Chapter 1

"I'm so glad tonight is finally over." Tattiana said as she stretched out her long limbs backstage, sitting heavily onto a chair, out of breath. She shrugged off her bracelets onto a desk cluttered with make-up with a 'clang.'

"You were great out there tonight." A large black woman to her left said, squeezing the smaller girl's shoulder before moving past her to her own messy station. Their outfits were in stark contrast, her in a long flowing gown, white and vibrant against her glowing brown skin and a tall bouffant wig, also white with gold gaudy jewelry and shimmering make-up. The pale thin woman was in an all black almost flapper style costume. Two others in similar black garb started bickering at their own stations about missed cues.

"Thank you. I'm glad I'm finally getting the hang of it." The lanky girl said, kicking off her tall stiletto heels and rolling off the sheer stockings that encased her legs to set her feet free. Sighing at the cool air. It wasn't easy to walk in those, let alone dance.

"All you had to do was memorize the moves, and that was easy on you, right Tatti?" The sparkling dark woman asked as she removed her flamboyant make-up.

"Yes, though I still don't care for the music. I don't understand some of the more… interesting lines." 'Tatti' shrugged off the feather head-dress and shimmering beaded shawl.

"You zip that pretty little mouth of yours, Tattiana. You may be my daughter but I'll pop you one if you insult the elder goddess of music again. You best go pray to Cher for your sins."

Tattiana chuckled before silence took over, the other dancers also focusing on changing out of their costumes. Even as the pounding music of the stage reverberated through the dressing room the air was calm. They each expertly removed their make-up and lashes, their sequin gowns and the padding hidden under, and soon they were no longer women.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ashleighia."

"Call me Andy out of dress Edd." Andy's deep southern accent drawled, notably more masculine then just ten minutes prior.

"Oh yes, My apologies It's hard to shake the name I was introduced to you by, Andrew."

The large black man chuckled and rolled his eyes as he clapped a hand on the smaller man's back. "Still having trouble with nicknames?"

"I'm sorry!" Edd gasped. "Andy." Edd smiled his gap-toothed smile. The club was winding down. It didn't close for a few hours yet but all the shows had ended, outside a few drunk stragglers waiting for cabs milled around the entrance.

Edd breathed in the cool night air as they left the bright building.

A white sign hung in the window below the large lit letters of the bar. 'DRAG SHOW' was all it read. It wasn't a huge establishment but it was happy, friendly, and it felt like home.

Edd said his goodbyes to Andy who got into his boyfriend's jeep.

"Text me, let me know you got home safe." Andy said, blowing air kisses to his drag daughter.

Edd went around the back of the building to the parking lot and into his small white Corolla, climbing into the driver's seat and taking the wheel to head to his own empty house. After this he was to add the finishing touches to his AP Government paper and head to bed. The lights and sounds of the old brick building left behind until tomorrow.

Edd was a drag queen. Though it was an accident, it was a happy one. He had always been a little on the curious side about drag but he didn't start in boots and dresses, he began as a scheduling manager. It was a strange place to start as a high-schooler but he showed amazing talent no one else had in memorizing the girls schedules, needs, and just about everything else. What they ate, what size shoes they wore in mens, women's, and european sizing, what color and brand make-up they preferred, and he was also skilled in accounting and bookkeeping. He quickly became a valuable resource to the little place. Even now as a side-line drag girl he took care of most of those activities.

It all started when his mother told him he should get experience in the world before he set off to college. She had switched from sticky notes to text messages in the last year. He was, after all, going to be in his last year of high school and he would have a shortened schedule of all AP classes. The summer also left him with a lot of free time to spare with Ed being in summer school and Eddy helping out his father at the dealership for extra spending money. So he started applying for jobs he found interesting. Of course they didn't know exactly what kind of job he had found, due to their constant absence.

He had only applied at 'The Blue Dressage' because he found the culture fascinating. He liked the idea of the support the community offered. He never expected the job but he was given a chance, a 17 year old with no work experience nor knowledge of pop or drag culture.

The moment he walked in though he knew he wanted to be a part of this place. He was easily able to be himself with the queens and they all accepted him into the fold like he had always been there. He had been hired on the spot. Though it was mostly because Matilda, the Drag Mother (technically his drag-grandmother) and owner of the little place thought he was a cutie.

Then there was Marina. She had been a side-liner for years and would occasionally take over center-stage if someone was sick or absent. Marina was amazing at quickly learning the dances and steps but was known as a bit of an addict. Then one day, a little over two months after Edd had started working there, they had found her back stage passed out.

She had overdosed. Lucky for Marina, this wasn't Matilda's first rodeo, she'd been in the scene for over 40 years, So she knew what to do and kept her alive until paramedics arrived. She had lived but not without major repercussions. Rehab was necessary, and in the end she decided it was best not to go back. She hung up her wig and title and went back to being Rikki. Last they heard from him he moved in with his boyfriend of three years in Colorado and were happy with their two little dogs.

That night was his first performance as Tattiana. He'd been shoved in a dress and make-up with a 'the show must go on' from Matilda as Ashleigha did his make-up. Luckily he had memorized the dance (out of both boredom and neurosis.) He didn't have a major role but he had made a wonderful woman. His long lanky figure took to dresses and heels easily. He had small feet and a delicate frame so most women's clothing fit like a dream, of course padding was necessary to perfect the illusion.

As a present to Tattiana, Rikki left her his clothes and wigs. He wasn't going to need them anymore. The clothes needed to be re-fitted but he had a deep love for a particular long black wig. Marina had never worn it much outside of a Cher song here or there, but it quickly became part of Tattiana's look and he took great care of it.

Ashleighia and all the other queens wholeheartedly loved Edd, after only a few months of being there they had even thrown him a birthday party to celebrate him turning 18- truly aloud in the bar now, not that they hadn't turned a blind eye before, so long as he didn't drink. They treated him like family, they gave him the strength to come out of his shell and just be himself.

Speaking of coming out he hadn't told everyone but Ed and Eddy knew and they were the only ones that mattered outside of The Blue Dressage.

When classes started up again he still had plenty of free time. His homework, he found, was best done in between shows, backstage, as he shimmied on the tight lace and sparkling fabrics.

Edd pulled into his driveway and entered his dark house.

Sometimes he wished he could bring his drag persona home. Be the ever confident Tattiana, with her long dark hair and confident attitude. The aloof nature of costume-wear made Edd a much more daring person, with wigs and platforms and face-contouring make-up nobody knew who he was. He could be whoever he wanted, and Tattiana was all of it. She was smart but sexy. Bright yet mysterious. She made women want to be her and men want to be with her. She mingled with the bar-goers and got plenty of numbers, most of which she never called but still kept as Edd, as reminders that somebody thought him attractive enough to flirt with, even if it was as someone else. In drag all his odd interests and hobbies weren't weird but interesting. It made him seem cultured and mysterious.

He didn't necessarily want to become a woman. It was uncomfortable to be in those shoes for so long and dresses rode up too often for him to feel anything less than embarrassed outside of the club. He just wished that he could act that way. Feel confident as just himself. However no one thought him attractive as a man. He was pale and scrawny, lanky and boney, tender and anything but masculine, not once did he get even a fraction of the sexual attention he got as Tattiana. People thought him cute as Edd, sure, but in the way one might view a small animal. You want to play with it and scratch it behind the ears but of course you'd never want to have sex with it or be in a relationship with it. With him. He had dated sure, and even felt loved at one point but the illusion of Tattiana was so much more desired than just... Edd. Most relationships ended because he couldn't keep the Tatianna illusion alive out of drag. He just wasn't what they signed up for.

He laid in his bed when he couldn't focus on the paper, downcast at the turn his thoughts had taken. 'Oh well' he thought. 'I'll just do it tomorrow.'

He drifted off thinking of the flashing lights and thumping music, reciting the lines to popular songs in his head, mouthing the words in time and wondering what they could mean.

A/N: Ive updated the first 4 chapters and set a full trajectory for the rest. I know it's been 7 years but quarantine had me regressing as a person so here I am, back again. I hope to actually finish something for once but well see.

Also yes I did change my username.