care? He should be happy he didn't have to see the woman who so harshly rejected his offer.
His gaze stopped at his helmet, sitting on its stand on the other side of his quarters next to his wardrobe. This wasn't him, getting this feeling every time that girl came to mind.
All those feelings he had thought died long ago with Ben Solo, if they did, something was coming upon him and he was unsure on how to react.
Thats another, his name, or the part of him that is gone. Ben Solo.
Don't do this Ben. Please don't go this way.
Those words rang in his ears, no matter how hard he tried they would not go away. He laid back down, laying on his side looking at his helmet. He tried to sleep, tried to close his eyes and drift away into unconsciousness, yet there was that damned ringing of those words. He grabbed a pillow to put over his head, as if to block out whatever was haunting him.
His anger started to get the best of him as those words seemed to ring louder and louder. He forced the pillow down on his head harder until he broke, he took the pillow and threw is across the room, exhaling a low growl of irritation.
"I just want to rest!" He demanded as if someone were present, torturing him with those words. He looked down shaking his head before getting up and heading to his own private lavatory.
The lights immediately turned on, they were motion activated, blinding the dark haired man, he covered his eyes for a few seconds before his eyes adjusted.
Looking in the mirror it really showed how much sleep he was getting lately. The dark circles and bags under his eyes weren't exactly invisible. Its a good thing he wears a helmet everywhere, or else he would surely get someone questions from his generals on his appearance.
His scanned the scar on his face, the ugly jagged mark was left by her, the one who seems to be haunting him for whatever reason. He had to admit, it made him look more dangerous than he already was, but knowing who it came from gave him chills.
He turned the faucet on to wash his face. Splashing his face with water helped significantly, specifically warm water, giving him the warmth of what it would be like to get some damn rest for once.
Why should he be so concerned about Rey? There was a thousand questions he had, but deep down he knew the reason, but yet in his reality he had no clue and tried not to think to hard about it.
He shut the water off and grabbed one of his black hand towels to dry off his face, which was now warm and he refreshed.
Kylo turned on his heel, the lights shutting off as he left the room to head back to his bed. Sitting on the edge, his eyes moved to his saber, which was sitting on the stand next to his bed. Sometimes he rememberes what he had done with that, what pain he had caused, especially to his father, Han.
No.
He was not going to think about it, it was bad enough that the repeat of those ringing words had not gone fully away.
Then he felt it, after a few months, it was finally coming back to him, the bond. He looked up searching his room, his eyes stopped at a figure who seemed to be looking out at something. Her arms crossed, she was leaning on something he couldn't see. Clearly she had not felt it yet.
Kylo hesitated to get up, debating whether or not to approach the female, it would only be a few seconds or minutes till she would feel it so he waited.
A minute passed before he saw her move. She shot her head up and twirled around in a panic, stopping her gaze at him instantly. She looked the same since the last time their bond at allowed them to see each other.
Judging by the look on Rey's face, she was suprised to see him, especially seeing him without his mask. The last time she saw him without it, was when he offered her his hand. She scanned his features, every last bit of him. He was miserable and it showed, though she saw he was trying to cover it up by giving her no expression.
Before their moments had randomly stopped, during their force bonds she always saw him in his complete outfit, even late when both should've been getting rest. He was battling something inside and he wanted absolutely no one to find out.
"This is a surprise." Kylo started, standing up straight to mask his urge to slouch and sit."I haven't seen you in a while."
Rey's traveled from his to every object either behind him or to the side of him. It had been for a reason, she didn't want to see him. Not after everything, it hurt her too much to see what her rejection did to him.
"You haven't changed." He said in a low tone, his eyes looking her up and down taking in every detail about her outfit and body.
Rey bit her bottom lip trying to think of something to say."Maybe theres a reason we haven't seen each other, Snoke did create this bond between up, maybe its finally decided to drift away."
Kylo stepped forward, his eyes had locked on with hers."Or maybe..." he trailed off as he watched her nervousness. She slowly turned back to lean on whatever and look back out into the sky, from her point of view.
He slowly walked closer to her, his steps were quiet, you would've never heard him coming if you were the average person.
Rey's body tensed up as she saw him out of the corner of her eyes, stopping right beside her.
"You have been blocking me out." His voice was low and a bit harsh. She didn't dare look at him. He crossed his arms, yet his eyes left her and he looked down.
"Why do you care?" Rey spoke softly and quietly. "I am your enemy, you shouldn't want to see them through this force bond we are stuck with." It hurt her to push him away like this, both denying their feelings whether they knew it or not.
I like seeing you.
Kylo shook his head to himself, no what was he thinking. She was right, it didn't make sense for them to do this if they were swore enemies and for them to fight until one side wins the war.
"We have this force bond, we might as well take advantage of it." He murmured, clearly unsure of how to respond to her. He studied her face as she kept looking out into the sky. She was so beautiful to him, yet his feelings were being mixed with all of that hatred and anger inside of him.
"And...I never got an answer from you." He paused ever so slighty. He needed ti be cautious with his words for her and especially his sake."You never reasoned with me when I offer you my hand and you so selfishly ran away. I could've given you everything you never had after your parents abandoned you on that god forsaken planet."
Idiot.
Rey whipped around, standing up straight, she stared into his eyes deep into his soul. He sensed and saw the anger in her. She put her hand on her lightsaber hilt, which was strapped to her belt.
"Don't you dare bring that up. That is none of your business, you have no right to shame me this way!" Rey gritted her teeth, closing her eyes."Theres more to life then killing anyone you dislike, I would never take the hand of Kylo Ren. After everything I have done in an attempt to give YOU the life of peace, you pushed me away and refused to try, just as always. Ben."
Kylo gave a low growl." I can't change, not matter how hard-"
"You haven't tried!" Rey tried her best to keep her voice low."Never once, if you had tried you would've left all of the first order behind the night you offered me your hand."
He could see tears forming in those beautiful eyes of hers.
"Rey-" Before he could say the rest she vanished so quickly. He didn't even blink and she was gone before his eyes.
He puffed out his chest as he force pushed everything next to him. All of his electronics and chair, whatever had been on the desk got thrown across the room. A glass light shattered into pieces as it made contact with the wall.
He turned and headed to his bed, the ringing words had stopped, maybe he could finally sleep.
XX
Rey breathed heavy as she held back her tears that were threatening to fall. She held in sobs. There was no saving him, she had tried and failed. She leaned over the rock, her hands in her face, elbows supported by the large rock by her tent.
How could she ever think things would be different. She had hoped after blocking him out that somethings would change, yet she could tell that it only got worse.
Kylo wasn't just being consumed by the dark side, he was also struggling with his emotions, emotions she couldn't make out what they were. It was slightly obvious and he was trying to hide them from her, just a she has done to him. Everyone would think they were insane if they came to terms with their feelings towards one another.
No. Not Kylo Ren, Ben Solo.
The man she had just seen definitely wasn't the one she wanted to see. If Ben was still there, those emotions would definitely be because of him. Maybe their is hope and yet maybe their is just the sad truth of him.
She needed to sleep, it was late and she was supposed to do jedi training with Finn. Sleep won't hurt.
Dont kill me, let me explain. It's been confirmed that Finn wanted to tell Rey that he is force sensitive. I am really salty that we didn't get to let him tell her or see him wield a lightsaber more. In this part, she fixed the one that she and kylo destroyed at the end of tlj. Also please note this story is also one my wattpad account.