Chapter 26
He did not show up for Oromis's lessons that day. Neither was he present in his own dwelling high up amongst the trees. Instead Eragon had gone from walking away from Ellesmera's training grounds to flat out sprinting away from the city itself, desperately seeking a way to escape from the forest and its inhabitants
His sense of direction was lost on him, but he did not care for it as long as he got away from the elven capital… "far away" he thought. Eragon had grown sick and tired of the insidious politeness that oozed like sap from the elven strongholds. Their ghastly yet carefully crafted routines and facades had nearly pushed him to the brink of madness as he continued to reside in the heart of Du Weldenvarden. That was why, aside from Arya, he enjoyed the novelty of an impatient and rude elf, "Like an oxymoron" he thought with grim humour. He hated that elf, that much was certain, but it brought him a measure of comfort that there were at least a few elves that had not shed themselves of their humanity in exchange for fake smiles and superfluous gestures.
He continued his mad dash for many long minutes, weaving and bounding over large stretches of vegetation and various flora. By the time he had stopped at a small pond, there were no elves in sight, just the way he wanted.
Kneeling down to wash himself of the day's grit and grime, the sight of his hands violently shaking was all too clear in Eragon's eyes. "Fear…" Fear for snapping and destroying everything around him. He hated that feeling and had always gone to the greatest of efforts to fight against its icy grips yet to no avail. He had done his best to struggle against that feral animal inside of him.
But… it still rippled its way through him. The need to tear everything apart and rend anything that dares stand in his way into nothing more than insignificant pieces
He sighed as he splashed his face with the cool and refreshing water. A pale visage on the tranquil surface of the water stared at him as he stared back. He had never intended for the confrontation to end in the way it did. However, the sight of Murtagh writhing on the ground as Vanir ridiculed him… it was more than enough to awaken the destructive creature inside of him. He may not like his brother, but seeing his disability being used against him regardless of circumstances outside of his control… It just wasn't right. And so when he attempted to settle the conflict with words, it instead spiraled into something far more deadly.
Soon he heard a loud thud behind him as his partner of heart and mind joined him beside the pond. Coming to rest beside him as she wrapped her long tail around him like a mother snake guarding her young.
"My time is running short Saphira… " He thought mournfully. "I'll be consumed within myself before my research can ever be completed. My time spent in the Ellesmeran library as well as Oromis's abode will be for naught and cast to the wind as dust."
Saphira nudged him gently, her mind softly pressing into her partner's to offer what little comfort she could give. "You must seek help little one, maybe you can ask Oromis or the Queen for assistance on this matter?"
"No Saphira, he could- would not be able to understand my condition. Furthermore I cannot risk revealing this information to neither him nor Islanzadi, for it would mean my secret will inevitably unfold into me explaining the rest of my life to them.
He suddenly heard a rather irritated snort from his dragon as her mind grew in pressure around his mind making it clear to him, Saphira's anger and annoyance.
"Stop being so stubborn Eragon! There is more at stake than just your pride, little one. Think about what this might do to me if you succumb to this sickness…" Her anger quickly grew into immense sadness and it was then that Eragon realized how selfish he had been. If he were to continue this need for secrecy and silence, not only would it spell certain doom for Eragon, it would leave Saphira eternally alone to wander with only half of herself. The thought alone made him immensely ashamed of himself, that he would ignore the needs of his partner of heart and mind.
Tearing his gaze away from the reflection in the water, he quickly made his way to Saphira's head. Leaping over her tail, he gave his dragon a strong hug and a gentle kiss on her snout.
"I am so sorry Saphira… Could you ever forgive me for these incredibly shameful thoughts?" Eragon soon felt a hum from within Saphira as a wave of love and comfort poured into him from their mental link. "There never was anything that needed forgiving, little one." She nudged Eragon again, slightly harder this time. "However, you must promise me that you will confide with someone you trust, I do not care for whom this confidant may be, just as long as you receive the help you desperately need and deserve."
Slowly moving to Saphira's side, he leaned tiredly on her, soon sliding down before coming to rest alongside his partner. With a great sigh, he slowly agreed to Saphira's demands, while furiously debating within himself who he should share his secret with. "Would it make me look weak?" He thought. "If so, then I would be no different to that child crying in his dark cell all those years ago…"
His inner monologue continued for a little while longer until the quietness of the forest quickly lulled him into drowsiness before sleep consumed him entirely.